Balls Pulled Over

Uh-oh:

Ed Balls was condemned by road safety campaigners last night after being caught driving while talking on a mobile phone – as his children slept in the back seat.

The Children’s Secretary was fined £60 and given three points on his licence after being stopped by police on a dual carriageway last weekend.

Mr Balls said he had picked up the phone because he feared that his children would be disturbed if he used the car’s hands-free system.

Heh.  Balls was afraid to go hands-free.  But he did it For The Children™, so there is that.

This guy…

…was unavailable for comment.  (Note the continuity between poats.  Clever, no?)

Obligatory:

302 Comments

  1. Yahtzee!!!

  2. I stayed up late for this?

  3. Nobody promised you a rose garden. Or even a compost heap. So shut up.

  4. Well, you delivered a compost heap, that’s for sure.

  5. And compost helps to produce nice plants. Unlike your toxic waste of hate.

    Hater.

  6. You know what I hate?

    People that call me a hater.

    And asparagus.

  7. **goes back to watching One Tree Hill**

  8. Eating asparagus makes your pee smell funky. Having never watched One Tree Hill, I don’t know if it has the same effect.

  9. Hilarie Burton and Sophia Bush make my pee-pee feel funny.

    http://xbradtc.wordpress.com/2009/07/14/load-heat-53/

    http://xbradtc.wordpress.com/2009/07/06/load-heat-52/

  10. you can watch it here

    http://www.casttv.com/shows/one-tree-hill/pilot/ypufxb

  11. Wakey wakey – Yea, it’s no longer SUNDAY! Yip yip yop!

  12. Hi, Carin!

  13. morning.

  14. Mornin’ all.

  15. Can’t all of you just be quiet in the morning? Why do you have to raise such a din?

  16. Cartoonist who came up with “Draw Mohammed Day” protest … chickens out:

    http://is.gd/bIpFV

    Pathetic.

  17. Yea, it’s no longer SUNDAY!

    What the hell is wrong with you, woman?

  18. Pathetic.

    What’s the opposite of “shocked beyond belief?”

  19. Good morning!

    Monday, Monday.

    *flips Monday the Bird*

  20. Monday. Why did it have to be Monday?

  21. Yea, it’s no longer SUNDAY!
    What the hell is wrong with you, woman?

    Sunday was boooorrrrring. And the weather sucked.

  22. So this Ed Balls is a real person? I’ll be damned.

    I once introduced myself to a good looking young woman as “Johnny Nutsack”. It went right by her. Luckily I was too intoxicated to be offended. Or embarrassed.

  23. Wuss. The show must, however, go on!

  24. *ties Carin’s shoelaces to Monday’s stirrups*

    *slaps Monday on the ass, hard*

  25. Sunday was boooorrrrring. And the weather sucked.

    But it wasn’t Monday.

  26. “Cartoonist who came up with “Draw Mohammed Day” protest … chickens out:”

    Header: see

  27. Yea, it’s no longer SUNDAY! Yip yip yop!

    Let’s face it – we don’t keep Car in around for her bizzarre day prejudices or small bewbs. It must be her weird tastes in music and the fact that we have this affirmative-action kind-of inclusiveness for Michigan folks.

  28. Today is beautiful too.

  29. Today is beautiful too.

    Started drinking earlier than usual today, huh Dave?

  30. Started drinking earlier than usual today, huh Dave?

    You’re assuming he’s stopped…

  31. >> You’re assuming he’s stopped…

    It’s just a contrary weather report from Texas. Mostly to fuck with those who have crappy weather today or did over the weekend.

  32. Good morning.

  33. Mostly to fuck with those who have crappy weather today or did over the weekend.

    The weather inside the bar I spent a goodly portion of yesterday in was perfect.

  34. >> The weather inside the bar I spent a goodly portion of yesterday in was perfect.

    Adapt. Overcome. Well done sir.

  35. I was at a dog show this weekend here in Mass – we had good weather for it. Today’s weather will suck, I hear, but I’m inside at work, so who cares?

  36. Morning, Jazz, you hater you.

  37. The weather inside the bar I spent a goodly portion of yesterday in was perfect.

    Word. The W’s found it quite accommodating.
    Especially the Ultimate Fighting on the big screen thingeh.

    Mrs. Wiser kept pointing out things the fighters were doing and discussing why. I was just covering my face and whimpering when one was getting turned into a smear on the mat.

  38. Mrs. Wiser kept pointing out things the fighters were doing and discussing why.

    And you wonder I am such a good boy….

  39. BALLS!

  40. What?

  41. IMPORTANT HEALTH UPDATE: If you think you bit your lip but you aren’t sure, try Tabasco on anything.

  42. And you wonder I am such a good boy….

    snort

  43. snort

    shaddup you……

  44. wha?

  45. Happy Birthday PJ!

    Did anything get your goats or did your goats get you anything?

  46. me: (making wincing faces) Ooof! This guy’s a bleeder.

    scott: Oh hell yeah.

    Wiserbud: What? (turns around to look at screen)

    me: Ow! Oh my God. (covers face but not eyes)

    scott : wow

    Wiserbud: ha hahaha

    Mrs. Wiserbud: That guy on the right has an Asian martial arts background. See what he’s doing with his leg? Watch it- right there, he keeps doing that thing with his leg…

  47. Look Pupster! I bottle fed my goat.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/23138734@N02/4554819026/

    and here’s the oh so exciting parade I went to on Saturday. You know the parade is just oh so awesome when one of the floats is an actual trash truck.

    *sigh

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/23138734@N02/4554191403/

    it was a fun weekend though

  48. Comment by lauraw on April 26, 2010 10:20 am

    hahahahaha!

  49. On the road today. First to PDX to drop off one of my sisters, then north to WA.

    Happity hoppity Birfday, PJ.

    I hope there was cake.

    Did you save me a piece? … of cake?

  50. IMPORTANT HEALTH UPDATE: If you think you bit your lip but you aren’t sure

    If you think you bit your lip but aren’t sure, you have bigger problems than your lip.

  51. btw, b-rad, I dropped my iphone and now it’s not taking a charge so if you try to call me it ain’t working

    No cake. My aunt did make cupcakes, but I didn’t touch them. I’m on a mission to finish this weight loss

    Hope you’re having a good time on your road trip

  52. The goat seems very happy and well adjusted.

  53. Happy belated birfday, PJM!

    I thought you said you bottle fed that goat? Doesn’t look that way from that picture.

  54. IMPORTANT HEALTH UPDATE: If you think you bit your lip but you aren’t sure, try Tabasco on anything.

    were you at the dentist?

  55. The annual Cherry Festival was in town this weekend. They had the parade Saturday. I suggested we skip the wedding and watch the parade.

    The kids were pretty enthusiastic about that idea.

    The bride was not amused.

  56. First to PDX to drop off one of my sisters

    What are they going for these days? Did you get a good price for yours? Mine’s getting pretty old – thinking about trading her in.

  57. PJ, I’m a bit ashamed to admit I didn’t even think to call you.

  58. PJ, I’m a bit ashamed to admit I didn’t even think to call you.

    hahaha, I didn’t mean for my birthday. I mean for your typical once a week call that I ignore. Duh

  59. I GOTS A BLEEDER!!111!

  60. AD, she’s an antique. Older than me. You can barely give ’em away.

  61. Happy Happy, Peej! Any mishaps or funny stories to share on Madeleine’s First Comm’ion?

  62. Morning, Jazz, you hater you.

    Home is where the h8 is. Morning, AD. :-)

  63. I called her yesterday but I think she blocks my number

  64. Watch it- right there, he keeps doing that thing with his leg…

    I believe that was called the Vietnamese Death Twitch.

  65. Happy Happy, Peej! Any mishaps or funny stories to share on Madeleine’s First Comm’ion?

    Ok get this, we had a near mishap.

    My Aunt Bobbie, who lives in Oregon (don’t bother her b-rad) is becoming Catholic. On the day this happens they all stand on the altar and wear white robes.

    My Aunt Bobbie jokingly asked my Aunt Lee, you sure this isn’t some sort of KKK initiation?

    So Aunt Lee, made Aunt Bobbie a hood out of a white sheet and we were all supposed to sign it for Aunt Bobbie.

    Fortunately for me, right before Aunt Lee made this announcement, Graham’s friend who stayed the night and had come to the party with us had asked to go home because he was so wiped out from the air soft gun wars they’d had the entire day before.

    This is Graham’s friend

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/23138734@N02/4554887016/

  66. This is the best post in the history of TittyWeb Jenkins.

  67. I called her yesterday but I think she blocks my number

    fibber. I have to be nice to you because I’m using you in July. After that I’m gonna dump you like the chicken the neighbor’s dog got yesterday.

  68. Obama pleading for votes from everyone – except white guys, that is.

    http://tinyurl.com/2a5chc6

  69. PJ, is this you?

    Wow.

    http://tinyurl.com/35cfxsy

  70. PJ, is this you?

    Wow.

    Yep. Only 6 lbs lighter than I am now, however, I was at the gym EVERY single day. It was also before my tummy tuck.

  71. >> I have to be nice to you because I’m using you in July. After that I’m gonna dump you like the chicken the neighbor’s dog got yesterday.

    oooooo

  72. Hey agile dog,

    If you’re still around I gots a question for you. I was shampooing my male Sheltie yesterday and noticed that he has bigger nipples than any of my non-lactating female shelties have ever had. Is my dog gay? Should I get him a boy friend? Am I worrying to much?

  73. oooooo

    I wish I could read tonal inflection

  74. Did you try to milk him Focker?

  75. >> I wish I could read tonal inflection

    it was the good kind.

  76. Stupid baby chicken. I rescued him once. I had to climb over the fence into the neighbor’s yard and get him before their Rottie did. I told him that I hope he learned his lesson.

    apparently he did not.

  77. PJ, it wasn’t your body so much as your hair and your make up look totally different. The only thing that made me think that pic was you (besides a swarm of children around you) was your bewbs.

  78. Holy crap – K-Lo looks like Rosie. Blech.

    ttp://tinyurl.com/25mw6ef

  79. I have some very nice chicken recipes, PJM. You know, just in case.

  80. Good pic, great sentiment: http://www.threedonia.com/archives/23101

    I’ll be damned if I’m going to live in a world where I have to work well into my 70s so a few can retire in their early 50s and earn up to 90% (in some cases) of their highest salary with full benefits for the rest of their lives.

    I don’t know what the answer is, but it doesn’t involve half of us working so the other half can sit back or double dip.

  81. I have some very nice chicken recipes, PJM. You know, just in case.

    sweet.

    I just have to figure out where they put the chicken.

  82. My Aunt Bobbie jokingly asked my Aunt Lee, you sure this isn’t some sort of KKK initiation?

    So Aunt Lee, made Aunt Bobbie a hood out of a white sheet and we were all supposed to sign it for Aunt Bobbie.

    HAHAHA! The pics would have been hilarious!

  83. Sounds like maybe your neighbors have good chicken recipes too. HAHAHA!

    Great pic of Granholm with his friend, BTW! How old is he?

  84. PJ Is that Grahvmnanin and Gilgamesh and Margaret in the pic with you?

  85. Great pic of Granholm with his friend, BTW! How old is he?

    Graham will be 12 in a week. His friend is already 12, but ginormous.

    PJ Is that Grahvmnanin and Gilgamesh and Margaret in the pic with you?

    Margaret is not in the photo. She was in school during Graham’s award ceremony.

  86. This is Graham’s friend

    They look like they’re trying out for “Charlie’s Angels.”

  87. I’m trying to learn how to knit, but the chick in the DVD I’m watching is SO hard to look at that it makes it difficult.

    Yes I’m being shallow as she’s a great teacher, but man. I think half her face got paralyzed or something.

  88. Maddy.

  89. Kids if you want some fun
    Mr. LaPage is your man. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O_M6cH5Bgk

  90. Or is it Maddie?

  91. They look like they’re trying out for “Charlie’s Angels.”

    hahaha, that’s what I told them and they got all irritated.

  92. She goes by Maggie, right?

  93. No, xbrad, it’s Maddie.

  94. I thought it was Maddey.

  95. hahaha, that’s what I told them and they got all irritated.

    Geez, you tell a young boy he looks like he’s ready for stilettos and hot pants and he gets bent? Who’da thunk?

  96. Yup, it’s Maddie.

  97. I’m sure Public Enemy is pleased.

    Sharpton’s pilgrimage to AZ should renew interest in their track “By The Time I Get To Arizona”.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7MjSXiCuuw

  98. Or is it Maddie?

    OMFG!!!!!!!!!!! They did that to her at her First Communion yesterday and she was SO bummed. She had this pin she was supposed that had a ribbon and it said, “Maddy” on it.

    I told the nun, it’s not her name. The nun was trying to get Madeleine to wear it anyways. I just took the ribbon off and let her wear the pin. Madeleine doesn’t like being called, “Maddy”.

    If Sister Francis Michelle doesn’t stop, I’m going to start calling her Sister Frankie Michael

  99. Too Many People Sharing Party Lines
    Too Many People Never Sleeping Late
    Too Many People Paying Parking Fines
    Too Many Hungry People Losing Weight

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaEJmSz-uFs

  100. PJM – Not sure about you, but I believe most of us endured a diminutive form of our names growing up. Is it really that big of a deal?

  101. All you have to do is teach her to reply “name’s Madeleine, bitch“.

    That way people will remember it.

  102. If Sister Francis Michelle doesn’t stop, I’m going to start calling her Sister Frankie Michael

    “Francis” is the masculine version of the name (“Frances” is the feminine). “Frankie” is an entirely appropriate diminutive of “Francis.”

  103. I’m going to start calling her Sister Frankie Michael

    Or “Sister Franky Mike” or “Sister Franky Mikey”

  104. How ’bout you just call her, “Stir”? That’s how we always addressed the nuns.

  105. Kids can be funny about their names.

    I always had people saying to me “Make my day” with piss-poor Eastwood Impressions. I never felt bad looking ’em right in the eye and saying “Wow. You missed your calling. Instead of being a _____________, you could have been doing comedy and impressions on the Vegas Strip. Really. Your talents are wasted here.”

  106. How ’bout you just call her, “StirMom”? That’s how we always addressed the nuns.

    FIFY.

  107. Is my dog gay?

    Yes. He tries to hump your leg, doesn’t he?

    Should I get him a boy friend?

    Yes, preferably a big rottie, with a studded collar, named “Duke”. He’ll love you for it.
    —————–
    Seriously, unless they are non-uniform (some seem swollen while other aren’t), or you are seeing a discharge, I wouldn’t worry about it.

  108. I read the book a while ago, saw the movie this weekend, awesome!
    Makes you so tense you will feel it in your jaw.
    See this movie:

  109. Is it really that big of a deal?

    If she doesn’t like to be called “Maddy” she shouldn’t have to be called Maddy.
    The name Mark doesn’t get a nickname. The name Shauna doesn’t get a nickname. Why does Madeleine have to get a nickname.? She doesn’t like it.

  110. “Francis” is the masculine version of the name

    I meant Frances then. I’ve heard Frankie as a nickname for a girl.

  111. 12 chick, pjm. Of course, you were GONE yesterday when I got ’em.

  112. I convinced my brother-in-law not to name their new girl “Isabella” because “what if she’s ugly and mean kids start calling her Isafella?” They ended up naming her Ella.

    My inspiration, Nick Cage on SNL:

    http://is.gd/bIEJw

  113. I am thinking of changing my name from “Uniball” to “Balls”.

  114. 12 chick, pjm. Of course, you were GONE yesterday when I got ‘em.

    YAY!!! How cute! What did you get? Please make sure your kids handle them as much as possible. My bigs ones got handled all the time and are great. The next batch? My kids weren’t interested in anymore…….so these ones are freaks when I go outside to feed them.

  115. I am thinking of changing my name from “Uniball” to “Balls”.

    Why not “nutsack”?

    They ended up naming her Ella

    Ella’s great.

  116. PJM,
    Are you going to see the movie I recommended?

    You need to, it was bitchen, even a little better than the book, which is rare.

  117. I didn’t see where you recommended a movie.

  118. oh duh, I see it now.

    ok, I’ll see it.

  119. hahahaha, uni. I see you saw the bone I threw.

    won’t happen, but it’s fun to tease

  120. PJM,
    It’s very intense, really violent but not in a gratuitous way, it’s a very good film.

  121. I really understand about nicknames. I never had a choice. My name is not Patricia.

  122. They constantly handle them. I don’t know what freakin kind I got. Good layers. LOL. I’m trying to figure out what they are.

    3 black ones and some yellow ones and some cute brown ones.

  123. PJM,
    It’s all about hope.

  124. Rhode Island reds are the only ones I’m sure I got.

  125. I can’t decide if this is a parody or not. If not, it should be.
    http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1984460,00.html

    This alone made me belly laugh:
    “preserved the majesty of the office (a job that has become harder than ever because of the toxic freak-show nature of our politico-media culture) and maintained good relations, in public and private, with the armed services brass, the intelligence community and law enforcement.”

  126. Eh, that is random harmless crap. Happens to everybody. If you have a name that has a diminutive form, people are going to use it.

  127. Laura, I just think it’s funny when people ‘reverse’ shorten my name ;)

  128. I thought the diminutive form of “Shauna” was “bitch”…

  129. Happy Monday.

  130. The diminutive form of Huge Flaming Bag of Gay is “Rosetta.”

  131. Come to think of it, it’s weird. I have always called my sister by her whole name and never shortened it to the very handy diminutive that most other people use.

    But nobody in my family calls me by my given name.

  132. Rhode Island reds are the only ones I’m sure I got.

    My best layers.

    If you have a name that has a diminutive form, people are going to use it.

    And that is absolutely fine if someone doesn’t know better, but Madeleine has repeatedly asked this woman and has asked me to ask her NOT to call her Maddy.

    In fact her teacher specifically asks you to fill out a form at the beginning of the year asking what your child likes to be called and if she has a nickname she’d prefer. I was quite clear. Why have us fill out the form if you’re not going to follow it?

  133. Going offline.

    See you ‘mos later.

    PJ, I like mine scrambled.

  134. Laura, I just think it’s funny when people ‘reverse’ shorten my name

    hahaha, like when Rosetta calls you Patricia Annabelle. for some reason that always amuses me.

    obviously here I don’t care about the nicknames, even though “dickwad” thinks my nickname is “bitch”

  135. Come to think of it, it’s weird. I have always called my sister by her whole name and never shortened it to the very handy diminutive that most other people use.

    I call my brother Michael, “Michael” I don’t shorten his name. Now my uncle, everyone calls him, “Mikey” or “Little Mike”, but he’s fine with that nickname. His parents gave it to him.

    My mom’s name is Audra, oh man, you don’t even KNOW what people call her.

    aorta, andra, andre, audrey

  136. I meant Frances then.

    That’s no nevermind – I know all sorts of (really old) nuns who used male names: Sister Mary Michael, Sister Peter Verona, and Sister Robert Ann are three off the top of my head that I grew up around. So I didn’t think anything of you using “Francis.” I guess I still don’t – I could be easily convinced that’s the form the nun actually uses.

  137. Actually, I have no idea how she spells her name other than Liberal Pain in the Ass

  138. aorta, andra, andre, audrey

    I had a friend named “Angel” in college. You wouldn’t believe how many people called her or spelled her name “Angle.” I always got a laugh out of it; she didn’t.

  139. I’ve had Shamu before. And this was when I was skinny.

  140. I’ve had Shamu before

    You live dangerously.

  141. Apparenlty I need an editor

  142. I’ve had Shamu before. A

    What was that like?

    Wait. nevermind. I don’t want to know.

  143. I’ve had Shamu before.

    How did it taste?

  144. But nobody in my family calls me by my given name.

    Which is a damn shame, because the world needs more “Isolde”s. Maybe they’re afraid you’ll hunt down and mate with every living “Tristan”.

  145. Oh, she ATE it?

    Color me red.

  146. I did NOT eat it.

    My name is Shauna and I’ve received snail mail addressed to Shamu

  147. Oh, she ATE it?

    eventually…….

  148. But nobody in my family calls me by my given name.

    Aw, I’m gonna call you Tootsie also from now on.

  149. hawt

  150. I just had a shitty conversation with a vet in my office. She’s all excited over “The Pacific.” I told her I won’t watch history as told through the eyes of lefties (Hanks & Spielburg). Does that make me close-minded? Sure. Am I losing sleep over it? Not one bit.

  151. hawt

    That might have worked better if you had used tinyurl.

  152. Aw, I’m gonna call you Tootsie also from now on.

    Mikey

  153. I love the smell of Homeowners Association battles in the morning. It smells like…scorched Earth.

  154. You got a link or something, BiW?

  155. How about Sugartits?

  156. That might have worked better if you had used tinyurl.

    shuddup

  157. New client, jazz.

    I gave them my standard HOA battle speech “Can you afford to move?” and they didn’t bat an eye. Nothing like taking it out on the little tyrants of the world.

  158. I told her I won’t watch history as told through the eyes of lefties

    BTW, I realize my hypocrisy is showing – I loved BoB. Hanks got my dander up with his racism comments.

  159. How about Sugartits?

    Do they come with Splenda? You know, for those of us who shouldn’t have the sugar?

  160. How about Sugartits?

    *narrows eye at dave

    The name’s, “Nectar Nipples”.

  161. I gave them my standard HOA battle speech “Can you afford to move?” and they didn’t bat an eye. Nothing like taking it out on the little tyrants of the world.

    I get nervous (and BIG retainers) when my clients start talking principles as motivation for a fight.

  162. That might have worked better if you had used tinyurl.

    shuddup

    I doubt she had trouble with it.

    Essplainin’ giving birth to an Orca though? Well, maybe PJD will understand…

  163. I get nervous (and BIG retainers) when my clients start talking principles as motivation for a fight.

    Jazz, if they actually say “Its the principal of the thing.”, I tell them to get their checkbook out, and to write me a check, because those are the five most expensive words to say in my office.

  164. I gave them my standard HOA battle speech. . .

    You could just hire me to look menacing and march on the HOA waving a torch.

  165. “Nectar Nipples” isn’t that what we named your milking goat?

  166. You could just hire me to look menacing and march on the HOA waving a torch.

    Nobody can afford to pay you to wear a shirt.

  167. Here you go, Jazz, some Hanks funny:

    http://is.gd/bIJEI

  168. I’m going to shorten it to “Necky”

  169. I have volunteered for HOA boards in the past. Believe me, most neighborhoods have residents who are batshit fucking crazy and would fuck up your property value if there wasn’t a board to stop them.

    I hated doing it, but it had to be done.

    There are crazy people out there.

  170. I’ll shorten it to Nipsy.

  171. isn’t that what we named your milking goat?

    I believe the goat’s name is “Rosetta’s Regular Saturday Night.”

  172. Nah, that goat is named Wiserbud’s Prom Date.

  173. “Nectar Nipples” isn’t that what we named your milking goat?

    hahahahaha

    We got these rabbits and the are screwing ALL the time. So much so that the kids think the female must be getting annoyed.
    Madeleine asked me what they were doing. I told her the boy rabbit wants to make babies. She said, that’s dumb. That’s not you do it. They have to be married first.

    She then said, “Can you imagine if dad tried to do that to you?”

  174. I thought she’d named her goats “Goat B” and “Goat C”

  175. Nah, that goat is named Wiserbud’s Prom Date.

    At least my date is a female.

  176. At least my date is a female.

    and breathing

  177. Did you try to milk him Focker?

    Hahahahahaha.

    Good one, Orca.

  178. wiser’s had this in his wallet since before prom

    http://tinyurl.com/34jey6h

    [kid], I will not be your father!

  179. I remember Cathy telling me about a conversation with Daughter Michael, then an adolescent, who confided to her mom that she could hear suspicious noises coming from our bedroom, which was right below hers. She thought we were watching porn movies. Cathy told her there were no movies, that was us.

    She was appalled. Apparently she assumed we stopped having sex as soon as she was conceived, there being no further good reason for us to continue doing that.

  180. I thought she’d named her goats “Goat B” “Goat G” and “Goat C” “Goat G”.
    FTFY

  181. then an adolescent, who confided to her mom that she could hear suspicious noises like a sheep or goat coming from our bedroom when mom wasn’t home

    FTFY

    man that was a lot of work

  182. “there being no further good reason for us to continue doing that.”

    For some, there isn’t.

  183. I didn’t know compos had a new girlfriend.

    http://tinyurl.com/2em5j4u

  184. FTFY – PA

    o_O

    ???

  185. Cathy told her there were no movies, that was us.

    Now, just one more miracle and Cathy will officially qualify to Saint-hood.

  186. Fixed That For You

  187. those are the five most expensive words to say in my office.

    They’re among my most expensive. When I was working for the Jewish law firm, the MOST expensive words were those coming from clients seeking new representation: “I’m tired of my lawyer because he keeps trying to Jew me on my bill.” If I told you who the worst offenders were, you’d label me a “h8r.” Whatever. It happened all the time, and each instance imposed and raised the rate of the asshole tax.

  188. Fixed That For You

    how?

  189. Goat G and Goat G

    You don’t get it?

  190. They’re among my most expensive. When I was working for the Jewish law firm, the MOST expensive words were those coming from clients seeking new representation: “I’m tired of my lawyer because he keeps trying to Jew me on my bill.” If I told you who the worst offenders were, you’d label me a “h8r.” Whatever. It happened all the time, and each instance imposed and raised the rate of the asshole tax.

    I’ve had to tell people “We aren’t making hamburgers here, so YES, you will be billed for my TIME in taking care of your matter.”

  191. I didn’t know compos had a new girlfriend.

    How long have you had that little gem hidden in your ass, Mr. Funny McFuckstick?

  192. You don’t get it?

    nope.

  193. How long have you had that little gem hidden in your ass, Mr. Funny McFuckstick?

    9 years.

  194. The anniversary of the the greatest play in baseball history was yesterday. Relive it here (the moment, not yesterday):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrV8QPQAhxo

  195. G and G? Naming them like she named her other kids?

  196. Here you go, Jazz, some Hanks funny:

    What. A. Fucking. Retard.

    Seriously – Hanks, Springsteen, Martin Short, Ron Howard, Julia Roberts . . . . Lefty war? If they were true to lefty ideals, they’d be implementing more of a “if we pretend they like us and don’t fight back, maybe they’ll go away” strategy, not adopting an “act ike we”re shooting at people” one.

  197. if they actually say “Its the principal of the thing.”, I tell them to get their checkbook out, and to write me a check, because those are the five most expensive words

    Do you lawyer as badly as you count? Hint: 6 words.

  198. How long have you had that little gem hidden in your ass, Mr. Funny McFuckstick?

  199. *makes whale noises*

  200. Necessity is the mother of invention or something:

    http://is.gd/bIMf9

  201. G and G? Naming them like she named her other kids?

    Ah. I get it now.

    Still, I liked “Goat C” better.

    :P

  202. What. A. Fucking. Retard.

    *cough

    The Onion

    *cough

  203. heh

  204. Cuffy, you want a mint?

    http://tinyurl.com/2d2soah

  205. PJ invites Rosie to stay in her guest house:

    http://is.gd/bIMBg

  206. Its the principal of the thing.

    and it’s 7 if you take out the contraction

  207. “I’m unhappy because I eat. And I eat because I’m unhappy.”

    http://is.gd/bIN2n

  208. Ye, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. . .
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYPcY15JaWY

  209. I think it’s dead, Jim.

  210. *cough

    The Onion

    *cough

    Dear lord. How could I have missed that?

    Color me embarrassed.

  211. How could I have missed that?

    Well, obviously, you were blinded by hatred.

  212. Well I should have heeded Mesa’s advice on KFC’s Double Down.

    It sucked.

  213. Vamanos!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvkzoqQ5Oak

  214. Well, obviously, you were blinded by hatred.

    That’s why I see everything in black and white – it makes h8ing so much easier.

  215. Well, well, well!

    http://tinyurl.com/3ry4t

  216. Color me embarrassed.

    http://is.gd/bIOEb

  217. “I’m unhappy because I eat. And I eat because I’m unhappy.”

    I remember that commercial.

    The Rader Institute. You’re Not Alone.

  218. oh, I guess Fat Bastard stole it from them

  219. Well I should have heeded Mesa’s advice on KFC’s Double Down.

    I thought you were going to get that taken care of.

  220. PJM – Herself took a moment to see the bottle in your hand on the goat nursing photo!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  221. Mmmm, pie.

    http://nimoysunsetpie.tumblr.com/

  222. This hosefucker enjoys the sweater her granny knitted:

    http://is.gd/bIP4S

  223. It’s not really an issue of execution either, it’s a fundamentally flawed concept. You cannot put bacon and melted cheese between two crispy chickens and expect them to stay crispy. It can’t work.

    Also now I know why the FDA is going apeshit over salt.

  224. You cannot put bacon and melted cheese between two crispy chickens and expect them to stay crispy. It can’t work.

    Not without protective layers of grease, that is.

  225. Also now I know why the FDA is going apeshit over salt.

    I don’t care what the fast food industry does, there’s no excuse for the FDA to insert itself in the regulation of dietary salt.

  226. and it’s 7 if you take out the contraction

    I was giving him a break on that – he is a lawyer, after all.

  227. >> I don’t care what the fast food industry does,

    Pipe down counselor. You’ll get your nanny-state government overreach and you’ll like it.

  228. there’s no excuse for the FDA to insert itself in the regulation of dietary salt.

    Stupid man. Don’t you know there’s a fat-assed bureaucrat out there without a job.

  229. First they came for the salt … then they came for PJ’s goats:

    http://is.gd/bIPA2

  230. Also now I know why the FDA is going apeshit over salt.

    Hah! Those secret 11 herbs and spices? Fifteen of them are salt.

  231. Also now I know why the FDA is going apeshit over salt.

    I had a pleasent little convesation with our office moonbat last week about how I think the government has overstepped it’s bounds, starting with smoking bans. She went all hyper-righteous with “I think the government should ban cigarette smoking everywhere, EVEN IN PEOPLE’S HOMES, , because I hate it and it kills other people.” Trying to argue the concept of “personal property” with her was worthless. Her only stand was “your smoke can kill me, so it should be banned.”

    Too bad she’s out of the office today. I would love to hear her defend this newest intrusion into our lives and how we live them by the all-powerful, but ultra-caring nanny-state.

  232. Which is not to say the government should regulate it. But we should still feel free to criticize.

  233. Well, well, well!

    http://tinyurl.com/3ry4t

    I’m so proud of my fellow [stifles a laugh] Arizonans.

  234. >> Fifteen of them are salt.

    Yeah, I’d say the secret in that recipe ain’t much of a secret anymore.

    I could have modified it with Tabasco but I don’t think you should experiment the first time you try something. Accept it for what it is first and then seek to modify and improve.

  235. Laura – When I was a kid, I cooked for the Colonel. The amount of salt and MSG that went into KFC was, even then, fucking amazing!

  236. Accept it for what it is first and then seek to modify and improve.

    You been reading relationship columns again?

  237. >> You been reading relationship columns again?

    I don’t read those and I don’t go to seminars either. I pretty much got tired of hearing about all the shit I do wrong.

  238. I admit I’m more than a little behind the curve on this whole Boobquake initiative, I mean getting my hands around the specifics. But whatever it is I’m sure I support it.

    (see what I did there?)

  239. Wow, Christopher Hitchens had an interesting time at boarding school:

    http://is.gd/bIRv1

  240. Well, well, well!

    http://tinyurl.com/3ry4t

    I’m so proud of my fellow [stifles a laugh] Arizonans.

    I was just in the car, and Medved was talking about how stupid this is, and how the answer is stronger enforcement of the border.

    I wondered how long he’d have to wait before he would understand that leaving it up to the Feds is akin to leaving a baby in garbage can and expecting a happy ending.

  241. Medved is an idiot if he thinks the Feds will remove their collective thumbs from their asses and do anything other than wholesale amnesty.

  242. I believe our government should tax masturbation. xbrad, Jazz, and wiserbud alone would alleviate the need for a value added tax and the budget would be balanced within two years tops.

  243. Looks like they didn’t take my suggestion to title it “My Pet Goatse”.

    http://tinyurl.com/247wtsq

  244. Looks like they didn’t take my suggestion to title it “My Pet Goatse”.

    http://tinyurl.com/247wtsq

    Wow. Some of the comments there…just Wow.

  245. Wow, Christopher Hitchens had an interesting time at boarding school:

    http://is.gd/bIRv1

    What the fuck.

    “Why Are All These Homosexuals Sucking My Cock?” by Christopher Hitchens.

  246. Hey lauraw, now that the hump is nice and polished, you might want to perform a little maintenance below the dixie mason …

    http://tinyurl.com/2675ll2

  247. http://tinyurl.com/2675ll2

    HAA HA HA HA HAAAA

    Hey, whose turn is it to waterboard compos?

  248. That’s pretty much how I feel about em too Compos. Except I don’t understand all the terms.

  249. compos has an inspiring life story.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4z3FxQNYFc

  250. Another “Wow” — hippie Apple sics cops on Gizmodo guy that found the new iPhone. They raid his home with a warrant and take all of his computers as evidence:

    http://is.gd/bIUNO

    Has evil Microsoft ever done that?

  251. Bad PR move by Apple unless they have the goods that the Gizmodo guy stole the phone.

  252. I thought the Gizmodo guy didn’t find the phone. Gizmodo paid whoever found the phone $5000 to have it.

    Kinda not cool. Possessing goods that you know you shouldn’t have.

    *completely ignores pirating addiction

  253. compos has an inspiring life story.

    Heh heh! Let’s wander over to the bar and grab a drink!

    http://tinyurl.com/2wd4328

  254. Kinda not cool. Possessing goods goats that you know you shouldn’t have.

  255. Hey Rosie, I just tweeted about the Gizmodo guy! I know you like tweets:

    Found the new iPhone? There’s an APB for that.

  256. I think Humpty Dumpty was PUSHED!!!!!

    http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-10291701-37.html

  257. goats that you know you shouldn’t have.

    but, but, but I NEEDED them. I want them.

    Found the new iPhone? There’s an APB for that.
    hahahaha, that’s great!

    cuffy, are you following me on twitter?

  258. cuffy, are you following me on twitter?

    nope, what’s your handle, @goatmilker?

  259. nope, what’s your handle, @goatmilker?

    yes

  260. apparently I’m following this twat

    jdmckittrick

  261. so what’s your twitterering name, burritohead?!

  262. Found the new iPhone? There’s an APB for that.

    HAR! I bet people we’re totally freaking out when you Tweeted that.

    Pajama momma check your FaceGoatChimpDong.

  263. @pjmomma

  264. Pajama momma check your FaceGoatChimpDong.

    You made me check you sumbitch! What kinda trick is this?

  265. Well, apparently I lied — I am following you.

    *unfollows Rosetta*

    *unmilks goat*

  266. rosetta, why you gotta hurt me like this?

    *cuts cuffy

  267. It stopped raining. I imagine it will start up again within the hour. *sigh*

  268. PJM might need one of these too.

    Really cute video http://www.kirotv.com/news/23263268/detail.html

  269. Scott – Almost enough there to make a meal!

  270. But not nearly enough to fill this, Chief:

    http://is.gd/bIXbo

  271. Breitbart really has a thing for retweeting all the slanders aimed at him from the left, eh?

  272. PJM might need one of these too.

    DON’T LET IT GET AWAY!! THAT’S MY SUPPER!!!

  273. rosetta, why you gotta hurt me like this?

    I hit because I love.

    Cuffy, I dare you to Tweet this:

    “Why are you reading this? What are you, some kind of fucking loser? Get a job, douchebag.”

  274. >> Breitbart really has a thing for retweeting all the slanders aimed at him from the left, eh?

    Yes. I love what the guy does, but I’m not sure it’s really all that effective to repost nasty messages thrown at you.

  275. Agree. It’s virtually all he ever tweets about. Seems like a waste, he’s allowed them to preempt his own message, whatever it should be.

    I don’t think for a second there isn’t a contest among those cockroaches to see who can say something that can get exposure from him that way.

  276. I finally got to mow this afternoon. Thanks for sucking all that rain your way for awhile, Chief.

  277. Anybody catch Beck on the Chicago Carbon Exchange?

    Amazing stuff

  278. ‘sup racists and homosexualists.

  279. ‘sup nut.

  280. What’s wrong with the baby in the picture?

  281. Bad gas.

    And lead paint.

  282. Looks more like the mom is drinking booze and passing it through her breast milk.

  283. Rosetta, how was your jail time this weekend?

    Was your cellmate gentle, or did he have a thing for potato molesters?

    Is your jailhouse nick Hashbrowneye?

    C’mon, man, your fans and the editors of Russet Weekly wanna know!

  284. If she doesn’t like to be called “Maddy” she shouldn’t have to be called Maddy.

    THANK YOU. My family calls me by a nickname I hate. I’ve spent the last twenty-five years asking them not to, to very little avail.

    *reads hitchens excerpts* Umm…WTF???

  285. My family calls me by a nickname I hate.

    PEELIO!!!

  286. The baby in the header picture made me wet my pants

  287. Uniball ……NOOOOOOoooooo

    http://digg.com/d31PSJ7

  288. >> I don’t think for a second there isn’t a contest among those cockroaches to see who can say something that can get exposure from him that way.

    Yeah. They’re assholes. We get it, message received dude. This isn’t really news.

  289. Drive time music:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt2qBm4qS4w&feature=channel

  290. A collection of my favorite infomercial moments:

    http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2010/04/watch_a_montage_of_hilarious_i.html

  291. I love the infomercial for the set of plastic containers of different sizes that all have the same size lid and come with a convenient rack for storage and display. The montage of women (and it is always women) being unable to find the correct size lid and having an avalanche of plastic containers raining down on their heads always cracks me up.

  292. Cuffy, I dare you to Tweet this:

    “Why are you reading this? What are you, some kind of fucking loser? Get a job, douchebag.”

    Man, if I did that people would like, totally freak the fuck out! And then they’d tell me what crazy shit they just saw at Starbucks. And call Andrew Breitbart a gaywad or something.

  293. You are a racist homophobe who hates tofu!

  294. “The baby in the header picture”

    That’s exactly how I looked after my first and only experience with Taco Bell.

  295. That reminds me, the new chicken-bacon-ranch “Tortada” did not, REPEAT, did not give me “explosive diarrhea.” I was disappointed.

  296. Did you all know you’re racists? Well you are. Teabaggin’, taint lickin’, beer drinkin’, wife beatin’, trailer dwellin’, NASCAR lovin’, gun totin’ racists. I read it in the newspaper so it must be true.

  297. New poat for cool kids. Losers please stay on this post.

  298. Man, if I did that people would like, totally freak the fuck out! And then they’d tell me what crazy shit they just saw at Starbucks. And call Andrew Breitbart a gaywad or something.

    Hahahahahaha.

    + 90 points and an awkward happy ending from BrewFan

  299. Uhhhh……..heh……..uhhhhhh……like uhhhhhhh………..where’s everbody at?


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