Last Call for Secret Santa Sign Up

OK, Morons. I know I said I’d close this on the 30th, but I think I’ve got a yeah or nay for just about everyone.

If you haven’t signed up and you really do want someone to send you an inflatable sheep or giant purple dildo, sign up. NOW.

Email me at bariejr AT gmail DOT com

INCLUDE YOUR REAL NAME AND MAILING ADDRESS, you morons.

The drawing will be totally random, but if Hostagettes send me sexy pictures (of themselves, not farm animals) at that address, who knows what pleasant turns fate may take in terms of who you get sentenced with?  **looks at MCPO and his standing request for a box of Depends**

So sign up today so I can get the emails out this weekend, and get back to planning my holiday season:

drunken-santa-claus

418 Comments

  1. This is the best drunken Santa poat all day!

    So far.

  2. Is that the Bambi we’ve supposeldy been waiting for all day?

    Disappointing, to say the least.

  3. Yay! Best drunken poat evah!!

  4. Where be the breastes??

  5. **checks gmail**

    Sadly, MCPO, not in my email yet.

  6. http://tinyurl.com/2g925je

  7. Where be the breastes??

    http://tinyurl.com/3anenag

  8. Dammit, Wiser!! Ya big tease!

  9. Aggie!!!!

  10. If you’re a retard, please see the edited text above.

  11. Hey, I have sent pics to you, Brad. I better get a pleasant turn.

    *waits for the pervs*

  12. Aggie, don’t think your efforts have gone unnoticed.

    As a noob, you’re lucky. You’ve never actually had to change MCPOs depends. Or meet Wiser.

  13. I’m a kindhearted soul, Brad. If MCPO needed help in that dept, I would certainly give it.

    And meeting Wiser is one of my Things To Do Before I Die :)

  14. Aggie – Thank you. As you may have ascertained from my FaceChimp page, Wiser and I are (almost) the same age.

  15. Meeting Wiser is one of the things you do that makes you want to die.

  16. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Age?? Since when does that matter??? Sheesh…

  17. Whoo Hoo!! Chat thingy is up and running!!

    http://www.hookersandbooze.com

  18. Thanks, Aggie, Suck all the oxygen out of my post…

  19. **wanders in, sits down next to XBrad, puts head on his shoulder, passes around Xtra-Valu size Val-U-Rite bottle**

  20. ROAMY!!!

    I am so sorry for your loss, honey.

    *gives Roamy hugs and prayers*

  21. Oh, Roamy, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for you.

  22. Thank you, more than words can say. It’s just not sinking in right now – it’s like I’ve reached my limit.

  23. **[[[hugs Romacita]]] and takes a big swig of Val-U-Rite**

  24. Roamy – So sorry. It has been a very tough year.

  25. So somebody give me a rundown – did wiser kill anyone, and how much is his bail bond?

  26. Not yet.

    Princess Perfect is on the short list though….

  27. Words fail Roamy, hugs don’t.. (hugs)

  28. Hugs are most welcome, thank you.

  29. Loan her a kitten, will you, catman?

  30. Stepmom has a cat here. He’s rather pissed about the extra people in the house, except for Mini-me, who has been petting him almost nonstop.

  31. Roamy’s family has gotten way more than their fair share of pain this past couple years. Damn, girl. I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. Sincerest condolences from the W household to you and yours.

    *splashes a little Val-U-Rite on xbrad’s sleeve and lights him on fire to make Romy smile*

  32. So very, very sorry for your loss, Roamy. On top of everything else, to have this happen must be beyond imagination. Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Virtual hugs being sent your way. If there is anything that we can do, please let us know.

    How is your aunt holding up? It doesn’t matter how old a child is – losing one is the hardest thing that a parent will ever have to endure. Please let her know that she is being lifted up in many peoples’ prayers today.

  33. OK, I don’t mind being set on fire for comic relief, but DON’T WASTE THE BOOZE.

    Jeebers. Too cheap to buy some gasoline?

  34. Jeebers. Too cheap to buy some gasoline?

    Took about 40 gallons to get rid of that stump!

  35. I think, for once, it’s our turn to get Roamy a sammich.

  36. Aunt is holding up as well as can be expected. She and her 15-year-old granddaughter are leaning on each other right now.

  37. Oh hell, Roamy. So sorry to hear. Please know that your family is in the prayers of mine.

  38. it’s our turn to get Roamy a sammich.

    Just for that, I’ll make sure I don’t hit you in the face with the fire extinguisher.

  39. How’s PattyAnn doing?

  40. *hugs Roamy

  41. Well. Asked and answered.

    How’s that for service.

  42. Haha, Roamy, our thoughts crossed.

  43. Can’t ask for any better than that.

  44. The crowd watching the Alabama- Auburn game just went f’ing nuts.

  45. Auburn just came back…

  46. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

  47. Brad is wigging out, I see.

  48. I was going to ask which team Xbrad was pulling for, Auburn or Alabama, but I think I got my answer. IIRC, his dad was one, his mom was the other.

  49. Nah, just very disappointed.

  50. Yep. Dad Auburn, Mom AL.

    I’ve traditionally rooted for AL.

  51. **hugs Dick back**

    There aren’t words, my friend. It’s just good to be here and lean on someone for a while, read some stupid, and laugh.

    I doubt I will be going to FL for the funeral. The siblings and I are having a pow-wow tomorrow on what we’re going to do.

  52. OK, I don’t mind being set on fire for comic relief, but DON’T WASTE THE BOOZE.

    Jeebers. Too cheap to buy some gasoline?

    Gasoline is more expensive than Val-U-Rite. Tastes better, too.

  53. Happy day after Thanksgiving my beloved hotties and strangers.

  54. Hey romey, if you wanna read some stupid, I can tell you about my stubborn stepdaughter, her idiot father, and their attempts to buy her a car with no credit and no money.

  55. I’m sorry, Roamy. *hugs*

  56. Roamy, you just had a pretty major procedure done. I know that your aunt and her family will understand if you aren’t able to make it to the funeral. A nice card, flowers and/or a phone call should suffice. When you are able to collect your thoughts – I’m sure that things are confusing right now.

    And you know that you have LOTS of shoulders to lay your head on around here. We all love you so very much…..

  57. OMG, this lady is interviewing an Auburn offensive lineman, and he is 2′ taller than her.

  58. No fair, Dick… I was gone!

  59. Hey romey, if you wanna read some stupid, I can tell you about my stubborn stepdaughter, her idiot father, and their attempts to buy her a car with no credit and no money

    Please do!

    **wolf whistles at dick**

  60. Hiya Romster.

    http://tinyurl.com/2922jmb

  61. Deepening shadows gather splendor
    As day is done
    Fingers of night will soon surrender
    The setting sun

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWHuZa1DxrM&feature=related

  62. So how does one go about breaking a voodoo curse? Dance naked under the full moon?

    (may not help, but the stalkers might like it)

  63. OK, I’ve done my small part to stimulate the economy. After-Thanksgiving sales were taken advantage of – some presents were purchased, as well as some much-needed “replacement” items (it’s been several years since Mrs. TiFW got new jammies). All of the teachers’ gifts have been taken care of, as well as stocking stuffers for sisters-in-law, MiL gifts, and a few things for the TiFW spawnlettes.

    Mr. TiFW is gonna have a minor heart attack when he sees the bank statement – good thing he’s all mellowed out after last night’s Aggie win…..

    Now, if only I could get the front room cleaned out so I can put up the Christmas tree – or as the children call it, “The Ornament Rack” – the TiFW “tree” is a bit unconventional (http://www.solutions.com/jump.jsp?itemID=4273&itemType=PRODUCT), but I like it!

  64. Roamy, don’t believe ANYTHING you hear from this group of degenerates about breaking a curse if it involves you being nekkid and them being there in person to see you perform it (or sending them a video and/or pictures, either……)!

  65. (it’s been several years since Mrs. TiFW got new jammies)

    You need to go shopping with me. Seriously.

  66. ROamy – It could work, but I’ll need HD video of the event to judge the efficacy.

  67. So how does one go about breaking a voodoo curse?

    I asked my Santeria uncle that once. He told me that he doesn’t do voodoo. He’s a professional. So, I asked what he did, and I made him stop after the whole chicken and fresh blood thing.

    I have an interesting family…

  68. Romette – first things first. *hug*
    Basically, steppie drives a reliable non-fun car that currently needs scheduled maintenance. Financed through Bank of Reason, with Mrs and steppie on title. Rather than perform maintenance, she and biological father have decidedshe should get a new car. But shes got no credit and cant even afford insurance now on this car, let alone payments and insurance on a new(er) one. But, we’re the mean people that won’t let her feed her sense of entitlement, with all our reality and logic.

  69. Oh, HELL no, Dick – I’m a huge fan of taking advantage of the online after-Thanksgiving sales. Many of the vendors are more than happy to offer their values early, I can shop in my pajamas, I can “go” to more places without having to drive to a store and walk around, and the wares get delivered to my front door. What could be better?

    DD#1 was making some noise yesterday about getting out in the fray – this is her first year as a full-fledged “adult” (she’s graduated and making her own money). Ah, well – she’s young, and I guess it’s a rite of passage. Now she can say that she’s been there, done that, and got the T-Shirt –

    One of my sister’s first jobs as a cub reporter for the Dallas Times Herald was to cover the madness that is known as “Black Friday”. Being a noob, she was the one thrown to the wolves that day – it’s probably a good thing she had NO idea what Black Friday was at the time……

  70. Reason, good for you.

  71. You would have to pay me to go shopping on Black Friday.

  72. So Theresa’s been sleeping in tatters and/or naked for the past few years, but now has jammies. And she thinks that he’s gonna be pissed about the *bill?*

  73. Oh, Aggie, you must understand – there aren’t that many cute PJ’s made in size “Tent” that don’t cost an arm and a leg. I really don’t wear them that often – I usually wear street clothes until bath/bedtime. And I’m not saying anything else – our children know to knock on the door AND announce their presence before entering the parental units’ bedroom…..

  74. Mrs getting on the title was the best thing we did. Making a copy of the key was second-bestest.

  75. I dont think the bill is gonna be what pisses off Mr. FTW. The lack of naked wife…

  76. Romy I am so sorry for you and your family

  77. Final in this series. . . excellent sax work.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Dfc9EZShRw

  78. So, not only does Mr Theresa not get a naked woman in his bed, he gets to pay for the non-nakedness apparatus? Rad.

  79. I’m trying to pick out a good network attached storage drive, but on both amazon and newegg, pretty much everything gets has reviews that are either 5 stars or 1 star. Half the people say “Perfect” and the other half say “Total POS!!!!” and I can’t tell who knows what they’re talking about. :-(

  80. Peelio – Went through the same thing with Blu-ray players today on those two sites. WTF??

  81. Yeah, I’ve run across the same thing with NAS devices. I figure I’m gonna wait until a friend buys one he likes, then get one for myself.

  82. Deader than Harry Reid’s penis.

  83. From IOTW – exclusive footage of the “Lippaquiddick Massacre”:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5bKTHDQGJg&feature=player_embedded

  84. I kilt it…..

  85. Nap fail.

    Too cold, then the phone rings, then I had to get up to piss.

    I’m grumpy as hell now.

  86. I’m grumpy as hell now.

    And this would be different how?

  87. **puts itching powder in MCPO’s Depends**

    **stands on MCPO’s lawn**

  88. *loads Rabbi Mossberg*

    Sumpfing you need, xBad?

  89. Hostage large mammal lecture series; Part 1

    From the previous poat:

    Andy, at least it’s a dog and not a ball-less cow

    All cows are ball-less.

    Please return to your regularly scheduled programming.

  90. Evenin’

    What the santa is this claus?

  91. Andy – I looked in the mail today. No venison ham from you!? :-(

  92. I think it would have been funny if the deer had shot Andy….

  93. Strangely, they would not step in front of my gun.

    I blame Mare!

  94. Were any adult beverages stalked and killed today Andy?

  95. Well, all my shit is moved into the new place.

  96. Tatts – Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

  97. i dunno MCPO. Until her old furniture gets moved on Tuesday I can’t even set up my bed. And since the carpet guy won’t be there until sometime in Dec, I can’t unpack too much. But it’s all moved.

  98. Tatts You need to hit the lottery and build the place of your dreams on the prairie.

  99. I would need a retreat in the mountains and one on a nice secluded island somewhere.

  100. I went ahead and hired 2Men and a Truck to move my stuff. They had it done in under 2 hrs. It was fucking awesome.

  101. Yay?

  102. PAC 10 officiating crew.

  103. >> Were any adult beverages stalked and killed today Andy?

    In progress.

    Hey, anyone know if the 12 stitches they gave President Odouche went through both lips? If someone would sew that bastard’s mouth shut, he’d be doing the world a great favor.

  104. Midday ONT at Ace’s: load the SNL clip then drag the doodad to the ten-minute mark and watch the commercial.

    I love seeing commercials that big stars did when they was nobodies.

  105. Wow, PG. That’s educational.

  106. I heard about OhBambi. My question is this: Was a national tragedy avoided? Was the teleprompter injured??

  107. LauraW – Thanks for the suggestion but it takes me 5 minutes to set up a proxy.

  108. I member that commercial.

    I liked it when he let the dog have the mic.

  109. MCPO, here you go

    http://www.myspace.com/video/vid/25906286#pm_cmp=vid_OEV_P_P

  110. I just wonder how badly his abdomen was bruised. I mean, his head’s so far up his ass that there has to be some serious damage.

  111. ^FTW

  112. What do you want to bet the Congressional Hispanic Caucus has trouble with the White House soon

  113. I just got carded for a pack of smokes.

  114. I just got carded for a pack of smokes.

    Did you show them the fake Doctor’s note? Did you score the Herb?

  115. Cheap Chinese made plastic Christmas tree up? Check.
    Compressed Fiber log burning in fireplace? Check.
    Piss-like beer in hand? Check

    Nothing like an old fashioned Christmas.

  116. I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.

  117. I picked a bad week to quit eating paste.

  118. **looks at water glass of black tequila in Dick’s hand**

    Uh huh.

  119. At this rate, Herr’s definitely having cat food for Christmas dinner.

  120. I picked a bad week to quit smoking PCP.

  121. Heh, love the kissing baby avatar, MCPO.

  122. Rocketchick!

    {{{hug}}}

  123. Roamy, what else can we do for you?

  124. Roamy – He’s blowing kisses at you!

  125. At this rate, Herr’s definitely having cat food for Christmas dinner.

    Oh, I’m sure I can go lower than that.

  126. I picked a bad week to quit auto-erotically asphyxiating myself.

  127. Do you like Gladiator movies?

  128. Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

  129. Ever been in a Turkish prison?

  130. Don’t call me Shirley.

  131. Hahahahahaha, Andy!

  132. Frances Gump is chanting about, “Lions and tigers and bears, Oh my!”

  133. Have you got a vector, Victor?

  134. Roger, Rodger

  135. Trouble in the cockpit, what is it?

    It’s the little room at the front where they fly the plane, but that’s not important right now.

  136. I speak Jive.

  137. Anyone catch them both today on AMC? They were cut, but it was still fun to watch.

  138. XBrad, I don’t think there’s anything you can do, other than let me hang out, say stupid shit, and laugh.

  139. I do appreciate all the hugs, prayers, and warm thoughts, more than words can say. Y’all are the best.

  140. Cuffy says hi and passes along his hugs.

  141. Hi everyone. Hi Roamy

    [[[[[[‘nother hug in case you missed the earlier one]]]]]

  142. Quite possibly one of the greatest movies ever.

    Yes! I am not big on watching movies more than once but I can watch that movie anytime, anyplace.

  143. *hugs roamy, grinds just a little*

  144. These clowns are all pervs. Even the broads.

    Yeah, you have your work cut out for you, trying to be the perviest. No pinching, though.

  145. Did andy kill anything today?

  146. Did andy kill anything today?

    He bagged a chicken sandwich.

  147. Started watching “The Party” with Peter Sellers. heh heh heh

  148. IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nudp1vbaEYE

  149. Hi Romy,
    I can turn my A/C down to 50 and light a fire.

    But it is 80 out.

  150. *gives Roamy the “gentlemanly handshake”*

  151. ….Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home…..

  152. I did not. Going again in the morning.

  153. Birdie num-nums!

  154. Honestly, I was thinking this through today.

    Those who get the most deer … are prolly the least employed mo-fos out there. The ones who have days and days to kill standing in the woods.
    NTTAWWT

    My hairdresser … they get, like, 7 deer a season. Husband – unemployed. Oldest son? Doing nothing.

    Of course, they *need* the deer. One of the girls also works out at the gym, and she’s worried that if they don’t get enough deer they’ll starve.

    (she took 4 days off to go hunting, and didn’t kill anything)

  155. Less than four hours to my b-day — getting old.

    A bottle of pinot, a fire in the fireplace, elk tenderloin marinating and I don’t have to work tomorrow.

    Where’s my hot redhead?

  156. I’m learning about the Capitan Reef.

  157. Carrot top should be there any minute Mesa.

  158. Where’s my hot redhead?
    Craigslist MesainTexas

  159. Mesa – Christina Hendricks just called. . . she’ll be delayed. Seems she was singled out for a pat down at every stop on her trip to Houston!

  160. Where’s my hot redhead?

    http://tinyurl.com/ygy73pe

    Enjoy!

  161. I actually met that guy when I was checking out of a hotel in Madison.

    Before he was a freaky plastic surgery cat lady he was a pretty nice guy.

  162. MC, I’ll wait — a month if need be.

    Sean, no way I’m clicking on that link.

    Vmax, not looking for a chick with a d**k.

  163. Happy early Birfday, MesaOldinTexas.

  164. OMG, PBS is actually saying that the earth warms up periodically because of precession and the changing distance of earth orbit.

    I wonder how that figured into the statistics that the global warming religionists use and won’t let us see.

  165. Thanks X, 38 is pretty old.

  166. Awww, Happy Birthday, Mesa!!

  167. I believe you, Mesa, I’m dreading my upcoming 29th.

  168. And another ;)

    http://tinyurl.com/28by2cv

  169. Sean, no way I’m clicking on that link.

    Aw, you’re no fun anymore.

  170. Man, Aggie’s stock keeps going up in my book.

  171. I’m gonna be 25 next week. That’s a big one, I think.

  172. Liar, liar, pants on fire!

  173. So, Wiser turned 18 the other day??

  174. The man wanted a redhead or two, so I deliver.

  175. I’m hurt, v-man.

  176. Strikes chief from “the list.”

  177. The GW is going to the Yellow Sea? Really?

    Cohones, big brass ones!

  178. Tell me you’re a red, Aggie, and I’ll marry you here and now.

  179. Jingle Bells. Who does it best? Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra?

  180. I did not specify you Car in,
    Mesa also claimed to be under 40.

  181. I’m glad I’m off the
    Special
    High
    Intensity
    Training

    List!

  182. Bing Crosby, Carin.

    Tell me you’re a red, Aggie, and I’ll marry you here and now.

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!

  183. Jingle Bells. Who does it best? Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra?

    Probably Bing, but go with Frank anyway, if you know what’s good for ya.

  184. @XBradTC: Hands off my cob-logger!

  185. A red Puerto Rician X,
    Really?

    I do not care whar color Aggies hair is I am in love.

    Ok Lust.
    I did not say that did I?

  186. Well, some red highlights would be nice.

  187. I think Frank’s is better. I have both, and we just did an in-depth analysis.

    It really , REALLY pains me to say this, but Barbara Streistand did a really good version. She recoded it back in 67.

  188. **shuns Car in**

  189. I love Christmas music (shut up Lauraw and Scott). last year I sent Hotspur a Christmas CD.

    If he ever tells me the first few tunes on the CD, I’ll send him a ‘nother. I have my saved playlists, but I didn’t note which one i sent him last year.

    No repeats.

  190. look, xbrad. It pained me to admit that, but it’s truth. Go listen.
    and then try to tell me it sucks.

    As much pleasure as it would give me to admit that, I can not.

  191. Dick – I fixed your comment.

  192. Not gonna happen, Car in.

  193. Dick, my son just rightly pointed out that zombies do NOT take your soul.

    So … fail.

    It doesn’t make me happy to have to admit this. And, I’m not saying I’d buy it or anything.

    I do have my principals. I just have to admit she did do a good job on that album.

  194. I’ll just download the newest Ke$ha tune.

  195. My sister had the album back in the late 70’s.

    I remember, and I just went to double-check to see if I was thinking straight.

    I was.

    Jingle bells. she did a good job on that tune.

  196. Speaking of Christmas music, I just flipped past the end of this movie:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jECdAxeIJgc

  197. what’s Ke$sha ?

  198. I just watched Elf too, Andy. That’s the one christmas song I really like. We have an old record with a Brook Benton version that is really good.

  199. Ok. Best Ave Maria?

    Nominees?

    Chris Cornell.

  200. Listen to him, Car in, he’s pre-med a Zombie Clown.

  201. ha.

  202. Happy Birthday, mesa. If I felt better, I’d offer to kill you.

    Dick, I thought you were calling yesterday?

  203. Carin –

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8g6Tqqc6DQ

  204. PATTYANN!!

    Herself was just asking about you!

  205. Song? I was just looking for an excuse to link Zooey.

  206. I like this one Carin

    for a solo

  207. But truly you cannot be the Vienna Boys Choir version.

  208. >> Best Ave Maria?

    Harry Connick, Jr.

  209. MCPO! Please tell Herself I almost feel good enough to still be alive.

  210. One vote for Charlotte Church.

  211. Hi PA!
    I miss you! and lurves you too!

  212. Hard to beat Renee

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsBt9yZDslA

  213. Here’s something for the next HHD

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYMLMj-SibU&feature=fvw

    HI PA!

  214. PrettyAnn!

  215. PattyAnn – Herself says, “Heal up, girlfriend!”

  216. Tats, the singing was beautiful, but the violin sounded horrible. What was up with that?

  217. On that first one Carin?

    I dunno.

    That’s one of those songs I don’t like solo. I much prefer choral versions.

  218. No fans of Renee Fleming? Hmmm, surprising.

  219. I’m working thought them slowly, chief. Cool your jets.

  220. Nope, don’t like Renee

    But I did find this one

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVYK2_NPhqY

  221. I think Pavarotti prolly does one of the best. He was so good.

  222. so. Mom surprised me when she came home from the thrift shop today.

    She bought a coffee pot.

    Now, our current coffee pot is dying, so there’s that. But when I suggested replacing it, she yelled at me the other day.

    What really surprises me is that we have two coffee pots in the garage gathering dust.

    Plus an old stovetop percolater.

  223. Josh Grobin’s would prolly sound pretty good if it wasn’t so fucking over-produced.

  224. Geez, Dick, that was the first time a guy said he would call me and didn’t ;)

    smoochies vmax!

  225. xBrad – I actually prefer percolator coffee to the drip stuff.

  226. I like the Ave Maria at the end of Fantasia.

  227. Americano says hi, but he’s a bit busy to stop by:

    (cano asked me not to link that pic)

  228. I just don’t like josh groban.

    I have been gaining an appreciate for Michael Buble.

  229. Anyone have a recommendation for a Blu-Ray player under $150?

  230. xBrad – I actually prefer percolator coffee to the drip stuff.

    Well. duh.

    I mean, it’s so superior. I’ve had a percolator for … crap, 15 years now. My mil ruined me for drip coffee.

    I’ve converted my sister and my mother since.

  231. Anyone have a recommendation for a Blu-Ray player under $150?

    Looting.

  232. JOsh has a wonderful voice. But his recordings are horrible over-produced. I can’t stand listening to it.

  233. I prefer a coffee pot that starts while I’m still in bed. And has a hot cup of coffee ready for me when I stumble into the kitchen.

  234. Linky no worky, b-rad.

  235. Sean beat me.

    That was gonna be my recommendation.

  236. horribly. I mean.

  237. Wiser must be having fun tonight.

    Either that, or he’s in jail.

  238. I really have some horrible news.

    I was informed, tonight, that my stepmonster plans on re-cooperating HERE, in my house, when she had knee surgery.

    FUCK ME.
    Honestly, I’m gonna kill myself.

    No joke.

    My only hope ? She needs to lose 30 lbs before the doc will do it.

    She says 20, but my dad says 30.

    I think I should make my fett alfredo tomorrow.

  239. Coffee is nasty.

  240. For reals on the Blu Ray, Chief:

    http://tinyurl.com/2am93rq

  241. Cano asked me to delete the link. Sorry.

  242. Coffee is nasty.

    You’ll like it when you’re a grown-up, Tats.

  243. Brad: count me in on Santa

  244. email me your addy and stuff, Eddie, and I’ll add you right this minute.

    bariejr AT gmail yada yada yada

  245. Nope, can’t do the caffeine anyway.

    Carin, do you have a one level or something?

  246. Honestly. It’s going to be horrible. 6 weeks. I’m going to constantly be out of bandwidth. My stepmother is a horder … I can only imagine the piles she’s going to attempt to create here and there in my house.

    HOnestly. It is going to suck so hard, I may have to go away for a bit.

    Not to mention that my dad is going to … need me to do shit. Honestly. How does an extrememly overweight, elder woman expect a wheelchair bound, dialysis depended man to help her?

    Of course. She’s got a perfectly healthy SON and his wife who could help her.

    Oh. You guys haven’t even heard the beginning of my bitching about this. It could be epic.

    I may drive away hostages.

  247. or I could ban your ip, Car in.

  248. No, but I do have everything my dad needs on one level. And he’s got two beds in his room.

    This is going to suck so bad.

    I mean, I’ve helped my dad off the toilet. I’m not helping HER. I didn’t sign up for that.

  249. Been there done that Carin, twice w/ my mother.

  250. You plan on changing your phone number too, xbrad?

  251. hahaha, Dick, just giving you a hard time.

  252. **finger hovers over banhammer**

  253. Yea, you know it’s one thing when it’s your parent. It’s another when it’s a step, who had favored her own child over you for 30 years. Who has explained, in detail, how HE deserves everything.

    fuck that.

    Things were taken from me, and given to him.

    And now … this.

  254. Go ahead an ban me. I’ve got your number on speed dial.

  255. Carin, you can say no.

    It may cause a shit storm, but you can do it.

    And yeah, this is blood mom. But I still wanted to strangle her ass.

  256. And there are rehab hospitals out there, specifically designed to deal w/ people recuperating from surgeries.

  257. I wasn’t even asked.

    See, it’s happening.

    Of course, i pay all the bills. This are fucked. I’m screwed.

    and I’m blaming mare xbrad.

    My only recourse, is that I’ve got five kids who are LOUD and energetic. Any my stepmother is one of the laziest people I know. She’s not going to be able to put up with all the activity here. She may have a record recovery.

  258. I’m fucked, I should say.

    I almost recommended a rehab hospital.

    I mean, she pawned my dad off on me because she couldn’t deal with all his needs.

    Isn’t it ironic? Like rain on your wedding day. A free ride …

  259. You know I’m just giving you a bit of shit, Car in.

  260. Okay. The family Friday Thanksgiving is over.

    Who here wants their ass beat?

  261. I’ve got a picture of my ass that says xbrad won’t ban me.

    Sent to whomever reinstates me after xbrad’s banning.

  262. Yea, and I’m giving it right back ;)

  263. Chief,
    Be careful who you golf with(Stolen from The Mother Ship):

    http://tinyurl.com/ygtmbdx

  264. You should give her the Noriega treatment and crank on an endless loop something like Me and You and a Dog Named Boo.

    Or Pantera.

  265. that won’t happen.

    She wants his money when he dies.

    And she’s ensnared him with guilt.

    He created the situation, but he’s been miserable for years.

    Living with me, he can enjoy life (worry free, nice conversation, no bullshit) while forgetting what a horrilbe quality of life he had before.

    After a few days of her being here (like this weekend) he remembers. She doesn’t come to the dinner table … sleeps all day … does nothing.

  266. OMG. it’s 11?

    I’m gonna turn into a pumpkin.

    I’ll see you hosefochers in the morning.

    Love you all.

  267. Pick me, bitch.

    I asked who wants their ass beat, not who wants to shower in prison and toss some salads.

  268. DICK, WEATHER REPORT!!!

  269. Carin – I recommend Rammstein, played as loud as you can.

    Also, you can call me if you wanna bitch about it.

  270. I heard Obama got jacked in the lip. Who was the jacker and where can I send him a Christmas card?

  271. Cookie monster this bitch.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZeciX-3wfs

  272. Cookie monster this bitch.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Classic!

  273. How’s life my brother?

  274. Eat another cheeseburger, Fatty.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bMteFx8LbM&NR=1

  275. Sweet, Rosie! I’m in debt, got no COLA, but haven’t run out of booze yet!

  276. Fatty’s got a butter face.

  277. When social security is bust and we all have to elect what geezer we adopt, I’ll adopt you.

    GET BACK IN THE ATTIC!!!!

    Floyd’s first Thanksgiving was good. He didn’t poop or pee inside once that I know of.

  278. Tushar???

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    http://tinyurl.com/2888jwm

  279. You’ve got booze?

    Share, brother, share!

  280. Carin,

    You have five kids, a husband, a father who requires care, a business, a property to look after.

    Certainly you can provide a roof, if you have room. That’s magnanimous of you and certainly within the realm of ordinary kindness for semi-family.

    But if steppie wants care, she’s not going to make you her servant. Oh Hell no. Don’t even think of letting that happen. You need to have a talk with Pops.

    She’s going to get a visiting nurse to look after her, and your father’s estate will pay for it. If she’s really just into him for the money, well, guess what. This is coming out of that. No free ride.

  281. I see where the local news was interviewing Wiser about his family Thanksgiving.

    http://tinyurl.com/2dktmhs

  282. I see where the local news was interviewing Wiser about his family Thanksgiving.

    http://tinyurl.com/2dktmhs

    Hahahahahahahahahaha.

  283. Hey, xBrad! Whatcha doing?

    http://tinyurl.com/2efvkuj

  284. Fun Thanksgiving Episode:

    We had two kinds of gravy tonight which is already stupid. Both were a little thin and the rest of the meal was ready so I thickened both up with some corn starch.

    It was the first gravy I’ve ever had that you can cut with a knife.

    WIN!!!!

  285. Define, “some”. . .

  286. Thought I had the webcam turned off, sorry, MCPO.

  287. Define, “some”. . .

    Four tablespoons.

    Best tasting glue ever. My mom had to go through hell to make the giblet gravy which I turned into a biscuit.

    I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

  288. HAHAHAHAHA!

    Rosetta ruined dinner for the whole family!

    Have an adult beverage on me, pal!

  289. Four tablespoons of cornstarch will make gravy out of, what…five quarts of broth? Something like that, give or take.
    That’s just a little more than what you usually get out of pan drippings and giblets.

    Well done sir.

    *passes the Jaeger*

  290. Still stuck in the “Indian nation” without any Indians. Sober is no way to go through the holidays.

  291. Rosetta ruined dinner for the whole family!

    Have an adult beverage on me, pal!

    Hahahahaha. It was all right. When I brought the gravy in I asked everyone at the table if anyone wanted to suck on the glass dick and then I smoke a huge bowl of crack and then I killed a wallaby.

    It was like no one even notiiced the gravy-biscuit

  292. Poor wallaby.

  293. Four tablespoons of cornstarch will make gravy out of, what…five quarts of broth? Something like that, give or take.
    That’s just a little more than what you usually get out of pan drippings and giblets.

    Well done sir.

    *passes the Jaeger*

    *does shot of Jaeger because it tastes fucking good; makes me see awesome colors**

  294. xbrad, the oranges that you picked at Barnes West were everyone’s favorite.

    *lets xbrad live another day*

  295. I’m good that way, Rosie.

    Haven’t been to pick any hospital fruit yet this year, but I did pick some lemons off the tree in the back yard today.

  296. When I brought the gravy in I asked everyone at the table if anyone wanted to suck on the glass dick and then I smoke a huge bowl of crack and then I killed a wallaby.

    Were you wearing a hat with a buckle on it? You know, for the sake of historical accuracy.

  297. How are the back yard lemons? Any limes?

  298. I wish we had limes. There’s not a lime tree on the whole development.

    Fuckers.

  299. There’s a shitload of grapefruit trees here, which is a waste, since no one on heart meds here can eat it.

  300. Were you wearing a hat with a buckle on it? You know, for the sake of historical accuracy.

    Yeah. That was all I was wearing in tribute to the Indians.

    *punches buffalo in the junk*

  301. I may have shot a guy with a musket. Things are a little…hazy.

  302. What was that guy doing with a musket in your pajamas?

    Good call shooting his ass.

    *R.I.P. xbrad*

  303. Oh,and by “shot a guy with a musket,” I mean “crashed a stolen car into a crowded Indian restaurant.”

  304. Well, for once, it’s Sean doing the shooting, instead of catching face shots…

  305. I think the gravy wouldn’t be so thick if you would stop dipping your balls in it.

    I’m not quite sure of the physics/chemistry, but I am sure that you have to stop dipping your balls in the gravy.

  306. Sean, bukkake is not a very good Thanksgiving tradition.

    Uh oh…

    http://tinyurl.com/3ye72bt

  307. LEMON PARTY ATXBRAD’S!!!!!!!!!

  308. Happy Thanksgiving, Americano.

    Also, shut the fuck up.

    Is it Christmas there yet? AWESOME!!!

  309. Sean, bukkake is not a very good Thanksgiving tradition.

    Yeah, well, jelly beans, marshmallow peeps, and chocolate bunnies are more customary than ass-to-mouth on Easter Sunday, but I don’t tell you how to celebrate YOUR holidays, do I?

  310. Dishes that have to be washed by hand can GO FUCK THEMSELVES!!!

    And then run out and don’t pay for the butter.

  311. Kwanzaa, you fucking racist.

  312. Yeah, well, jelly beans, marshmallow peeps, and chocolate bunnies are more customary than ass-to-mouth on Easter Sunday, but I don’t tell you how to celebrate YOUR holidays, do I?

    MOM!!! THESE PEEPS TASTE LIKE CRAP!!!!

  313. Dinner is ready:

    http://tinyurl.com/2dxdabz

  314. The chemistry is now clear to me. It’s the DuckButter which thickens the gravy.

  315. There are several popular thickeners for gravy including flour, cornstarch, arrowroot, Rosetta’s Duckbutter, and dairy products.

  316. What’s the difference between Americano taking a goose to prom and xbrad drinking a bottle of absinthe?

  317. ‘Cano’s likely to get laid.

  318. ‘Cano’s likely to get laid.

    How did you know that joke? I just made it up.

  319. xbrad, did you have a good Thanksgiving or do I need to hurt people?

  320. NO ONE PUTS XBRAD IN THE CORNER!!!

  321. mmmmm goose.

  322. No one put me here. I just keep my hiney in the corner to keep your pervs away from it.

  323. mmmmm goose.

    Hahahahahahahaha.

    Americano likes goose
    He lives in Saipan
    He likes ladyboys
    Her dick in his hand

  324. mmmmm goose.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekXxi9IKZSA

  325. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fyq7WRr_GPg&feature=player_embedded#!

  326. mmmmm goose.


    Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

    http://tinyurl.com/crw6vc

  327. Actually, this one would have been even better:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyN8VN4BSzM

  328. You can laugh, but I actually touched a naked woman this week.

  329. You can laugh, but I actually touched a naked woman this week.

    You finally got that job in the coroner’s office? Congrats!

  330. Ohhhhhhhkay. Necrophilia humor.

    I’m out.

    Have a nice swordfight, you ‘mos.

  331. If I could sum up my Thanksgiving, it would be this:

    http://tinyurl.com/24eepua

  332. You can laugh, but I actually touched a naked woman this week.

    Did you use rope or wire?

    Americano, I made this video on how not to be a douche. You could learn some shit by watching it.

    http://tinyurl.com/yf8x4nn

  333. There was surprisingly little yelling and few punches thrown at my family’s Thanksgiving.

    YAY KLONOPIN!!!!

  334. Sean, can I come over to your house for Festivus?

    I need to tell some of them how they’ve disappointed me.

  335. Make sure you catch the highlights of the boise st Nevada game. Crazy crazy!

  336. No, that’s strictly for family. But you can drop by for Kwanzaa.

  337. We’ll be having famine for dinner.

  338. But you can drop by for Kwanzaa.

    Fine. I’ll bring a bottle of wine and some reparations but I’m telling your family about your online stupid habit.

    SHAME!!!!

  339. I’m telling your family about your online stupid habit.

    I can quit being stupid online any time!!!

    (Oh, dear God, I need help…)

  340. Sean, have you seen this bullshit?

    I’m normally a pretty much go-a-long-to-get-a-long guy but this makes me want to kill.

    http://tinyurl.com/2etl7us

  341. Sean, have you seen this bullshit?

    Oh. My. Fucking. GOD!!!

    I haven’t been so outraged since these monstrosities were unleashed upon the world:

    http://tinyurl.com/29hyhh4

  342. I’m so OUTRAGED that I think I need to go get a beer.

  343. Derp, you fudging bastages! Derp!

  344. BiW is up this late?

    How you doin old boy?

    Fuck the rest of you bastards.

    Pretty young bartenders took me out and crushed me.

    It’d a good thing.

  345. It’s even.

  346. Congratulations on not dying for another year, mesa.

  347. I did not die.

    That’s for sure.

    Now, I make fire.

    FIRE

  348. This, last week where I work — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96x_FiQIB6E

    And, I know Mike, so we hung out for a while.

    Fire.

  349. Question for all of you who live in a condo and have a fireplace…

    On the side there is a vent thingy with a bunch of holes that you can close or leave open.

    WTF d they do?

    Haven’t noticed a difference either way.

    HOT FUCKIING FIRE.

    Two bundles of wood.

  350. Since all of your mothers are asleep, I just want to tell all of you how very, very disappointed I am in you.

  351. I am so hungry. Was dreaming of roast beast.

  352. *gives Little Patty Ann Who a drink and a pat on the head and sends her back to bed so he can continue his evil work*

  353. *drinks choco ensure, goes back to bed

  354. Since all of your mothers are asleep, I just want to tell all of you how very, very disappointed I am in you.

    I’m not asleep. I never sleep. And I’m watching you. Stop doing that.

  355. Seriously, this stuff I’ve been smoking for the last few days (okay, maybe weeks, itallrunstogether) lets me commune with your ancestors, and they’re VERY unhappy.

    MOAR BIBLICAL NAMES FOR YOUR OFFSPRING, PEOPLE. ALSO, SOMEONE HERE HAS A CHINESE GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDMA WHO KEEPS YELLING AT ME ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF A MALE HEIR NAMED…GUS.

    I’m just the conduit.

  356. I’m just the conduit.

    http://tinyurl.com/3xcbfag

  357. *stares into abyss*

    *throws chew-toy into abyss*

  358. *chases after chew toy*

    *starts chewing on abyss’ furniture*

    *soils abyss carpet*

  359. Fuckey Suckey!!!

  360. Ain’t that abyss?

  361. Wakey wakey.

    Lauraw gives very sage advice (up there)

    and chief I will be calling you very often if and when this monstrosity occurs.

    I’d better start stocking up on booze.

  362. Carin, you are too nice. I sincerely hope that the things you do for your family are greatly appreciated. If not, fork ’em.

  363. Dean Martin version of Baby It’s Cold Outside

    http://is.gd/hRTyP

  364. Running today MJ?

  365. I have a 5K tonight. First 50 finishers get a beer stein (its sponsored by a brew pub). I don’t think I can be in that group but I’m going to try. Are you back at it?

  366. I did two 5 mile runs this week (5.5) yesterday.

    I need new barefoot shoes :((((

    I’ve got a little hole by my baby toe.

  367. Glad to hear you are back to running. I haven’t tried those shoes, but they sound kind of fun.

  368. Mesa, if you are still around, that thingy is an outside air vent. It’s so that combustion air is drawn directly from the outside, rather than from inside the house. In colder climes it reduces infiltration around doors and windows, as woodburning fireplaces consume great amounts of air, and it has to be made up from somewhere.

  369. Good morning :)

  370. I only run if something is chasing me.

  371. That could be arranged Herr.

  372. And sometimes I let myself get caught.

  373. I only run if something is chasing me.

    So, if a Victoria’s Secret model was chasing you, you would run away??

  374. Sometimes they don’t chase unless you run. They’re like greyhounds, that way.

  375. I wonder how Napolitano will spin the terrorist caught trying to bomb the tree lighting ceremony in Oregon.

  376. I wonder how Napolitano will spin the terrorist caught trying to bomb the tree lighting ceremony in Oregon.

    By proclaiming that Islam is a religion of peace and reiterating the President’s assertion that this is not a Christian nation. How else?

  377. I wonder how Napolitano will spin the terrorist caught trying to bomb the tree lighting ceremony in Oregon.
    ————

    I posted a few real ‘gem’ comments from HP this morning. http://is.gd/hS18J

  378. I am being moderated by MJ :)

  379. I posted a few real ‘gem’ comments from HP

    Typical dipshit stuff, but I do understand the concerns with the FBI prodding people along. It creates a problem for the prosecution. Where does intent end and undue influence begin? The FBI themselves end up committing multiple felonies in furtherance of the plot.

    Kind of like how I’ve always wondered why it is a crime for a pervert to talk dirty on the internet to a 52 year old police detective.

  380. Well, that’s why the FBI has to keep telling the perp, “You can always back out” or “You don’t have to do this”, or “There is no shame in not doing jihad”.

  381. Sure, Aggie, but iIn this case, from what little detail is provided, they found a kid interested in jihad, provided the “explosives”, parked the van near the target for him, and handed him a cell saying “Dial XYZ and it goes splodey”. Then they arrested him.

    This is Obama’s DHS, so my default reaction is to consider it more “poiltical theater” than actual defense of the nation. My cynicism is epic about these shitbags.

  382. We are talking about mass murder. When you dial the phone, the case is over.

  383. Heh. Willie Nelson, 77, busted with 6 ounces of weed. Sweet.

  384. Yeah, Willie and that weed were a threat to public safety. Glad they caught him.

    Does this need a /sarc tag?

  385. We are talking about mass murder. When you dial the phone, the case is over.

    I don’t disagree that the stakes are extraordinarily high. And that may well justify extraordinary methods to flush these cockroaches out, and that may be what happened here. But I won’t give up my cynical view of a government led by a man that can’t annunciate an idea without being told by his handlers via teleprompter what that idea is. This government now is so staged and cartoonish that they are hardly to be believed at face value on something just because the stakes are high. Sorry, but I don’t believe a word the bastards say.

  386. Under ObAmacare Willie will get a waiver.

  387. HM, have a sip of this here koolaid whoncha.

  388. HM, have a sip of this here koolaid whoncha.

    Is that…..almonds I smell?

    I’m just jaded. Governments lying to their people is hardly new, but these snakefuckers have taken it to a whole new level. Ineptly, and hamfistedly, and without any nuance or skill, but still….

  389. It is this DHS after all: http://tinyurl.com/29j7nqd

    Pesky little “due process” thingy notwithstanding.

  390. Good morning, Hostages! My big little brother is driving through today, so I’ll see him and his wife, then head back home.

    Sleeping in my own bed = WIN

  391. Happy birthday, Mesa!

  392. 6 ounces is a lotta weed. Normally they’d give him the ‘ol intent to distribute charge, but because its Willie, we all know that’s what he calls ‘breakfast’.

  393. we all know that’s what he calls ‘breakfast’.

    77 years old. Can you imagine how many pizzas you can order and forget to pick up in that much time?

  394. Hope this works, I can’t listen to it here.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm34ZLlIvQg

  395. Baby ninja http://tinyurl.com/2ub2kek

  396. Oh man, I can’t sleep. I had Garren on top of my right arm, Gavin’s leg wrapped around the left side of my body and pjd snoring on the other SIDS of Gavin
    Too squishy

  397. I like how my iPhone assumes I meant to write SIDS and not side

  398. Your iPhone wants to kill babies.

  399. 6 ounces is a lotta weed.

    The only thing I think of in ounces is beef, so it didn’t seem like much. 6oz is a light meal/big snack.

  400. Hey Peej. Still at the in-laws’?

  401. On a really cool note, Graham gets to go with the Navy cadets to the Reagan library in February to dedicate a new wing to commemorate Reagan’s 100th b-day

  402. The iPhone is changing your shit from inside the house!!! Get out!!! NOW!!! And leave that heavy robe behind.

  403. I blame hotspur, he sold me the phone. I’m pretty sure that defense would hold up in court too!

  404. Yes Laura, but fortunately we got to hang out at my fil’s house last night. I adore him even though his wife got me a 3XXX nightgown for Christmas one year. I don’t think she did it to be mean, she’s just DUH
    My mil said I had a little time to hit the thrift stores and then I had to be back for gawd knows what. We get to drive for about 4 hours in snowstorm conditions tomorrow. I thought it’d be fun, pjd says no. He’ll be white knuckling it. Man I’m blathering, I’m going batshit insane and an dreading going upstairs

  405. it’ll be fine.

  406. MJ, did you get my check yet? Please cash it while I still have money in there

  407. The thing that waits upstairs is my mil.

    No, it won’t be fine

    I only do this for my kids

    *cuts self

  408. Damn it! I scared everyone off didn’t I?

    NOIIOOOO!

  409. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Sounds like fun at my hoarders inlaws’ house, PJM!!

  410. PJ, you have my sympathies. Last night I had to listen to my wife’s grandmother (a lovely woman, really) talk about some bullshit show she watched on the History Channel about aliens. Apparently the different races of man are not — in fact — the result of selective pressures and climate adaptations. Nope. Alien cloning experiments in ancient pre-history created them all. How else do you explain squinty-eyed Asians!? Also, centaurs.

    I probably had it easier than Peej, but that was rough.

  411. Britney Spears has a perfume out. I
    wonder
    what it smells like?

  412. New clean post is up.

    Yay.

  413. We get to drive for about 4 hours in snowstorm conditions tomorrow. I thought it’d be fun

    Do you have any experience driving on snow?

    It can be very fun, if you have the right vehicle and lots of experience driving in snow and you factor in it will take twice as long to get there, and have plenty of gas. And no children in the car to worry about or listen to them shriek when the car starts fishtailing or gliding sideways occasionally. And you’re not on Interstates where tractor trailers travel, because they haul ass on snow and they’re scary as all Hell and just the wind off the front of their truck can push you into a ditch.

    But yeah, it can be a lot of fun, too.

  414. Heh.

    I heart lw.

  415. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MESA!

    On the side there is a vent thingy with a bunch of holes that you can close or leave open.

    WTF d they do?

    If it is inside, it’s not the air intake mentioned above. You probably have a double jacket fireplace, sometimes referred to as a heatolater. It’s to vent warm are that comes from the air space that is around and above the fire chamber. The idea is to make the fireplace less heat inefficient by capturing some of that heat and returning it to the interior, rather than having it all go up the chimney. Often there is a little fan back there. If you have a wall switch that you haven’t figured out, try it again and listen at the vent to see if you can hear the fan


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS