Hahahaha ghetto bar + iphone = winning



  1. WTFITS?


  3. Why does your beer look like it’s wearing a sweater?

  4. Hotspur – At least you could provide us with a photo of the barmaid, ferchrissake!

  5. Hi, Snausages!

    We live! Without power for three-days. We got a foot of snow, followed by an ice-storm. Ice-storm broke Chestnuts, Aspens, Oak, and dropped a Locust across the driveway. We got some of that cut so I could get out to the road to get some gas for the generator. Without the generator, we have no well = no water = no flush IYKWIMAITYD…
    We’ve been melting snow to pour into the toilet-tank. Heating some on the stove to wash-up and make coffee.
    The gas-station looked like the ’70s! Six – eight cars waiting for each row of pumps. Everybody filling cans for chainsaws and generators.
    It was to the point that we would get the gen-set running, put all the food from the freezer-fridge out in the snow, or throw it away. We chose to get the generator running.
    Allegedly 245,000 of us without power and will be through the weekend.

    The Tacoma Narrows bridges are closed due to ice falling from the suspension-cables.

    Anita is posting pictures of the wreckage on her FaceChimpDouche page, for those of you that indulge in that kind of thing.

    A friend that lives on Kapowsin Airport had to chain-saw his way to the road, got almost to the highway and got blocked by a tree. He got out to see what it would take to clear it, heard a loud CRACK, and turned to see another tree fall across his van. It’s drivable, but totaled.
    Hope you are all warm, dry, full, and comfortable!
    And so it goes…


    That was abundantly clear from last week’s “a BBF without tittays” debacle.

  7. Someone stop me, I’m about to try and argue with a thread full of liberals.

  8. Revvy – It would be a more productive use of your time to attempt to teach a pig to sing.

  9. this is killing me though >< my old roommate keeps posting these political cartoons from some FB group (Called 'We survived Bush. You'll survive Obama.) to her wall and they are all garment-rendingly OBNOXIOUS.

  10. ChrisP, hang in there buddy. Tough time…

    Anyone heard from BiW?

    You are NOT going to go out in a thread full of liberals wearing THAT GETUP.

    Don’t you know that they are rapers??

    *covers Revvy in a voluminous burkha*

    THERE. Now whenever you refer to God or morality, use the terms ‘Allah’ and ‘shariah,’ and they will give you wide berth, kiss your ass, and not dare contradict you, no matter how nutty you get.

    OK, now go on and have fun!

  12. *emits muffled noise that may either be a ‘thank you’ or the onset of suffocation*


  14. Don’t you know that they are rapers??

    They’re swords?

  15. I was stuck on the dead thread thank you.

  16. Please feel free to update, and add some actual content to this poat.

  17. Sean, you’re thinking claymore. Trust me, you are.

  18. Oh yeah, if anyone was curious, the comic I was gonna comment on was about the whole ‘party of no’ thing, and how Republicans have NO RIGHT to be upset about XL Pipeline getting deferred because they didn’t like so much of Obama’s policies.

    To which I pointed out that the Dems control 2 and half branches of the government, and STILL can’t get their legislation passed, so I’m not terribly inclined to feel pity for the party that can’t find their ass with both hands and a flashlight.

  19. I made my roommate a batch of rummy bears to take to her office christmas party. Apparently I now have fans.

  20. Revvy – You may wish to borrow this: http://tinyurl.com/7jsp7cz

    I can ship it overnight. . .

  21. Elliot,
    As-in “Front Toward Enemy”? That kind of claymore? That’s the only one I know.
    My education is lacking…

  22. Good article Laura
    *scratches head* Canada? Must be a anomaly.

  23. Wiki’s up now, claymores were once big swords. It’s what they portray William Wallace as having used.

  24. …. ooh, shiny.

  25. Vman – I prefer a well-honed cutlass, TYVM!

  26. If the Chief’s cutlass doesn’t get there in time, you can use this…


  27. Carin, age 3: http://tinyurl.com/7lpdacs

  28. Why use that old boat?

  29. If the Chief’s cutlass doesn’t get there in time, you can use this…

    Well played, young padawan. Well played.

  30. Hotspur always loved summer.


  31. If you can tell me a better way to cool down on a hot summer day, I’d like to hear it.

  32. While fountains are great boats why not keep with the sword theme
    Nice Boat

  33. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaa*snort*


  34. OT but this is totally +1 adorable

  35. Well played, young padawan. Well played.

    Thanks. First car I ever drove. Only car I ever crashed head-on into a lightpole.


  36. Elliot – STFU. Oh, and it’s your turn to buy. Let’s see. . . one Diet Dr. Pepper for Sean, a vodka shot for the Vman, Revvy will have a Boilermaker and I’ll stay with a Jameson.

  37. Unless of course it’s what YOU want to do, then I’m behind you 100%.

    I could get 100% behind Car in, IYKWIMAITYD.

  38. Many years ago I participated in a writing workshop at Washington State University. The professor asked each of us to reflect for a moment and to consider what author we best emulated.

    When it came to my turn, I remarked that I felt I could best be compared to Ernest Hemingway. The professor was stunned and sputtered “You honestly believe that your writing compares to Hemingway’s?”

    I replied “Oh, not his writing. His drinking.”

  39. car in the one dame i’d stand in line behind at the liquor store

  40. Heh X, good one.

  41. V, I stole that.

    Of course.

    And not from Hemingway.l

  42. Why, b-rad, what a charming and clever anecd–waitjustaminute, you don’t know how to read and write!

  43. I know how to read and write.

    I don’t know how to read and write well.

  44. I been looking for BiW’s phone number, but only found the office. I sent him a message on FaceChimp, but have no response. Hope he and the family are okay. I was gonna offer to bunk-em here, if they needed it.
    We’ve got a gas-log and, when we run the generator, water, plus the propane to cook with with.
    So it goes…

  45. Rachel Bilson.

    She’s no Mila Kunis.

    But then, she’s no Helen Thomas, either!


  46. xBrad – I’d hit it, but I wouldn’t let Mila know about it!

  47. BiW Showed up earlier Chris and was ok.
    Doing better than you in fact.

  48. MCPO, I’d hit it and brag to the whole world about it, because let’s face it, I’m never gonna get to tap Mila.

  49. All my comments are in the bucket HotSpur
    *Cuss* *Spit* *stomp feet*
    *&1!@#+* WordPress
    *@#&^$#!&* Askmet

  50. I found J’ames yearbook pic…


  51. Vman – Nothing in the spam bucket?!

  52. Vmax,
    If they were suckin’ pond-scum, I was gonna offer a warm place, with food. Not good food, you understand, but food…

  53. HAHAHAH!

    That FB group I mentioned earlier?
    I made one comment.

    Obviously the comment was a good one.

  54. How dare you interrupt their echo chamber, harshing mellows is never a good way to get friends and influence people.

  55. here you go MCPO
    this is spam

  56. Unless you didn’t want friends. I won’t blame you there.

  57. So is this but it is lame

  58. Honestly, friends just get in the way of talking to yourself while wandering the streets. Who needs that?

  59. I share Rosetta’s despair; we never get any trolls here!

  60. I’m certainly not one to judge the antisocial/asocial behaviors of others.

  61. Elliott, quit trying to scare away the only young chick we’ve got!

  62. It’s all I know!

  63. Good evening. Glad to hear everyone’s safe.

  64. Do I dare read the comments in the cover thread at AoS? Or do I just hang out here and pour drinks?

  65. Hey, Roamy! How’s things?

  66. hi lips!!!

  67. <.< I don't scare that easy Xbrad. Clearly, you've never actually met my Dad.

  68. bite me wordpress and askmet.
    Donkey balls are sucked by all.

  69. Lipstick – How much packing did you get done today?

  70. Anybody got BiWs phone? I can’t find it.

  71. Nope, never met your dad. Cuz I don’t go to those fancy schmansy east coast, “please wear shoes and pants” meatups.

  72. MCPO, I did some writing at home for work this past few months, and it’s pretty much done. Today, I got some nice compliments from folks way up the food chain.

  73. Or do I just hang out here and pour drinks?

    Sounds good on both accounts, except the first round’s on me. Prost!

  74. Got ahold of BiW and they are fine.

  75. Kudos, Roamy.

  76. G’night, Chrispy.

    Don’t freeze.

  77. Did your writing include instructions about how germanium can kiss your ass?

  78. Hugs for warmth, Chrispy.

  79. Roamy – Very good. In my last federal job, most of my writing was merely plagiarized by higher ups.

  80. Scott? Laura?



  81. Hahahaha, germanium was in it, XBrad.

    MCPO, this is one of those tasks that rolled downhill until it stopped at my desk. The previous author had the task for a year and had a table of contents to show for it, which I scrapped.

  82. Toddlers are hilarious!

  83. Daddy has a penis?

    No, not really
    – Mrs. Wiserbud.

  84. You will soon have the joys of encountering that again, MCPawPaw!

  85. MCPawPaw!

    Oh hell yeah.

  86. Heh. Reminds me when the girls were little, you know, toddlers just have to follow you into the bathroom .. I’m standing there and youngest has to look, and said out loud “Daddy, you got a tail!”

  87. Dave – Did you turn around and look?

  88. Stop wagging your tail at everyone else on the bus.

  89. HAH.. I almost did. Took me a sec to get what she meant.

  90. Yeah, but did she see your penis?

  91. Hi Vmax!

    Chief, once again I did eff-all on packing. But I booked a flight to England for July — therefore, it was a very nice day.

  92. I can’t believe that little baby girl is about to be 22

  93. Dave, my dad told a story about a guy who brought his 3- or 4-year-old daughter into the men’s room. He moved her quickly past the urinals and into a stall. The occupants laughed when she announced, “Daddy, you tee-tee LOUD!”

  94. Because it’s been stuck in my head.


  95. Dave, does your girl remember the tail incident?

  96. what did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rhianna?

    “I’d hit it!”

  97. There are stories you can tell your friends, that you never mention to your kids.

  98. >> Dave, does your girl remember the tail incident?

    She might, but I never brought it up. It would be embarrassing to a 16 year old, or 21 year old girl to mention that. Maybe when she’s 29, and has a kid, then it would be ok. I might not be making sense, but it just doesn’t feel good to share that anecdote with her just yet.

  99. I denounce myself for laughing at that, XBrad.

  100. Good call to wait Dave.

  101. Dave, I’m going to give you my dad’s phone number so you can tell him that. He enjoys dredging up every stupid thing I ever did to tell my stepmom.

  102. Elliot that hurt my ears.

    Something to cleanse: http://youtu.be/8aIi5N0Tx60

  103. More scrubbing: http://youtu.be/1OK1HRqP-fg

  104. Cyn, besides orange body paint, what are you wearing right now?

  105. ok im seriuosly pissed
    I HATE these asshat occutards whining about no medical care, look i had a Quad Bypass in 2006, i saw the bill, a cool $990k little operation, i had NO job at the time NO insurance, i was about to just about sell my soul. the human resources lady came by that afternoon, handed me a piece of paper and said “here is your finalized bill” 800 (Eight Hundred) dollars i paid that off in 4 months

  106. I went all the way to Dollar General to buy a couple of AA batteries so my wireless mouse would get off its ass and work for this?

  107. Cleanse complete: http://youtu.be/S-cbOl96RFM

  108. I worked out to some kicking gitano music today, but I’m pretty sure that only appeals to me and Aggie.

  109. Headphones

  110. oh and Rest in Peace Miss Etta

  111. What channel are you watching wp?

  112. Filling up my pockets, even stuffed it up my nose. . .


  113. im not watching TV, just listening to some asshat on radio


    They’re talking about whatever it is the SEIU wants them to talk about. Little shits.

  115. WPD, my heart meds just went up again. You might not get out of there for $800 again.

  116. sorry to hear that roamy

  117. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. . .


  118. i think that the hospital ate a shitload of money to save my ass is pretty much a miracle type situation

  119. Excellent Master Chief

  120. Since Obama took office, they went from $10 to $20 to $25 to $40 to $80, using the mail-order program with my insurance. That’s generic, too. I shudder to think what brand-name would be. I’m also getting little reminders from the insurance company to “ask my doctor about cheaper alternatives”.

  121. Here’s one of my favorite covers. If you don’t like it, you’re probably a communist.


  122. It’s weird. My Tri-Care paid for 3.5 months of physical therapy for my torn intercostals, but keep finding reasons not to authorize surgery on my rotator cuff. Makes me crazy.

  123. Next time you’re in the hospital, you just have to remember three little words…

    “No habla Inglese!”

  124. Dave, one of the times I had the daughter in a stall with me at McDonalds, about potty training age, as I started to do my bidness, she bends down to peek where the noise was coming from and says, ‘You dot a fwuffy in dere’. If I weren’t peeing, I woulda pissed myself.

    I told the husband what I was snorfling about when we came out and he goes, ‘I want to see your fluffy’.


    Haven’t told the daughter that one yet. I’m waiting.

  125. >> Dave, I’m going to give you my dad’s phone number so you can tell him that.

    I’d be happy to explain.

    This may sound confusing to men who don’t have daughters, and I get that. But girls, always, not just when they’re 21, they need dads to be considerate for lack of a better word.

    It’s like “don’t show all your friends that picture of your baby girl when she was bare butt on a bearskin rug”

    If that makes any sense at all. It embarrasses them. Don’t embarrass your daughters.

  126. >> You dot a fwuffy in dere’. If I weren’t peeing, I woulda pissed myself.

    *dying laughing. Yep. Same kinda moment.

  127. Beasn, hahahahahahaha!!!

  128. I told the husband what I was snorfling about when we came out and he goes, ‘I want to see your fluffy’.

    I second.

  129. That’s hilarious Beasn!

  130. It’s OK to embarrass your son. It’s part of the fun of being the dumbass’s dad.

  131. You can’t get much lower and live!


  132. Beasn=OFB?

  133. I always thought it was a dad’s job to embarrass his kids. My dad still tries to.

  134. What is OFB?

    And who says I can’t embarrass my daughter? Okay, I try not to, but I will tease her a bit to toughen her up. Dad won’t, it’s an unwritten rule with dads/daughters.

    Though, the kids do like hearing stories of when they were little. Some may be embarrassing but they hear our joy and know what a kick little kids can be and don’t mind too much.

  135. sons have to suck it up.

  136. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ofb

    A Rosetta Entry.

  137. When my daughter was a little tyke she called it my pull-down.

  138. Actually, Mr. Beasn isn’t a big teaser or much of a smartass. He’s just a happy person.

  139. HA, clint!

  140. Oregon Food Bank.

    That’s the first result google gave me!

  141. Time to call it a night. NIGHT! Cakes won’t be icing themselves in the early morn.


  142. night all, big day tommorrow, we are taking LV to petting zoo and lunch at McDoogles

  143. Damn, Dunn’s day sounds better than mine.

    Order a couple McDoubles for me, buddy!

  144. Goodnight, beasn. Sleep fast!

  145. XB, did you watch Justified yet?

  146. Sweet dreams Beasn and Dunn

  147. I did, Clint. I thought the start was pretty mild, but a good strong finish.

  148. And Neil Mcdonoaghwatever, he’s a great actor. Very distinctive looking, and uses that.

    Too bad everything he’s on gets cancelled.

  149. G’night, all.

  150. XB, didn’t you love the broken window scene? it cracked me up, particularly Nick’s reaction to it.

  151. Just back from a wine party, and feeling a bit tipsy 🙂

  152. *Catches aggie as she falls. Accidentially grabs several useful body parts.*

    Uh … sorry.

  153. You’re SORRY???

    *runs crying from blog*

  154. Being a gentleman at H2 is frowned upon.

  155. I was lying about the sorry part.

  156. Oh, thank goodness.

    For a minute there I was worried, CB 😉

  157. **whispers behind ag’s back**

    So CB…….uhhhh…….real or fake?

  158. A song for our lurking liberals:



  159. Aggie is 100% real … a friend told me.

  160. THIS is what I think of Aggie:


  161. real or fake?


  162. Is it bad that I’m laughing at the go-go dancing??

    *smooches CB*

  163. Threw me a curve clintbird. I was expecting this…….


  164. Just back from walking the dog. Not at all tipsy.

  165. I guess I was whispering to fucking loud.

  166. Hardly spectacular, PG *smooch*

  167. How you doin’, and that cutie dog of yours, Sean?

  168. Goodnight, peeples. Must sleep now. UK game starts before noon tomorrow.

  169. BTW, Fringe kicked major league ass tonight.

  170. G’night, CB!!

  171. Just fine, Aggs. Riley, too. He didn’t drop a big,stinky deuce on the sidewalk like last night, either. My neighbors are lucky that I’m the kind of solid citizen that carries a baggie when we go out for a stroll.

  172. Heh, my dog won’t “go” anywhere but my backyard.

    By the way, nice pic at FB 😀

    Ok, time for me to crash. Long day tomorrow, plus the little dog gets up to “go” at 6. Have a goodnight!

  173. Thanks. Sleep tight.

  174. Moarning.


  175. ^That site lets you link youtube audio to a gif, which I always thought would be cool. Now that someone has invented it I can’t think of any
    thing to link up.

  176. http://tinyurl.com/6rkejge

  177. http://tinyurl.com/73uz6c8

  178. http://tinyurl.com/66qaxg9

  179. wakey wakey

  180. I think I told my story here – after I had my third, via c-section, I was taking a shower and my second son (who was 2 at the time) came in (he was my magnet child). I had to told them how they had “cut” the baby out, so they would understand. Anyway- he peeks in the shower and sees the staples … then he asks -“MOM, did they cut your penis off too?”

    I don’t remember if he actually used that word – it was too long ago. But I about died laughing.

  181. Snow!
    6″ of white death and we have no bread.

    Pray for us.

  182. What about milk? DO YOU HAVE MILK?

  183. Liquor?

  184. We have coffee.

    I think we’ll make it.

  185. Do you got donuts?


  186. Scott, what kind of coffee do you drink?

  187. Wow. Snow in Connecticut. The weather changes basically everyday. How do we stop this madness?

  188. Anything but Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks.

  189. Pupster has a fun new toy! Pretty funny, Pups.

    ION, I pulled my back this morning. One of those pick-up-and-twist situations. Whole right side is grabby.

    Think this means I’m supposed to get back to my old routine of core exercises.

    After I heal.


  190. I used to like TIm Horton’s coffee, but lately it’s sucked donkey balls.

  191. Think this means I’m supposed to get back to my old routine of core exercises.

    *gets out balance ball, puts on barefoot shoes

    After I heal.

    Dangit. I can wait.

  192. Still never been to a Tim Horton’s. They opened a couple near us but both closed within about a year or so.

    Scott went to look at their menu once but was scared off by the strange names for things and scurried back to our regular diner which is safe and nonthreatening and always exactly the same.

  193. I’ve never eaten anything there – besides the muffins or donuts. We have a bunch of good looking breakfasty/diner places near me, but I don’t think I’ve gone out ONCE.

    We don’t eat out often.

  194. You gotta find a good breakfast diner run by a short Greek.

  195. http://www.chicagohamburger.com/html/forum5.htm

  196. I’m drinking Counts’ coffee. Why is it that coffee tastes better when someone else makes it?

  197. So true, too. The best little diner near us is Greek, the guy and everybody in his family is built like a fire plug, and the hospitality and efficiency are terrific.

    We used to go there semi-regularly on Sunday mornings when we were first married.
    Now, just a once in a blue moon takeout event.

  198. Tim Horton’s = Wendy’s for breakfast

    Eh. Fast food bakery.

    Got 4 new tires this morning. We’ve had snow and ice hit at drive time for the last 2 days, I got tired of sledding home. I guess I’ll be keeping this car for a while longer.

    Also, fuck you ice. http://tinyurl.com/7otyqys

  199. And now…laundry.


  200. *applause*

    Good job Pupster!

    *puts on sock, which is dripping with dog drool*

    *smiles weakly*

  201. >> One of those pick-up-and-twist situations. Whole right side is grabby.

    Ouch. I hate those.

  202. Yeah, we were having a super-ultra-mini-meetup tonight too, but I had to cancel. I can’t really stand to sit down.

    Stand or lie down. These are my options right now.

  203. *gives you twelve Aleve and 3 cortisone injections.*

    There. That oughta do it.

  204. One of the CT Morons recommended ibuprofen, which is what I’ll do as soon as I get some food in my tummy.

  205. Yeah, anti-inflammatory. Good for crappy knees too.

    Incidentally, re: the cortisone injections. It’d probably be best if we don’t go into a lot of bothersome detail about how exactly that’s done.

    It’s science.

  206. Yeah, we were having a super-ultra-mini-meetup tonight too, but I had to cancel. I can’t really stand to sit down.

    Stand or lie down. T

    You could do the whole Roman thing where you reclined on a lounge while people brought food and drink to you.

    that would be cool.

  207. Yeah I had to cancel our mini-meat with Roamy and the Cuffy’s b/c I will have to help my Mom. Surgery went well.

  208. Ah, I remember this. I’m way too stupid to be injured without hurting myself further. Just tried to crouch by my bookbag (on the kitchenette floor) to retrieve emergency pill stash and basically saw stars. Fucking idiot.
    I made a noise and a few moments later Scott said “Maybe you should take a pill or something.”

  209. You could do the whole Roman thing where you reclined on a lounge while people brought food and drink to you.

    I like this idea, Carin….so very cabal-ish.

    We’ll do this next time. There will be fezzes.

  210. Sorry to hear about the back, laura.

    *notes that bite marks in the painful area in question line up perfectly with the hump’s first set of jaws*

  211. . . . There will be fezzes.

    Who will peel the grapes?

  212. “no I’m never gonna do it, without the fez on.. oh no”

  213. the hump’s first set of jaws*

    The legend grows.

    *sprouts a new wart*


  214. Good morning 🙂

  215. HI

  216. Anyone see this?


  217. *waves to Dave*


  218. I did brush my teeth…

  219. *wheels large machine into H2*

    Jewstin, this is for you. It’s a Pratt & Whitney #3400-R Professional Series Grape Husker.

    *puts on ear protection and goggles and pushes switch on*
    *deafening roar of engine and gigantic lathe starts spinning inside behind clear plastic wall*


    *drops one grape into tiny hole in front of machine and watches it go down tiny conveyor belt toward enormous razor sharp spinning lathe*

    *grape suddenly shoots through lathe and into cup at other end of machine*


    *turns off machine and waits for lathe to stop*
    *removes ear and eye protection*

    Look at that! Perfectly peeled. Go ahead, eat it! The first few taste a little like machine oil, but once you get going they’re as good as homemade.


  220. Methinks Laura injured more than her back.

  221. **puts a pineapple and a jackfruit in Laura’s Pratt and Whitney grape peeler**

  222. *screams*


  224. I think it can handle the pineapple, Laura.

  225. 5.1 audio was invented, what, 15 years back? The stupid tv console manufacturers have yet to get the news. Most consoles they are building still have even number of shelves, making it impossible to position a center speaker directly above or below the tv.

  226. It’s a Pratt & Whitney #3400-R Professional Series Grape Husker.

    I see what you did there.


  227. Shhhhhh…



  229. Also, I put up a fancy new poat. Leave your shoes at the door. I don’t want you mucking up the floors.

  230. Laura – Try this: Lay on the floor in front of the couch with the small of your back flat against the floor. Put your legs, from knee to foot on the couch seat cushions. Do this for 5-10 minutes every 1.5 to 2 hours.
    It will help relive the pressure on the lower back and alleviate any shooting pains. If you sleep on your side, place a pillow between your knees. This too will relieve pressure.

    You have my empathy. And if you need a TENS unit, call me.

  231. Pupster, I love the zebra dancing, I could watch that a lot.

    *wonders why my life is empty*

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