Badassery, Pt. 1

I mostly enjoyed being a grunt. And I was pretty good at it, at that.

But I never made the mistake of thinking my secret identity was William T. Roughbutt, AKA Billy Badass.

For that,  you have to go to the Navy of all places.

Most folks in the Navy aren’t what you’d call warriors. Dedicated, hardworking, professional, sure (or drunken duffers with an alpacca fetish, in the case of one Hostage who shall remain nameless).  But stone cold killer isn’t the first thing that pops into your mind.

There is, however, a small community in the Squidforce that really are warriors, par excellence. That’s the SEALs. SEAL is an acronym for “Sea, Air & Land”, the three arenas they expect to fight in. There’s a consensus that the entry requirement for becoming a SEAL is the most physically challenging regime in all the armed forces. BUDS, or Basic Underwater Demolition School, isn’t about training people. It’s about weeding out those that can’t hack it. It’s only after you pass this rite of initiation that they get around to training you.

How hard is BUDS? You tell me. Here’s the video.

You can find the other three vids in the series here.

145 Comments

  1. No, John Kerry, you weren’t a SEAL.

    That was Bob Kerrey. Medal of Honor recipient.

  2. I wish this post was in the car with Kennedy instead of Mary Jo.

  3. Whatchya doin’, Rosetta?

    http://tinyurl.com/lkefar

  4. I have never met a SEAL.

    Anyone else hear Eddie Izzard talk about Seals? Funny stuff.

  5. i don’t like funny. That’s why I hang around here.

  6. We actually trained against them once in Hawaii. Once you made contact with them, it was pretty much like any other light infantry unit. There’s only so much capacity for badassery in small unit tactics.

    The problem was, they were in such phenomenal physical shape, it was hell trying to track them down. We just couldn’t keep up.

  7. 9 out of 10 people who have met a “SEAL” haven’t.

    For some reason, every wannabe warrior decides he was a SEAL in a past life. But the plain fact is, there just aren’t a hell of a lot of them.

    More than once, I’ve met a barroom BUDS grad. One guy swore up and down he graduated from the BUDS in Little Creek, VA.

    Which, you know, sure. Except there isn’t and never has been a BUDS anywhere but Coronado, CA (and it is one of the most beautiful military posts around).

  8. He has a funny line about Seals being so good with balls, like God gave them this freakish talent, and wondered if any other animals have hidden talents, like can tigers play the banjo.

  9. xbrad,
    I have always thought that as well. I have met other guys who said things like, “former green beret” and shit like that. There are so many nutters in the world who know that most people are pretty accepting.

  10. 1. Nobody ever lies and says “I was a personnel clerk at Ft. Jackson, SC…”

    2. I did meet a “former Green Beret” and thought he was full of shit. I was wrong. Epic FAIL. Dude really was, and had the Distinguished Service Cross (2nd highest medal for Valor) to prove it.

  11. I did meet one guy who said he was a former SEAL. I called bullshit on him and it later came out that he was lying. When you are overweight, balding, wearing glasses, and a total slob, you shouldn’t make such claims.

  12. You know what this day needs? Inexplicable plastic tubing, big jackets, and women in chicken suits.

  13. Better video:

  14. Excellent post, xbrad. Thanks.

    Rosetta – http://tinyurl.com/lzu8xu

  15. Comment by Uniball on August 27, 2009 1:46 pm

    I did meet one guy who said he was a former SEAL. I called bullshit on him and it later came out that he was lying. When you are overweight, balding, wearing glasses, and a total slob, you shouldn’t make such claims. a girl who turned out to be a tranny. But hey, I had a couple cocktails in me. And soon, I just had a cock in me!

    Edited for accuracy.

  16. L to R: life, compos

    http://tinyurl.com/mxqjpf

  17. lauraw, I like that song. It’s one of my favorites from ye olde high school days.

    I will let you live another day.

  18. I dated a Para Jumper. Talk about in great physical condition. Those guys could do anything. He died in a helicopter rescue along with seven other men. We’d be sitting there the phone rings, he’d give numerical codes, he’d look at me and say, “I’ve got to go.”

  19. Rosetta, your avatar’s adams apple is showing. Also, your avatar is completely flat chested. Also, your avatar may have had a penis.

  20. PJs are an impressive bunch (as are Combat Controllers) but still, not quite up to SEAL standards.

    My personal favorite bunch of hardcore guys are the rescue swimmers of the Coasties. Sure, they don’t shoot anybody, but you gotta like people with the unofficial motto: “You gotta go out. Nobody said anything about coming back”

  21. Prom Night Rosetta: http://tinyurl.com/d33ccx

  22. Mare, are you the in-house expert on penises?

  23. xbrad, part-time subsitute teacher: http://tinyurl.com/nowkx8

  24. Silence of the Cows starring Mare.

    http://tinyurl.com/mzdt4l

  25. Exactly one second before that last picture.

    http://tinyurl.com/lo9fpd

  26. Prom Night Rosetta: http://tinyurl.com/d33ccxM

    Am I carrying a rose or a gun? I vote gun.

  27. L to R: The “old” Hostages, pinto

    http://tinyurl.com/l7pth8

  28. “Mare, are you the in-house expert on penises?”

    No, that would be Jewstin.

    “Silence of the Cows starring Mare.”

    Sweet cow.

  29. Cuffy, I actually did sub a few times at one of the highschools I recruited out of. Totally unqualified, by the states standards, but there was a history teacher that took history seriously, and had me come in at least once a quarter to teach about WWII.

  30. World’s fastest cow.

    http://tinyurl.com/5zn42s

  31. My best starring role:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8HvjchxBVA

  32. “World’s fastest cow.”

    What the hell….hahahahahahahaha

    *stupid cow probably thought it was a piece of grass

  33. “L to R: The “old” Hostages, pinto”

    Cuffy, that was hilarious. If you look on the URL it says, “oh dear God.”

    hahahahahahahaah

  34. Cow?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

    http://tinyurl.com/lrx23m

  35. Moonces.

  36. xbrad, did you cover Great French Victories? ’cause I could see that taking up a couple of semesters.

  37. I think the girl in the front in Rosetta’s prom picture is dressed like a whore.

    Carry on.

  38. You didn’t wear fishnets and a minidress to the prom, Mare? What were you, raised in a convent?

  39. I have actually seen prostitutes more covered up than that girl.

    “You didn’t wear fishnets and a minidress to the prom”

    To church yes, prom no.

  40. Yeah, Mare, what’s wrong with you? I’d be proud to see my daughter in a fashion forward outfit like that.

  41. No, Mare’s date wore fishnets and a mini.

    Right, Rosetta?

  42. get yo ass to church!!!!

    http://bit.ly/pRSuW

  43. Tbom’s face:

    http://bacn.me/b91

  44. And people wonder why I sometimes use the expression “Off like a prom dress”.

  45. BiW, did you get laid at prom?

  46. Did your ass hurt?

  47. So Mare is the in-house penisologist? Cuz, you know, sometimes it’s helpful to get an expert opinion on things….

  48. off to airport.

    you peoples better miss me.

  49. Some funny twits twats tweets about shit this guy’s dad says:

    http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

    “You need to flush the toilet more than once…No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet.”

    “The dog is not bored, it’s a fucking dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He’s a god damned dog.”

    “They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don’t.”

  50. Moonces.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    + 5,000 points

  51. See ya, DiT. Travel safe. I won’t say I’ll miss you, though – I’m not an underwear model (i.e., en fuego).

  52. Shut your cake hole, Jazz.

    http://tinyurl.com/ml7qgf

  53. Figures. A post about grunting and like moths to flames, Jazz and Rosetta are all over it.

  54. Rosie LIKES cake:

    http://tinyurl.com/n8nmn8

  55. Front row: Jizz, Biw, xbrad
    Back row: DoucheinTexas, TBaG, Shirlena
    Behind back row: Rosetta with his tongue up somebody’s ass

    http://tinyurl.com/kj5a9c

  56. Portraits of Jazz and compos.

    http://tinyurl.com/26onec

  57. Portraits of Jazz and compos.

    FUCK!!!! MY EYES!!!!! *Rams gun barrel rod up nose to try and scrub brain*

    Hahahahaha! How long you been saving that one, you douche?

  58. Rosie LIKES cake cock:

    http://tinyurl.com/cetyqg

    FTFY

  59. “Portraits of Jazz and compos.”

    Dude! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!

    What the fuck was that!?!

  60. Portraits of Jazz and compos.

    Sure, they’re all assholes, but which one is a Major Asshole?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymzh7YAlZng

  61. Are those portraits Scratch-n-Sniff?

  62. Rosetta received an endowment from the NEA and took up photography. This is his first picture:
    http://tinyurl.com/noydc2

  63. I actually know a lot of S.E.A.L.S. Worked with them in Coronado to develop specialized leadership training at the squad and team level to meet NCO requirements. Great bunch of Sailors. One piece of advice; don’t try to out-drink them. You may think you have a high capacity for booze but, these fellows will hurt you – BAD.

  64. This is his second picture:
    http://tinyurl.com/6bqk9v

    Jewstin is looking forward to Rosettas first show.

  65. I would eatah if she woulda let me. I eatah, I eatah, I eatah. Holy shit, my stoopid masshole accent is back. I eatah, Ieeatah

  66. Let’s get back on topic. You know who could portage a Zodiac boat all by herself? http://tinyurl.com/msczl6

  67. my stoopid masshole accent is back. I eatah, Ieeatah

    Perhaps if you removed your tongue from Jazz’s ass you wouldn’t have that problem.

  68. Sox, the fight stopper
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLDbGqJ2KYk

  69. That’s Jizzeez ass? Ooops, wrong ass, sorry Jizzball, that’ll be $500.

  70. Hi TatTOO.

    supwitchoo?

  71. Nostradamus, alive and well … writing for The Globe tabloid: http://tinyurl.com/l8mggo

    At least one of those headlines is 100% accurate…

  72. Let’s get back on topic. You know who could portage a Zodiac boat all by herself?

    She doesn’t need a zodiac boat. She’ll just piggyback on O! as he walks across the waters.

  73. Hahahahaha! How long you been saving that one, you douche?

    You will find your answer here.

    http://tinyurl.com/n634y6

  74. Let’s get back on topic. You know who could portage a Zodiac boat all by herself? http://tinyurl.com/msczl6

    Cuffy.

    http://tinyurl.com/lr48ea

  75. Hi TatTOO.

    supwitchoo?

    Not much. Have astronomy training on Sat night, so decided to take off early today. Had to stun a mouse to feed the fox snake today b/c he’s blind.

  76. Funny. Rosie “stuns the mouse” all the time.

  77. If by “stuns” you mean “anally inserts”.

  78. Nah, by stun I mean holding it by it’s tail and swinging it up against the countertop to snap it’s neck. Of course, feel free to tell me all about your hot date w/ Rosie last night.

  79. ‘Had to stun a mouse to feed the fox snake today b/c he’s blind.”

    Odd..That’s exactly how my wife describes having sex with me.

  80. As our weeklong tribute to the Lion of Chappaquiddick continues apace, I hereby nominate this new header pic: http://tinyurl.com/ms26c5

  81. Heh!

    But not “Heh” like it is funny that someone died, “heh” because I like taking the piss out of the elite.

    That picture would be even better Cuffy if you included the squirrel.

  82. As our weeklong tribute to the Lion of Chappaquiddick continues apace, I hereby nominate this new header pic: http://tinyurl.com/ms26c5

    HAHAHA!!!

    That will be a good header pic for BBF.

  83. Air show this weekend. Blue Angels have been practicing all day.

  84. I’m jealous of Tat.

  85. Shit, I put on an air show every time I eat Mexican.

  86. That picture would be even better Cuffy if you included the squirrel.

    Done and done: http://tinyurl.com/no2rcj

  87. Cuffy, that looks great!

  88. To be honest Xbrad, I have a pretty negative reaction to Air shows from living on base when I was little. Between the crowds and the blocked streets and the closed everything, they just weren’t that much fun. Altho, I do love the huge C-17 Globemaster, and the P-51s, and the Heritage Flight.

    Hmm, I guess I do like the planes, but hate the crowds.

  89. Hold that post Cuffy, they could be playing dead
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfijvBN2GMM

  90. Its a long day living in Receda
    There’s a freeway runnin’ through the yard
    And I’m a bad boy cause I don’t even miss her
    I’m a bad boy for breakin’ her heart

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8L9WSJi4hc

  91. Hmm, I guess I do like the planes, but hate the crowds.

    Tat would really dig Russian airshows then. You know, the ones where the crashing MiGs are always taking out crowds on the ground.

  92. “Done and done: http://tinyurl.com/no2rcj

    HA! Perfect.

  93. Tat would really dig Russian airshows then. You know, the ones where the crashing MiGs are always taking out crowds on the ground.

    That sounds like a blast.

  94. Rosemary don’t live here!

    http://tinyurl.com/mxjkfv

  95. PIMPS AND HOES!!!

  96. Front row: Jizz, Biw, xbrad

    Portraits of Jazz and compos.

    R to L (NSFW): Compos, Rosetta

    http://tinyurl.com/lzzcx6

  97. Damn! If you live in public housing, what are the rules about assaulting someone on “your” front lawn????

  98. I would like to start the donations for Rosemary’s new tooff. I shall give 1 muvfuckin dollah, bitches.

  99. Shovel hoe ready job.

  100. What Rosetta’s dreams are made of…

  101. That’s Jizzeez ass? Ooops, wrong ass, sorry Jizzball, that’ll be $500.

    Counterclockwise from bottom left: Shim; Who the fuck cares?

    http://tinyurl.com/lbo4pm

  102. I just named my hoe Rosemary. And my shop vac Rosetta.

  103. Hello, Hostages! Another launch delay and no test firing of the Ares demo first stage. :(

  104. Mare in 1982…

  105. <i.What Rosetta’s dreams are made of…

    Hahahaha! and WTFF?

    Mesa is teh king of finding weird vids.

  106. Mare in 1982…

    Awesome hands.

  107. Rosetta in 2009:

  108. compos doesn’t like it when mesa talks during breakfast.

    http://tinyurl.com/ysvpe9

  109. That does not make me want to exercise.

  110. Found this little hidden GEM:
    doubleplusundeadPosted by: Cuffy Meigs at September 15, 2008 02:12 PM (jefgb) … That’s Richard Simmons bad.” Posted by: Veeshir at September 14, 2008 08:06 AM (thmnz) …
    doubleplusundead.mee.nu/fail/archive/2008/9 – Cached – Similar
    HAHAHAHAHA

  111. “Mesa is teh king of finding weird vids.”

    I’ve always tried to use the “jazz” hands.

    SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTHS

  112. Jazz hands.

  113. “Mesa is teh king of finding weird vids.”

    I meant to add a resounding YES to that.

  114. And who could forget this slice of life?
    Comment by Cuffy Meigs on August 12, 2009 4:31 pm ….. xbrad, are you wearing your Richard Simmons dolphins and no panties and flashing your junk at the …

  115. “That does not make me want to exercise.”

    It makes me want to:

    http://tinyurl.com/kr39jt

  116. **waves to Romy**

  117. Sure, why not?

  118. COme on, cool kids, let’s go to Ace’s and play the riff game.

  119. Here is some bacon for you guys:

    http://anarchangel.blogspot.com/2009/08/it-needs-rail.html

  120. Those weren’t even my comments, Shim!

  121. Tat. Just for you, a Russian SU-27 plows into the crowd.

    SFW

  122. I always kinda thought that Naval Aviators were warriors…

    Not physical enough for you? Try pulling 6+ g’s for more than a millisecond…

    Just sayin’

  123. Rosemary don’t live here!
    http://tinyurl.com/mxjkfv

    Romy, when the last batch of Jehovah’s Witnesses rang the doorbell at 6:15 AM on a Saturday.

  124. *waves at xbrad*

    I have a co-worker who is retired Special Forces. I got to hear the story behind one of his Silver Stars. I am glad he is on our side.

  125. Once again, Rosetta learns too late how consuming copious amounts of alcohol impairs one’s judgement. A hangover wasn’t the only thing he woke up with.

    http://tinyurl.com/nj6pr7

  126. rocketmanbob – I only got those sitting backwards in a C-1, C-2 and a Whale (EA-3B).

  127. Compo,
    What the hell is that?

  128. COMPOS, WTF WAS THAT?!?!

    *kills self*

    Speaking of killing, if Congress passes the Kennedy Murder Mulligan Bill where everyone gets one free kill, this is one of may top 10 finalists.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rHP9W9FI-0

  129. It’s the devil.

  130. Rocketbob, I was mostly teasing MCPO about squids.

    I happen to be a big fan of Naval Aviation. I grew up at NAS Oceana and NAS Whidbey.

  131. Dick, feel free to suck mine.

  132. 86-87 25th ID

    89-91 1stAD

    91-95 4th ID

    95-99 USAREC

  133. Long story, and a combination of factors, Dick.

  134. Eh. I obviously miss it, but on the other hand, I didn’t have to go to the Balkans half a dozen times or get shot at.

  135. Of course, I don’t miss it as much as Wiser misses Rosetta’s embrace.

  136. Dick – I did 30 and was smart enough to know that the Army wasn’t like Michael’s Boy Scout camping trip. Clean sheets, 3 hots and a shower!

    Oh yeah, and working on the flightdeck i12-16 hours a day n the Arabian Gulf when the temps on the deck are over 120F,

  137. MCPO, you couldn’t pay me enough to do that job. And for that matter, the Navy DOESN’T pay enough for that job.

  138. Hey! That’s an extra $100 a month!!

  139. God bless you, Chief. And xbrad and Dick, too. incerely. I don’t know who else here is a vet, but the same goes for all the rest.

    I love you vets more than I can say. When I think about what you offered the country, what you did for us, I get misty eyed (like I am right now). If I could change any one thing about my life, it would be to have enlisted. I so wish I was one of you (I tried to join the ARMY JAGs last year just to get some service in, but didn’t make the cut). I am so envious of you all, and so proud of you. I can’t thank you enough. You are my heroes.

  140. Dick – It pays the rent, brother. . . it pays the rent.

  141. Dick – It pays the rent, brother. . . it pays the rent.

    Well, that and his drag queen shows at the Blue Dolphin…

  142. Jeez, xBrad – get it right! It’s the GREEN Dolphin and the BLUE Oyster!!!

  143. I met a SEAL once, my first, and I know because he was in uniform. We were both at a counter-terrorism course down at Hurlburt Field, FL back in the 1980s. (Classroom, not field work, thank God, I never would have kept up with him otherwise.)

    I remember being surprised at how short and wiry he was – very anti-Rambo looking. Definitely the quiet and deadly warrior type.

    Actually I have met a few over the years, and always they are never what you expect.

    And I knew some PJs and Combat Control guys too. Bad-asses all.

  144. MCPO Airdale,

    I was alluding to F-14s when I made the high G comment…

    Which carriers did you serve on in the Gulf? Just curious…

    I really enjoy your blog, and have lurked a long time.

    Besr WIshes

  145. That is one hell of a training, adieu to the SEALS.


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