Awwwww! Melty!!!

Just too fucking cuuuuuute!



  1. chocolate dipped puppy goodness

  2. It’s no Kim Jong Dead video, but I think it’ll do, Pig.

  3. repeat for VMaximum

    >> A few days back Dave I was asking about rock songs with Leslie in it

    I merember now.

    Deep Purple used a Hammond a lot too. Here’s an old post of mine on it. More artists listed. I can’t believe I forgot Santana, “Europa”.

  4. i love it when you call me drrty names

  5. Hotay, it’s off to sleep for me, too. Long day today, and another tomorrow. ‘night, all.

  6. PUPPIES!!!

  7. nighty night Daddy.

  8. Good to see you West! Don’t be such a stranger.

  9. Vodka

  10. youngest kid is here too and I get to hear “nighty night daddy” too.

    Life is good.

  11. G’night, West. G’night, Sohos. G’night, John Boy. Still snowing. I work at 4am. Yadda yadda.

  12. Just to let you all know. . . I played a absolutely gorgeous golf course today that I had never seen before. Although it was overcast, mid-40s with 10-15 mph winds, we had a great time and I shot an 85.

  13. MCPO, PA is not supposed to be warmer than NM in December.

  14. Vodka

    Marry me.

  15. That’s just crazy talk that’s all that is.

  16. You off to bed too Oso? Sweet dreams to you if so.

  17. Crazybear – 6 degrees above normal. I think we’re all gonna die from Global Warming Climate Change Global Climate Disruption.

  18. I can talk some more now with new poat. Cyn is always my hero

  19. Accumulating snow means less sleep. Thanks, Cyn. I’ll be dreaming of tropical islands and frou frou drinks with umbrellas. And Koloa Rum.

  20. I start dreaming of tropical islands about this time every year.

    Night all…*hugs & kisses*

  21. *swipes the tequila bottle and forgets it’s Monday night

  22. Darn I am poating on teh dead thread
    Sorry My bad

  23. Oh is Oso out? Goodnight Oso!

  24. The Goonies just came on. Kind of odd watching Rudy Ruettiger as a kid knowing he was indicted for securities fraud last week.

  25. G’night, osito and West!

  26. WOW. I just butchered that story. I’m losing it.

  27. *waves to Sohos* Check you email in a minute please!

    Sweet Nighty Oso and Mrs. Peel too!

  28. I got sucked into Marley & Me, I hope I fall asleep befor it makes me bawl

  29. *sends emails to chicks cause they’re checking emails

  30. Mom!!! John is sleep commenting again!!

  31. Seems pretty lucid to me, John.

    Drink some moar.

  32. I saw that JohnE what a weird story (the truth not Goonies)

  33. One of the bands I was had a Leslie it was awesome but quite the thing to load and unload in the back of the bus. Our keyboard player was awesome and she could rock the Rhodes like no other.

  34. Yeah, so the *actual* Rudy Reuttiger was indicted. Now I’m watching The Goonies, where the actor that *played* Rudy in the movie is the main character, and I think “wow, it sucks that little kid is in federal prison”

    I need to quit drinking. Or drink more. I’m never sure what the answer is.

  35. The answer is DRINK MOAR!!

    Holy shit dude…you are at H2.

  36. SF was robbed that the ruling was not overturned.


    The Eagle has landed.
    I repeat, The Eagle Has Landed.

    The Boy’s plane reached the gate at 10:23 pm CST.
    The festivities may officially begin……

  38. But they made up for it.

  39. DRINK MOAR!!
    Hears to you!

  40. Dave sleeps. Night ya goobers.

    *checks porch*


  41. G’night, Dave!

  42. Hears to you!

    HAHAHAHA!!! *smooch*

  43. night all tyme for bed

  44. Gnite Aggie

  45. Sweet dreams Wavy Dave
    Swee dreams Kewl Krow WPDunn71901…holyshit your name is too long.

  46. G’night, WP!!

  47. Stayin’ up to make sure the kiddos make it home.

    They may be “adults” now, but I owe it to The Boy’s mom and dad to confirm that he arrived at our house safe and sound.

    Is that a “Mom” thing, or do dads do that, too?

    I would never let my kids’ friends just get out of our car when we dropped them off – I always made sure that they got into their house safely before driving off.

    I always wanted to be able to tell any parent – if, God forbid, something terrible happened AFTER they were out of our “care” – that we had, indeed, seen them go into their house and give us the “all clear” sign.

  48. gnights Cyn

  49. Yeah yeah yeah TiF but did you find $20??!!

  50. Shitshitshit.

    I show up and all the wimmens leave…

  51. Dads do it, too, Teresa.

    Trust me.

  52. WTF do I look like??

    Do. Not. Answer.

  53. Yay! I’m not alone!!!

  54. *coughs*

    Hellow Xbrad.

  55. **grabs for Aggie’s ankle**

    DON’T. LEAVE. ME!!!

  56. No, you ain’t.

    Also, here.

    *gives Brad hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, and a brownie*

  57. I show up and all the wimmens leave…

    *bursts into tears*

  58. *realizes XBrad was talking about Dave, VMax, and WP*

    *feels better*

  59. Cyn!!!

    I thought you had left!!!

    OMG, it’s like a MILFacopia here!

  60. I’m a dude. Sorry, just blew up the ratio for ya.

  61. Looks down shirt… uh what?

  62. OK, cocoa, check. Marshamllows, check.

    Who wants to gimme a back rub?

  63. Sohos!!!!

    Just how excited are you about Season 9 starting on January 11th?!?!?!?!

    I watched the first four episodes of Season 8 last night. And thought warm thoughts of you.

    And your bewbs.

  64. Who wants to gimme a back rub?

    *looks over to John*

    Well, he’s tipsy.

  65. Who wants to gimme a back rub?

  66. Honestly, XBrad – I think the only guy that would “ILF” this “M” is Mr. TiFW (OK, maybe some of those weirdos who only like fat chicks, but “ewwwww”).

    The other ladies, however…..

  67. Teresa, your honor is safe with me.

    Trust me.

  68. Would that be a “back rub” or a “Back Rub”, Brad?

  69. Shouldn’t the 2012 “Babes of H2” Calendar be out soon?

  70. That’s so sweet of you to say, Teresa.

    But I’m past that stage :D

  71. I am sooooo excited and season 8 is now out on dvd so I can catch up before it starts! Woohoo!!!

  72. We’ve actually kicked that around once or twice John. I think we could make at least $1.12 pure profit. Easily.

  73. Season 8, it’s so sad when the dog dies at the end.

    JohnE, my plans to produce a Hostagettes calendar never did come to fruition… sadly.

  74. Ok I’m out for real good night all

  75. Okay cool kids, I’m off. See you in the morning and Sweet Dreams to all.


  76. G’night, Cyn and Sohos!

  77. Night girls.

  78. What kind of calendar are you talking about, Brad??

  79. Was Sohos just in here looking down her blouse? Why was I not informed?

  80. Probably not full frontal nudity.

    Well, maybe not.

    Mostly hardcore lesbian pron calendar.

  81. Howdy, CB!

  82. I just meant that I don’t exactly fit the stereotypical “MILF” profile.

    Trust me, NO kid up the street is thinking to himself, “Man, I wanna hit THAT!”

    Nope – it’s more like Gabriel Iglesias’ “DAAAAAMN!!!!!!”

  83. Do you know what your grandkids are doing? This is Nadia Comaneci’s granddaughter. You know, the gymnast that went to her meets with a teddy bear?

    I’m getting old.

  84. Just updated my Amazon wish list and emailed it yo my family.
    Adds 400 bla bla Santana albums to wish list.

    That will do it!

    No worky tonight, perhaps tomorrow.

    Who is John E? I have not met him, but seen him in the past few days. Welcome John E. What state do you live in? how did you find us? Give me vague generalities to help me generalize you.

  85. Hi, Aggie. Howzya doing?

  86. Seasons Drunkenness!

  87. There is, apparently, a 6th level of fatness on the scale:

  88. I have been fighting a bug for more than a week and it’s starting to get on my nerves. I’m thinking I might break down and see a doctor or go to one of our doc in a box near here.

  89. Good luck, CB. I had one a few weeks ago that I couldn’t shake, either.

  90. Don’t know how much of this is true, but it sure is interesting – particularly some of the hot links in the story.

    Thans, Jay.

  91. This is Boyanka Angelova, from Bulgaria. And not Nadia’s granddaughter..

    (From comments at Jay’s link….)

  92. “Man! I love New Orleans. The stench of corruption and graft on a balmy, Gulf coast summer evening is something everyone should experience.”

    MCPO, that’s actually pee and puke you’re smelling from Bourbon Street.

  93. Ain’t misbehavin’, saving my love for you. . .

  94. I never puked on Bourbon street. I was only 16 when I went there!

  95. All kidding aside, the first time I went to Bourbon Street I could not believe the smell.

  96. MCPO, it’s gonna be a sad day when Etta passes away … pretty soon I’m hearing.

  97. Fucking hell…just spent all this time watching Nadia videos.

  98. Hey JAM2!!!

  99. I never puked on Bourbon street

    But you have puked bourbon on a street, right?

  100. Yay, on my way to owning the comments!


  102. **trips Aggie on her way**

  103. Awwww… Brad tripped me.

    Now I have an owie.

    *gets more tequila*

    To disinfect, you know. From the inside, but still…

  104. Arrival at the TiFW house is imminent….

    Gonna get the kids tucked away in (separate) beds, then it’s off to Dreamland for me, as well.

    Rebecca’s bound to get up bright and early in the a.m.

    ‘Night, all!

  105. Lemme kiss your boo-boo!

  106. G’night, Teresa!!

    *holds up elbow for Brad*

  107. //puts on LOTS of chapstick//

  108. Doesn’t chapstick dull the tequila??

  109. Evening, fellas. At the in-laws, and wifey and sister-in-law are talking, obsessing over diets and skin and how fabulous Madonna looks.

    For a man, I’m thinking.

  110. Hey George…


  111. the chapstick is to protect MY lips. I’m pretty sure you’re too spicy for my regular tastes.

    George, I remember back in high school when she was actually kinda cute.

  112. Okay, I’m here. Everyone can go to bed now.

  113. Yeah, Aggie. Makes me pine for a hip flask filled with Scotch.

  114. “George, I remember back in high school when she was actually kinda cute.”

    And then she matured into a stringy, transsexual Jack LaLanne.

  115. But I don’t eat spicy foods!!!

    Hey Sean!

    I didn’t dismember anyone today.

  116. Sean, how was tonight’s Jeopardy?

  117. Someone be sure to show this to Wiserbud in the morning…

  118. Sigh….guess I should attempt to sleep.

    Y’all have fun! G’night.

  119. Santa Sean, what I want for Christmas is a self-cleaning butcher’s bandsaw. I’ve been a very good boy, apart from that incident in the park. And that time in the shopping mall basement.

  120. Hey, Aggs.

    Didn’t get the final, b-rad.

    I can’t guarantee that’ll fit down a chimney, Eric.

  121. So, how’s the sober life?

    Andy and I are looking at lunch on the 31st. He’s bringing his daughter. Are you interested? If we were looking at a late night boozefest, I wouldn’t even have asked you. But lunch is different.


  123. “I can’t guarantee that’ll fit down a chimney, Eric.”

    You can always leave it by the steel shed, at the end of the dirt path through the woods behind the trailer home. Thanks in advance.

  124. OK kids, it’s past my bedtime.

    Sean, lemme know via email or phone if you’re interested.

  125. You know, that gallery of presidents in uniform suggests a lesson for our nation. I wonder what that could be.

  126. The sober life is pretty damn good. And it would be cool to see you and Andy again, so I might be down for lunch.

  127. Well, I may be able to escape the gabfest at the in-laws shortly, so bonne nuit, mes amis and never forget:

    Lift with your legs, not with your back.

  128. What if you’ve got a bum reg?

  129. I prefer a pallet jack.

  130. So far, the standing desks are a success. I was able to go to bed at 10pm last night and actually went to sleep. Only woke up once, and not for very long.

    I have no idea what’s happening at 330am every day that triggers it.

  131. Work time. I’m gonna go wedgie Tuesday and take it’s lunch money, then go to Asia City.

  132. I can just barely remember that I was in New Orleans

    Well, shit, you can order a drink and walk around the town with it. THAT NEVER GETS OLD.

    I mean, it’s just a wild drunk begging to happen.

  133. wakey wakey.

    I had to take three of my kids, on their own, to the store to get their “secret santa sibling” a gift. Two go go today. Oye.

    Of course, they spent last night ruining the surprise- of who had who. They can’t keep a secret to save their lives.

  134. . I played a absolutely gorgeous golf course today that I had never seen before. Although it was overcast, mid-40s with 10-15 mph winds, we had a great time and I shot an 85.

    Yesterday, I took the leg out for a spin, and had one of those runs where you just feel GREAT to be alive.

    around mile four my muscle started tighening up on me, but I’ve found if I walk it out for a bit, I can start running again, and the pain will be gone. I just can’t let my pride stand in the way of walking.

  135. There is, apparently, a 6th level of fatness on the scale:

    That dude is funny. We watched a bunch of his specials on Comedy central.

  136. Evening, fellas. At the in-laws, and wifey and sister-in-law are talking, obsessing over diets and skin and how fabulous Madonna looks.

    Oh, this won’t do. Not at all.

  137. It was to my great relief that I found out my in-laws’ new dog is an older dog (5 years, I think) and not a puppy. Puppies are cute but a bit much for two 86-year-olds. Still, the dog is afraid of stairs and “seems lonely”. Hoping that’s not code for “we’re going to get a 2nd dog to keep this one company.”

  138. I took a shower, honest!

  139. Hey Roamy, good morning — how are you liking the emealz? We’re still fans and have switched to the low-carb versions.

  140. *toasts english muffin*

    Low carb, low schmarb.

  141. What is this emealz thing?

    I love low-carb eating lippy.

  142. Good morning coolios.

  143. Mornin’ ladies and bad girls. How are you today?

  144. Compost!

    Still waking up with some Folger’s in my cup.

  145. Good Morning, good people!

  146. How are they hanging for you, sir?


    Mornin’ Mare!

  147. I like the emealz, but I really can’t use their shopping list. At least one dish every week is fish, and I can’t eat fish. It’s nice having some new recipes, but I’m going to drop it when it’s up.

  148. How much is it Roamy?

  149. Yeah–what is the emealz thing?

  150. Carin,

    The low-carb has some good recipes, but I would think the ones geared towards a specific store would save more money.

  151. I have no idea what’s happening at 330am every day that triggers it.

    Sleep apnea?
    Just a thought…..

  152. Car in:

    In a nutshell, it’s $5 a month and you can customize by household size, low carb, low fat, gluten free, etc.

    It gives you a shopping list that is handy and the meals are pretty darn simple to make. It really helps you answer the “what’s for dinner” question. We really like it.

  153. If there are things that we don’t like on the weekly menu, we just look back on the previous ones and pick an old favorite.

  154. Cyn, you pick a plan, and it gives you dinner recipes for the week with a shopping list every Wednesday. The menus stay posted for two weeks. If you look at the website, you can see some example menus. I spent $21 for three months’ worth, just to see how it was, though if you subscribe for longer, it drops to $5 a month.

  155. How are they hanging for you, sir?

    Quite nicely, thankyouverymuch. At least they were last time I checked, which was a couple of minutes ago. I try to do that a couple hundred times a day.

    Roamy…. why no fish? Not even a good salmon steak? Fire grilled salmon with a bourbon glaze is one of my favs.

    Great, now I’m going all Pavlovian.

  156. Compos, I am allergic to fish. Oddly, I can eat shellfish and canned fish. There’s something in the canning process that removes whatever sets me off. So canned salmon, yes, fresh salmon makes my throat close up.

  157. Late for work, sees ya later!

  158. The Boy arrived safe – but tired – last night.

    He is a delightfully lovely young man; I would have spent more time chatting with him, but it was midnight and we had all had a long day (especially him).

    Woke up this morning and discovered that UPS left a package inside our fence and the dogs chewed it all to hell overnight (the rain didn’t help matters).

    Oh – the package contained the Christmas presents that The Boy had ordered for Mr. TiFW and me (he had asked DD#3 what we wanted).

    They’re salvageable, but the poor kid is so worried about making a good impression; this is gonna kill him!

    (It was also “Package 2 of 2”, and there was no sign of a “Package 2” in the yard.)

    Stupid Bumpus dogs…..

  159. People are stupid.

    I don’t like them.

  160. Take it easy Mare. Treacherous footing abounds.

  161. Ha! Pupster! I love the internets. We have a locksmith company here in town called, “I need a locksmith”.

    I’m still waiting for “I need a handsome pool boy”.

  162. The new Korean dictator looks like a fat douche (much like Rosetta).

  163. I don’t like them.

    *wags tail at Scott*

    *puts soup bone on counter for overnight delivery*

    *asks for gift wrapping*

  164. People are stupid.
    I don’t like them.
    Yes, work would be better without the customer and the coworkers.

  165. If dogs had more spending money this would be a better place.

  166. Scott?

  167. The new Korean dictator looks like a fat douche (much like Rosetta).

    Yea, and I think it’s more than skin deep with this fella. Much like Rosetta.

  168. hahahah…..He really does look like he’d be a mean bully, told that he was special from the get go but could be taken by a girl if he didn’t play dirty (much like Obama).

  169. FedEx wont be happy with that clip, but it’s kinda normal.

    Our UPS guy doesn’t like big stuff. Our bigger UPS packages start their journey with a roll down 4 stairs.

  170. When we had the other store my Christmas sweeps were done by a guy in a 16′ Penske box truck.

    He loaded it without even leaving my store.

    Every package traveled about 18 feet in the air, then bounced off the front wall of the truck and fell to the floor.

    If you can’t chuck your package out of a 2nd floor window, it’s not packed right.

  171. Our UPS guy is awesome. We routinely get heavy packages (giant dildos and what not) and he always brings them to the porch, and places them by the door so they won’t get wet if it rains.

  172. Our delivery guys are cool too. They usually put packages somewhere dry (the garage, if it’s open, or by the front door which is protected. If the dogs are out, they’ll just honk for me.

  173. Huh, delivery guys sound like assholes. Ours always brings it to the door and rings. I’ve never had anything broken but I guess lots of others have, what jerks.

  174. Ours just leaves it on the front porch. No knock, no ring. At least it’s under cover, so it doesn’t get wet unless the wind is blowing.

  175. From what I’ve heard from people working in a UPS warehouse, marking something Fragile is more like a dare than a warning.

  176. This rain is making me lazy. I am going to old office at 10 to try and get my check. Yall wish me luck. I never heard back from anyone from my email.

  177. If you can’t chuck your package out of a 2nd floor window, it’s not packed right.


  178. Someone please remind me of the date and time for Santa Baby.

  179. Checked the UPS website; the package was delivered yesterday afternoon to our porch.

    And it probably was – our UPS guy is a great guy, and the dogs LOVE him.

    Which is why the “dog alarm” didn’t go off, and which is why they were able to take the package out and play with it all night.

    (Our doorbell doesn’t work – every time we install a new one, it quits working not long afterwards)

  180. Hawtspurt: upper right corner of the blog, or here:

  181. I never purposely damaged any packages while I worked at UPS, but I saw some crazy shit when I was a re-tape clerk.

    Worst – somebody tried to ship live live bait (maggots) in a Styrofoam cooler. A lot of other folks in the same town got additional protein with their packages.

  182. But the crisis has been averted – the DVD that was sent was practically untouched (just a tiny gnawed-off piece of the cardboard surround).

    The CD case was shattered, but everything inside was intact (some of the paper got chewed up). I just took everything out and put it in a new case that I purloined from another CD.

    So it’s all good…..

  183. Thanks, Cyn. I guess I’ll be taking mine to the ghetto bar. If I get one.

  184. I’m gonna go get the papers get the papers.

  185. Good morning.

    Glad to hear you were able to salvage it, Teresa :)

  186. Posted without comment.

    Full disclosure: I just skimmed through and figured this can lead to a bruising conversation. I have not read enough to either agree or disagree with the article.

  187. Pupster?

  188. Tushar, as a woman, I have to agree with a lot of those commandments :)

  189. Land Family Tequila Christmas Cake Recipe (circa 1837):

    So once again, so many people have asked me for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here it goes: Please keep it for your files because you may need it again next year. 1 cup sugar, 1tsp. baking powder, 1cup water, 1tsp salt, 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1 bottle tequila, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bo…wl; check tequila again to be… sure it is of the highest quality. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

    Merry Christm………….ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

  190. Ok. I’ve done laundry, and cleaned one bathroom.

    It’s time for a break.

  191. Tushar skims Poon. Film at 11:00.

  192. Land Family Tequila Christmas Cake Recipe (circa 1837)

    I am soooo writing that one down.

  193. >>Tushar skims Poon. Film at 11:00.

    Keep a bottle of eyebleach handy.

  194. Hey Car… you missed a spot.

  195. Hey Car… you missed a spot.

    That’s my youngest. Nevermind him.

  196. Missed this from obama’s schedule yesterday – since it WASN’t ON IT: Obama has coffee with “Progressive Media stars”-

    Those there included the Washington Post‘s Ezra Klein and Greg Sargent, MSNBC anchors Ed Schultz, Rachel Maddow, and Chris Hayes, the Nation’s editor and publisher Katrina vanden Heuvel, the New York Times‘ Frank Bruni, and stars of the interwebs Arianna Huffington, Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo, Faiz Shakir of ThinkProgress and Joy Reid of The Reid Report.

  197. Question:

    I just heard a clip of a BB King Christmas song, it took me about 2 seconds to recognize the guitar work. I can always pick him out.

    What is so unique about BB, is it Lucille or his style of play?

  198. Attention: Muletrain2016 is at 126.

  199. >> What is so unique about BB, is it Lucille or his style of play?

    Kinda both actually. He uses pretty much the same amp and effects for everything so the tonal quality of his work is consistent.

    And his style is very signature-like, the same riffs and hammer work.

    Others that have similar “I’d know this guy anywhere” sounds include David Gilmour, Carlos Santana, and Eric Clapton.

  200. Tushar’s poon piece ( can I say that? ) seems to fly in the face of Strict Lutheran Doctrine. I’ll let Michael explain.

  201. Woo hoo! 2 weeks, 3 points…


    Hopefully he doesn’t know that Sunday is happening on Saturday this week.

  202. II. Make her jealous

    Flirt with other women in front of her.

    Really? I have to say if I ever found out one of my daughters’ boyfriends or husbands was doing this, I would kick his ass.

  203. All the greats are immediately recognizable. I’m not a huge Eric clapton fan, and haven’t heard a lot of his work (especially when he plays with other folks) but it always pisses off my husband that I can tell it’s him.

    I’m not versed enough in style terms to articulate the hows and way.

  204. I like BB King. But my favorite blues guitar player is dead.

    RIP Gary Moore.

  205. Gilmor – you can always pick him out. The edge ALWAYS sounds like the edge (like him or not.) Mark Knopfler.

  206. Like I said, Compos…I agreed with MOST, not ALL ;)

  207. Oh, and Slash. I think he has one of the most recognizable sounds – although I tend to think it’s because he’s a bit repetative in his big moves or something.

  208. I can always pick out Albert King. And BB King. But Albert is my favorite.

  209. And T-Bone Walker. He’s easy to pick out.

  210. Clapton should do more blues.

  211. Two other good examples, Knopfler and Edge.

    Ritchie Blackmore is another one.

  212. I can always pick out a Dave in Texas baseline from the spastic out-of-time foot tapping.

  213. Like I said, Compos…I agreed with MOST, not ALL

    A little insecurity can healthily strengthen an already strong relationship, and it goes both ways. Complacency on either side can be poisonous.

    Perhaps “show interest” instead of “flirt” is more appropriate wording. Sounds much less dickish while still getting the idea across that another can capture your lover’s attention and causes a little healthy jealousy along with a desire to try a little harder.

  214. Easy to ID axe men? Gotta put Tom Scholz in that list.

  215. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.

    That’s for true.

  216. I’ve often admired how many of the great guitar players have managed to find their own, unique sound, even in subtle ways. Example – Jerry Cantrell of AIC.

  217. I am getting caught in the home improvement chain reaction.
    I am finishing remodelling my kitchen, and the dining area is starting to look decrepit. If I work on that, the living room will start looking dingy….. It never ends.

  218. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas.

    No, that’s the ratio of biology.

  219. I don’t even remotely agree with the jealousy thing. Or the behaving-like-a-dick thing. Grab me inappropriately on the first date, or any date, and you will draw back a bloody stump.

  220. Hey, pantshitters.

  221. Though my coworker is dating and may marry, God help her not make that mistake, a dude that will never STFU. Worse than a woman.

    Mr. Beasn does not have it in him to flirt. I don’t think he has even flirted with me. Wouldn’t feel right coming from him as in he’s nice to everyone. And he would never think to cheat – 1. ain’t in him, 2. I was a hound dog in a previous life, 3. I know how to use a shovel.

  222. YEA JAZZ. My husband keeps asking me if you’ve reappeared.

  223. Like a spectre, Carin? :P

  224. If I was clever – I’d link that LURKER image you used to always post ;)

  225. Ok, everyone be quiet while Jazz tells us what he’s been doing since … I don’t know when.

  226. Hahahahahah – Unfortunately, that image would be inaccurate! I haven’t poked my face in here since the last time I posted – a long, long, long time ago.

  227. JAZZ! How have you been?

    And I haven’t shit my pants……recently.

  228. Well, right. Technically inaccurate. But funny.

  229. Howdy Jazz!

  230. SHSHSSSSh.

    Jazz is going to tell us what he’s been up to.

    Go ahead jazz.

  231. Sohita! :D Hola, sweet thing! And beasn!!!!! :D :D :D

    So, I have to tell you all what I’ve been doing, huh?

  232. Lauraw, get this for Scott for hours of nighttime entertainment:

    *coyote caller*

  233. Here’s the synopsis:

    I got fired.
    i got depressed.
    I crawled in a hole.
    I destroyed my family.
    I’m here.

    Brevity is the soul of succinctness.

  234. But, it’s Christmas, and today I’m feeling better. I have to go see about medication and counseling over the next couple of days. I’m a rage machine these days. Anyway, I came here for laughs, so buck up and make with the funny. Please. ;)

  235. I kept my fist in uranus. hope you all noticed.

  236. I’m sorry to hear that, Jazz.

    Oh, funny. Um…well, there was this guy, and he walked into a bar, and um, that’s it. That’s the joke. See, it hurt. Because it wasn’t the kind of bar you were expecting.

  237. I’m sorry to hear of your troubles, jazz. Laughter is some good medicine and the season of Christmas can be renewal. Please try to stay away from holes.

    *gives jazz a hug*

  238. I think I saw that joke on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

  239. It’s hard not to rage these days. But being around birds of an understanding feather, can help keep it at bay……..

  240. Hey Jazz; glad you could join us. Sounds like you’re headed on the right path. Good Job!

  241. I have reacquainted myself with an old friend whose politics I never paid much attention to 20 years ago. He’s a fucking animated braindead librul who’s convinced Bush is the antiChrist and the world is poisoned by conservatism. He sees no reason why every citizen shouldn’t be covered by universal healthcare or able to access a free college education, among other things. Of course, he doesn’t have a job, he’s not really looking hard, he works unskilled labor, and he doesn’t have a beggar’s pot to piss in. Funny how lazy fuckers with nothing feel entitled to the shit that belongs to the industrious people with stuff.

  242. My rage destroyed my family. They can’t take being around Angry Guy. I don’t blame them. I can’t take being around him, either, which is why I’m trying to get some meds and counseling. I’ll stroke out if I don’t.

  243. Sounds like your friend needs a 99%’er hoodie sweatshirt.

  244. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH! That’s awesome, Cyn! I love Baptist porn.

    /Thank you, too. ;)

  245. Jazz, you’re being too hard on yourself. You had some tough situations going … You’re a passionate person.

    We’re here for you. Well, everyone ‘cept Rosetta. We haven’t seen him in days.

  246. All too easy to let that shit get away from you JaNN. Seriously good on you for taking steps to wheel it back in.

  247. He’s a typical lefty, Cyn. He spouts these memes, and when I call him on the factual accuracy of them, he changes the subject and doesn’t even acknowledge my criticism. Willful ignorance.

  248. Thanks, Carin. Life is all a mess right now. I think I got a job yesterday. I’m not going to do law for a while. I think I’m gonna sell financial prodicts for a bit. I’ll keep my law license and do pro bono stuff through my church, but I’m done doing this law stuff for a living for a bit.

  249. I wanna cut on Rosetta, but not if he’s not gonna see it.

  250. wiser still the steward at Javier’s House of Hot, Hard Wang?

  251. Excellent Jazz. I’ll cross my fingers for you. Are you still over in the same town?

  252. I think hitting your friend in the head with a shovel might cheer you up.

  253. Jazz, you can’t reason or change shitbirds. You avoid them for your own health. It’s what I do. Though, the ones at work, I am trying to learn to ignore. .

  254. Hey Jazz!

    Wow, you’ve been through some shit. Peaks and valleys man. Glad you’re on your way back up.

    Go ahead and cut on Manlesbo all you want. We’ll see it :)

  255. Yeah, carin, but my girlfriend (?) and I are separating next week, going to live separately. Don’t know if the relationship is done or not. I don’t want it to be, but I’m the broken one. She’s got some really legitimate gripes about me. Sucks when someone calls you out for being a shitheel and they’re right.

  256. Scott’s right. I know it would cheer me up.

  257. Well, unless things changed with her, she wasn’t exactly always the bestest girlfriend either.

  258. I think hitting your friend in the head with a shovel might cheer you up.

    Hahahahahahha! Probably would! Wouldn’t fix him, though. He’s like a retarded mule.

  259. Jazz, you can’t reason or change shitbirds. You avoid them for your own health. It’s what I do. Though, the ones at work, I am trying to learn to ignore

    You know what? They piss me right the fuck off, which feeds Angry Man. So, I’ve been spending more time around the idiots while trying to calm myself – sort of trying to learn how not to get mad. if I spend time with my old acquaintance and we don’t talk politics, we have a grand time, so I generally try to steer the conversations away from stuff like that. If we do engage, i try to stick to facts, which causes him to switch subjects like and ADD Neilson family changes channels.

  260. Wow, you’ve been through some shit. Peaks and valleys man. Glad you’re on your way back up.

    Thanks, compos. :D Why do I cringe when YOU say “been through some shit”? Wow….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! :D

  261. Pupster, I can’t help but notice that one of the calls at that Cabela’s link was ‘rat distress.’

    Bwawney Frank crying in the woods?

  262. I thought baby woodpecker was weird. Then I read some of the reviews. I guess folks that have wood siding might have a beef with Woody.

  263. Well, unless things changed with her, she wasn’t exactly always the bestest girlfriend either.

    True, but we have to accommodate each other’s faults to some degree. I do love her. This split is the best thing for us now, though, even if she is the impetus behind it. Fighting the depression, I simply won’t even try to get my shit together without an imminent, looming catastrophe. So, this might be the only catalyst that could work for me.

  264. Well, don’t ever leave us again Jazz.

    My husband worries so.

  265. >> I can always pick out a Dave in Texas baseline from the spastic out-of-time foot tapping.

    It’s why I’m classic.

    Sorry to hear about the job and the family situation Jazz. You gots to take care of you first. I hope you find some peace in the days ahead.

    Also, that shovel thing, hey, it couldn’t hurt.

  266. They piss me right the fuck off, which feeds Angry Man.

    I hear ya, boy howdy, do I hear you. When I’m around one (I’m related to several) I feel my pilot light go from a little blue flame to a raging flame thrower in 1.5 second.
    I have to walk away or be consumed, which isn’t a healthy feeling.

    If you are conditioning yourself, and it works, I’m glad of it. I know that I can’t do it.

  267. Why do I cringe when YOU say “been through some shit”? Wow….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

    You sir, are an assmunch. :)

  268. A very rosetta BBF

  269. I could incinerate him with my fury, too.

    You should have seen our conversation about right to work states. He lived in Florida for about eight years, and he worked bridge construction while he was there. Evidently, bridge builders in Florida make less that bridge builders in union states, and it’s a fucking conspiracy to rape the working man, because workers are more important than company owners (I’ve heard that over and over and over).

    So, I tell him, “People aren’t paid, the position is, and that’s what the position is worth in an unregulated (non-union) market. You have fungible (read “common”) skills. You are not like a brain surgeon, a CEO, or even a tradesman. You have college degree in sociology, which has no application to your occupation. You ARE NOT SPECIAL. You are paid at the rate the market values your services, and if you can’t feed yourself on that, get more ambitious. Do something else. You’re not obligated to be a bridge builder.” Looked like I kicked him in the jimmy when I was done. he really was hurt by that. and i laughed – i wasn’t trying to hurt him, but he’s not used to that kind of personal honesty. hahahahahaha

  270. but Jazz,the capitalists get “rich” off of underpaying for labor. Duh. That’s were the profit comes from.

    Any good communist knows this.

  271. You sir, are an assmunch.

    Dude, your image is forever engraved in my mind – a humiliated and frustrated compos in a pair of diarrhea-drenched Richard Simmons dolphins emerging from a Johnny-On-The-Spot at a kids’ soccer game. Norman Rockwell couldn’t have captured that kind of pure Americana.

  272. Man…I go off to lay down, trying to get rid of my headache, AND JAZZ COMES BACK!!!!




    That was the best. You’re right, carin – those are almost his exact words.

  274. Beasn you need pig swings.

  275. Personal honesty is what he needs whether he likes it or not. Maybe one day a light will go on over his head. Or maybe not, because human nature being what it is, sloth and greed are easier than taking personal responsibility.

    I got into it with a sister over how much it costs an employer to actually employ someone…above and beyond what she sees on her check…..
    Well, her response was an evil hiss – “I don’t give a f*ck how much it costs. I don’t feel sorry for those sons of bitches who can fire you just because they don’t like you over stupid shit. I won’t work for a small company ever again.”

    note – she has a history of causing angst in the workplace and a history of tardiness/absenteesim. Not to mention a history of waiting to find work until the last drop of unemployment has been had.

    Conversation on social security went downhill just as quickly. It’s society’s duty to take care of each other… force if necessary.

  276. what’s up stupidz

  277. Scott, pigs don’t bend like hammies. They’re actually pretty long.

  278. Beans, maybe your sister’s onto something. We should help each other. Tell her I need her to come and scrub my toilets. WTF does she do to help others? I’m guessing nothing.

  279. Okay, I am taking beasnette shopping.

    *sobs on the inside*

    *more hair falls out in anticipation*

  280. Good to see you, Jazz.

    Maybe you wouldn’t be so angry if you hung out with us more.

    Just saying’…

  281. Car in, zero, nada, zilch.

    My sister is a taker. It has taken her 12 months to pay me back 200 out of 1000…….after thinking about it for 48 months.

  282. I’m about out the door too Beasn. I’ve delayed long enough.

  283. she has never given a dime to anything…other than let her animals breed, even while on food stamps……

  284. compos you whore mongering bastard why do you only hang around here during the day when I’m too busy to call you filthy names?

  285. The planet got warmer since Jazz stopped coming here too.

  286. nerp

  287. I took the kids last night to the mall.

    If they need to go back, they can walk the 20 miles.

  288. Hey, ‘Spur! I sure wish y’all could provide the kind of pressure relief I need to alleviate my anger. Right now, though, the only things that work are BJs. Unless there’s someone stepping up to the plate here…..


  289. That’s Mare’s department.

  290. out the door?

  291. The planet got warmer since Jazz stopped coming here too.

    yesssss – i’ve developed a new talent for insidiousness. I am dark and fetid and amazing.

  292. That’s Mare’s department.

    I thought it was Rosetta’s?

  293. I don’t frequent the mall. It’s the temple of Mephistopheles.

  294. Fake reg, prease.

  295. That’s Mare’s department.
    I thought it was Rosetta’s?

    No way – whisker-rubbed inner thighs suck.

  296. Oh Sean. So sorry. Does cherry juice help you or no?

  297. Just so yous know, I used your email addies from those all-call emails you send out to sign you all up for Obama campaign newsletters. When he talks to you, think of me.

  298. God, I love that cat gif. I love to see cats get the smackdown! :D

  299. Yay, Jazz is here!!!

    Jazz, although you need meds and counseling (who doesn’t?) I’m glad your still kicking ass!

  300. Ha- that’s what I need count. An invisible forcefield that doesn’t let me leave.

  301. Hi, mare!!!!!


    If I died now, my life would be complete. How’s life on the continent treating you?

  302. I’m doing okay with the cherry juice and other assorted home remedies (and the medicine my doc prescribed).

    Also, the fact that I fucked up my knee on Sunday is distracting me from my goutcho pain.

  303. Someone tell mare the news.

  304. oh, and the next things I’m signing you all up for are incontinence and bedwetting products.

  305. Hi jazzhands! Parole or work release?

  306. Just signed you up for some mortgage refinance quotes Jazz. Goodluck

  307. Halfway house, brew. Gotta do a drop before I can post. :P

  308. compos you whore mongering bastard why do you only hang around here during the day when I’m too busy to call you filthy names?

    If you’d stop chafing that tiny nub you call a pecker while watching nasty granny goat porn you drunken asscake eater, you’d have more time to hang out here and provide me with the kind of nipple-hardening harrassment I so enjoy

  309. I don’t own anything to mortgage anymore, scott!! hahahaah – boy, are they gonna be disappointed.

  310. But, if you find something about itches in unmentionable areas. sign me up.

  311. Good Jazz. The girls are home and we are having a lot of good laughs. It’s funny I was thinking about you this morning while I was reading something at Maggie’s Farm. I’ll have to remember what that was.

  312. I hope it wasn’t about sex with goats…..

  313. Wait… do I?

  314. I hope it wasn’t about sex with goats…..

    That’s Peej’s department.

  315. Yay! I just poated my 145th poat here and your next/current/newest one.

  316. Why, yes, yes it was.

  317. […] American Power has some Kate Upton. Verum Serum highlights yet another Occupier attempted rape. And The H2 has video which will make you go […]

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