How Cars are Created

Let’s add some funneh to the Intertubes!


[UPDATE: Rosetta]

This is relevant too your interests because you’re a douche.

After you watch it 100 times like I have, you start to get a contact high from the Eskimo in the yellow jacket because he’s totally baked on sherm.




This is actually about cars. Well, kind of. But it’s got more to do with cars than the previous update, which admittedly isn’t saying much…



Excellent editing of Sandra Lee from the Food Network.



The Olympic Torch was lit in Athens yesterday and is now on it’s way to London for the 2012 Olympic Games.

Which means it’s time to break out the original 2012 Olympic logo (that was just slightly modified by me).  I look forward to providing you all with updates from the games as they proceed, if for no other reason than to use this logo as often as possible.


Important Update Added Since All The Cool Kids Are Doin’ It [XBrad]:


  1. Is this all? That’s it?

  2. CLEAN!

  3. Bug Fug

  4. Why do you ask, Two Bugs Fucking?

  5. Wow that bar is low.

  6. *takes out trash*


  7. Pupster, when you’re done there …

    * points toward laundry room

    My boys “cleaned” their room yesterday. I’ve got a mountain in my laundry room.

  8. Quote from Obama’s “coming out” chat yesterday:

    “At a certain point, I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married.”

    Setting aside the near incoherence of that statement from our sooper-genius President, that was 4 references to himself in one single sentence.

    That is simply amazing.

  9. Glad to note that May 9, 2012, was the day the SCOAMF quit lying.

  10. Well, it IS a personal opinion, after all.

  11. Well, it IS a personal opinion, after all.

    That’s what’s most amazing about all the hype on this. A) like no one knew this already and b) who fucking cares?

    I just wish we would ignore this whole thing and get back to the economy. But yet again, we are allowing the left and the press to decide what we are going to focus on.

  12. ObamasTeenYears on Twitter is killing me!

  13. Meanwhile, Romney apologizes for snipping someone’s hair in jr. high.

    MFM can still pull the strings. GAH!

  14. We need laws to combat bullying now? How about a quick punch to the mouth? That usually is more effective.

  15. Cool vid of an incoming home run ball:

  16. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed:

  17. b) who fucking cares?

    I don’t particularly care what his opinion is, but since he did state in the past that his opposition to gay marriage was based on his Christian faith, we can now ask: A) are you no longer a Christian, or B) Do you now claim the authority to change what is established Christian belief?

  18. A) are you no longer a Christian, or B) Do you now claim the authority to change what is established Christian belief?

    C) Money.

  19. Anyone else get the feeling that if David Geffen waved a $20million check in front of Obama and told him he could have if he blew him, Obama would drop to his knees faster than a sinner on the day of the Rapture?

  20. Probably wouldn’t need $20 million.

  21. Heywood Jablomey

  22. Good morning, wake ‘n’ bakers.

  23. Good report from my surgeon, the retina is fully attached, and that I can see light and color is a good sign. He doesn’t need to see me again for a month.

  24. Hahahahahaha

    Gabriel Malor ‏ @gabrielmalor
    I was never bullied as a kid. But in my defense, I was also never a goddamn pussy.

  25. Oh wow, I didn’t catch that the supposed hair cutting victim died in 2004, and never mentioned the incident to his family.

  26. Gabriel Malor ‏ @gabrielmalor
    I was never bullied as a kid. But in my defense, I was also never a goddamn pussy.

    Hahahaha. I love that guy.

    Jay, I hope you don’t mind but I added some crap to your interracial beetle porn.

  27. Real world bullying.

  28. And if I minded, would it matter? Haha!

  29. I was never bullied as a kid. But in my defense, I was also never a goddamn pussy.

    Ba haaa haaa haaa

  30. I’m glad your eye is doing better, dave. And you look really swell in that Hathaway shirt, too!

  31. Good news Dave!!!

    I knew you wouldn’t go blind. That is totally an old wives tale.

  32. Is Rosetta MJ?

  33. Good news, Dave. You’re buyin’.

  34. And if I minded, would it matter? Haha!

    Well you don’t have to hurt my feelings.

  35. I was bullied in grade school by high school girls with large breasts.

  36. Poat updated again.

  37. Wait, we have to be on topic?

  38. I was bullied in grade school by high school girls with large breasts.

    Oh thank heavens, I thought it was just me.

  39. That’s better.

  40. Wait, we have to be on topic?

    It’s not for nothing that we have a separate recipe blog now.

  41. I forgot my boots this AM, so I’m home for lunch.

  42. Anyway, back to how this One Prank destroyed this man’s life forever and led to his Suicide By Natural Causes 46 years later.

    Wow, that’s just poetry.

  43. A new hilarious update has been added to this poat.

  44. wiserbud just had an aneurysm, I’m sure.

  45. I wish I could see youtube at work. Work is probably glad I can’t.

  46. I wish I could see youtube at work. Work is probably glad I can’t.

    Well that sucks. I’ll add a non-youtube update for you.


  48. Back to work.

  49. Uhm, Andy? That Roses for Autism link in the sidebar at the mother-ship is sold out of roses, FYI. Neat idea, though.

  50. Today’s edition of Massachusetts vieing for top liberal insane asylum: The newly appointed interim executive director of the new Gaming Commission is withdrawing now that people are looking into the 2007 child sexual abuse charges against him (they were dropped when he settled with the family). He is returning to his position as a senior advisor to Gov. Patrick.

    I think I’m gonna cut a bitch….

  51. Good afternoon :)

  52. I think I’m gonna cut a bitch….

    Wow, does my timing suck.

  53. Uhm, Andy? That Roses for Autism link in the sidebar at the mother-ship is sold out of roses, FYI. Neat idea, though.

    I sent wiserbride roses through Roses for Autism for Mother’s Day. She got them yesterday. She said that are the prettiest and best smelling roses she has ever received.

    And sending them through RfA bought me a little bit extra squeezin’ (our nephew is autistic)

    So, all in all, win/win/win.

  54. He is returning to his position as a senior advisor to Gov. Patrick.

    Ain’t it great to be a Democrat? There is nothing that can shame them from the public teet.

  55. Ok, I fix one thing wrong with my sink , then something else goes floey.

  56. Since this is the”LET’S ALL UPDATE THE POAT!” poat, the poat has been updated.

  57. Step over here Aggie, please. Ignore the plastic sheeting covering anything that can absorb blood splatter.

  58. Gary Graham has a Twitter account: @Gary_R_Graham

    You know what you have to do.

    FOLLOW HIM!!!!

  59. then something else goes floey.

    All this technical talk is making my head spin….

  60. Ok, I fix one thing wrong with my sink , then something else goes floey.

    Is it plugged in?

  61. Ignore the plastic sheeting covering anything that can absorb blood splatter.

    Sweet talker ;)

  62. Sweet talker

    It’s how I meet my first wife. My late first wife…..


  64. All this technical talk is making my head spin….

    I would esplain it, but I believe I’ve been boring enough for one day.

  65. Is it plugged in?

    Dangit. That’s prolly it. I feel so stupid.

  66. Who is this Gary Graham fellow?

  67. but I believe I’ve been boring enough for one day blog.


  68. I got bullied in junior high school. Shannon slapped me. She was the first person in our class to get breasts.

    OK, I probably deserved it, because I snapped her bra strap when I was standing behind her in line.

    True story.

  69. Color me shocked, Michael.

  70. Who is this Gary Graham fellow?

    He is an actor, (Enterprise, Alien Nation TV series), who is a conservative blogger at Big Hollywood, Sean.

  71. Color me shocked, Michael.

    Yeah, you wouldn’t think a nice little Lutheran kid would do something like snapping Shannon’s bra strap, but I did. I will feel guilty about this until the day I die.

  72. Remorse is for sissies.

  73. Remorse is for sissies.

    And dicks are for pussies.


  74. Remorse is for sissies.

    My retinas are still attached.

    On the other hand, I just used one pair of backup glasses for half an hour to find the other pair I had misplaced.

  75. And dicks are for pussies.


    Seems like you’d get a lot of agreement with that around here, regardless of which interpretation you used….. :-)

  76. HAHAHA!!! So true. I still can’t believe I typed that. I may have to do a few extra Hail Marys later.

    *low hanging fruit alert*

  77. “Low hanging fruit”.

    Would that be succulent melons or a well hung ghey dood?

  78. I may have to do a few extra Hail Marys later.

    You play football? Cool!

  79. Would that be succulent melons or a well hung ghey dood?

    Examine her avatard….

  80. Hahahaha…

  81. Important Update Added!

  82. >> My retinas are still attached

    So are mine.

  83. Somebody should start a Hostages Update Blog.

  84. No.


  86. I never even thought about the Wizard of Oz that way. You have ruined it for me, xbrad. (Thank you.)


  88. No.

    Aw, nerts.

  89. Did anyone else shoot 87 in 25-30 mph winds today?

  90. Did anyone else shoot 87 in 25-30 mph winds today?

    Probably some old cocker did who should have been home cleaning.

  91. Did you see this?

  92. shoot 87? Fuck no. Have you priced ammo lately?

  93. Did anyone else shoot 87 in 25-30 mph winds today?

    I shot an 87 year old doing 25mph in a 30mph zone today. Does that count?

  94. I shot an 87 year old breaking wind. Does that count?

  95. J’Ames, that was hilarious :D

  96. They are making a special place in Hell for you, Jay.

  97. Did anyone breast feed a 3yo today?

  98. In case you’re wondering why I asked:

  99. AD – What the flying fuck is wrong with that woman??!?

  100. She’s a feely-touchy libidiot, MCPO.

  101. L – R in AD’s link.

    Government – Libs

  102. Gavin McInnes said something on Red Eye a while back like “The only problem I have with women breastfeeding in public is that they never wink back at me.”

  103. Sean – Gavin is a funny, and sometimes profound, guy.

  104. J’Ames – I suggested he wear steel-toed boots.

  105. Off to the early bird special at the Sizzler – BBL.

  106. Mmm, Sizzler. Maybe a trip to Bonanza is in order.

  107. *snickers at MCPO going for the early bird/senior discount*

  108. I’m going to the early bird special at the ghetto bar.

  109. Hah, otherwise known as “Happy Hour”.

  110. So, did I get here too late to haze someone?

  111. Fuck: someone forgot to give Bob Beckel his meds today. Jeebus.

  112. It’s been a while… I could use a good hazing.

  113. I could use a good hazing.

    Is that what they call it in the Cyn household? Hold still – let me get my paddle and cuffs outta this bag…

  114. Romney: Cut some dude’s hair at prep school.

    Obama: Shoved a fat girl in school.

    Is there any blown up overhyped decades old story of bad behavior in Romney’s past that Obama didn’t do the same only worse?

  115. Awwwww Baby tiggers!

  116. I don’t know, Dave, those Mormons are pretty crazy. All that drinking, smoking, and caffeine.


  117. Is that what they call it in the Cyn household?

    HA! I’m married with children and a dog. There is no hazing at my house.

  118. I’ve heard some pretty raucous stories about Mormons. I think the ones that aren’t super devout are called “Jack Mormons”. They might have to drink Pepsi instead of Coke. Rebels!

  119. There is no hazing at my house.

    There is nothing like a little howling from the doggies during peak times of nookie to break the mood.

  120. And with that image in your head, I bid you good night! Off to dog training class….

  121. Off to dog training class….

    Is that what you call it in your house?

  122. Is that what you call it in your house?

    Yup! :-)

    Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?

  123. Ha ha! Boooooo!

  124. There is nothing like a little howling from the doggies during peak times of nookie to break the mood.

    A wet dog nose in the wrong place will ruin the mood faster.

  125. I need a cup of coffee. cripes.

  126. My vacation has begun, bizatches! My coworkers are either snickering or about to poop their pants…depending on whether or not they decorate cakes.

  127. Carin’s husband has had just about enough her chickens!

  128. depending on whether or not they decorate cakes.

    Is it a requirement for the decorators?

  129. car in the quick trip awaits for caffeine pleasure!

  130. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagie, can i have a pudding pop?

  131. Jay, if beasn ain’t there, they are drifting with no paddles.

  132. ……though I have 3 wedding cakes waiting for me on the day I get back.

  133. Coffee. My life force is slowly returning

  134. Soccer field is nice today because the weather is perfect.

  135. If Obama had a VW, it’d look like the one on top.

  136. You are far too cheerful to be at a soccer game, car in

  137. It’s not cold or rainy, j’ames

  138. Heh. At JoM regarding the revelation that Obama bullied a black girl in High School-

    Are we sure he pushed a girl?

    I mean, maybe a SEAL did it and Obama’s just taking credit.

    Posted by: Rob Crawford | May 10, 2012 at 05:15 PM

  139. Here’s a funny article. The frat house we’re working on is the third from the top. Back in the day.

  140. Ethan just scored


  142. \o/

  143. Ha ha ha. I haven’t seen rob c around for a while

  144. Just one goal?

  145. Why he no make two goal?

  146. Tired. I gotta be out of my fucking mind to write all these papers and presentations. But then, chance to see MJ and Vmax.

  147. >> If Obama had a VW, it’d look like the one on top.

    Or the baby the two VWs make.

    I denounce myself.

  148. Completely O/T, ‘cuz I’ve been working on this all day and have no life and only my fake internet friends to bleg it to:

    My take on the Obama/Gay Marriage deal:

    Mr. Obama Supports Gay Marriage. Big Whoop.

    Read it, don’t read it – there’s a geek reference in there, and a cool picture of an old car, as well as lots of useful links that you can use to club the odd liberal with if they try to get out of line…..

  149. Does anyone speak Chinese? Yes, this is a serious question. Thx.

  150. This, If Obama had a VW, it’d look like the one on top., should probably go into some kind of comment Hall of Fame.

  151. I finally got some help in the lab, and I swear the “new” technician is a Hostage or at least Hostage material. He made a joke about a Fleshlight and was surprised that I knew what one was.

  152. Stay a little coy, Roamy, in case he’s some kind of HR plant.

  153. >> Does anyone speak Chinese?

    I know 4 Mandarin expressions:

    1. I’d like a beer please.

    2. I’d like a steak, medium rare.

    3. Move to your left a little honey.

    4. That’s it.

  154. Heh, HR couldn’t find their asses with both hands and a Fleshlight.

  155. Ask him how many bullwhips he has shoved up his ass.

  156. Ever helpful Dave. Thanks, buddy.

  157. Hotspur, I may just do that. His winning quote so far has been, “Why shouldn’t I be happy? I’m never more than two people away from a threesome.” With the appropriate eyebrow waggle.

  158. Does anyone speak Chinese?

    I wish. Oddly, it wasn’t offered in my high school. There are a lot of free classes at Chinese cultural centers that are absolutely not part of the Chinese spy agencies efforts at intelligence gathering.

  159. >> It’s been a while… I could use a good hazing.


  160. “Does anyone speak Chinese?”

    About 1.3 billion people do.

  161. Does anyone speak Chinese?

    Chines, Cantonese, or Mandarin?

  162. Does anyone speak Austrian? No really.

  163. I know L-12 and L-9. That’s about it.

  164. Oh, hells yes. General Tso’s chicken, wonton soup, moo goo gai pan.

    I know shitloads of Chinese. Lay it on me, sister.

  165. Whoever was doing the H2 tweeting today (in addition to me, I mean), nice job!

  166. I know I have to tell security if a Chinese girl hits on me.

  167. Wait, no, that’s only if I bang her.

  168. And then subsequently fail to give her $47 to keep her mouth shut.

  169. Wait, no, that’s only if I banglar her.


  170. Kids are back at the hospital. Miss Julia has been admitted. More news to follow.

    You may now return to your regularly scheduled gaiety.

  171. The fuck, there’s more than one of you doing H2 tweets?

  172. DinT – I am Legion.

  173. Thanks for fixing that, Hotspur. Didn’t feel like editing.

    Praying for DiL and granddaughter, Chief.

  174. >> The fuck, there’s more than one of you doing H2 tweets?

    That’s why my thing on the ONT last night said I did of them. Every now and then Cassidy or a couple of other folks will slip one in.

  175. Praying for Julia and family, Chief. And, to be clear, I mean your Julia and not Obama’s.

  176. Aww darn, Chief. Sending good thoughts and prayers for both girls and daddy. She’s in the very best place possible.

  177. Every now and then Cassidy or a couple of other folks will slip one in.

    Keep that bedroom talk to yourself please. TYIA.

  178. Jew, were you teasing me about the Chinese? I need to get a better handle on how to pronounce a few names. The internet is all over the place. Stoopid tittyweb jenkins.

  179. I left that lying there for you, Cyn.

  180. Thanks. I needed a freebie. M’wah!

  181. This week has sucked. Me

  182. I do know a little bit about Chinese pronunciation, but doubtful enough to help.

  183. Any big plans tomorrow, Scott?

  184. Thanks anywoo, Jewstin. The guy is probably used to us Americans screwing up his name. It might make him feel uncomfortable if I actually pronounced it correctly.

  185. How’s your back Scott?

    I left an update way earlier, but if anybody missed it, my eye surgeon said my retina is fully attached and doing just fine. He doesn’t need to see me for a month.

  186. Wu Tang Clan.

    That’s about all I know…

  187. Andy,
    I would not presume to speak for H2. I always do my stupid Tweets as me. Perhaps you’ve seen them…

  188. That’s great news, Dave! He had the talk with you about safety goggles though, right?

  189. Of course, because of those Tweets, that grey van with the government plates is likely to start cruising slowly by the house, again. I hate when they do that!
    When we servicing our software in 27 countries, and getting and making calls to same, those guys went by a LOT!

  190. DD#1 and her boyfriend are visiting China right now (along with Bangkok, Jakarta, etc.). I don’t think they plan on speaking like the natives, though…..

  191. Back is OK Dave, the spasms remind me when to punch out.

    Work,work,work and DMV Cyn. It’s been a terribly busy week.

  192. >> He had the talk with you about safety goggles though, right?

    I haven’t needed those since 1992.. ohhhh… you mean for the eye

  193. Scott I had various back muscle spasms a while ago, mostly under and to the sides of my shoulder blades. Potassium can help, and stretching exercises (also one of those dorky “lift belt” things)

  194. *the belt is just for when you’re lifting*

    somebody tell mare this is how you time your comments so wordpress doesn’t tell you to STFU

  195. I have, ChrisP. I even almost retweeted you. Once.

    The whole idea behind that Twitter i.d. was brilliant. As a matter of fact, today was a good example. When you have a few people playing those hashtag games under one i.d., it can be all sorts of awesome. And the multiple timezones we’re all in means it can go on at full strength for a long, long time.

    But it fell down in the execution. I’d really like to transition over to my i.d. and just let this one tweet the blog posts, but there’s a bit of a following there after ~14,000 tweets that’s hard to rebuild.

  196. Andy,
    Of course! I’d not even thought about the timezone thing. “TheH2” could be pissin’ in the punchbowl all frickin’ day!
    I never got into “The H2” though.
    Just like I can’t edit or post here, but that’s okay.
    I don’t have anything to say. I just react, not originate.
    ASPI, don’t you know.
    But, I’m a good driver…

  197. I only get back spasms from packing. It’s odd. My back doesn’t mind lifting and carrying, yet standing in one place will kill it in 7-8 hours.

  198. Ah. Standing is work too. Hell, I get mine from sitting.

  199. I am looking forward to getting the hell out of here for a few days. I have not been on a road trip for a while. Sitting on a beach and drinking beer wont be so bad either.

  200. Does anyone speak Chinese?

    You really only need to learn 7 things in the native language when visiting a foreign country. You can learn these from a phrasebook you pick up at the airport.

    1. Two beers please.
    2. Where is the bathroom?
    3. *pointing* How much?
    4. *to cab driver* Take me to the Hyatt.
    5. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
    6. Thank you.
    7. Excuse me *if you are big and clumsy*.

  201. No news yet. If I don’t hear something soon, Herself is going to have to peel me off the ceiling!

  202. 8. $20

  203. I have a good feeling about this MCPO.

  204. Just got a call from the boy. They are prepping Miss Julia prior to inducing labor (14 hrs). Baby is between 3.5 to 5 lbs and doing well.

  205. I’m glad you’re gettin a vac soon.

    Also try taking breaks and just stretching. That’s what we coached our warehouse selectors to do and it helps.

  206. Prayers being doubled down on, Master Chief.

  207. 5/11 is a good day MCPO. Tomorrow is my 50th.

  208. Sending prayers for the mom and wee one, MCPO!!

  209. Chief,
    Inducing, rather than C-section?
    They gonna do the pitocin thing? That would kinda suck for a ‘first birth’, as in – it could tear her up pretty bad, depending on how hard they push it.

  210. Relax, Chief. You got an on-the-knees Lutheran prayer.

  211. No breaks. There is work, or no work.
    I wish there was a better way but apparently there isn’t.

  212. “Relax, Chief. You got an on-the-knees Lutheran prayer.”


  213. God grant peace to the mother and child, and new father, and my friend MCPO too. Give skill and wisdom to the people who care for them, the doctors and nurses.

    Protect them all Lord.

    Bring this loved child into the world, healthy, safely. May she know and embrace her grandfather’s (and grandmother’s!) affection into her adult years. She is their blessing, and their legacy.


  214. [i]Relax, Chief. You got an on-the-knees Lutheran prayer.[/i]
    From me & Anita too, Chief.

  215. Amen.

  216. Amen. Very nicely done; thank you Dave.

  217. Thanks folks! I don’t think I was this nervous when my own came into this plane of existence.

  218. Well crap! Between here and AoS, the formatting is just “too hard”
    Should have been thus:
    Relax, Chief. You got an on-the-knees Lutheran prayer.
    From me & Anita too, Chief.

  219. MCPO, are they going to try to Skype or anything fancy for you and other family?

  220. “Relax, Chief. You got an on-the-knees Lutheran prayer.”



  221. MCPO,
    Not to be too personal, but are they planning to PIT her?
    I hope you will say no.

  222. Pitocin should be illegal, especially for a first delivery. Doctors use it so they can make their tee time at the golf course.

    A doc tried to use it on Cathy, and I ordered her and her needle out of the room. Everything went fine when nature took it’s course.

  223. There’s a time and a place for the Pit. If it’s done right, it can be very helpful for some moms.

  224. ChrisPy – I have no idea what that means?

  225. Well, shit.

    I have freshly cut grass, and that’s nice. But my invisible fence transformer is beeping, meaning the landscapers cut the damned wire.

    Of course, in theory that thing’s completely buried. In practice, I’m betting I know exactly where the break is.

    I’ll try prugging it in tomorrow.

  226. The Pit Maneuver: not just for cars any more.

  227. I’m not a Doctor. I don’t play one on TV and I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

  228. Chief,
    Michael and I would tell you that Pitocin is the devils drug. They use it to induce labor at their convenience, so they can make tee-time, the next scheduled meeting with fund-raisers, etc.
    It’s for the OB-GYN, NOT for the mother. The young ladies can get REALLY torn-up from that.
    It does not give time for ‘things’ to naturally expand to let the babies head out. It just forces them out at an unnatural rate and tears momma from the vagina to the asshole.
    Not cool, for the most part…

  229. It’s a shame MCPO’s chilluns already chose a name for the wee one. We could have had another naming contest.

    Prayers and best wishes for Julia and DG and the whole clan.

  230. Wouldn’t you agree though, ChrisP, that it would be preferable to a C-Section when the baby absolutely positively has to come out?

  231. Fox is reporting that Hollywood exec. Gavin Smith has gone missing but they fucked up and used wiserbuds proof of life pic for his mugshot

  232. It would be my first choice to induce, but if a C-Section was needed, so be it.

  233. That’s some nice product placement there. Well done wiser and wiserbud.

  234. Cyn,
    I just don’t know.
    It seems that a C is done when they are ‘pretty damn sure’ that the child is ready to rock.
    But, yeah, If you do a C, the baby is coming out! That’s why you cut momma open in the first place.
    When you PUSH with Pit, ESPECIALLY on a first child, I can’t help but deem that “Cruel and unusual punishment”.
    If it were on a third, or fourth, okay. It just seems to me, that doing that of a first-birth is ‘pushing-it’.

    But, WTF do I know? I’m a guy!
    And I am childless, at 63…
    I am not a reliable source.

  235. It’s a shame MCPO’s chilluns already chose a name for the wee one. We could have had another naming contest.

    That’s true.

    We could be like black people, who make up really interesting names. This is a worthy aspect of black culture. They don’t feel compelled to use names from the Bible.

    Let’s name the baby Shawtana. That’s sounds good to me. Should have done that with one of my own kids.

  236. You might have missed some info, but the baby must come out for the health of them both, Chris. It will all be a-okay with the pitocin and/or with the c-section if the need arises. All will be well.

    Now let’s play Beer Pong Naked Twister Jagger Shots Jenga to help distract for a little while!

  237. YAY! I love Beer Pong Naked Twister Jagger Shots Jenga!

  238. Other than more painful labor (which can be fixed right up with pain meds), it can be hard on the baby – have to watch it’s heart rate extra careful.
    I’d have that over a section but you don’t f*ck around with eclampsia. Doctors are doing what is best and momma and baby will be fine.

  239. If mom isn’t “inducible”, they’re just gonna be spinning their wheels and end up with a C-Section anyway. C’s are MUCH easier to recover from if your muscles aren’t already exhausted from unproductive labor (says the woman with 4 kids who hasn’t the slightest idea what labor pains feel like…..).

    Good luck to you and the crew, Chief – I’m sure everything will be just fine. Prayers going up for everyone involved (Dave said it best).

    Nytol – the TiFW’s are turning in for the night –

  240. Everybody’s situations are different. There’s no one size answer to birthin babies.

    It’s one of the reasons whenever I encounter a new mom to be, and she asks, I say “we had good docs and nurses, and everything will be fine”

    They really don’t need to hear about my bullshit at that moment.

  241. I’m gonna relax for the night and hope that I hear something tomorrow.

  242. Beer Pong Naked Twister Jagger Shots Jenga

    The drink is actually from Germany, and it’s real name is Jägermeister, which refers to a senior game warden.

    However, I like your idea about getting naked.

  243. Cyn,
    I realize that the child must come out for the health of them both. I can’t help but thing that the c-section would be less traumatic than ripping mommy from vagina to asshole, please pardon the graphic terms.
    As a young, first-time, mommy, I can’t think this would beneficial to her. It could convince her to never have another child.

    Yannow, Cyn, it would thrill me to no end to sit across a bar table, over a beer, and talk to you. I think that it would be one of the highlights of my life. And I have sky-dived, flown turbine aircraft, ridden exotic motorcycles at extra-legal speeds, fired large artillery, blown-up shit, stolen 1/4 ton of dynamite(statute of limitations?) and disposed of it.
    I still think it would be cool.
    You might be bored. I would be thrilled.

  244. *grabs some Solo cups and tucks under the arm, gets the Jenga and Twister games out of the closet and tucks under the other arm, saunters over to the bar, uses foot to open cabinet door and grabs the jagermeister, sets on counter, stacks a few shot glasses and puts them on top of the jager bottle, pulls mini keg from under counter with one hand, opens drawer to grab a sleeve of ping pong balls and tucks them under the chin, grabs the bottle and shot glasses with the other free hand, saunters back to H2 family room and sets everything on cocktail table*

    Let’s do this.

  245. I once took a quarter out of my mom’s wallet. . .

  246. Sweet dreams and hugs, Chief.

  247. Chief,
    Prayin’ for them both from here!

  248. I once took a quarter out of my mom’s wallet. . .

    You are going to Hell.

    Sorry, no hope for you. Jesus does not love people like you.

  249. It would be an honor and I would be thrilled as well, Chris. I truly would.

  250. But if he’d have only taken a dime, he’d still go to heaven.

    Tough break, Chief, but it will be fun with you there with me.

  251. I met a few Jaegermeisters in Germany, and fortunately, none of them were naked.

  252. Cyn,
    You know that I’d totally grab your butt?
    I would, and not feel guilty.
    Well, I’d hug the hell out of you too.
    I’ve only ever met BiW and XBrad, and it felt like we’d known each other for ever.
    I was NOT inclined to hug either of them…

  253. >> Let’s do this.

    Left hand red!

    oh fuck, which one is red?

  254. Chrispy, I don’t think induction, in and of itself rips momma. What rips momma is a fat-headed kid or fast birthin’ of a fat-headed kid.

    My daughter was 2 weeks early – 8# 12oz. The circumference of her head 13 1/2″, her chest 15″. The Dr. was worried I would rip, because she was big and presenting sunny side up, so he did it surgically almost to the pooper. On the one hand, maybe he could have had a little patience and let nature take it’s course – who knew, I might have been stretchy – on the other hand, I was so happy that I didn’t have another section, I dealt with some bad discomfort for a week or two.

    Now, I’ve had both – labor and a section AND labor and a regular with a surgical cut to the whatzit. I will take the second experience over the first, hands down.

  255. I would be offended if you didn’t Chrispy, and you can full well expect that I’ll grab yours too. Then you can pull out the Polaroid for the huggining and grabbing that Anita and I will do. M’wah!

  256. *grabs sharpie and writes out the color names on the Twister mat*

    Meant to do that earlier. Sorry ’bout that.

    *gets evil grin and decides to label the colors incorrectly; straightens out smile so it’s all sweet and innocent*

  257. You know that I’d totally grab your butt?
    I would, and not feel guilty.

    Dead men don’t feel much of anything.

  258. For Julia amd Wee Barin
    in the darkest part of the night
    a light beckons, small and flickering
    the light is hope, and its warmth is like a a rage
    life is a small flame
    embrace the small

  259. Hey Cyn! Watcha doing?

  260. Xbrad, Thanks for that.
    Cyn, you could NOT do it!
    Me, much like osoloco, does not have a butt!
    I’m 6′ tall and 138 pounds.
    You, however, are welcome to try! Go ahead, grope around back there.
    I’ll wait…

  261. time to rest eye daniel-san

  262. H and G. Hope all is well.

  263. 5’10” and 210 pounds of pure fluff.

    Dogs and kids seem to like me.

  264. Praying for Miss Julia and DG.

  265. Cyn, I can order in restaurants and give taxi directions. I have lots of friends that speak chinese on FB. How soon do you need to know?

  266. Good luck Julia!

  267. 6′ and 138? That’s just wrong. Go grab 2 50# pet food bags, throw them on your shoulders, and you’ve got me.

  268. xbrad is in my weight class.

    Let’s wrassle!

  269. Hmm, my computer didn’t like your last link. Security Essentials gave me a warning.

  270. Interesting. So we have one guy that wasn’t even there, and the victim never said a word about it to his family. Now the family says it’s bs.

    Nice job, DNC.

  271. No way, J’ames. If’n I’mma wrassle with anyone here, they’d best be female!

  272. 6’3″ 240 I wanna get to 220.

  273. You know what’s awesome? Getting an unexpected day off.

    That’s right, I get to sleep in tomorrow. Jealous?

  274. Did anybody give anybody else a haircut today?

  275. G’nite kids! Love you all, even Wiserbud, hard as that is to believe…

  276. Not even myself, Sean. Probably should, though.

  277. Yeah, this WaPo thing is a big goatfuck.


  278. Funneh as hell, Andy.

  279. For those wondering about the correction:

    Changing the story completely. Plus this update doesn’t include what the victim’s family had to say. This isn’t done. Stay tuned tomorrow.

  280. B-but, Lucy Ramirez swore that it was all true!

  281. This is the part where I say derp.

  282. Good morning. Rough night for me. Mr. RFH went to the spring concert with Mini-me and came home with a friend of Mini-me in tow. Track meet today where they had to be at the school at 6 AM. Nevertheless, two little girls were giggling half the night.

    He *said* he texted me that he was bringing her home, but I turn off my cell phone when I get home. There’s very little signal out here, so the battery will die overnight, trying to connect. He knows this, but he didn’t call the landline. Grmph.

  283. Happy Birthday, Scott!!!

  284. Oh cool. Happy birthday, Scott! Here’s hoping a healthy baby Deborah Grace joins you today.

  285. Nice rack!

  286. Happy Birthday Scott!

    *eats scott’s dog.

  287. Oh cool. Happy birthday, Scott! Here’s hoping a healthy baby Deborah Grace joins you today.

    What she said.

  288. I’m 5’4″ and 183 if anyone cares. Up 13 since last July, same waist size. I have trouble with shirt sleeves and pantlegs these days.

  289. 4’2″ 84 pounds.

  290. Happy Birthday Scott!!!!!!!!!

  291. Wakey wakey
    Happy Birthday Scott

    We’re having a baby today?

    5’2″, 301 pounds

  292. Happy birthday Scott

  293. 50?

    * sighs *

  294. Seriously, MJ, I thought they were just kidding about your midgethood/littlepersonness.

  295. Vaginal birth is always better for both the mom and baby. pit often leads to c-section because of failure to progress, etc. Mostly, I think the docs are afraid of being sued for long labor, etc.

  296. , I thought they were just kidding about your midgethood/littlepersonness.

    Well, he wears lifters in his shoese, so that does compensate a bit.

  297. I have no idea where the extra “e” came from.

    I blame Leon.

  298. Scott got an AARP card in the mail yesterday. He showed it to me this morning. We’re both spitting like cobras.


  299. ha ha ha … I ‘m really enjoying them talking about that “elite private school” that Romney went to. It’s the same school John Conyers sends his children to.

  300. 4’2″ 84 pounds.

    Hah! You wish. If *I* could pick you up and swing you around the way I did, there’s no way you’re that heavy.

  301. Mostly, I think the docs are afraid of being sued for long labor, etc.

    If it’s “standard practice”, then most malpractice suits are dismissed, as I understand it. The system is rigged against individual judgment.

  302. You misunderstand. Woman goes into hospital, gets pitocyn to either 1) start labor or 2) move it along. Things don’t happen (because baby wasn’t ready) , so the doc moves the woman along to the operating room.

    they do THAT because they don’t want the hassle. Of the complaining mom. Or the long hours waiting. Or the fear of something going wrong and then being sued.

    Failure to progress is the reason for many section. It merely means “got tired of waiting.” the baby WILL come out.

    it’s one thing when they NEED the baby out. But this VERY often happens for really no reason.

  303. Also – pit makes for a difficult labor (since it’s unnatural, it can be hard to deal with the pain). Thus, more apt to get an epidural. Which VERY often stops labor and/or makes pushing difficult if not impossible for some women.

    I know you guys are all so very interested in all the useless L&D info I have stuffed in my head.

  304. And yet they wonder and complain about the resurgence of midwifery.

  305. Hah! You wish. If *I* could pick you up and swing you around the way I did, there’s no way you’re that heavy.
    I’ve been eating nothing but dogs since I last saw you. Mostly fatty breeds, like pugs and beagles.

  306. I don’t mind, Carin. I’m hoping to need to know this stuff soon, and I plan to be a very, very ornery consumer of medical care.

  307. After two days of collecting money, Obama adds a very important “official visit” on the third day so we can pick up part of the tab:

    10:15 am PT || Departs Los Angeles
    11:30 am PT || Arrives Reno, Nevada
    11:50 am PT || Meets with a local family; private residence
    12:10 pm PT || Delivers remarks pushing Congress to pass his “To Do List” of items; private residence
    12:50 pm PT || Departs Reno
    8:25 pm || Arrives White House

    Official business. IN a private residence. Got it.

  308. So I’m finally back home. I got back from Portland, then found out I had to go to Miami.

  309. Leon, the best way to have a good /healthy delivery is to not listen to your doc. LOL. Best advice, which first time moms NEVER take is to stay at home until the last possible moment. If there are no issues, of course.

    It really is the only way to avoid intervention, unless you go with a midwife or you are REALLY determined.

  310. Sounds like reasonable advice, Carin, thanks.

  311. Happy Birthday Scott! Take the rest of the day off.


    Heh. They do though. Mine showed up on my 50th bday. 3,756 pounds ago.

  313. I’m out. Work to do.

  314. I got assimilated into the AARP borg as well. I think they must preregister you at birth.

  315. Happy B’day, Scott! Welcome to the “Curmudgeon Club” – being 50+ means you never have to behave again…… :P

    AARP sent me stuff back in 2010 when I turned 50. Since they were such “fans” of Obamacare, I sent their stuff back with a rather nasty note telling them in no uncertain terms that they could stick it where the sun don’t shine, and they’d better never send me anything again.

    Yeah, that felt GOOD…..

  316. Happy birthday, Scott.

  317. It sneaks up on you, the oldness.

  318. Is the Master Chief a granddad yet?

  319. Oh, and Happy Birthday, Scott. I’ll hoist one for you tonight while I scamper around Boston.

  320. We were able to schedule all of the girls’ arrivals (breech/pre-eclampsia; gest. diabetes/not inducible; only 13 months since last CS; 3 previous CS/not even gonna go there….).

  321. Happy birthday, Scott.

    Keep throwing that AARP bullshit in bin. When HotBride and I met I convinced her to drop those fuckers like a bad blind date.

  322. Happy Birthday Scott. Drudge has a big red B-day headline for you.

    And its Friday. Wahoo. Everybody have a good day.

  323. Scott is on his way to the DMV to celebrate his birthday in true festive style.
    I reminded him not to punch anybody.

    He didn’t really need to be told that, but it did make him crack a smile. He’s pretty pissed off today.

  324. Well, that’s too bad. It’s his birthday, you should really let him punch someone.

  325. Happy Birthday, Birthday Boy…


  326. Laura, it’s your job to make him happy on his birthday.

  327. Doc office. Shots for my daughter who wants to go to high school next year.

  328. Better to be pissed off than pissed on someone once said.
    Here’s to a day when Scott can piss on or off anyone who deserves it.

  329. HA HA HA HA Thanks Cyn.

  330. Happy Birthday Scott!

  331. Squeeee!!!! Thanks everyone. DMV was a hoot. They have about 20 customer stations and all of them are closed but 4. That fills the 200 or so seats with people waiting which generates business for the snack bar.

  332. It’s official. I’m surrounded by old people.

    Happy birthday, Scott.

  333. Thank you, MCPO for turning me onto Fred. Another great poat.

  334. Snack bar? That ‘s brilliant.

  335. Still at the doc office. One hour so far in this little room.

  336. They need a snack bar here.

  337. Is mare gone to Hawaii already?

  338. Five

  339. That just happened

  340. For scott:

  341. California is uber-boned, but I’ll give them credit for this- they have the best run DMV’s of any state I’ve ever been in.


    (I threw in an extra “t” for the birthday boy. Not on my home unit so pretend I linked a cute kitten)

  343. Are you having fun in Hawaii yet, Mare?

  344. MARE!!

  345. The Mass DMV now has flat-screen TVs in their lobbies – playing ads, helpful “suggestions” for safe driving, and “Now serving # xx” updates. I guess the Oprah channel wasn’t available when they did the system set-up.

  346. Did Leon put up that picture of the young boy’s ass up top:?

  347. I said ..MARE!!

  348. Fuck AARP.

  349. well, we now know why MJ was in Portland.

    He was there for a photo shoot.

  350. The lack of clubbing in the harp seal video left me confused. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time.

  351. That’s the Time cover everyone’s talking about.


  352. Hi all!! New here, lurking… well at least I admitted it!! Anyway, in re the “photo shoot”. If it has teeth and can talk, it shouldn’t still be on it’s mama’s titty!! :D

  353. I can talk, but don’t have real teeth. I wouldn’t mind hanging on to that woman’s nipples a little while…

  354. Hi all!! New here, lurking… well at least I admitted it!!

    Welcome to the party, pal!

    Have you met Xbrad yet?

  355. HAHAHAHA!!!!

    I think Car In and Beasn might need to send this out to some of their relatives….

  356. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

    The ironies in this article are just too hilarious for words:

    I love watching liberals eat their own…..

  357. Now, boys, don’t scare away the newbie in the first few minutes. Let mare and cyn have a chance to play with him/her, too.

  358. That damn kid is old enough to go to the fridge and pour himself a glass of milk. Wonder what happens when he’s in the 8th grade and that picture shows up?

  359. jewstin, he’ll ask the girls if he can demonstrate….

  360. yannow what this place needs?

  361. well, we now know why MJ was in Portland.
    He was there for a photo shoot.

    Bwahahahaha! I nominate this for the Comment Hall of Fame.

  362. Hello N00b delurker Schwartz and welcome to our little sandbox. How did you find us and what are you wearing right now?

  363. I thought the breastfeeding picture was filling in for the bewbs today?

  364. Let mare and cyn have a chance to play with him/her, too.

    Thank you AD.

    *snaps on latex gloves, dons tiara, and zips up thigh-high leather boots*

  365. oooooooo Tiara,,,,, kinky!

  366. thigh-high leather boots

    He(?) gets the boots the first time? You told me they were for special events.

  367. Happy birthday Scottt <~~~ extra :t: for the extra old guy.

  368. By tiara, I think she means strap-on.

  369. Hotspur, you are obviously confusing me with Rosetta since we both like to wear pink dresses, however I am the pretty one who’s spankings you actually enjoy.

  370. You told me they were for special events.

    They are.

  371. No, Cyn, he enjoys the ones from Rosetta, too. But you are much prettier than Rosetta

  372. Aww. Now he’s disappeared. Maybe I should have put on some pasties.

  373. But you are much prettier than Rosetta

    Awwww…thanks AD; I’m so glad I never believed all that crap that got tweeted about you.

  374. Pssst, TGSG… the tiara was just for you. *winks*

  375. No pasties today, Jew? Damn; this day is now shot to hell.

  376. The day isn’t over yet. It’s kind of chilly here, so I was thinking of the fuzzy ones with the rabbit’s foot danglies.

  377. *wonders if she should try to beat Carin’s comment record; I think I can take her*

  378. Are those the ones with the red clippies, Jew? Good call.

  379. New mother fuckin’ bootleg post.

  380. I

  381. Ahhh – TIME is trying to show the world how sick and depraved HOMESCHOOLING moms are (it’s conveniently left out of the “conversation”, but it’s buried in the article).

    It’s their SOP – show Conservatives as a bunch of loonies (even though most of us are shuddering at that pic).

    Listen, you wanna breastfeed your kid that long? Be my guest.

    Just don’t bring it out in public view…..
    (The mom was breastfed until she was 6)

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