Hostage Summary – January 17, 2011

No Mail Today – It’s a Federal Holiday…..


BrewFan bought some new Cooper tires for his truck, but was upset when the Hostages told him that Cooper tires go soft and don’t last very long.  What a coincidence – BrewFan’s dates say the same thing about him…. (Happy now, Brew?  You got mentioned in a Summary post!)

Peej’s refrigerator went out, but it’s OK, because her brother is gonna let her have his while he’s deployed in Afghanistan.  And Dave’s gonna let Peej make him a sammich when she stays with him while visiting her brother at Fort Hood, so she’s got that going for her, too.

Clintbird asked a lot of questions, but nobody answered him.

In the wee hours of the morning, Roamy, Sean, and ArmedGeek got their nerd on.  Then Roamy and Sean went to bed, leaving ArmedGeek to play with himself.  He got really mad when Michael interrupted him.

Oops – Sox revealed our secret: the Wimmen Folk put Beer, Liquor, and Sammiches on the window sill for the stalkers (Dave in Texas sometimes puts pie out).  Bad Sox!  Don’t you know the first rule of Hostagette Hobo-Trapping Club is that you never talk about Hostagette Hobo-Trapping Club?  No cream for you…..

Mare did a most delicious skewering of Little Paulie Krugman (douche extraordinaire).  Trust me, you DON’T want to get on Mare’s bad side….

Jazz and the Chief tried to out-PerryComo each other with YouTube links from the 1970s.  Not sure who “won” that contest, but the members of the Hostage Nation were the ultimate losers….

VMax reminded us that Davy Crockett was more than just a guy in a cool coonskin hat: “We have the right as individuals, to give away as much of our own money as we please in charity; but as members of Congress we have no right to appropriate a dollar of the public money.”

Herr revealed his secret philanthropy – he ”spreads his wealth” among poor, unfortunate strippers.  Isn’t that sweet?  Maybe if he gives those nice young ladies enough money they can afford to buy more than just underwear….. 

Andy had to save Jazz from himself when he admitted he doesn’t look at JUST politics and porn.  Sounds like it’s time for a Hostage intervention, gentlemen!

UncleFacts had to work today, but he still had time to “suppeth” with us.  He also likes to use the “Shift” button a lot.  But he makes up for it by hurling insults at Justin Bieber when necessary.

T2D tried to defend the young poppet Bieber, but even he couldn’t get through it with a straight face. 

J’Ames got the good phone for once.  And he thinks that Biebster likes the ladies.  Hahahahaha – good one, J’Ames!…..

TiFW used the words  “it’s”, “its”, “quite” and “quiet” correctly – all in the same sentence (“It’s quite powerful in its quiet simplicity.” ).  Guess Rebecca’s not the only “special” one in that family….

PattyAnn wanted “More”.  Andy obliged her.

Cathy had left-over bacon and she didn’t share. 

Chief needs a warning before clicking on some of the links around here.  Either that, or it’s time to invest in some Depends.  His mother’s picture is starting to look really shi–…..umm……ahhh……never mind…..not gonna go there….

Mrs. Jakeman has “plans” for Jakeman.  Nefarious plans which involve a trip to Home Depot for “tools” that will ”scrape, caulk, and prime”.  My God, man – get out while there’s still time!

Pendejo told the tale of being drunk in public.  Clintbird added his tale of being drunk in the Opryland Hotel.  In both cases, they took the wrong turn.  They also lost their way, but that’s a story for another day.

Hotspur’s boss didn’t give him the day off, that racist.  Quick – someone call Al and Jesse!  This injustice must not be allowed to stand!  What’s that?  Self-employed you say?  Never mind….

The last poat died a slow, painful death, so this one is going up earlier than normal.


The Fat Lady Has Sung




  1. I made orange and cranberry scones for dessert today. dey’s good. nomnomnomnomnom

  2. And as a side note sohos STILL has a migraine and 99.1 fever HELP ME

  3. Okay, Sohos, here goes … banana, lots of water, antihistamine, lay down for an hour or so in a dark room with a cool cloth across your forehead.

  4. Hi, April!

  5. take two hookers and call me in the morning

  6. Clint!! Hahaha how did you know I was behnd you?

    So Ho…ummm you know what really cures headaches?? S. E. X. Count thanks me!!

  7. I saw you had commented on the last poat, April. Nice to see you here.

  8. I am doing that except the banana

  9. When Geoff comes around, I have a question for him.

    The Treasury Dept. declared that they would no longer issue paper savings bonds through payroll deductions, starting Sept. 30 for federal employees and Jan. 1 for private sector employees. They have tried pushing everyone into electronic savings bonds, but no one I know has moved to this program. I tried to, but the user ID and password setup was a clusterfuck, to the point I felt like I would be throwing my money away.

    Has this shown up in less purchasing of government debt, or had everyone moved away from savings bonds due to poor rates of return?

  10. Thank you Clint. (so happy I always remember the n in your name) Nice to see you too!

    I am now picturing SO HO in her fuzzy robe, rubbing nyquil all over her chest asking Count if he wants some of dis.

  11. So Ho…ummm you know what really cures headaches?? S. E. X.

    Mrs. BrewFan never has headaches…wait a minute!

    And Dear Teresa, there is no such thing as bad publicity :)

  12. It would be funnier if you leave the n out of my name … maybe more descriptive too. Wut?

  13. FTR – My musical choices are impeccable.

  14. Works everytime ;) LOVE Friends!

  15. Hey Dick! Your mom’s a bit tired!!!

  16. Dick, did you watch the first episode of The Cape last week?

  17. Unclefacts, please send some of the scones. I’ll make tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

  18. Doing good, Dick, how bout you?

  19. Hope you feel better soon SOHO! Not fun having migraines and fever. :(

  20. Roamy – Honey and whole milk in my Earl Grey, please.

  21. Second request… for the folks just waking up, getting home from work, or coming out of a coma:

    I know you guys are super-smart folks dressed in moron clothing, so I want to invite you to join your beloved friends @ IB for our winter Book Club Selection. Yea, we’re resurrecting our book club. It’s been a few years.

    We’re voting now… So go HERE to vote your preference.

  22. First episode inconclusive, Dick. Second one on tonight at 8 central time.

  23. you know what really cures headaches?? S. E. X.
    Mrs. BrewFan never has headaches…wait a minute!

    BrewFan, it’s ‘cuz you’re soft and you don’t last long…..

    *sticks tongue out and races away*

  24. Hi April, good to see you again.

  25. CLInT – Like the idea of the series. We’ll have to see if the writing holds up.

  26. Django & Stephan. . .

  27. Roamy, Mr. TiFW and I declined to participate in the Savings Bond program anymore precisely because we have a feeling they will do the same thing to them as they have with Medicare and SS – put it in a “lockbox” and dole it out with an eyedropper. No thank you.

    Chief, you have WONDERFUL taste in music; I was just messin’ with you!

    Still no Aggie? Man, that Mr. Aggie is insatiable!

  28. *yawn*

    Aging, deformed, bitch-sac, Z-lister weighs in on Arizona shooting; no one hardest hit.

  29. This blog suffers from premature summarization.

    The good news is that there are medical treatments that wouldn’t require us to make it take a pill.

    The bad news is that it still wouldn’t make anyone want to go to bed with it, because it would still be a food and weather blog.

    Worst Inner Circle EVER.

  30. Cathy, is there supposed to be a link on your comment?

  31. Oh, and in addition to being an “extremist”, I have now been declared a “political hack” as well, since I disapproved of the conduct at the President’s pep rally memorial last week.

    I expect a fatwa and death threats of liberal origin by the end of the month.

  32. Rosie – Like her girlfriend, Pelosi, Rivers suffers from brain poisoning from excessive botox injected into the head.

  33. HI Vmax and all everyone else that I haven’t already said hi to!

  34. This blog suffers from premature summarization.

    Dude, I was just putting the other poat out of its misery. It was the kindest thing to do under the circumstances.

    And it may only be 3:00 or 4:00 where you are when the poat drops, but Mr. TiFW really likes it if his wife makes him dinner and interacts with him in the evening – that food isn’t gonna prepare itself, ya know…… ;-)

  35. It took ALL day, but I put together (as Rosetta would say) a kick ass calendar for my Mother using pictures from the last time they were in Hawaii until recently. I ended up buying it from iphoto and sending it to her directly. Walmart would have taken longer and with my own shipping it wouldn’t have been that much cheaper.

    I sent copies to my girls and the oldest was flipping out….she loved it. My youngest hasn’t had a chance to see it yet.

    My Mom is going to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, it. Besides the two hours it took to finally organize my clothes closet, this little project with trial and error, and several hundred pictures to go through, felt like a worthy accomplishment today.

    Kind of sad and happy looking at pictures of my Dad. He sure was a laugher and he sure loved my family.

  36. Stupid and a threat?

    Like pursuing an inflationary policy to ease the debt?

    Like criticizng law enforcement when you already admitted that you didn’t have all the facts?

    Like taking forever to decide how many troops to commit to battle?

    Like using your bully pulpit to continualy shut off debate with those who have legitimate criticisms?

    Tater Salad was right. You can’t fix stupid.

  37. Mare, your mom will definitely love her calendar – isn’t today’s technology amazing? What a sweet gift; I’m sure she will cherish it!

  38. Kind of sad and happy looking at pictures of my Dad. He sure was a laugher and he sure loved my family.

    You have much to be happy about, young lady.

  39. Dick, does that blade need water to cut through stuff, or can it be used dry? Looks like a bad boy….

  40. Rosie – Like her girlfriend, Pelosi, Rivers suffers from brain poisoning from excessive botox injected into the head.

    Joan Rivers is a goddamned superdunce.

    She’s one of those people, if she liked me it would bum me out.

  41. And it may only be 3:00 or 4:00 where you are when the poat drops, but Mr. TiFW really likes it if his wife makes him dinner and interacts with him in the evening – that food isn’t gonna prepare itself, ya know……

    It’s a kitchen, not a tampon.

    What he finds there is perfectly capable of being used by everyone, regardless of sex. Also, about 30 years ago, they came up with this terrific invention called a “microwave”. Its arrival meant that people who were incapable of combining simple ingredients into something edible, and were too impatient to open a can of some thing and heat it on the stove, or to open a box and put a TV dinner into an oven, or too broke for take-out, could still prepare meals that met a minimum level of nutrition and edibility.

    You’re welcome. ;-)

  42. You are wonderful Mare and I love you

  43. Mare those are the best kind of gifts! I received 2 calendars for Christmas like that and I love them both dearly!!

    I totally understand how you feel about your dad. My dad died 8 years ago.

  44. Teresa, when I first started working here, they leaned on me pretty hard to contribute to savings bonds. They have finally backed off, but it was like Mafia insurance for a while.

  45. It’s a kitchen not a tampon.

    LOL Never ever did I ever think I’d hear that one!!!

  46. That’s an awesome gift, Mare.

    You’re a good kid.

  47. Hey Rosie what up dog?

  48. Mare, what a beautiful idea.

  49. Speak for yourself, lawbitch. I just might hit a food and weather blog if it could fake it convincingly.

  50. MCPO ever hear of these guys?

    They were as tight as Tower of Power. I got hammered with them after a show in Providence about 25 years ago.

  51. Rosetta would probably like their music too.

  52. I go into the kitchen to get ice, beer and to bake.

  53. Hey Rosie what up dog?

    Happy New Year, hotstuff!! Here is what’s up. Floyd.

  54. April when are you coming to Texas?

  55. BiW, sounds like you’ve had a hard day at work, sweetie.

    Here, let me get you some ice…..
    I’ll just pop open this can…..

    There ya go, sunshine – a nice, cold Coke!

    Stick around, and you can have a bowl of homemade black-eyed pea soup and some GF cornbread heated up in the microwave and slathered with real butter –

  56. Rosetta would probably like their music too.

    That’s a good song. I’ll check them out.

    They have a good 70s porn vibe going on.

  57. Scott – Sweet tune. . . good band!

  58. How. The hell. Did I miss. FLOYD HUMPING A TODDLER??!?

  59. What in the HELL is BiW talking about?

  60. joan rivers is still alive?

  61. What in the HELL is BiW talking about?

    Putting tampons in the microwave, silly.

  62. Floyd is a party boy! I’ll have what he’s having!!

    SOHO…good question, but I don’t have the answer. When you coming to SoCal???

  63. We were invited to their party after the concert because they recognized me, as I probably saw about 10 of their shows. They were never big. I woke up the following day behind the wheel and turned to the ex-wife

    Where are we?
    – I don’t know
    How long have I been driving?
    – 3-4 hours.


  64. Hey, was that Dick that had the runaway blade youtube thing?

  65. Wonder how many Civil War vets gang banged her well used, droopy ass.

    only the ones that lost that bet.

  66. Evenin’ all.

    I would ask what I missed, but The Resa summarized it nicely.

    My little guy somehow killed his iPad … the one he just got on Christmas day … so I had to trek it to the Apple Hipster Store. I love their products, but that place makes me want to shoot a bitch.

    When I got this iPad, I opted for the super-duper AppleCare™ warranty. I never buy extended warranties, but I figured this one had a higher than average probability of getting fucked up. That $99 saved me $270. Upcharge WIN!!!

    Also stopped by the Home Depot to get a roof rake, which I have been diligently using for the last couple of hours.

  67. Why don’t we meet in Vegas April?

  68. Good job Andy! I bought an extended warranty for a Subaru. 135,000 miles and not a single repair.

  69. Andy -How much ice have they forecast for you? We’re supposed to get .2 to .4

  70. sohos, I made you a snowman!

  71. Hey April, good to see you.

  72. TittyWeb Jenkins FTW.

  73. 1 to 3 inches of snow with some rain/freezing rain possible.

  74. Weather? CHECK!

    Cooking (tampons)? CHECK!

    Sooo, how’s traffic?

  75. That’s the way it usually works, Scott.

    I told the wife I was very happy that backlight died so the wisdom of my purchase was validated.

  76. Well that was a hell of a recipe.

    The toxic shocker?

  77. Cuffy! You are supposed to make feel better not worse

  78. I clicked on Andy’s link because I wanted to see what a roof rake looked like. Duh.

    Cuffy, she’s going to kill you. Dead.

  79. Hostages are awesome, I don’t care how many times people call you assholes, douches and losers!!

  80. 20 below and I just finished eating some split pea soup I made in the crock Saturday.
    Hot soup and cold weather.

  81. Cathy, is there supposed to be a link on your comment?

    Yeppers. Sorry. Was working fast, got sloppy, and then went to the treadmill…

    Here ya go…

    Vote HERE

  82. I’m sorry, sohos.

    *makes sad frog face*

  83. Eliminationist rhetoric courtesy of Iowahawk’s FaceChimp:

    Rosetta, Beasn, Eddie … THIS CANNOT STAND!!!

  84. Hahahahaha. Here you go PA:

    *PattyAnn hovers over link and hesitates ever so briefly before clicking*

  85. Bosk, 20 below?

  86. So Andy, did the boy go sledding this weekend?

  87. Roof rake? Sissy. Get up there and shovel, have your wife hold your beer,

  88. Thanls. Andy. Never saw one of those. When I was growing up in Ohio, all the houses had very steep, pitched roofs.

  89. The girl did.

    The boy was having none of it.

  90. “I don’t care how many times people call you assholes, douches and losers!!”

    That never happens to me.

  91. Ours is pitched pretty well, but the snow’s pretty thick and isn’t going anywhere on its own. With this mix on the way, I was worried about ice damming.

  92. Heh. I believe we’ve discussed my increasing queasiness with heights before …

  93. “That never happens to me.”


  94. Lol Cuff I know exactly what you look like so I can picture you making a face :)

  95. Fuck ice!
    We have a strange setup and had 3 foot drifts on part of our roof, I eliminated them yesterday. I can normally get to the top of our house but this snow is just too slick. We have huge ice dams and am a bit concerned.

  96. You guys should just get the hose out & spray the snow off! Works like a charm.

  97. . . . this snow is just too slick. We have huge ice dams and am a bit concerned.

    I recommend C-4.

  98. And why is it, exactly, that on the nights when I have dinner ready for Mr. TiFW on time HE has to work late? After 30+ years, it never fails…..

  99. Maybe he doesn’t like possum.

  100. And why is it, exactly, that on the nights when I have dinner ready for Mr. TiFW on time HE has to work late?

    Was this material covered in class? I don’t remember you telling us it was testable.

  101. Yeah, I’m pretty worried as well. I really need to get off my ass and do something about keeping the gutters thawed.

  102. I got gutter warmers plugged in, but only at the regular problem areas.

  103. Gutter warmers…

  104. Gutter warmers?

    WHAT? Is that code for something?

  105. Are yall speaking English?

  106. Yes.

  107. Cuffy, I don’t think they sell those here. Or if they did, someone would try using them in the bowling alley.

  108. Are yall speaking English?

    Y’all deal with hurricanes, we deal with cold, snow and ice.

  109. Tackles Scott gives him the Jack Frost

  110. “Are yall speaking English?”


  111. MCPO, and tornadoes. When an F-4 tornado came through here in 1989, Mr. RFH wanted to drink a beer on the front porch and watch the lightning show.

  112. does mr. rfh have a newsletter?

  113. I watched a tornado go through my back yard

  114. Heheh
    I agree with unclefacts

  115. Hahahahahaha, I asked Mr. RFH if he had a newsletter. He gave me a rather curious look and said, “This isn’t some ploy to make me post again, is it?”

  116. That never happens to me.

    Scott, you are an asshole, douche, and a loser.

    Jeebers. Someone had to say it to you.


    Actually, Scott is one of the few that isn’t….hahahaha

  118. Did anybody push anybody else onto the subway tracks today?

  119. I feel guilty now. My heart is laden with angst.

    Scott is actually a really nice guy. Plus, he puts up with a mega-bitch like Laura, so I should not make fun of him.

  120. Scottw is amazing man

  121. Tornados went through Ames in 2005, interrupting a football game between Iowa State Cyclones and Colorado Buffalos (team names become important in a minute).

    After the game, Colorado head coach Gary Barnett would say: “I thought we had a pretty good mascot. But when we showed up at Iowa State and they had a real tornado, that’s the real deal.”

    Crappy video of it at “3.) “Tornado Game” – ISU 30, Colorado 16 – November 12, 2005”

  122. The wife picked me up from the airport that day, and we saw 3 funnel clouds on our side of town while driving home. After getting home, the wife went right to the basement, and I went out on the porch to “check it out”. It wasn’t that close, but there were some really cool clouds, and a shitload of wind.

  123. I was working on the tip of Anna Maria Island, when I saw 7 waterspouts dancing over the mouth of the bay.


  124. Wow, Vmax, I saw three waterspouts off the coast of Pensacola once, and that was scary enough.

  125. Why is Michael being a Dick.

  126. Did anybody push anybody else onto the subway tracks today?

    All the way, or just kinda “haha made you scream” kinda thing?

  127. I have seen a waterspout before Romy. But 7? wow!

    Tampa bay is the lightning capitol of North America.

  128. I was swimming in the South China Sea, off Malaysia, when I noticed Cathy and the kids frantically waving at me. I was pretty far out — they were too far away to hear. I looked around. A huge frickin’ tornado-sized water spout was about half a mile away and headed my way. I had never seen anything like that.

    I swam to shore in a hurry.

    The water spout died soon after.

  129. Michael Vick? Scott.

  130. This poat and thread aren’t inciting me to violence.

    Come on you wingnuts! Try HARDER!

  131. Why is Michael being a Dick.

    It’s really Dick trying to be a Michael. He’s still a novice.

  132. “Why is Michael being a Dick.”


    “Michael Vick? Scott.”


    This place is worth every penny.

  133. Why is Michael being a Dick Michael.

    No need to insult Dick.

  134. Hahahahaha. Nothing funnier than handwringing by the *.edu set.

    Read the comment by “ZT” at 8:30pm (last in the list as I post this) … Bullseye!

  135. Interesting story linked at Instapundit about the only woman in the French Foreign Legion:

  136. South China Sea? I want to go there Michael.

    We were trolling people in the Keys when I saw a bull shark with his/her back arched and fins extended.

    I got out of the water ASAP.

    I grabbed my nephew’s shoulder and shouted shark!

    He did not hear me.

    I was laughed at for jumping in the boat and leaving him to die.

  137. Did anybody push anybody else onto the subway tracks today?

    There’s not a subway within a thousand miles of where I live. Unless you count the little pinche train that runs around dfw airport.

  138. I saw that Sean. Very interesting, indeed.

  139. Lightning.

    I had to read through a hard copy specification, where the ‘Engineer’ had spelled it lightening. In the lightning protection section.

    Bugged me.

  140. Good Job Pupster!

  141. We saw to water spouts out in the Bay during the Wharf Rat contest in Kemah. The spouts scared the dhit out of me. They were long, bent and tall (huge)

  142. I was laughed at for jumping in the boat and leaving him to die.

    Don’t feel bad. People our age have more than enough nephews.

  143. Thanks V.

  144. heheheh

  145. Thayt would be two not to nyquil drunk with a dash of abmien

  146. “trolling for people” = people hanging on to a rope dragged behind a boat.

    (looking for lobster ledges in my case)

  147. Wow Sohos!
    Go to bed. Now!

    Or not.

  148. I actually have an adopted black nephew, Jason, who married a Jamaican. I attended their wedding in Florida. They now live in London and keep producing grand-nephews. Last time I saw them was at a family reunion in Colorado a few years ago.

    I only mention this because, coincidentally, Jason friended me on Facebook today. Jason is kinda on the trailing edge of the technology curve. He’s a very bright, bookish kind of kid.

  149. Did I kill it?

    It is to early for me to kill a poat.

    I will pass out in 1/2 hour more or less.
    No ice or snow involved.

  150. Sounds terrifying, Michael.

  151. >> Sounds terrifying, Michael.


  152. Sohos, no doing a Karen Ann Quinlan!

  153. So, I’m down in GITMO doing a REFTRA aboard “Sucking 60 from Dixie”. Air Boss and Suppo realize that we aren’t getting any pax/mail/cargo reports from the bubbas at ATC in the NAS. They Bingo me to the beach to get the skinny. I get there and do some recon with the box-kickers and find there is a shitload of CLAMP and some snipe pogues, all awaiting transport to the boat.

    The Station only has 2 Hueys and the OpsO ain’t hot to eat up his pink sheets hotassing over the wire to push trash. So I get on the Ops squawkbox and give the Boss the straight gouge on trash. He says, “Use the pogues and I’ll send in the SeaKnights for the trash. Three days of that crap and I’ve got 4 additional pax and all of the outsize trash. . . more to follow

  154. Sounds terrifying, Michael.

    It was. I was scared shitless.

    Now, I’m not saying I actually shit in my swim trunks.

    I’m just saying, if that happens in the South China Sea, nobody is really going to notice.

  155. Michael,
    Haiti has some strange feelings about twins.

    They kill one so the other will survive. I have a friend that adopted a killed twin.

    My best fishing buddy is a twin that was adopted from Burma. They dumped both of them on the Christian Missionary’s compound. Before expelling them (and all of their associates.)
    Then killed anyone who wore glasses because they might be able to read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  156. MCPO, in English, por favor?

  157. So did everyone do their patriotic duty and suffer through Hannity to watch Palin?

  158. One night, while driving home during a bad thunderstorm, not 5 minutes after telling my young children that you hardly ever see tornados in densely populated areas of town, the lights went out in the neighborhood, and then lightning lit up the sky, illuminating 2 funnel clouds very close in front of our car.

    I didn’t think I had seen what I THOUGHT I had seen, but the next day it was confirmed that a tornado had, indeed, touched down in that spot at that time. Turns out there was a long open area right where the tornado touched down…..

  159. Roamy – That would ruin the whole point!

  160. Well, at least Andy got the joke…

  161. Sorry Andy,
    Watching Sr. Vs Jr.
    Rewinding to Hannity

  162. And is the Chief taking the same thing as Sohos? ‘Cuz he was just about as understandable….

  163. Morning, slackers. Somebody want to call my boss and tell him I don’t have to go to work tonight ?

    Work sucks.

  164. AG – Boss’ name and number?

  165. What the fuck is this shit.

  166. Who is karen Ann quinlan and am I not making sense?

  167. What the fuck is this shit.

    – – – – – –

    MOM!!!!! DAD!!!!!!! Your embarrassing me in front of my friends again!

  168. karen Ann quinlan

    Wow, long time since I heard that name.

  169. >> What the fuck is this shit.

    That’s fucking AWESOME! right there.

  170. Karen Ann dated Joe Biden!

  171. Rosie that is exellent, going to post that on my FB and make my liberal relatives heads explode!! lol!

  172. Karen Ann dated Joe Biden!

    That’s what put her in the coma.

  173. Sohos, Karen Ann Quinlan was one of the first cases for the right to die. She mixed drugs and alcohol, went into a coma, and never woke up. They got her off the respirator, and she lived for a while longer. 1970’s? I remember it.

    just the nyquil/Ambien combo, plus your misspellings evoked some concern.

  174. Holy batshit. Wanna see what Palin Derangement Syndrome obsession looks like? Here you go.

    I hope that guy that made that is under surveillance.

  175. Good Lord! This is seriously disturbed. I knew Boing Boing was hippie bullshit but this guy has lost the fight with mental illness.

    He needs a restraining order.

  176. Someone should call that village and tell them Rosie found their idiot.

  177. Seriously, I want to know what “sucking 60 from Dixie” means. Sounds like something a Navy man would do.

  178. Don’t worry about me…good night

  179. Okay, so he was on the Saratoga, and they weren’t getting any mail in, and the powers that be didn’t want to use helicopters to move the shit. What are pogues?

    other than the band that sang this

  180. . . .So I notice that the Station OpsO is a ring knocker, just like the Boss. I get on the squawkbox and tell the boss we need to do something ’cause I’ve got a J-79 on a QEC stand and you damned sure can’t sling that bitch under a rotor. I mention that the Boats on the leeward side has 2 Mike boats doing nothing but trolling for snapper in the bay. The Boss gets on the bat phone and works out a deal. Some cumshaw and pogiebait in exchange for a couple of knuckle draggers and use of one of the boats for 8 hours.

    Now, the J-79 is a big mammer-jammer and when plugged into a Phantom proves that, given enough thrust, a brick with stubby wings can hit Angels 30 in a heartbeat. It takes us about 4 hours to get permission to use the birdfarm’s super boom (just forward of the island near the Hummer hole). Then another 2 hours to muscle-fuck that motor into the boat. . . more to follow

  181. Dick – A pogue is an FNG in the Navy.

  182. MCPO’s interviewing for GE Theater?

  183. Some cumshaw and pogiebait …
    near the Hummer hole.


  184. If you guys are going to disparage me, I feel no need to finish the story.

  185. Disparage? I was remarking on your extolling the virtues of the General Electric J-79.

  186. FNG = REMF?

  187. Six hours have passed since beginning this evolution and we have a 2 hour window to use the Sara’s super boom. Meanwhile, this being the tropics, a thunderstorm blows up for an odd bell at the bottom and then departs.

    As soon as it has passed, the coxswain lights off the Motor city diesels and off we go. We estimate an ETA of 20. I get the pogues in cranials and Maewests, I got the ears on so I can gab with the WO who is running the Atari for the boom. We’re fighting some “moderate” chop in the bay as we head windward to the big boat. As we approach, I can see that the Sara’s knuckledraggers have rigged a jacob’s ladder from the forward elevator, just aft of our hook-up with the boom.

    As we transit the mouth of the bay, we start picking up some swells. But, we’ve got the QEC chocked up and the Mike is riding clean. . . more to follow

  188. Roamy – FNG = Fucking New Guy

  189. karen Ann quinlan Wow, long time since I heard that name.

    Quite a few years back I won the “Karen Ann Quinlan” award at a Halloween party for the costume most difficult to go to the bathroom in.

    Great party. It’s the party where Michael and a bunch of the guys kept watching some chick expose her breasts while they just sat there.

  190. btw… my costume. Full hooded KKK robes with the hangman’s noose slung across my shoulder.

  191. Gotta walk the pooches…

  192. okay, moving the cargo, weather making it interesting.

    “Moderate” chop would probably make me barf for three days.

    the QEC chocked up and the Mike is riding clean

    Not a clue what that means.

  193. Fuck ice!
    We have a strange setup and had 3 foot drifts on part of our roof, I eliminated them yesterday. I can normally get to the top of our house but this snow is just too slick. We have huge ice dams and am a bit concerned.

    If Scott is still on:

    Take some of Laura’s old panty hose (or tights), fill half of the leg w/ ice melt, tie shut and then pull the other half of the leg bag down (so it doubles up). Maneuver your ice melt hose onto the roof w/ the roof rake. Voila! No more ice damns. Friend of mine has small hooks in place so he can hook both ends on and they don’t roll off.

  194. MCPO,

    And then what happened?

  195. Well, guess if I’m alone, I can take off these pants.

  196. So. . . the Sara is riding the hook and we make our approach. The guys on the boat throw down a monkeyfist, I guide the knuckle down and we recheck the rig on the QEC. We hook up and I tell the WO to slowly take out the slack as the swells are pretty big.

    Just as he takes out the slack, we’re on top of the biggest swell we’ve seen all day. The bottom falls out of the swell, the boat drops 12 feet and the QEC lurches out of the boat. As the J-79 hits the apex of its’ arc, I scream into the headset for the WO to take her up. He hesitates and the damned thing starts swinging back. Luckily, the pogues hit the deck and the motor misses their noggins.I can feel the rush and smell the metal as it passes within about 3 inches of my face Finally, the boom starts pulling that motor up (at a rapid rate).

    As soon as the QEC clears the deckedge, I jump from the boat to the jacob’s ladder and, I swear, climbed 35 feet in about 1.8 seconds. There is a Boats from the goat locker on the elevator who intercepts me. “Where ya going, shipmate?” I’m still so jacked up on adrenaline, I don’t even realize my volume control is stuck on 11. “I’m going up to the flightdeck, pull that WO outta the boom and re-arrange his dental work!” The Chief starts laughing and says, “I don’t think so. Com’on, let’s have a smoke and a cup of joe.” It took me 35 minutes to stop shaking.

    And then I found $20

  197. Just another fine Navy day, huh?

  198. xBrad – 1981 and I still have dreams about it.

  199. WOW, good story, MCPO.

  200. I almost flipped a 10K forklift with lifting a 14k FUPP for an M1 up onto a HEMTT

  201. That is not my scariest sea story, but it is my longest.

  202. Dude, BiW says it was long.

  203. HAHAHAHA! I didn’t even talk about fishing for snapper, eating mangoes and drinking PBR!!

  204. what’s a FUPP and a HEMTT?

  205. FUPP is a “full up power-pack” which is the engine, reduction gear, transmission, and accessory box for an M1. It’s very easy to change the power-pack all at once. Changing any of the individual components is a pain.

    HEMTT is the Heavy Expanded Mobility Tactical Truck. Roughly a 10 ton payload off road.

  206. Closest call I was involved in was when one of the techs started removing the breech before we had vented the gun. It was a very good thing he was standing to the side, because it left a 2″ deep divot in the concrete wall.

  207. The logistical concept was that the tank battalion could easily swap the FUPP, then ship it back to the division trains, where it would be easier to break it down and repair or replace the bad component.

    The only problem is, the division trains didn’t have any organic means of lifting a 7 ton payload. The heaviest forklift we had was rated for 5 tons. But I’d managed to lift the damn thing anyway, as long as I was very, very careful and patient.

  208. Here is a J-79 on a QEC (quick engine change stand):

  209. That’s a big-ass engine to be swinging free.

  210. That’s a big-ass engine to be swinging free.

    That’s what *she* said.

  211. MCPO, you posted “Vehicle” earlier today, which made me think of this guy, who covered it (shut up, Wiser). This is the song I like best by him, and it seems appropriate as I head for bed.

    Good night, y’all.

  212. I forgot to mention that the pogues all had guy lines which they all dropped before we hit the trough of the swell. That left me holding the remaining line!

  213. Goodnight, Roamy. I’m out too.

  214. Well, that jus totally ruined the whole fucking story, then, didn’t it?

  215. OH crap! Went out for a smoke in the garage and we’ve already got 2 inches of snow. . . can’t wait for the ice to start!

  216. I’m quite happy that Nebraska’s really not gotten much snow so far this year. Few inches last week and some annoying freezing rain tonight

  217. can’t wait for the ice to start!

  218. Damn, everyone went to bed early tonight.

  219. Damn, everyone went to bed early tonight.

    Everybody but the night shift.

  220. Well, I’m here. Back from walking the dogs. Mnd missed Chief’s story. Didn’t understand much of it anyway.

  221. Mnd = And

  222. I don’t think we qualify as “ones”

  223. Yep. Unqualified. You all enjoy.

  224. Everybody but the night shift.

    Been on the night shift here for a long time, AG.

  225. Jeebers, it’s like I’ve got the plague or something.

  226. I’m so bored I’m hitting Random on tvtropes

  227. I’m watching some guy on an international news show, and they’re talking to him via a webcam which seems to be swinging back and forth. I’m getting dizzy.

  228. Ha! Before I got a laptop, all I had here for entertainment was broadcast TV … at night. I don’t know if they still do it but ABC news at around 3:00am used to have the anchors just sitting at the desk reading newspapers and commenting on the stories.

    I *really* love my laptop.

  229. World News Now. That’s where Anderson Cooper got his start. I used to watch that.

    Oh, and the thing I’m watching is on public television and it’s this…

    Nothing but anti-American propaganda. It’s disgusting.

  230. Nothing but anti-American propaganda. It’s disgusting.

    Pretty much everything these days.

  231. The chyron right now:

    “MLK’s dream used and abused to push Pentagon agenda”


  232. Yesterday’s local news had a story on the House voting to repeal obamacare … the caption was “Aftermath of Tucson”

    Sometimes it just gets *old*.

  233. Pretty much everything these days.

    This is seriously worse. It comes out of Russia, and it features jagoffs like this almost exclusively:

    Seriously, MSNBC looks kind of good in comparison.

  234. Oh, they just put up a disclaimer after the broadcast. “Some material may be objectionable. Viewer discretion is advised.”

  235. Mark William Rudd (born June 2, 1947) is a political organizer, mathematics instructor, and anti-war activist, most well known for his involvement with the Weather Underground.

    Damn. Yeah, I can see how that’d give MSNBC a good run.

  236. Before him, they had a guy who had written some book on the “Bush Dynasty.” This was in conjunction with some bullshit about how illegitimate the original Gulf War was.

  237. Why do you torture yourself ?

  238. Know thy ar-tard jagoff enemy.

  239. Better you than me. I can’t tolerate that shit.

  240. Which is why the vast majority of everything I post at H&B either has tits or an alcohol content.

  241. Alcohol and tits (or ass, from what I’ve seen of your site) are my faves, too, but politics is just something that I do.

  242. politics is just something that I do.

    Oh, I’m quite a junky myself although not as much as I used to be. I guess I’m just tired. I can’t bring myself to read/watch the other side anymore. Additionally, I’m nowhere near as good a writer as many of the other voices on the right and there’s so many of them that rarely does a stone get left unturned. I generally leave the political writing to them.

    And, yeah, I’m an ass-man so there tends to be a lot of ass at H&B. I do try to mix it up, I just tend to be drawn in by the ass :)

  243. It’s old, but it’s worth it…

  244. Ah, yeah, I remember that.

  245. Also,


  246. Comment by Herr Morgenholz on January 17, 2011 8:07 am

    Well, I’ve just been sitting here without clothing being disgusted.



    *** Wipes KittyTears from Eyes ***


    *** Pounds all Four Paws against Floor *** Breaks Rib ***


    *** Throws Herr a CleanTowel ***

    Dude, that is the FUNNIEST THING I’ve seen around here since Dave-in-Texas last wore Spandex…

  247. Comment by Sean M. on January 18, 2011 1:31 am

    Jeebers, it’s like I’ve got the plague or something.

    Well, you live in Crummyfornia, have Questionable Friends, and a bad TimeSlot…

  248. Sox! How you be you ol’ flea bag?

  249. Comment by TattooedIntellectual on January 17, 2011

    Take some of Laura’s old panty hose (or tights), fill half of the leg w/ ice melt, tie shut and then pull the other half of the leg bag down (so it doubles up). Maneuver your ice melt hose onto the roof w/ the roof rake. Voila! No more ice damns. Friend of mine has small hooks in place so he can hook both ends on and they don’t roll off.

    And WHO says they don’t know How to Party in Nebraska…

  250. Hey Brew!! Late to MouseHunt! Hows you!

  251. Nice summary.

    ‘Sup, Bitches?

  252. Have a good day Sox. Hey ‘Cano, what’s up in Paradise™?

  253. Mornin’ all.

    And good afternoon 3 days from now ‘Cano.

  254. W**** W*****

  255. Ice?

    Fuck ice!

  256. Heavy sleet, slowly turning to freezing rain.

    Traveling today will be fun.

  257. Just rain here. Nigh on forty degrees. Ayup. But it’ll be 10 on Thursday. Hooray!

  258. Snowing like a mofo here scott.

    Did you get snow first, or has it been freezing rain the whole time?

  259. twenty minutes until January 19th. Nothing going on. Eatin a pizza.

  260. *looks at New England weather radar*
    *points and laughs*

  261. twenty minutes until January 19th. Nothing going on. Eatin a pizza.

    Forgive my ignorance, but where you be, ‘cano? With that time zone I’m picturing a pizza with dried squid and seaweed toppings.

  262. *Extends middle finger towards Ohio*

    *Arches shot over Connecticut*

  263. You are correct, sir. (Actually, pepperoni and (believe it or not) corn. (The strange things you get from the korean pizzamaker…))

  264. Snow?

  265. *Arches shot over Connecticut*

    You’re a better man than I.

  266. Bit chilly here, too. Time to turn off the aircon.

  267. You’ve got ‘Canos pizza toppings about right Herr. He’s in the &%$# South Pacific.

  268. The strange things you get from the korean pizzamaker…

    “No, I said light on the kim-chi, hold the bow-wow, and none of that hot-pepper-goo-shit. What’s it called? Nin-com-poop? Yeah none of that shit.”

  269. 3-4 inches of snow 1st. When I woke up it was 17 degrees and pouring ice.

    Looks like a 4WD only day.

  270. Ahem. NORTH Pacific.

  271. Yankee.

  272. heh

  273. Ahem. NORTH Pacific.

    That’s a relief. I was expecting you to break out a bad rendition of “Happy Talk” at any time.

  274. *Arches shot over Connecticut*

    Saw that in a pr0n film, once.

    Morning, taint sniffers.
    10 degress and snowing. Gonna be a beautiful day.

  275. Just rain here. Nigh on forty degrees. Ayup. But it’ll be 10 on Thursday. Hooray!

    34 yesterday, and melting snow. Today, 14 and everything is ice. Plus more snow in the forecast. Headed your way!

    You’re welcome.

  276. Really? Why did I think you were on the other side of the line?

    That ruins everything!

  277. Not picking up what you put down, Herr. Your allusion escapes me.

  278. Is Car in gonna wake us up today? I need to get stuff done!

  279. “Happy Talk” is the stupidest song in “South Pacific”, a musical noted for its wealth in all matters of teh Stoopid.

  280. >> Looks like a 4WD only day.

    Yeah. I’m “working from home.” Which means mostly fucking off here.

    The little guy’s school is closed.

  281. Woo hoo! Van made it around the block.

    I can save or create 2.5 million jobs today.

  282. Well, I’ll go to bed, and let y’all continue with your usual Happy Talk.

  283. “Yeah. I’m “working from home.” Which means mostly fucking off here.”

    * Makes note in Andy’s file *

  284. Is Carin still skiing her ass off?

  285. 63 and humid here

  286. At DRUDGE, Is that an old picture of Obama bowing or a new one? When will that amateur learn a President represents US, he doesn’t bow on our behalf? We don’t care if you’re titled, we’re American’s for Heaven’s sake we started this deal to get away from titled douchebags.

    (When I hear the Kennedys are “American Royalty”, I want to do some stabbing. Especially considering how scummy those people act.)

    Oh, and Hello!!!!!!!! Americano!

  287. mare, looks like a new bow. I haven’t seen that one before.

    What is it with him and bowing?

  288. Mare, that would be a new one.

    Jay, he’s a cocksucker. It’s a natural motion for him.

  289. Obama is “culturally aware”. He is giving a bow of respect as is proper in cultures where they abort girls and raise pekinese for barbecue.

    Or the Chinaman is laughing his ass off at what a weak, pusillanimous little douche our Barry is. Take your pick.

  290. Wakey wakey!!

  291. I’m alive but this poat stinks of death

  292. Got home last night — 75% of the drive was in practically white-out conditions. Fun. This morning I was up early to go pick up my dogs. My sister drove them to the warehouse in Sterling Heights, and I met her there and transferred. Drive in wasn’t too bad … drive out got worse and worse, and I almost ended up in a ditch.

    It was 35 degrees and raining this morning, now it’s hovering around 30 and snowing like a mofo. I had to go shovel the dish to get online.

  293. this poat stinks of death


  294. Skiing was fun fun fun. Yesterday was great. So empty and with the freshly falling snow … you got to make tracks and the lesser traveled runs.

    So. Much. Fun.

  295. Yup, Herr.

    I had hoped the inevitable disastrous confluence of the Peter Principle and affirmative action would occur before it hit the highest office in the land, but it wasn’t meant to be.

  296. New post with very unappetizing picture.

  297. the inevitable disastrous confluence of the Peter Principle and affirmative action

    Marvin Lewis, please pick up the courtesy phone.

  298. Glad you and family made it home safe and sound Carin

  299. I had hoped the inevitable disastrous confluence of the Peter Principle and affirmative action would occur before it hit the highest office in the land, but it wasn’t meant to be.

    That was the most concise and to-the-point explanation of how Obama got elected I have ever seen, Andy.

  300. Is that your belly button in your avatard, Carin?

  301. Last night HotBride and I watched The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Very violent and graphic, which neither of us like, but we enjoyed the movie – good story line and many twists. Good acting.

  302. Yep. HS. New thread, though.

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