Go Read This.

Or don’t.

THE RECLAMATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[And before someone grumbles about blog whoring, I didn’t post it due to complaints about the length of prior posts.   Having said that, I trust that this should be acceptable to even the most ADD/ADHD riddled among us.]

[Update: WTFface Jenkins]

L to R:  The GED, you

205 Comments

  1. Peace thru Douche?

    You WHORE!!!!

  2. Could someone just give me the gist of it?

  3. BiW getting a little logorheaic.

  4. Could someone just give me the gist of it?

    Well, SeaNm, we could, but gist does not come in Potato Form.

    To quote the “Boss” ‘Sometimes, just sometimes, BiW is my Hero’……

    Can we start the trials for Treason and Impeachment yet???????

  5. How does this, in any way, help M’shelle’s kids??

  6. Why doesn’t this poat included a picture of someone getting kicked in the balls?

    Do I have to do everything around here?

  7. And “Hey Boss”!!

    Gives Evil CatEye to you know who…..

  8. Could someone just give me the gist of it?

    OK

    *Michael pretends to read the entire frickin’ post*

    It means: “Obama sucks.”

  9. Hey, favorite furball, how’s the Purina One holding up?

  10. Well, SeaNm, we could, but gist does not come in Potato Form.

    *opens dryer*

  11. Why doesn’t this poat included a picture of someone getting kicked in the balls?

    And for so artfully reminding me of the little detail that I forgot, I shall endeavor to kill you last, man-lesbian.

  12. xbrad that is also her (same friend) next to me when I am dressed as Satine in Moulin Rouge and she is a Vegas showgirl. She is a very pretty woman. That was Halloween

  13. How you gonna kill him, BiW?

    Make him read your writings?

  14. started reading it, but really not in the mood to get all uppity tonight.

    I promise I’ll get to it soon though.

    Meanwhile, gotta go get liquor and stuff.

    bbl

  15. Hey, favorite furball, how’s the Purina One holding up?

    Well, I hate to ask in such a public forum, but can I borrow some Preperation “H”?

  16. I’ll have to go back and check.

    I loved Moulin Rouge. And Nicole Kidman is smoking hot.

  17. Much like you, of course.

  18. Huh?

    http://tinyurl.com/lbj6uk

  19. **hands Sox a tube of Ben Gay**

    Preparation H? Sure, here you go.

  20. Meanwhile, gotta go get liquor and stuff.

    Don’t forget the ice cold bottle of Jaeger. Throw that up in the attic when you get back.

  21. Meanwhile, gotta go get liquor and stuff.

    Its the “and Stuff” that keeps the New England AG’s up at night……

  22. hahahhahaha whatever! I have on a red wig and black hat and she has on the feathers

  23. get out of the attic and on the plane RO

  24. who complained about the others? No one is making them read it.

  25. get out of the attic and on the plane RO

    YOU’RE NOT MY REAL PAROLE OFFICER!!!!

    Don’t do any shots tonight, sohos. And don’t fall down. I don’t want to have to carry you around like a papoose on my back for the rest of time.

  26. **hands Sox a tube of Ben Gay**

    Preparation H? Sure, here you go.

    *** Breaking News here at Fox ***

    Cat Breaks Sound Barrier, Film at 11:00!!! Stay Tuned!!!

    Bastage……

  27. Heh. Poor Sox can’t read the labels….

  28. but i like being your papoose….

  29. Another fun parlor game if you don’t know anyone at a party is to make an innocuous political comment and try to fish out a stupid lib.

    Then see if you can find their outer limit by saying extreme Daily Koz shit.

  30. Found it, Sohita.

    You look FABULOUS as a redhead.

  31. this party is at a bar and it is all of Counts’ softball team and their wives…..seriously Rickets get down here ASAP!

  32. BTW, for those of you who don’t have facechimp?

    I just found a pic of a 21 y/o Sohos in an orange bikini.

  33. Thanks xbrad!

  34. I hate the fucking cable networks. All day coverage for Teddy Kennedy?!?

    WTF!

    Like I give a shit that the rude, socialist assholes in Taxechusetts only have a single butt-sucking, anti-American, trough-feeding douchenozzle in the Senate!.

  35. O.K. y’all. Please don’t nobody tell Dave in Texas I had to use his pool to cool Radioactive Hemorrhoids. Fortunately, with the IB crowd, it ain’t the first time its happned…..

    Where is Miss Sohos as a redhead?

    And the Peanut Gallery in Elberton wants to know the last certified date of a flea dip was….

  36. Elberton? The Granite Capitol of the World?

    You’ve never had a flea dip. And I’ve never found a flea on you.

    Never checked, either, but that ‘s besides the point.

  37. Alright, gonna go down to Anaheim to watch the Angels vs. Oakland. Nobody say anything retarded until I get back.

  38. Time to make the donuts tacos and guac for pre-UFC party.

    I will see you cool kiddos later. sohos, I’ll send you fun vibes whlie you’re at the stoopid party.

    Also, I never knew the backstory on the goatse guy but I found this little bio about him. Sick.

    http://tinyurl.com/nafh5s

  39. seriously Rickets get down here ASAP!

    Hahahahahaha. You’re lucky I like you.

  40. “Nobody say anything retarded until I get back.”

    Good luck with that.

  41. What is the goatse guy? Don’t provide a link. Would someone just tell me?

  42. ok i have to get ready for the party……………………

  43. Pay close attention to the particular idiots, Sohos so you can tell us about them later.

  44. What is the goatse guy? Don’t provide a link. Would someone just tell me?

    You need to Google Images that. There are no words.

  45. Does it have to do with an actual goat?

  46. Hey Rosetta,

    Feel my forehead and tell me if I seem a little warm. http://tinyurl.com/lj488f

  47. Sohos – We’ll expect a detailed, drunken report upon your return!

    *pours Sohos another shot of Patron*

  48. Mare- no.

  49. Thanks, MCPO.

  50. Okay, on google (without images) I found a description of goatse and I think everyone needs to be killed.

  51. Elberton? The Granite Capitol of the World?

    You’ve never had a flea dip. And I’ve never found a flea on you.

    Never checked, either, but that ’s besides the point.

    Yes, that Elberton. I tried to explain that Miss Tat was the flea collector, and that Uncle Burl harvested them. Peanut Gallery slammed two more beers, and boogied. With out opposable thumbs, the Hostages are hard to explain! And they kept getting Scotw confused with Rosetta. And they want to know why BlackisWhite is not the Chief, who is in Black and White. Anybody got an Asprin, other than the the “Boss”? I’m not trusting him a whole lot at the monent….

  52. Fat Bastards funeral is getting comical. It is pitch black outside and the cameras can’t pick up anything.

  53. Sox – Have another shot.

  54. I fell off my stool laughing at the photo of the dude getting kicked in the nuts…

  55. Mare – Does this help??

    http://tinyurl.com/5tvoqg

    stolen from “The Jawa Report”

  56. “Mare – Does this help??
    http://tinyurl.com/5tvoqg
    stolen from “The Jawa Report”

    Well, on the upside, I now understand what that symbol means.

  57. Mare- Trying not to offend you but, at the same time, educate you on this particular viral atrocity.

  58. *tosses warm 1/2 bottle of Jaeger into the attic

  59. Sox – Have another shot.

    Chief, I thought I hid DinT BB gun….

  60. TV is back!

  61. *** Sniff, Sniff ***

    Thats better, I just had a bath. It shoul help the Air Quality around here ‘ti TboM shows up…..

  62. I am ready full report tonight to follow

  63. It is almost as if scotw and scottw are an eerie Parallel Universe Occlusion of Time and Space as an Anthesis of Wiser and Wiserbud. With this sort of Nefarious Chicanery, Panama CatNip, WhiteHouse Involvement, Rosetta’s Fashion Sense, and IB are surely to be involved…..

  64. Kitty, did you answer me I left and am not going back. YES or NO?

  65. Hey Shim, I think I can get loose Thursday in the afternoon.

  66. I’ll let you out of the dryer Thursday afternoon, if you promise not to puke on the oriental rug Thursday night.

  67. Mmmmmmm, tastes like chicken!

    http://tinyurl.com/krasz4

  68. Rosetta – Whatcha doing??

    http://tinyurl.com/klms6a

  69. I’ll let you out of the dryer Thursday afternoon, if you promise not to puke on the oriental rug Thursday night.

    *** Begins to suspect another Ben-Gay Switcherooo……***

  70. What time Thurs? I’ll drive over. Give me a place and I’ll find it. I’ll be coming south on 85.

  71. Shim, it’ll be in the afternoon. Somwhee north of Exit 21 on 85?

  72. Somwhee=somewhere. Bud Light helps spellling!

  73. Relax, Sox. I might do that to you, but not to Shim.

  74. Oh, well, thanks!

    Hey, wait a minute….

  75. Shim, you can give this to Sox as a present.

    **hands Shim a tube of Nair**

  76. I kinda feel bad for the local pussy. Y’all are some serious mistreaters. Someone give him this tube of nice soothing zinc oxide.

  77. Now Sox, you go in the bathroom and get a Q-Tip or two and put some of that zinc oxide up your ass. Way up in your ass. I promise you it’ll feel better in the morning.

  78. PG, don’t make me light you on fire.

    I’m the only mutherfucker around who gets to abuse the cat.

  79. “It is almost as if scotw and scottw are an eerie Parallel Universe Occlusion of Time and Space as an Anthesis of Wiser and Wiserbud. With this sort of Nefarious Chicanery, Panama CatNip, WhiteHouse Involvement, Rosetta’s Fashion Sense, and IB are surely to be involved”

    WTF ?

  80. Forget it, Scotw, he’s on a roll.

    Probably a Kaiser, maybe sourdough.

  81. Who said rolls??

    http://tinyurl.com/m5keug

  82. MCPO, for a long time, Mom used to have the CPOs mess cater her parties. They made the worlds best dinner rolls.

    And lumpia, and some awefuckingsome chicken wings.

  83. BiW,
    That was a terrific manifesto, your “Reclamation of Independance”. I will spread it as far and wide as possible. Have you considered sending it to Ace?

  84. bob, you gotta make up your mind.

    R U Bob Reed?

    Or Rocketmanbob?

    And tell us something about yourself.,

  85. BiW,
    That was a terrific manifesto, your “Reclamation of Independance”. I will spread it as far and wide as possible. Have you considered sending it to Ace?

    Bob, I don’t have the connection to Ace that other commenters here do, (looks sternly at lauraw and DaveinTexas), but it seems to me to be an appropriate message for our times to send to the guilty parties to let them know that their favored methods will no longer work.

  86. hey chief, can you dump my comment after sox gets it please?

  87. Shimn – Which one??

  88. i want to give my email

  89. Go ahead, Shim, either MCPO or I will delete it.

  90. Go ahead, Shim, either MCPO or I will delete it.

    And then I repost it randomly in one thread, each day for a week.

    Man its nice having power.

    (I am kidding, shim)

  91. **signs shim up for lots and lots of gay pron**

  92. this darn cat is gonna get me into so much shit

  93. sox you sumbitch, did you take off? grab my mail so it can be erased!!!!!!!!!

  94. ghey pron-is that where they have blue, purple, red and orange colored toenails?

  95. Shim,

    I emailed your addy to Sox and cc’d you.

  96. tanks brad

  97. Shim,

    I emailed your addy to Sox the DNC and cc’d you.

  98. Sox, Shim thursday after beers
    http://tinyurl.com/njs3x2/

  99. Heh, MCPO, I’m evil, but not EVIL.

  100. Where the fuck is everyone?

  101. I think that they’re getting ready for their date with jewstin. What are you doing hanging around here? Sean coming over to wrestle for the last brownie later?

  102. Crap, it’s like you people have lives or some shit.

  103. I can’t even kick the cat until Monday night.

  104. I think that they’re getting ready for their date with jewstin.

    I’m a popular guy. I just can’t help myself.

  105. Jewstin – Put a shirt on ferchrissakes!

  106. OK, weird. BiW’s comment wasn’t there earlier…

    Who was saying X-men: The Last Stand was good? It just started on FX.

    Did I mention I met Stan Lee?

  107. Sorry, MCPO. My shirt is in the laundry.

  108. Jewstin – Your one & only??

  109. Sorry, MCPO. My shirt is in the laundry.

    *tweeks Jewstin’s nipples, just because he can*

  110. Yeah. It’s a nice stripey one. You can see it in PoL.

  111. No purple nurples!!!!!!!!

  112. Have at it, BiW. Me, I think I’ll keep my hands to myself. Especially around Jewstin.

    Nothing personal, J

  113. Chief, I just fired back at the rocketscientist who whined on your link to the 2007 NRO story yesterday on facechimpspace.

  114. Have at it, BiW. Me, I think I’ll keep my hands to myself. Especially around Jewstin.

    Nothing personal, J

    Its called “being confident in one’s sexuality”, Brad. But I can certainly see your point. If I was “confused”, then maybe there is something about Jewstin that might inspire certain “feelings” that might be unconforatble for me to explore. Do what you need to to keep yourself in check. Horseplay is one thing, mad monkey sex with other commenters is another.

  115. BiW- I’ve known Cal since forever. He lived down the street from me. He’s a teacher and a funny guy but alas, his NEA indoctrination is now complete. Russ, is another guy from my home town. he’s a flaming asshole commie hippie (ran off to San Fran in ’71) but, his family was always good to me.

  116. BiW is so confident in his sexuality, he knows, just knows, that blowing guys in the bathroom in the gay bars of the SeaTac strip doesn’t make him gay.

    Hell, not even starring in a gay gangbang movie makes him gay.

  117. Sorry, MCPO, but I just called them RACIST!!! on your Enzi post.

    Also, I love your new pet.

  118. I’m making an easy yellow cake with chocolate fudge frosting. Who wants some? Hey! No shoving…form a single line…

  119. PA- Ain’t he just the cutest???

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  120. MCPO, he is quite the handsome lil devil.

  121. Sounds nice Patty Ann. I’ll have a piece, hold the frosting.

    I’m so picky about sweets people think I’m an alien.

  122. Yes, please, Miss PattyAnn!

  123. Hell, not even starring in a gay gangbang movie makes him gay.

    Well, Hell, if mutiple screen roles couldn’t turn you, then that one time certainly didn’t place me in any jeopardy. Besides, I needed the money.

  124. Hell, not even starring in a gay gangbang movie makes him gay.

    I think I saw that one. There was a drunk chimpanzee and a midget, right?

  125. I’ll take your frosting, Jewstin. Cake is simply the instrument to elevate the frosting to make it easier to eat.

  126. Jewstin, did you forget the ottoman?

  127. Where is Sean? I want to not talk to him. It’s important.

  128. Hello Hostages! Godson confirmed, all went well, then Italian food was consumed. And cake. And chianti. There is no diet other than “see-food” that tonight’s menu would work for.

  129. Jewstin, did you forget the ottoman?

    Oh, right. It was paisley as I recall.

  130. **waves to Romy**

  131. I did take pictures for you, XBrad. My son had his goofball face on.

  132. Just so you understand that he is as normal as you get with two nerdy engineer parents, but bring out a camera, and he tries to be frickin’ Jim Carrey.

  133. Hi Romy!! I’m ’bout shit-faced, how ’bout you?

  134. Well of course he put on his goofball face.

    It’s what kids do.

    And when, in the future, he brings his fiance home to meet the ‘rents, you’ll show her that pic.

    It’s what parents do.

  135. MCPO, I’m at five indians, and the sixth one’s giving me the eye.

  136. XBrad, have I told the story here of how my oldest brother’s second wife found out about the first wife? Second wife wanted to see those funny photos, and I obliged her and brought out all the photo albums. We got to the wedding photos, and she said, “who is that?” He was in a heap of trouble!

  137. “who is that?”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oops!

  138. I’m surprised he’s not dead.

  139. I was 13 when that happened. I thought even then that it was pretty stupid to hide the fact that he had been married for seven years. No kids, though.

  140. I have to go away. We have quite the lightning storm going on here. Doggy is hiding in the bathtub.

  141. That marriage and the one after that didn’t last, either. He’s dating a good candidate for #4, and I sincerely hope he doesn’t screw this up.

  142. Man, I hate black widow spiders. Especially when they are on the same chair as me while I’m smoking.

  143. Give the dog a hug for me.

  144. Uh, how ’bout we just hope he doesn’t get married again?

    Maybe he’s just like a chick, not wild about marriage, but really likes weddings?

  145. I did tell him “three strikes, you’re out”, but that was when he started dating a girl younger than his oldest son and was talking about starting another family. This lady is better than the last three wives and eight girlfriends put together.

  146. Another comment about tonight – the Italian restaurant had Frank Sinatra music playing. At one point, we were singing along.

  147. So, baby, wanna watch the shuttle mate with the ISS tomorrow?

  148. Oooh, soft dock!

  149. Rocketscientist Porn. Only at The Hostages.

  150. Heh, I got your airlock right here.

  151. What’s the rule number, BiW, for there being any kind of porn on the intertubes?

  152. Rule 34?

  153. Two things –
    1 – I went the whole day without seeing any of the funeral. Yay me!
    2 – It is after midnight here, so happy birthday, clintbird!

  154. Thank you, BiW, that was it. My introduction to that was here. Someone (Rosetta? Wiser?) posted a link to a picture of the Star Wars AT-AT walkers with the caption, “Rule 34. No exceptions”.

  155. http://tinyurl.com/kpawtn

  156. Fucking Angels bullpen blew the game. Damnit.

  157. Saw this sticker on the car in front of us on the way to church.
    http://tinyurl.com/lgz6h8
    While I’m wondering “why?”, Mr. RFH asks, “what’s that mean?”
    “Ummm, I’ll tell you later.”

    The Hostages. Educational in ways you can’t imagine.

  158. It’s a classic, Romy.

  159. I meant Rule 34, but I guess it works both ways.

    Will there be an explanation, demonstration and practical application, Romy?

  160. I have better ideas.

  161. Saw this sticker on the car in front of us on the way to church.
    http://tinyurl.com/lgz6h8

    Saw one of those on the back window of a car a couple of days ago and thought, “Douche.”

  162. What does that mean?

  163. What does that mean?

    C’mere and I’ll show you.

  164. What does that mean?

    Here’s an explanation, PA.

  165. http://tinyurl.com/mmnnb6

    I know it’s late, but Veeshir has been doing yeoman work on this story

  166. eddie, my blood is still boiling over that.

    Then again, the world is full of dickheads, and security guards are full of people who want a little power.

  167. PattyAnn, if you’re serious and not just yankin’ my chain, look at “shocker” at urbandictionary.com

  168. at = up

    Six indians makes me vocabularily challanged.

  169. The more you drink, the better I look.

  170. Of course, the more I drink, the better I think I look.

  171. The more I drink, the funnier I think I am and everything else is.

  172. The more I drink, th…ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  173. Thanks, Roamy.

    Hey, Sean, this Kennedy wants to talk to you
    http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/kennedy_relative_flips_off_crowd_082809

  174. Have I told the story about Kitty Quarks?

  175. No, tell me about kitty quarks.

    Tho I did look up X-Ray Lasers today.

  176. So, I watched X-Men:The Last Stand.

    Not a great movie, but it did have its moments:

    http://tinyurl.com/ndllk9

  177. Hey, Sean, this Kennedy wants to talk to you
    http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/kennedy_relative_flips_off_crowd_082809

    I guess that means you didn’t like my little joke, huh?

  178. The scene: drunk engineering and physics students, discussing the superconducting super collider. And I mean minimum eight indians drunk. Mr. RFH, out of nowhere, comments, what would happen if you rubbed a cat’s fur to build up a charge, then dropped it into the collider? It’d be going around and around, mmmRRREEEOOOOWwwww, mmmRRREEEOOOWwwwww, and so on. Then you need to get another cat of the opposite charge, drop it in, collide them and get kitty quarks. You could shave a spiral pattern into a cat and get charmed kitty quarks. It went on from there, but that was my favorite. We were falling off our chairs, laughing. My face hurt the next day, either from laughing or a faceplant.

  179. Mr. RFH, particle physicist.

    That’s like the old story about strapping buttered toast to the back of a cat. Damn thing would never hit the ground.

  180. The sound effects were priceless. I still laugh when he makes that sound.

    I fully expect Sox’s scorn if he reads this poat.

  181. strapping buttered toast to the back of a cat. Damn thing would never hit the ground

    That would make a good animated gif, if I knew how to do those things.

  182. Oh, you can hit a spacecraft panel with a paintchip at 17,000mph, but can’t make a .gif.

    Some rocket surgeon you are.

  183. I’m going to bed. Someone tuck me in, please. And no hiding my glasses this time, Sox!

    http://tinyurl.com/lb5gyl

  184. Wait one, Romy.

    http://tinyurl.com/knhsmt

  185. Hey, at least I admit to what I don’t know instead of being a bullshit artist.

  186. Here, this will keep you warm:

    http://tinyurl.com/nkjonu

    G’night.

  187. Wait one, Romy.
    http://tinyurl.com/knhsmt

    Oh, that’s cool. Thanks, XBrad.

  188. Mmmmm, toasty. (I like the guy saying Wunderbar!)

    Good night.

  189. Hahahahahaha! No wonder they elected Franken to the Senate…

    http://tinyurl.com/npczk9

  190. Where’s pony?

  191. I’m sure he’s out there somewhere, staying gold.

  192. Where’s the damn cat with my coffee?

  193. *** Struggles to make Coffee whilst balancing Ice Bag on Head ***

    *** Places carafe on counter ***

    *** Vows to read contents of tubes VERY carefully ***

  194. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on August 30, 2009 2:13 am
    The scene: drunk engineering and physics students, discussing the superconducting super collider. And I mean minimum eight indians drunk. Mr. RFH, out of nowhere, comments, what would happen if you rubbed a cat’s fur to build up a charge, then dropped it into the collider? It’d be going around and around, mmmRRREEEOOOOWwwww, mmmRRREEEOOOWwwwww, and so on. Then you need to get another cat of the opposite charge, drop it in, collide them and get kitty quarks. You could shave a spiral pattern into a cat and get charmed kitty quarks. It went on from there, but that was my favorite. We were falling off our chairs, laughing. My face hurt the next day, either from laughing or a faceplant.

    Long story short, Mr. RFH is a CatHater too. Probably wears flippers like Americano….

  195. Mr. RFH, particle physicist.

    That’s like the old story about strapping buttered toast to the back of a cat. Damn thing would never hit the ground.

    It works pretty well until the Rotational Inertia of the CatToast Assembly exceeds the Elastic Limits of either the Duct Tape, or Bungee cords. Bubble Gum is just too darn hard to get out of Fur.

  196. I’m going to bed. Someone tuck me in, please. And no hiding my glasses this time, Sox!

    http://tinyurl.com/lb5gyl

    *** Licks Lenses ***

    *** returns glasses to Coffee Table ***

  197. Comment by xbradtc on August 30, 2009 12:54 am
    So, baby, wanna watch the shuttle mate with the ISS tomorrow?

    Comment by roamingfirehydrant on August 30, 2009 12:55 am
    Oooh, soft dock!

    *** Trudges into Rosetta’s office to finish paperwork for Emergency Rocket Launch carrying 55 gallon drum of LowOrbit Viagra to ISS ***

  198. WTF? Is this the Sox Show?

    Car In,would you please pass the coffee? Thanks.

  199. sup fagz?

    And why is this POS poat on the front page? This thread needs to have a meeting with a death panel.

    I’ll throw up a new POS poat so we can enjoy its fresh smell and nubile perky breasts.

  200. I’ll throw up a new POS poat so we can enjoy its fresh Old Spice smell and nubile perky breasts moobs.

  201. I totally just ripped this (that’s how my college aged daughter talks) from Ace’s overnight thread. Looks to me like something we could hang on the wall here. Especially on BBF.

  202. This article and the comments that follow are quite refreshing.

    Oh, and fuck you Harry Reid.

    http://www.lvrj.com/opinion/56171937.html

  203. Wow! Just Fuckin’ Wow!!

    A newspaper man from a large city newspaper who is not sucking the outer lining off of a powerful democratic politician’s cock. This is not the America I thought I knew. I’m going to Vegas in October. There’s about as much chance I’ll run in to this guy as there is that I’ll come home with the Venetian’s money, but if I do I’m buying him a drink. And maybe a hook.

    What is Harry Reid thinking? He’s not a fucking Kennedy.

  204. Reid is a ninny.

    New poat.

  205. xbradtc,

    I don’t know why different monikers keep appearing above my comments! I generally comment under my own name, but RocketmanBob is a pseudonym that I have used in the past; one that alludes to my background in rocket science.

    What do y’all want to know about a guy like me?


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