Darlene and Bubba Wayne Get It On at the Circle K

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This is just something I threw together this afternoon, egged on by a friend’s Zombie stories and nothing better to do.  Not being from the South, said friend failed to realize that what I wrote was sheer White Trash poetry. 

It isn’t often that one can read a literary “masterpiece” that combines the Circle K, moonpies, RC Cola, mullets, and White Rain in just a couple of paragraphs….

I told him I managed to make a “best of” here – I included all of the hackneyed cliches of the Southern trailer park in 250 words or less:

….Meanwhile, Bubba Wayne and Darlene had locked themselves in the Circle K, so as to avoid becoming zombies themselves. After feasting on moonpies and RC Cola, they rummaged around on the shelves until they found what they were looking for.

Not knowing if they would make it through the rest of the long night, they wasted no time in divesting each other of their bib overalls and getting down to business.

Bubba Wayne filled his hands with Darlene’s ample breasts and started to feast. Darlene arched her back in avid delight and held Bubba Wayne’s mullet-shorn head tightly to her heaving bosom. Her hands moved down his body to grasp his firm flanks, well-muscled from days spent working in the fields.

A soft gasp escaped Darlene’s mouth, open in unspoken ecstasy to reveal her three good teeth. The gasp became a moan when Bubba Wayne used one of his hands to reach up and roughly grab a handful of Darlene’s hair, until that moment held in place with a liberal application of White Rain hairspray….

BTW, no – I am not writing a story; my friend was writing vignettes  about people dealing with zombies.  I decided to write a little vignette of my own – his were much more serious; I was feeling a bit peckish…. ;-)

Nice to know that all of those trashy historical romance novels/bodice rippers that I’ve been reading all these years were good for something, huh?

Feel free to post your own literary efforts – this is just for shits and giggles….

.

The Fat Lady Has Sung.

199 Comments

  1. Sounds like a scene from Justified.

  2. Haven’t seen that yet, but you guys keep talking it up. When is it on, and what network? Ditto for “Archer” – I’ve gotta start watching that, too….

  3. They’re both on FX at 10pm. Justified is Wednesday, and Archer is Thursday.

    Both highly recommended.

  4. http://is.gd/JlUTUm

  5. what is this a commercial

    “that combines the Circle K, moonpies, RC Cola, mullets, and White Rain in just a couple of paragraphs….”

  6. “http://is.gd/JlUTUm”
    hahahahahhaha
    that’s about right

  7. YAY BUSINESS CAT!!!

    I linked to this in the comments the other day, don’t know if you’ve seen it:

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/bobcats2

  8. Love that picture, laura!

    No commercial, Jam – just a round-up of all that is the stereotypical South….

  9. Yep Andy, mine were guaranteed to never leak. The company is no more.
    Remember Rusty Jones?

  10. http://theoatmeal.com/blog/bobcats

  11. >> Remember Rusty Jones?

    No. Had to look it up.

    Not much need for that in the Deep South.

  12. Anybody bothering to watch the Oscars? I don’t think I’ve seen anything that’s nominated for anything.

  13. I pirated a copy of “The King’s Speech” today, Sean.

    Does that count?

  14. Teresa:
    was just kidding…
    i really like your poats :)

    *i kinda liked moonpies too… i guess ima northern redneck..*

  15. Rusty Jones — did he sort of look like The Brawny Man?

  16. The only one I saw was True Grit and it was awesome.

  17. The Mrs. is watching it at a volume level that’s about to send me over the edge …

  18. http://theoatmeal.com/quiz/zombie_bite

  19. Maybe a little bit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:RustyJoneslogo.jpg

  20. if xteef becomes a zombie…can it bite?

  21. JAM, I’ll just stick your brains in a blender first…

  22. I’m toggeling between the Oscars and The Patriot

  23. hahahahhaahhaha….
    what brain?
    you’ll starve

  24. Bastages,
    leave me on a dead poat!

    My bad, sorry TiF

  25. Vman, why haven’t I seen puppeh pics lately?

  26. **taps foot impatiently**

  27. I started on the Patriot then both my daughters started texting me *should I pretend to be watchin the Oscars?

  28. Hahahaha Dave! The Patriot is much cooler ;)

  29. Oh, sure, The Patriot is great right up until a cannonball takes your head off…

  30. eldest wants to know how much older than me Kirk Douglas is.

    I said eighty seven years.

  31. Sean, the bobcats thing is hilarious.

  32. Isn’t it, laura? If’n I wasn’t allergic, I’d get a cat and name him Bob. And have him wear a little tie.

  33. He’d scratch you, Sean.

  34. in the balls.

  35. I have a bad scar down my arm from a cat scratch

  36. A soft gasp escaped Darlene’s mouth, open in unspoken ecstasy to reveal her three good teeth.

    Why would Darlene bother faking an O if they’re both fixin to get ate by zombies, anyway?

    I reject the entire premise.

  37. A cat scratched me once. ONCE!!!!!

  38. I don’t expose my balls to animals, Dave. You have me confused with Rosetta.

  39. you don’t have to expose them.

  40. In addition to their ability to land on their feet, cats have a preternatural ability to sink a claw into your goodies.

  41. was just kidding…
    I know, Jam! Some folks from the South might not realize what icons those things are in the South –

    My bad, sorry TiF
    For what, VMan? The number of times that I haven’t realized there is a new poat…..

    Why would Darlene bother faking an O if they’re both fixin to get ate by zombies, anyway?
    Ummm, I don’t know about Mrs. PG, but Darlene was just enjoying herself at that point – the loud noises hadn’t started just yet! And if ya know you’re gonna get killed by zombies, why not enjoy yourself before ya die?

  42. So you insist on propagating the myth, I see. You’re one of “those”?

  43. Do any of you mouth-breathers know if downloading WordPress for Android really helps?

  44. Paulitics, I can find no benefit to having WordPress for Android. I really can’t, and I’ve tried to find one.

    If you find a reason, let me know.

  45. Oh shit don’t do that.

  46. Thanks.

    The rest of you suck.

  47. So you insist on propagating the myth, I see. You’re one of “those”?

    Yeppers. I thought you guys realized that was the price of that “job” you’re always wanting us to do.

    As Wanda Sykes says, “It ain’t called a b*** ‘vacation’….”

  48. Paulitics, I look forward to not seeing you next week.

  49. Lady Gaga goes to the Grammys in an egg. Meanwhile, The Cactus Cuties can remember all the words to the National Anthem.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKCVS57j284

    Really good! I have a new favorite! Sorry if it’s old.

  50. Same here, Bradley. I’m especially looking forward to not seeing you Monday or Wednesday night.

  51. My Academy Award better be here soon. . .

  52. *crickets chirping*

  53. Well, this sucks. I’m stuck in a hotel in Thousand Oaks with crappy cable TV and you guys all go to bed when the sun sets.

  54. Howdy, Paulitics :)

  55. Why are you stuck in Thousand Oaks?

  56. Client meetings in the morning. It’s not that far a drive, about 90 minutes with no traffic. But with traffic, about 3 1/2 weeks. That’s LA for you. So I usually come up the afternoon before.

  57. ‘sup puppy gobblers?

  58. Gah…I do NOT envy you.

    I was at LAX on a layover for three hours, at 2:30 AM. It was two months too long.

  59. Have a great week everyone.

  60. Hey, Uni!

    How’s tricks?

  61. Brad, not that I give a shit, but where are staying this week?

  62. Well, here we go again.

  63. Well, I can hardly answer for Brad, now can I??

    But this week I’ll be staying in my casa.

  64. Ok, bedtime for this bonzo. Have a great evening, if you can, Paulitics ;)

  65. You, too, Princess Petunia Pot.

  66. That right there sounded dirty for some reason.

  67. It wasn’t, unless it was.

  68. I was told there would be no semantics.

  69. Sad news… the last surviving US soldier from WWI died …

    http://tinyurl.com/6l5xjxy

  70. Shocking news! Ted Kennedy liked to hang out with whores and commies, apparently.

    http://tinyurl.com/4purelb

    Who knew?

  71. I’m aghast, Sean.

    Simply aghast.

  72. I had to retire to my fainting couch, Revvster. It was awful.

  73. Morning. I’m back. I saw a wolf on the trip north. Way cool

  74. Apparently there are gray wolves in the lower pennisula.

    And i saws one.

    I just reported it to the DNR.

  75. And, I’d like Revvy and Sean to stop denigrating a man who gave his ENTIRE LIFE to public service.

    I’m shocked.

  76. I can home from skiing for this?

  77. I saw a wolf on the trip north. Way cool

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANPsHKpti48

  78. Never seen a wolf myself. However, there is a pack of coyotes around that apparently think my yard is a cool place to hang out on occasion. Drives the dog nuts.

  79. Got a lot of coyotes in the hills here. Riley is an inside dog, and he doesn’t go out after dark without the leash on.

  80. It was cool. and it was big. Bigger than my German shepherd.

  81. I would like to see a wolf… preferably from the other side of a sturdy barrier, but yanno… see it.

    Corbin’s an inside dog too, but these coyotes are brazen – they just kind of hang out in the driveway and Corbin barks himself hoarse through the window.

  82. It was crossing the highway. I thought it was a deer at first, so I slowed down because you never know which way those things are going to dart. I got a really close look at it.

    I was out in the boonies, woods on both sides of me.

  83. Eesh… yes, deer were made to make drivers nervous. There are a whole bunch living around my campus. Once when I was up at like 4 am I saw a big group of them walk into the middle of the parking lot next to my apartment, look around, then just kind of saunter into the academic quad. It was like some kind of deer tour-group; “And this is where the weird 2 legged things walk around all day in a big hurry.”

  84. Mornin’, glue-sniffers.

  85. mornin Herr.

  86. Morning.

    I was —-><—– close to a newborn yesterday. Looked pretty fresh. I was unable to snag it, so I'm still planning on stealing your's Herr.

  87. Make sure to take the hospital bills with you when you do. It’s a package deal.

  88. Ok.

    Will do.

  89. American Thinker is on fire today. One of a few must reads.

    We are seeing in both the Obama White House and the Wisconsin Senate that the Democratic Party is unwilling to lose. Over and over in the past two years, we have seen a Democrat administration willing to flout the courts, flout rules and regulations, and flout the voice of the people as expressed in elections.

    Disregard for the democratic limits on power is as important as the administration’s fiscal irresponsibility that threatens our prosperity, as important as the explosive growth of bureaucracy that threatens our liberties.

    Our democracy cannot survive if only the Republican Party cares about it. It is time for centrist Democrats to throw off the power grab by the radical wing of their party and start defending the Constitution, as they have sworn to do.

  90. Good morning.

  91. Checking in … Morning all!

  92. Ok, just watched part of meet the press, while catching up on email. Walker is being accused of considering to send in people to stir up violence among the peaceful protestors.

    These people are fucking liars or incompetent. Or both.

  93. Damn English imports
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZa3EYWCY3w
    Beef chow mein sounds good tho

  94. @8:24 Carin:

    Start burning up email, postal mail and phone calls to you ENTIRE congressional collective DEMANDING that they initiate articles of impeachment against this whole communist collective or THEY too will be out on the streets until enough representative representatives are installed to get this done. Start local recall election drives if they fail to respond and cooperate. The house if not smoldering, it is fully engulfed in flames. There’s NO time for dawdling.

  95. *tackles Cyn, gives her the “Flying Wallenda”

  96. http://tinyurl.com/4teoj6k/
    Put it on Dave, wear it proudly

  97. I’ll have a little white trash convenient store porn with my coffee this Monday morning.

  98. Pajamma momma please read
    http://tinyurl.com/4zxqbxp/

  99. *delivers a Chuck Norris style roundhouse kick to one of Carin’s chickens*

    *chicken explodes instantly into perfectly dressed sections ready for cooking*

    *heats up pan of oil*

  100. Lauraw, how could you?

    That was my favorite chicken?

    *runs from blog crying.

  101. You guys just don’t spend enough time giving yourself cool but limited super-powers. This is the internet.

    **stares intently at coffee cup, which fills up by itself**

    *peers into cup, sniffs*

    Fack. Seawater again. Gotta work on that one.

  102. great article on gubment employee unions and their demise of our political system / economy:
    http://www.lewrockwell.com/dilorenzo/dilorenzo203.html

  103. George Will on Obama’s trains.

    Randal O’Toole of the Cato Institute notes that high-speed rail connects big-city downtowns, where only 7 percent of Americans work and 1 percent live. “The average intercity auto trip today uses less energy per passenger mile than the average Amtrak train.” And high speed will not displace enough cars to measurably reduce congestion. The Washington Post says China’s fast trains are priced beyond ordinary workers’ budgets, and that France, like Japan, has only one profitable line.

    7% So, how is a high speed rail going to give 80% of American access?

    1% live in Cities.

  104. lauraw’s been licking toads again, hasn’t she?

  105. PnB and friends?
    http://tinyurl.com/45ctc6g/

  106. *stares intently at Carin’s coffee cup*

  107. Bubba Wayne hasn’t cleaned up since last night and is making this place smell bad

  108. *takes a sip from previously empty coffee cup.

    GAHHHA.

    That’s decaf, isn’t it?

  109. Bubba Wayne is on a quarterly bathing system. He is required by statute to bathe by midnight on 3/31/11. Suck it up, people.

  110. *stares at my coffee cup

    nuthin

  111. You guys just don’t spend enough time giving yourself cool but limited super-powers. This is the internet.

    – – – – – –

    Heh, I to have been working on this for some time. Just this morning I stepped on my penis as I was preparing for takeoff from the roof of the moving high speed rail that was taking me to get my coffee. I raced on ahead and gave myself a push from behind to get my cape unstuck from the 72 hookers that had tied it to themselves.

    and then I made $20

  112. my superpowers kilt it…

    I’m off to Washington!

  113. I want a super power that simultaneously allows me to have hyper hearing, eyesight and reasoning while blocking out visually and via any other sense, Jeremiah Wright, Farrahkan, Jessie Jackson, Paul Krugman, David Brooks and others that make me want to go on a 37 state killing spree.

  114. I want the superpower to go on a 37 state killing spree.

  115. Poor NE weather, this wintry mix SUCKS
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SaYOcr5MmY

  116. Bubba Wayne don’t give a shit.

  117. As usual, Daniel Greenfield delivers:
    http://sultanknish.blogspot.com/2011/02/thug-of-war-in-wisconsin.html

    Another writer I like very much – kind of like Doc Zero…..

  118. I want the superpower to go on a 57 state killing spree. Why should twenty states get a pass?

  119. I only thought there were 37 states. There’s more?

  120. Well, according to our fearless Genius In Chief, he had visited 57 during his campaign and thought at one point he had two to go. So I guess there are 59.

    His grades in geography are being kept under close wraps.

  121. http://www.thepiratescove.us/2011/02/27/herman-cain-big-winner-of-tea-party-straw-poll/

    (And be sure to read the comments)

  122. >> His grades in geography are being kept under close wraps.

    Fixt

  123. I took a shower for this?

    (soap and shampoo and everything!)

  124. PiratesCove Link

    And once again, the Paulians freep the online poll, so he wins yet again.

  125. *sniffs poat; lights pomegranate and mango candles all around the blog, sets out finely crafted crustless cucumber sandwiches, chocolate mint scones, and wetnaps.*

  126. Where did you find the crustless cucumbers, Cyn? Peeling them is such a pain.

  127. Easy, J’Ames; I used my Super-Power Solutions!™

  128. I hate cucumber sammiches.

    Got any tuna salad?

  129. You might not like it, xbrad, the tuna salad has cucumber crusts in it.

  130. All the snow and shoveling finally get to Andy and Scott:

    http://tinyurl.com/4m3fg3l

  131. Cucumbers should not enter the human digestive system from either end. That’s just sick and wrong.

  132. *tilts head, digs into back pocket, pulls out crumpled foil, sniffs, hands to Xbrad*

    I’m guessing PB&J.

  133. Well, PD ruined cucumbers for me.

  134. Ha Ha Ha!! That’s hilarity Mare.

  135. I’m off to cook up some chicken and rice for the poochie since he’s elected not to eat his kibbles again. Later kids.

  136. I like chicken and rice!

    And I’ll curl up in your lap.

    You don’t even have to put a leash on me unless you really wanna.

  137. Tell us about your past experience with cucumbers, Mare. And spare no details. Including their use in that sorority hazing incident that you and your therapist are slowly working through.

  138. These little lemon sandwiches are delicious, Cyn.

    *eats another wetnap*

  139. suppeth unto all you all

  140. If Mare is still working through her sorority hazing incident, how will she ever get around to that incident in Las Vegas when she was in her thirties?

  141. Lauraw, let’s talk about your fiber intake, shall we?

  142. All the snow and shoveling finally get to Andy and Scott:

    http://tinyurl.com/4m3fg3l

    Dammit! See, laura … my lack of aptitude at camera avoidance rears it’s ugly head again.

  143. or “its”

  144. http://is.gd/WoRaQS

    How come PJMama hasn’t poated here lately?

  145. …You don’t even have to put a leash on me unless you really wanna…

    Don’t do it, Cyn! We all know that XBrad pees on the carpet…..

  146. All the snow and shoveling finally get to Andy and Scott:

    http://tinyurl.com/4m3fg3l

    Andy goes old-school with the belt and garters. Nice pins.

  147. Nice pins.

    He does a lot of squats.

  148. He does a lot of squats squat-thrusts.

    FTFY.

  149. can I get somebody’s help here – I have a friend trying to argue this with family members and I am covered up with work at the moment and can’t give him a good reply.

    Could someone give me a counterargument please?!

    NY TIMES EDITORIAL
    The War on Women
    Published: February 25, 2011

    Republicans in the House of Representatives are mounting an assault on women’s health and freedom that would deny millions of women access to affordable contraception and life-saving cancer screenings and cut nutritional support for millions of newborn babies in struggling families. And this is just the beginning.
    The budget bill pushed through the House last Saturday included the defunding of Planned Parenthood and myriad other cuts detrimental to women. It’s not likely to pass unchanged, but the urge to compromise may take a toll on these programs. And once the current skirmishing is over, House Republicans are likely to use any legislative vehicle at hand to continue the attack.
    The egregious cuts in the House resolution include the elimination of support for Title X, the federal family planning program for low-income women that provides birth control, breast and cervical cancer screenings, and testing for H.I.V. and other sexually transmitted diseases. In the absence of Title X’s preventive care, some women would die. The Guttmacher Institute, a leading authority on reproductive health, says a rise in unintended pregnancies would result in some 400,000 more abortions a year.
    An amendment offered by Representative Mike Pence, Republican of Indiana, would bar any financing of Planned Parenthood. A recent sting operation by an anti-abortion group uncovered an errant employee, who was promptly fired. That hardly warrants taking aim at an irreplaceable network of clinics, which uses no federal dollars in providing needed abortion care. It serves one in five American women at some point in her lifetime.
    The House resolution would slash support for international family planning and reproductive health care. And it would reimpose the odious global “gag” rule, which forbids giving federal money to any group that even talks about abortions. That rule badly hampered family planning groups working abroad to prevent infant and maternal deaths before President Obama lifted it.
    (Mr. Obama has tried to act responsibly. He has rescinded President George W. Bush’s wildly overreaching decision to grant new protections to health providers who not only will not perform abortions, but also will not offer emergency contraception to rape victims or fill routine prescriptions for contraceptives.)
    In negotiations over the health care bill last year, Democrats agreed to a scheme intended to stop insurance companies from offering plans that cover abortions. Two bills in the Republican House would go even further in denying coverage to the 30 percent or so of women who have an abortion during child-bearing years.
    One of the bills, offered by Representative Joe Pitts of Pennsylvania, has a provision that would allow hospitals receiving federal funds to refuse to terminate a pregnancy even when necessary to save a woman’s life.
    Beyond the familiar terrain of abortion or even contraception, House Republicans would inflict harm on low-income women trying to have children or who are already mothers.
    Their continuing resolution would cut by 10 percent the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children, better known as WIC, which serves 9.6 million low-income women, new mothers, and infants each month, and has been linked in studies to higher birth weight and lower infant mortality.
    The G.O.P. bill also slices $50 million from the block grant supporting programs providing prenatal health care to 2.5 million low-income women and health care to 31 million children annually. President Obama’s budget plan for next year calls for a much more modest cut.
    These are treacherous times for women’s reproductive rights and access to essential health care. House Republicans mistakenly believe they have a mandate to drastically scale back both even as abortion warfare is accelerating in the states. To stop them, President Obama’s firm leadership will be crucial. So will the rising voices of alarmed Americans.

  150. There should be a Title Take the F*ck Care of Your Own Genitalia Needs.

    If any money should go to low income women, it should be on educating them on how their parts work and what causes pregnancy. I guaran-damn-tee you that if you cut ALL funds to the bullshit, there would be fewer pregnancies and abuse of the system.

    They want free ‘reproductive health services’, they can find a private donor. Like abortion loving Hollywood types and their democrat friends like billionaires Soros and Heinzes, etc.

  151. You don’t want itching and burning or curse a baby with your damn sorry self, keep it in your pants. Friggin idiots.

  152. A) Reproductive rights does not equal having others pay for your contraceptives and medical care.

    B) Choosing not to fuck before you’re ready to have kids is very inexpensive and helps you avoid unneccessary situations requiring health care.

    I seriously doubt that you’ll get any liberals to buy into either of those concepts though.

    A) Of course having others pay your freight is a RIGHT!!!

    and B) We’re just simple animals, we can’t control our behavior. Free will is a myth.

  153. GML: Let me take a shot at this. Because your friend or whatever is an idiot, he/she doesn’t understand that there are other ways to fund PP without using taxpayer money.

    *If every registered Democrat gave a whopping $4 to PP, there would be no need for taxpayer money.

    *If every self identified liberal coughed up an amazing $10.5, there would be no need for taxpayer money.

    Put YOUR money where YOUR mouth is you scrunt!

  154. I’ve got a great idea on how women can save money once their WIC is cut off. BREASTFEED ’em.

    I’ve mentioned before how some chick was using WIC in line in front of me to buy top of the line formula. Hair, nails. Gold necklaces, etc. Dressed better than me, nicer purse. Her husband and kids only spoke Spanish.

  155. Dem Douchebagger: http://tinyurl.com/6bc6bfn

    Two points: Hintz should be in jail. Litjens is fucking smokin’.

  156. They could also cut down on advertising.

  157. Interesting numbers here. More at link. This is for ONE pp office/district.

    Planned Parenthood Shasta Diablo, Concord
    Calendar year ending Dec. 31, 2007)

    Heather Saunders Estes, President and Chief Executive Officer
    Salary: $171,214
    Benefits: $7,894
    Total Compensation: $179,108

    Holly Delaney, Chief Financial Officer
    Salary: $152,167
    Benefits: $7,894
    Total Compensation: $160,061

    Mitzi Sales, Vice-president for External Affairs
    Salary: $112,486
    Benefits: $7,894
    Total Compensation: $120,380

    Phyllis Schoenwald, Vice-president for Medical Services
    Salary: $107,907
    Benefits: $7,894
    Total Compensation: $115,801

    Stacy Gardner, Vice-president for Fund Development
    Salary: $103,904
    Benefits: $7,894
    Total Compensation: $111,798

  158. PG’s got a good point. YOu tend not to get STD if you don’t go past first base. Or Second, keeping a foot on the floor.

    As for the rest of that stuff … having affordable access to care and what not … I remember that stuff being the drive to get a job and get health care and all that guff.

    Kinda added to the pressure to grow the fuck up. GTFU™. Daddy wasn’t taking care of me anymore, and I didn’t need the government to be my daddy.

  159. Howse about we offer 2-fers? You want an abortion, you have to get your tubes tied at the same time.

    ANYONE who screams about their “choices” being taken away with this argument needs to be sat down in a room and made to write, “Abstinence, condoms, and birth control devices are choices” until their fingers bleed.

  160. Teresa, not being as cold as you, I think we should offer one of those multi-year birth control devices. Five years. Give ’em time to GTFU.

    I made a sig for my email YEARS ago that reads:

    Of course I’m Pro-Choice
    Abstinence, Birth Control, Adoption, or Parenthood.

    I always wanted to get it on a bumpersticker.

  161. And the last time that I checked, there are literally HUNDREDS of programs across the country – non-PP – that offer free or low-cost mammograms/pap smears/HIV tests to low-income women.

    And all of that Sex Ed that they are mandating the schools teach must not be doing a very good job if we are still having all of these teenagers getting pregnant. Perhaps we should remove funding for that while we’re at it.

    No matter how much you test people, though, “some” women are going to die anyway. That particular argument holds no water whatsoever….

  162. Dem Douchebagger: http://tinyurl.com/6bc6bfn

    Two points: Hintz should be in jail. Litjens is fucking smokin’.

    If Ms. Litgens is a Mrs. then Mr. Litgens has all due rights to cram his fist down Hintz’ throat and his boot up Hintz’ ass. Alternately or simultaneously if he’s talented enough.

  163. As a low-cost clinic, PP could be good if they cut out their abortion/sex for everyone advocacy.

    I got pregnant right after I got married, no insurance. I went there. They gave me a bottle of pre-natal vitamins and told me there was nothing else they could do. Didn’t do any check ups on pregnant women at all.

    Nada.

    When I started to miscarry? Again. Nothing. No advice. No nothing. Told me to go to the hospital.

    Which was stupid, because at that stage there is absolutely nothing that can be done. 13 weeks. It either happens or it doesn’t. They didn’t even give me a fricken pain pill.

    Went home and miscarried by myself. Loverly evening it was.

  164. But, you know. They care so much for women.

    As long as they wanna get laid, or have an abortion.

    Outside of that? Not so interested.

  165. Thank you so much guys, I appreciate the intel.

  166. ( I did go to the hospital, who confirmed it for me for the low, low cost of about $800 or so, and they sent me home as well w/o a fricken pain pill)

  167. And let’s face it – a large number of the people who “qualify” for all of this “free” stuff, aren’t going to find the time to go in and have early testing done anyway. There’s bingo and Judge Judy on, nails and hair to be done, and those places are only open until 5 or 6 o’clock.

    These are the same people who will wait until something is hurting badly enough that they can’t go down to the corner convenience store and shoot the breeze with their BFFs because of the pain. THAT’S when they find out they have something seriously wrong with them that might have been cheaply treatable a few months earlier.

    Yeah, I’m cold-hearted. I’m also one of the ones paying for all of this crap…..

  168. That having been said, I was very grateful for Planned Parenthood when I was in college and needed to get birth control pills cheap without having to go see an expensive doctor. THAT service I am happy to help pay for, but I’m with Car in – get one of those long-term IUDs like the Mirena (I’m on my second one and LOVE it).

  169. duct tape and wooden dowels. That’s the answer to this crises.

  170. This crew may have missed that particular anecdote…..

    But thanks for the laugh –

  171. My problem is that they offer inexpensive services for SELECT issues. To me, it would seem that low cost pregnancy care would be … one of the higher needed dealos.

    Low frills birth care.

    But they’re not interested in that.

    Sex. They advocate sex. not the natural outcome of the act.

  172. Standing in line at the grocery store behind someone using WIC and food stamps to pay.

    Every single item they had, name brand merchandise. Prepared foods, name brand formula. I had house brand milk, and house brand Sunny D, because I refuse to pay $5 for a gallon of OJ.

    My pity has run out.

  173. Ha ha ha … I said it to make YOU laugh TiFW.

  174. That’s my experience too J’ames.

    It’s really unbelievable.

  175. Sex. They advocate sex. not the natural outcome of the act.

    Reproductive rights = abortion used as birth control. I am for abortion, when the mother is in danger, rape, incest, etc. But we all know those instances are 1% of abortions. I don’t want to be faced with that choice, either, since it isn’t me on the line, and it’s gonna be a hard choice to make. THAT is the extent of my pro-choice views.

  176. I wouldn’t talk about shma-shmor-tion too loudly. Michelle might hear you…

    http://tinyurl.com/6hyjdza

  177. TiFW and J’Ames are sympatico.

    And last time I checked, the ability to GET an abortion wasn’t in any danger at all.
    The issue is who is going to pay for it.

  178. And really, it all comes back to Rush’s explanation for “Feminism” in the first place – it was a way for the ugly girls to get laid.

    If a boy has to pay for condoms or birth control in order to have sexual relations with a girl so that he doesn’t have to end up paying for child support or an abortion, he’s gonna want to be much more selective about who he “spends” his money on.

    And the ugly girl is gonna be on the losing end of that choice every single time.

  179. I am for abortion, when the mother is in danger, rape, incest, etc. But we all know those instances are 1% of abortions.

    I’ve always told Frau that in the hypothetical situation where it was her life or the baby’s, the baby would lose. She disagrees. I’ve always then had to explain how various barbiturates would make her wishes moot.

    I’ve even heard of a situation like that. Once. It’s so hypothetical as to be fantasy, for the most part. And in the case of rape or incest, I think most pro-lifers say “Well, I would counsel you not to have an ab….LOOK A SQUIRREL!” Again, it’s pretty much a hypothetical. You know what’s not hypothetical? The hundreds of babies murdered, after delivery, by that ghoul in Philadelphia. That’s PP’s way, too.

  180. Near the bottom of the article that GML is asking for help with:
    …abortion warfare…

    Let me get this straight – THEY are fighting for the right to force the American taxpayer to fund killing.

    Got it.

  181. Also noticed this little gem in there:
    Two bills in the Republican House would go even further in denying coverage to the 30 percent or so of women who have an abortion during child-bearing years.

    Hmmm – kind of puts the lie to that whole “Safe, legal, and RARE” line the left is so fond of trotting out, doesn’t it?

  182. And the law about letting babies just die, if they survived the procedure? How can a human being be left to die, when it has already survived a horrific procedure? When that nurse told that story on radio about leaving infants in the storeroom, I tried to imagine having to be in that position. I don’t think I could do that. And I’m the cold blooded one in the family, who got to take care of the smaller animal problems, when those arose at home.

  183. 30 percent or so of women who have an abortion during child-bearing years.

    As compared to the women having abortions before puberty and after menopause?

    30 PERCENT??? ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME???

  184. Who knew you could kill a thread with incredulity?

  185. Someone could bring up Palin. They use it at Ace’s and HotAir to get everyone to go for the jugular.

  186. What do you say we put a new one together. This one smells a bit antiseptic.

  187. Go for it, MJ. I’m boycotting doing any new posts in protest of the “no nipples” rule.

  188. The sexist no nipples rule, you mean. I see them all the time, on Wednesdays.

    Freedom! Attica, Attica.

  189. Buncha nipple-haters you all are. “Nipplists”, in fact.

  190. Heh, just heard an ad during Rush that calls out Steve King for being “anti constitution”, because of his stance on illegal immigration. Says he’s going after the 14th amendment which guarantees citizenship for anyone born here (true). After that, “what’s next, will Steve King take away your 2nd amendment rights, or silence free speech?”

    Yeah, that’s not even remotely in the ballpark. What else can you say, they don’t even lie very well. For those that don’t know King, just think of Tom Tancredo, pretty similar.

  191. I am pro-nip.

    We should unionize all the pro-nips out there!

  192. You can all kiss my shiny, metal ass!

  193. MCPO, I was gonna ask how many golf clubs do you have up your ass, RIGHT NOW, but that question is moot, now.

    Thanks for clearing that up.

  194. If given the choice between my life and my newborn to be, the husband says, ‘save ’em both’……given our level of medical advancement these days.

    Cut the funding and the ‘unwanted pregnancies’ will go down just like the rates of abortions have gone down in the states that passes such laws as ‘parental permission’, etc.

    I don’t want to pay for someone else’s life choices. Let the Hillary lovin-man-hatin pumas, assorted lib assholes fund their sacrament of f*ck like a monkey infanticide. And may they all burn in hell.

    Speaking of which, after hiring our new ‘help’, she tells us she is pregnant. She thought she knew the guy. She quit her job, moved in with him, took care of him and his three kids. He was such a good father and she was so much better a mother than the kid’s real bitch mom.
    Then she got pregnant and he dumped her. Um, did you think of maybe having him shackled before taking off your pants? Why should he marry you if you put out for free?

    Now she’s complaining that she made $75 too much money to qualify for food stamps but she did get signed up for Medicaid. “I paid enough taxes, so I should get that help”, she says.

    GAHHHH!!! I say she should move in with her parents and let them take care of her and her baby.

  195. Beasn – Is she hawt?

  196. Does it matter? The cow is giving free milk! Hop on board! Sounds like the entrance exam isn’t very hard.

  197. New Poatse.


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