Car repair tips for the ladies

When your car is running poorly, here’s a few things you may want to check before calling the mechanic.

1) Does the car have gas?

2) Is the “check engine” light blinking or is it just on?

3) Do you know what the check engine light is?

4) Are you using the right key?

5) Have you tried replacing the air in the tires?

And, if all else fails, be sure to check the oil plug.

mechanic

I’m sure my fellow Hostages can provide even more useful advice.

236 Comments

  1. 6) Is there a dead hobo caught in the fan belt?

  2. 7) Make sure the passenger seat is pushed all the way back

  3. Are you trying to start your own car?

  4. Is the ashtray full?

  5. *Roll all the windows down and press the gas pedal with your left foot.

  6. new poat because this one is slower than TI getting a joke.

    Not possible.

  7. Did you pay your insurance bill on time?

  8. Sweeter than sugar
    Kisses like wine (he’s so fine)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtcz6CxOzjw

  9. Is the steering wheel in front of you or is it to the left of you?

  10. How much you wanna bet she’s not wearing panties?

  11. Have you adjusted the rear view mirror recently?

  12. Who brought Salt Fuckers back? I thought it went away.

  13. Have you replaced the duck tape on the muffler?

  14. Do you have the right key?

  15. Is the key still in your pocket?

    That’s a useful question, in my experience.

  16. Is there enough beer in the back seat?

  17. Is it plugged in? You should try plugging it in.

  18. Is the car already running?

  19. By all means, replace the chrome muffler bearings when it starts to sound funny.

  20. Did a hobo steal your ignition wiring?

    You can find out by torturing and killing any nearby hobo.

  21. Is there bat shit on the floor mat?

  22. Where is the rudder on this thing?

  23. Is that your kid working on the car Wiser?

    You really should think about investing in firearms.

  24. It must run on bio-deisel, I just saw TBOM take a dump in the fuel tank.

  25. Is that your kid working on the car Wiser?

    The bidding starts at one complete Yale University education.

  26. Is there a stuffed animal in the back window?

  27. Was trying to find the Tiny Toons version, oh well.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMYmTSpMp6w

  28. The bidding starts at one complete YAle University education.

    So a 24 pack for wiser, and a box of condoms for her

  29. Once you get the car started, do you know where the hell you’re going?

  30. If you liked him in The Blues Brothers, you’re gonna love this!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8yGGtVKrD8

  31. Just how did you fold the map in the glove compartment?

  32. Once you get the car started, do you know where the hell you’re going?

    See, a GPS system is great for that. You can just focus on keeping the car between the white lines without weaving too much, and the bitch-in-the-dashboard will tell you when to turn.

  33. Take it to a mechanic. Make sure he knows you’re a single woman, so he knows that you really need help and can’t afford to be taken advantage of.

  34. HOW MUCH FOR YOUR WOMEN? HAHAHAHAHAHA

  35. The bidding starts at one complete Yale University education.

    Wiser, I already told you, I’ll pay for Naugatuck Valley Community College. It’s a fine school.

  36. Is Phil Spector on work release yet?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-0upHlWfQ4

  37. Wiser, I already told you, I’ll pay for Naugatuck Valley Community College.

    Hence the reason you are out of the bidding, Michael.

    You cheap bastard.

  38. Naugatuck Valley Community College enrolls three or four brown people almost every year, so she will get the multicultural college experience.

  39. Is it possible that it’s the car’s time of the month?

  40. Naugatuck Valley Community College enrolls three or four brown people almost every year,

    Tushar brown or OJ brown?

  41. MCPO, back atcha.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHvoNmBLhVI

  42. Tushar brown or OJ brown?

    Their website is unclear, but this is still rural Connecticut, so I’m guessing it’s Tushar brownness. Plus, they probably also count their one Vietnamese kid as brown.

  43. Did you put new batteries in the flashlight?

  44. I would like to report that Tushar’s people have expanded from the 7-11 business and now work in almost every Super 8, at least in MO.

  45. Plus, they probably also count their one Vietnamese kid as brown.

    Tell you what. You pay for the tanning bed and we can haggle from there.

  46. Maybe one of those Kenyan exchange students would count.

  47. Tats:
    Yup.
    And EconoLodge,Howard Johnson, and some of the Motel 6s around here.

    You don’t see as many 7-11s anymore. QT chased a bunch of them out.

  48. But a trusted source told me Tushar likes Yuengling, so he’s got that going for him

  49. at least in MO.

    Heh, Tats. When I was trapped in Warrenton, I stayed at a Super 8. Seems things haven’t changed much in the last four years.

  50. Warrenton? What the hell were you doing there? Going to the outlet malls?

  51. XBrad, do you have a ‘splodey video for me tonight, pretty please?

  52. Have you let a brown person drive your car?

  53. A car crash on the way to Atlanta, Eddie. During the rainy season.

  54. “Welcome to Naugatuck Valley Community College. What flavor Squishee would you like with your diploma?”

  55. Heh, Tats. When I was trapped in Warrenton, I stayed at a Super 8. Seems things haven’t changed much in the last four years.

    Hmm, I think I’ve been there.

    There actually isn’t much of the state (at least rural) that I haven’t seen.

  56. Whiteman AFB and Ft Leonard Wood are the only two military installations in MO, right?

  57. Romy, gimme a minute. Takes a while to find the good ones.

  58. Warrenton is near St. Louis. Somewhat rural. Nobody living there seems to be from there. Everybody I met was a California transplant, which was a little ironic.

  59. Jew:

    I see.

    Tats:

    One of my wife’s cousins works in Lincoln County doing something about tracking down poachers.

  60. Yes. Yes indeed. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eYAilmqe9w

  61. Jew: a lot of that was because of the Mastercard HQ moving to O’Fallon, MO, and some of the car factories.

    As for military bases, I think Tats is correct. There is a small range in Weldon Springs where a lot of Guard and Reserve units do their rifle and weapons training.

  62. Tat, those are the only two major ones. I’m sure there’s something smaller, but nothing springs to mind.

  63. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NzS6oEiRus

    This doesn’t look good.

  64. Eddie, I’ll be in Ralls and Pike Co Tues into Wed. Probably staying in Hannibal.

  65. How do I change my avatar?

  66. Tats:

    You have to take some time for the Mark Twain stuff. Then go across the river to the Illinois side to see the view from there.

  67. That’s what I thought. Field Partner wanted to know, and I will freely admit that I don’t keep track of bases.

    Ran into an Army unit in Harrison Co last week, they were headed home to SE MO, but I didn’t catch from where.

  68. Romy, this ain’t quite ‘splodey, but there’s some shooting, and I like the tune. Plus I love pimpin’ my own blog.

    http://tinyurl.com/ko2g9f

  69. Hahaha Eddie, we did the across the river thing last time we were there b/c Field Partner wanted pics of the Welcome to Hell Illinois sign.

    Probably won’t have time to take in the Mark Twain stuff.

  70. Paulitics, you have to sign up for a Gravatar or WordPress account for a custom avatar.

    Otherwise, I think you just need to change your e-mail.

  71. Tell you what. You pay for the tanning bed and we can haggle from there.</I.

    OK, now we're finally talking, because we both know she can't get into Yale.

    I pay:

    1. Naugatuck VCC tuition,
    2. Meal plan,
    3. Dorm,
    4. Tanning salon, and,
    4. Campus broadband access.

    You pay:

    1. Books,
    2. Laptop and software upgrades,
    2. Monthly cash allowance,
    3. Cell phone,
    4. Car and insurance,
    5. iPod downloads
    6. Campus health care,
    7. Major medical health care,
    8. Rent, when she decides to live off-campus,
    9. Campus Parking, and
    10. Fines, for illegal parking, late return of library books (they actually will not issue a diploma if you owe this), and so forth.

    See, Wiser, I have put two kids through college. I know how this works.

  72. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

    Mariano Rivera just went to bat for the 3rd time in his career. The bases were loaded.

    He walked, which counts for an RBI.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

  73. Thanks, J.

  74. Tats:

    Coulda been a Reserve or Guard unit doing training, especially since they were in the NW MO area.

  75. Somebody please check the spam filter for my last comment.

  76. All right, let’s try this.

  77. If someone finds Michael’s comment in the spam bucket, do humanity a favor and leave it there…

  78. That’s what I wondered Eddie, but it sounded like they’d been on the road for a while, so I really don’t know where they were coming from. Made my “quick little trip to grab a soda” quite an experience 🙂

  79. No, Brad, it was actually a good comment about paying for kids in college.

  80. Michael, the spam bucket is there for a reason. Perhaps you could come up with something better?

  81. They were Army, correct?

    If they were going a long distance, they probably were on a charter bus.

  82. Yep Army, and nope convoy which did make me think Reserve. If I’d been paying the slightest bit of attn, I’d have noticed all the damned camo trucks/etc. that were parked in the back.

  83. Michael, the spam bucket is there for a reason. Perhaps you could come up with something better?

    Thank you, somebody, for restoring my comment about college costs, which now appears at 11:39,

    I’m thinking the numbered lists may be what got Akismet agitated.

  84. I’d been paying the slightest bit of attn, I’d have noticed all the damned camo trucks/etc. that were parked in the back.

    They’re camouflaged, they’re hard to spot.

  85. They’re camouflaged, they’re hard to spot.

    Hahahaha, excellent excuse!

    K guys, gotta call it a night.

  86. ^don’t leave me with XBrad!

  87. K guys, gotta call it a night.

    That right there is what i like about The Hostages.

    It’s the only site on the blogosphere where people actually excuse themselves before they leave a comment thread.

    That cracks me up every time I see it.

  88. That right there is what i like about The Hostages.

    Shut your whore mouth.

    We’re classy and shit ’round these parts.

  89. That right there is what i like about The Hostages.

    It’s the only site on the blogosphere where people actually excuse themselves before they leave a comment thread All the farm porn.

    Fixed for you, Michael.

  90. I hear lots of fireworks tonight, but no big splodey ones to watch. Damnitall. I guess everybody is saving their pennies.

  91. Apropos of nothing, Dwayne? Is that right? Who the fuck are you? How drunk was I?

  92. Ba-BOOM!

  93. ^too bad people get all uppity when you offer to fire a few rounds from your rifle into the air for fun.

  94. Curious thing, It’s illegal to set off any fireworks that leave the ground or explode here in Boise.

    It’s perfectly legal to sell all of them on any street-corner.

    I’ll leave the math to you.

  95. I was told there would be no math here.

  96. oh well. time to go to bed.

    ‘night, bastiges.

  97. Happy sleeping, Eddie.

  98. Oh, Duane. I was spelling bee drunk. Not geography bee drunk.

    What a relief.

  99. Hm. Guess it’s just you and me.

    What you watching?

  100. Heh. I think I’m alone.

    *examines Rosetta’s slightly used rubber fist.

    *shudders.

    *drinks all of Mare’s coffee.

    *drinks all of Vmax’s vodka.

    Oh, lordy. Must. Find. New. Kidneys.

  101. MOM!!!

    JEWSTIN DRANK ALL THE VODKA AND DIDN’T SHARE!!!

  102. Damnit, Xbrad!

    Oh, well. I finally watched that last of Battlestar Galactica. I think I missed about four episodes in the middle.

  103. Any good? I gave up on it at the mid season hiatus.

  104. Fucking, copyright soyfuckers need to die a miserable, lonely death.

  105. ???

  106. Definitely good. Excellent, in fact. There are quite a few filler episodes, but events of the final season were absorbing.

  107. Also, the finale was one of the best I’ve seen.

  108. Well, if I ever finish downloading all six seasons of One Tree Hill, I’ll watch it.

  109. OTH has the usual collection of improbably pretty people. Love triangles, tension, whatnot. Surprisingly well written for a teen show.

  110. I haven’t seen an episode. Maybe I’ll have to watch one. Good drama is hard to find.

    Anyhow, I’m sufficiently drunk and out of beer that I must go to bed. Plus the ceiling fan is on hi-gear.

  111. Well, if I ever finish downloading all six seasons of One Tree Hill, I’ll watch masturbate furiously to it.

    FTFY.

  112. Only to the women. I have standards.

  113. Whatever gets you through the night, Xbrad.

  114. And do I really have to take shit from the guy who OWNS the complete Buffy collection?

  115. Yeah, because I should be ashamed about owning a bunch of DVDs featuring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Charisma Carpenter, and Eliza Dushku.

  116. Google Sophia Bush, Hilarie Burton and Bethany Joy Lenz.

    None of them are quite as cute, but none are ugly, either.

  117. There’s a show on IONLife (30.3 here, not sure if you get it down there) called “Get Out” where chicks in bikinis have “adventures” on beaches and in jungles, and one of them looks just like Eliza.

    It’s very entertaining.

  118. None of them are quite as cute

    When you’re right, you’re right.

  119. I used to get all the 30’s, but now for some reason, since the DTV era, I get crappy reception.

  120. Igot my converter box back in Dec. or Jan. and when I hooked it up, everything was fine. Since the transition, some of the channels–especially 11 and 13–are kind of fucked up.

  121. Dude, there’s only one SMG.

    But I don’t think either of us is in a position to sneer at this:

    http://tinyurl.com/m6rqx5

  122. Dude, I don’t think either of us would be in a position to sneer at her fat, ugly sister.

  123. It depends. How fat?

  124. I am not a fat bun salesman.

  125. I may go to hell for that header pic and caption.

    That’s ok. Made me laugh and I think Billy would have laughed as well.

  126. Yeah, it’s low hanging fruit, but methinks he would have been OK with it.

  127. You know, BILLY MAYS HERE would want us to remember him by having beards and yelling about shipping and handling.

  128. >>I would like to report that Tushar’s people have expanded from the 7-11 business and now work in almost every Super 8, at least in MO.

    >>And EconoLodge,Howard Johnson, and some of the Motel 6s around here.

    Yup. All your trashy roadside motels are belong to us.

  129. >>Have you let a brown person drive your car?

    XBrad, I recently let a white guy drive my car while I sat white-knuckled in the passenger car.

    Still, I think that the general order of driving skills goes like this:

    1. White men
    2. Black men
    3. white women
    4. Brown (Indian) men
    5. Latino men
    6. Black women
    7. Latino women
    8. Indian women
    9. Chinese men
    10. Chinese women.

    I have not met ONE Chinese driver who did not give me a near-death experience.

    Your experiences may vary.

  130. ’d been paying the slightest bit of attn, I’d have noticed all the damned camo trucks/etc. that were parked in the back.
    They’re camouflaged, they’re hard to spot

    I get a lot of hunters around me, wearing camo to the Meijers. Anyhoo … one day, I’ll do it. All reason and good sense will abandon me. And I’ll bump into one of ’em.

    and, you know what I’ll say.

    Think I can do it w/o laughing?

  131. Tushar, up here in Michigan the ARabs own all the gas stations and little food marts.

    Indians are more into small restaurants. Or, they’re engineers.

  132. Oh, and doctors. Lord, they are ALL doctors. My dad’s kidney doc is Indian. Is name is so long, it’s unbelievable. He goes by Ratan, because the rest is nothing but a jumble of consonants.

  133. Good morning, Car in and Tushar, if he’s still around.

  134. Morning Romy!

  135. This week, my daughter’s summer camp runs from 9 to 3, so I actually have time to blog in the morning. Got my coffee in hand and my feet propped up, life’s good.

  136. Car in, one of my brothers used to live in Allen Park. Worked for Michigan State Bank until they laid him off, then worked for Ford until they laid him off. He decided to get out of MI after that.

  137. How can I feel so crappy after a whole afternoon of goofing around in the pool drinking be…ohhhhhh

  138. Well, the job stuff sucks in Michigan. But the state is beautiful.

  139. MORNING DAVE!!! Can I get you a cup of coffee?

  140. And two Advil, coming up!

  141. Yes. and yes.

    Morning.

  142. ….!

  143. Speaking of Billy Mays, a Ka-Boom cleaner commercial just ran. Guess they are not pulling the ads.

  144. Good morning, ladies and germs!

  145. Good morning, Chief!

  146. Ok, I have 7 trees to plant today. Think I can get it done?

    Must do it today.

    My victory garden is doing wonderfully. Yesterday I did a “Florida Weave” on my tomato plants. Buying cages for ’em would have cost a mint.

  147. Hey, Romy

    *lifts index finger in greeting*

  148. Need some java this morning?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jRB_8ovX_M

  149. Romy – Thanks! Think I’ll have another. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pULXnVTRynY

  150. Y’all have a good day, bbl.

  151. Buh-Bye!

  152. So, is that broad ‘fixing’ the car or did the car get stuck on her?

  153. http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/crime/story/847006.html TBOM must have been in AK recently

  154. So, is that broad ‘fixing’ the car or did the car get stuck on her?

    The car jack is broken, so her boyfriend (out of frame) is using her bewbs to hold the car up while he changes the tire.

    Bewbs. Is there anything they can’t do?

  155. Bewbs. Is there anything they can’t do?

    they can’t give Jewstin a boner

  156. ^maybe Moobs can

  157. they can’t give Jewstin a boner

    Rosetta’s can.

  158. I see Eddie beat to that one.

  159. ^yeah, old man, I still have some speed left in these hands.

  160. >> I see Eddie beat to that one.

    Well don’t get too close then.

  161. http://www.komonews.com/news/local/49384452.html

    This is why you shoild avoid McDonalds

  162. Well don’t get too close then.

    His hands…. they’re like a humimngbird’s wings…..

  163. Ok, four trees planted. 4 other plants moved. Four more to go. Kids wanna go to the library.

  164. Sotomayer New Haven ruling reversed by SCOTUS.

  165. Sotomayer New Haven ruling reversed by SCOTUS.

    In another, more sane period in time, this would have actually made a difference.

    Today, not so much. It’s just one little bump in the road as we continue to progress towards a utopian society, being led, of course, by the Perfect Politician™ and the Wise Latina™

  166. Yeah, it’s been pointed out her vote with that split wouldn’t have changed it. Bad times when you basically have to wait for Kennedy to flip a coin or wake up in a good mood, or whatever the hell he does when he occasionally gets it right.

  167. >> Bewbs. Is there anything they can’t do?

    Oh. I thought the passenger-side airbags had deployed. I see now.

  168. On my drive in to the office, Glenn Beck just nailed the BILLY MAYS! thing:

    “The sad thing is, he had more integrity than anyone in Congress…”

  169. I’ve seen that pic before. That’s a guy in drag, fellas.

  170. Nothing else in the wide, wide, world of sports pisses me the fuck off more than someone who just blows off a fucking meeting like you never fucking scheduled it.

    I start the web conference, I give them 15 minutes, I call to ask if they plan on attending the web conference THAT THEY FUCKING REQUESTED and I am told “Oh, they are in with patients right now.”

    Patients???? WTF???? You specifically told me we had to do this at this time because this was the only time you were available and now, all of a sudden, you have patients? What, did someone stub their toe or bump their widdle head and they need you to take a look at it?

    Baby, I got systems to sell here and I don’t give a flying fuck about your “patients” understand? Tell those fucking whiners to suck it up and take a fucking Tylenol.

    Fucking stupid cock-smoking prospects……

  171. That’s a guy in drag, fellas.

    You can tell because s/he is actually under the engine. A real woman would have been underneath the rear bumper wondering why their tires aren’t doing that rolly thingy.

  172. >> That’s a guy in drag, fellas.

    He’s got nice legs.

    wiser, I am a stickler for people showing up on time, and basic meeting courtesy (have an agenda, end with action items and assignments which ought to be the first thing discussed in the next meeting, etc.). Nothing so irritating as goofing around and wasting other people’s time.

    That said, there ain’t nobody on the planet more irritating with time courtesy than a doctor. The whole fuckin universe revolves around them (well, them and Ricky Henderson). Got to be frustrating.

    Need a hug?

  173. there ain’t nobody on the planet more irritating with time courtesy than a doctor.

    No shit. I easily could have taken the day off today, as I have things I need to get done, but no, I came to work just for this meeting.

    Need a hug?

    Yeah. Is sohos around?

  174. ^naw, but Jewstin is

  175. ^naw, but Jewstin is

    Anybody but Dave. He smells like chlorine and beer vomit this morning.

  176. woof! Madoff gets 150 years.

    Well, at least his lawyers were able to keep him from getting life. Nice job, boys.

  177. That said, there ain’t nobody on the planet more irritating with time courtesy than a doctor. The whole fuckin universe revolves around them (well, them and Ricky Henderson). Got to be frustrating.

    The doc who did my first son’s circumcison screwed up, and despite our best efforts (SHUT YER DODGAMN WHORE MOUTHS!!!!) it healed incorrectly and we had to take him to a ‘specialist’ for a consult and remediation.

    He nurse led us back to the examination room and left the door open. It was already 20 miniutes past our appointment time. Through the open door, I heard a pharmaceutical rep stop the doc on his way to see us. The rep didn’t have an appointment and apologized for it. The doc told him that it was no trouble, really and he wasn’t interrupting anything. For the next thirty minutes the two chatted away about the new product and some informational videos, until the doc finally excused himself to come in and see my son. To say I was angry would be an understatement. I let him do his 10 minute examination and consult and when he cheerfully informed me that I needed to stop by his receptionist on the way out to pay the co-pay, I told him that his late start and 30 minute chat with Bob the pharmaceutical rep had waived the co-pay, and if he billed me, I would be sending a very detailed complaint to our insurance carrier, which was very big on their preferred providers offering outstanding services to their insured. He looked at me, blinked twice, and started to aplogize. I told him to save it, and that I expected much more respectful treatment on our next visit. And it worked.

  178. woof! Madoff gets 150 years.

    Well, at least his lawyers were able to keep him from getting life. Nice job, boys.

    With good behavior, he’ll be out in 4.

  179. quick question BiW? Isn’t it a Federal Prison and isnt there no such thing as good behavior? Dont you HAVE to serve 90% of the time given to you?

  180. I have no idea. I avoid entanglements with the feds if I can swing it, and criminal law is not my sandbox.

  181. Ah ok. I have to go run errands. see yall later!

    ***hugs to wiserbabe***

  182. My dad’s kidney doc is Indian. Is name is so long, it’s unbelievable. He goes by Ratan,

    Mare would NOT like this nor would she be under his care–too close to wicker. Thinking of you, MARE.

  183. Anybody but Dave. He smells like chlorine and beer vomit this morning.

    Honestly, can NO ONE take my little advice? Two glasses of water. Big ones.

  184. I really wish someone would come and plant those last four trees for me. Sigh. The biggest thing is deciding where they go.

    Also, I have a hole in my garden where I moved a hosta. It just wasn’t happy there. Now I need to fill it.

    Oye. So much to do.

    So, someone find something fun for me to do.

    Anyone watch the Breck girls sex vid?

  185. test. take 2 my pc is possessed-get out demon!! my itallics will not take
    Thinking of you, MARE.

  186. ***hugs to wiserbabe***

    Mm mm mm, that’s some damn fine hugging right there, that is.

  187. success!!1!1demonexercised!!

  188. Car/in, I altered your tune by 1, Advil instead of Tylenol, no acet. but ibprofin is cool. So go ahead and sing it-ad the Advil to your 2 glasses- works every single time, gatorade or vit water is even better, cause the dehidration factor, but not necessary.

  189. dehYdration^

  190. http://www.newsnet5.com/news/19886368/detail.html

    This is how SOsho stays out of trouble

  191. After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

    ‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’

    ‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’

    ‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning..

    ‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile.

    Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

    ‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

    ‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’ moans the driver.

    The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

    ‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.

    The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 kph.

    ‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.

    ‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop.

    The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’

    ‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.

    The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’
    Cop: ‘ No, Bigger.’

    Chief: ‘ A senator?’
    Cop: ‘No, Bigger.’

    Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’
    Cop: ‘No, Bigger.’

    ‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’

    Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’

    The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’

    Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’

  192. I take care of the dehydration with a couple of beers.

  193. *snicker

    http://imamjohari.wordpress.com/2009/06/27/imam-visits-michael-jacksons-family-to-discuss-funeral-arrangements/

    they’re actually having an earnest discussion about this cretin

  194. Yea, shim, really you can insert [pain reliever of choice] into my directions. It’s the water.

  195. http://www.newsnet5.com/news/19886368/detail.html

    How SoSho gets out of trouble

  196. Anyone watch the Breck girls sex vid?

    I was enjoying my bacon and eggs till I read that. thanks

  197. what the fuck? I posted something and it isn’t there? Fuck this shoit!

  198. Oh, and spam bucket, please.

  199. Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’

    I remember that joke from when Peter was the Pope and he got to drive his chariot that day

  200. I remember that joke from when Peter was the Pope and he got to drive his chariot that day

    Hell, I remember that joke from back when PJM only had 7 kids.

  201. No you don’t.

  202. http://thereifixedit.com/

  203. ***hugs to wiserbabe***

    Mm mm mm, that’s some damn fine hugging right there, that is.

    *bitchy look*

    *slides a big spatula between wiserbud & sohos and pries them apart*

    I’m not being a jealous biznatch, honest, I’m just trying to prevent the transmission of cold viruses and stuff. Because I care so much about both of you.

    *cough*

    *gives sohos an extra little shove*

    Oh, ‘scuse me, hand spasm.

  204. This thread went up yesterday, and you boogerflingers are still on it. It’s Monday afternoon for some of you already. Get with the program, slackers.

  205. Threadkillaaahhhhh!

  206. I’m still waiting for Rosetta to do the BILLY MAYS HERE!!! poat he promised. Bitch NEVER keeps his word.

  207. *sniff sniff*

    This thread needs to take a shower. It stinks.

  208. 93% of people believe BiW gets fisted on a regular basis.

    The public has spoken

  209. You must click my linky.

  210. When did you turn into a link salesman?

  211. I’m still waiting for Rosetta to do the BILLY MAYS HERE!!! poat he promised. Bitch NEVER keeps his word.

    Listen!

    *smacks BiW in snout with rolled-up copy of Juggs*

    Some of us have jobs that don’t involve chasing ambulances, raping the general public and taking advantage of the retarded so we have to actually work on occasion.

  212. Forrest, I saw your pathelic pic and poll at the fight blog, and as soon as I find a way to make sure Congress pays the taxes they inflicted on us last week, I’ll pay your pathetic plea for attention all the concern it deserves. In the meantime, you can entertain yourself with Rosetta’s Ottoman porn collection. See to it that in your frantic jerking, you don’t yank it off.

  213. Some of us have jobs that don’t involve chasing ambulances, raping the general public and taking advantage of the retarded so we have to actually work on occasion.

    What does being a member of Congress have to do with your tardiness in posting?

  214. Morning, pigfuckers.

  215. Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you.

  216. Welcome to the United States of General Electric:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/28/AR2009062802955_pf.html

    They make billions under TARP. They will make billions more under cap & trade.

  217. They make billions under TARP. They will make billions more under cap & trade.

    The real truth of the matter is that Olbermann and his ilk on MSNBC are, in reality, whores of the highest order.

    It is Olbermann, Matthews, et al. that do the actually sucking of the Obama administratrion’s cock and maybe engages in some light ball play. Then the pimp Jeffrey Immelt collects from the trick.

    I assume that if the situation called for it, Immelt would show Olbermann his bitch-hand but it appears that Olbermann is so good at taking the entire unlubricated Obama fist with a smile, that’s probably unnecessary. Olbermann is really a good little whore for Immelt and NBC.

    In fact, the whoring that Olbermann and Matthews engage in is so bad, they’re the media equivalent of 2 girls, 1 cup. It’s not like straight whoring that they engage in. It’s sick, demented shit.

  218. I just got interviewed by a publishing magazine, and now they want me to send a photo in for the article.

    I wish I had teh guts to send them the TBOM photo…”here ya go”

  219. *gives sohos an extra little shove*

    Oh, ’scuse me, hand spasm.

    HAHAHAHA!

    rawr

  220. I just got interviewed by a publishing magazine, and now they want me to send a photo in for the article.

    Where is the rest of your book BZ?

  221. Where is the rest of your book BZ?

    reworking part 2. Trust me, you’ll like it. I’ll let you read it shortly

  222. dang, I missed that this was a joke thread.

    Do you have the right amount of lesbians making out in the back seat?

  223. dang, I missed that this was a joke thread.

    Do you have the right amount of lesbians making out in the back seat?

    Still not getting it, huh?

  224. &$(#@@*!!@#%&#$#**

    Fucking GE can blow me!

  225. can it get sicker than this?

    I would personally like to end the lives of the human debris that did those photoshops.

    Their end would be long and it would be demented and it would be painful.

  226. I would personally like to end the lives of the human debris that did those photoshops.

    Not before they had special needs children of their own and had to put up with the public mocking of said children for years first.

  227. I would personally like to end the lives of the human debris that did those photoshops.

    Their end would be long and it would be demented and it would be painful.

    No shit…I mean, how in the world did they get a hold of Rosetta’s baby picture?

  228. YOU CROSSED THE LINE MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!!!!!

  229. Do you have the right amount of lesbians making out in the back seat?

    Still not getting it, huh?

    prolly not

    No shit…I mean, how in the world did they get a hold of Rosetta’s baby picture?

    HAHAHA! Leave it to t-bone

  230. TBoM, 3 minutes after he and I meet.

    http://tinyurl.com/m5l8ka

  231. Rosetta and TBoM, 3 minutes after they meet.

    http://yfrog.com/2kshelter01213zd3j

  232. wiserbud, before we finish our next beer.

    http://tinyurl.com/nyxj92

  233. NEW POAT UP!!!

  234. hahaha yeah!


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