My assumption is that if a movie is going to have a political slant, it’s going to slant left. I accept this as a reality of life and I’m okay with it. I recognize that it takes a specific sort of low grade ignoramus to devote their life to playing make believe rather than actually contributing something of real value to the world. The left is made up exclusively of low grade ignoramuses so it makes sense to me that Hollywood is liberal and that that viewpoint will populate its end product.
Because I know Hollywood is run by liberals playing dress-up, the bar that I’ve set for actors, directors, dialogue, plot, action sequences, special effects and the entire cinematic experience is pretty fucking low. This explains why I like as many movies as I do; it’s relatively easy to surpass my expectations and that is exactly how I like it. If I’m going to invest my money and my time, I want to feel that I was rewarded for my investment and that’s pretty much the way it works out.
On very rare occasions however, a movie will fail to clear this purposely low bar and when that happens, it fucking pisses me off. Avatar fucking pissed me off.
I believe it’s proper to offer a compliment prior to ripping someone a new asshole so let me say that Avatar is one of the most stunningly beautiful visual movies I have ever seen. Actually I would have to put it in a class by itself when it comes to that. The world James Cameron created in Avatar is incredible to see. I think on this there is probably unanimous agreement.
I believe James Cameron invested something like $200 million of his own money just to develop the technology to make Avatar. It’s hard to say that he didn’t get his money’s worth when you watch the movie. Unfortunately he spent a buck fiddy on everything else.
How bad was the acting? The actual people in the movie were less believable in their roles than the computer generated creatures that inhabit Pandora. And it pains me to say it but that goes for Sigourney Weaver too. The rest of the cast are unknowns and I will place a large wager on them staying that way. They were terrible.
And I say that fully appreciating the directorial device of having the bad guys overact. Lest you confuse any complete fucking idiots that may be watching your movie, having the antagonists play their characters over the top is understandable. However the degree to which Giovanni Ribisi and Stephen Lang (the Colonel) ham it up to remind you that they’re the bad guys is fucking embarrassing. And irritating. And insulting. Yeah…they’re the bad guys…I get it James you fucking ham-fisted douchebag.
Of course the acting leads us to dialogue. Great dialogue can sometimes redeem poor acting but great acting can rarely save a shitty script. You combine poor acting and a poorly written script and what you get is Avatar. I honestly believe that if you watched Avatar without any special effects you would, in fact, be watching one of the worst movies ever made.
The first 90 minutes were actually pretty enjoyable thanks to the special effects and the visual beauty. However there is a precise moment when the entire experience shits the bed and you want to start hacking people to death and setting them on fire.
I went into this movie knowing the anti-military, anti-human, pro-Gaia angle but, again, a movie with a liberal slant is dog bites man. What is man bites fucking dog is the utterly retarded manner with which that theme is foisted on the viewer and that is Avatar’s greatest offense. It’s not that it has a liberal message; it’s that it delivers that message not through creative plots twists, interesting character development or witty dialogue but rather by screaming Bushitler.
The pivotal scene in Avatar is where, in the course of 5 seconds you hear the following: “daisy cutter,” “shock and awe” and “pre-emptive war.” They might as well have dubbed in a flushing toilet at that exact moment because that signals the end of a visually pleasing film and the beginning of James Cameron treating you like you’re an idiot and probably a booger-eating, window-licking, diaper-soiling retard.
As we watched that scene last night, the moment we heard “Daisy Cutter”, Mrs. Rosetta grunted and I did this:
It is not the message of the film that is so offensive about Avatar. Maybe it should be but it isn’t. Liberals make movies about things that liberal believe. Avatar is one of the worst movies ever made because it assumes that the viewer is a fucking idiot and in that regard it is one of the most insulting movies I’ve ever seen. I’m 100% certain that James Cameron is incapable of shame or embarrassment as he swims in his pool filled with $1,000 bills but he should be both ashamed and embarrassed.
If you’ve not seen Avatar and you still want to watch it, please borrow it from a friend or buy a bootlegged copy from China. Because if you pay money to see this piece of shit, you are giving your hard-earned money to an elitist liberal billionaire for the privilege of being called a dumbass.
Rating below the fold.
I give Avatar 1 Johnny Cash.
And if I ever meet James Cameron I’m going to break my foot off in his ass.
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