shhhhhhh it’s still early

Is everyone still asleep?

cute_ottersTime to get up!

Do something productive with your day and I don’t mean THIS:

backbowOUCH!!!!!!

Coming soon on an episode of H2 Reality Series: Rosetta and Mare hog the Hot Tub…(Crazy Kids!)

funny-pictures-there-is-no-room-for-you-in-the-spa

Now we sit back and wait for HHD

Its about time

Hey Rosetta! Whatcha eating?

babyDid anyone see any good flicks during the long weekend? We watched several since it rained the whole day Saturday.

monty pythonGotta now get creative for TUESDAY songs:

Oreo is a pussy!

Memorial Day

OK, we’ve spent a fair amount of time in rememberance of our fallen. Let’s remember what they died fighting for:

Barbecue home 1

Ky_Bourbon_barrel

Hookers

white-lines

So, other than these staples of the moron lifestyle, whatchya doin’?

Xbrad and Sean — partners in crime

Not so much…

Sunday Morning Post

‘sup.  You hungover today?  That’s good.  Me neither.  Somehow.  You know what’s fun to do on a Sunday morning?  Go somewhere and listen to jazz and have several bloody marys.  Here’s some Larry Carlton. 

 

Here is a picture of a cute kid having fun and a cat that someone needs to irritate.

 

You know what we need more of around here?  Polls.  More polls.

 

I don’t know if you like making fun of people that you don’t know as much as I do but if so, go HERE, read the idiot’s post in which he rails against anonymous commenters and then leave a comment of your own letting him know your thoughts.

After reading his post, you will realize that the insult environment is rich so you can have fun. 

I don’t know if you can use vulgarity and still get your comment approved but if I can make a comment without swearing, you prolly can too.

I think the guy that wrote the post is a liberal but he is definitely a crybaby and it’s fun to poke crybabies with a stick.

XTREME!!!!

Let’s get XTREME!!

That guy’s dancing is totally XTREME!!!

Seriously XTREME!!!!

Uhhhhh, not really. More ghey than XTREME!!!

Saturday Morning Post

Ohai.  How are you?  Really?  That is so fascinating.  I will be doing a few chores around the house today, running a few errands and then hanging out here and making fun of you later.  Today will also be the first day of caipirinha season which will likely involve serveral indians. 

 

MINIATURE GOLF FAIL!!!!!!!

 

Whatcha cookin’?

 

And now a public service announcement.  Pay attention.

 

Irritated Cat In A Boat.

 

[HILARIOUS UPDATE:]

We have a lurker named Shimmer that emailed me THIS.  Funny as hell and SFW if you’re a longshoreman.  It’s audio and it takes a second to load so count something while you wait.

Shhhhhhhhh! Just Listen

It’s my favorite World of Warcraft song. It gets really kick ass at 1:30.

Oh, to be able to create something so exquisite.

*sigh

Big Boob Friday™

Because I’ve been as busy as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest today, this will be an abbreviated BBF.  But it will still kick ass so shut your whore mouth.

Last night I watched Animal House for the first time in a year or so.  It was fucking KILLING me.  Obviously the movie itself is a classic and funny as hell.  But the thing that I couldn’t stop thinking about was a cast list that noted gerbil farmer wiserbud came up with a year or so ago where all the characters in the movie were regulars here.

I know that I was Bluto which is appropriate.  I think wiserbud made himself Otter because he wanted people to think he likes chicks.  I don’t know if he did this one but Tushar is definitely Jugdish.  The thing that was cracking me up mostly last night was that H2 is totally the Delta Tau Chi house.  And Innocent Bystanders is the douchebag Omega house.  HAHAHAHAHA.

From this point forward, I am going to refer to Michael as Niedermeyer because that made me laugh so hard last night that I had tears in my eyes.  HAHAHAHA!!!

Anyway, here’s a song from the Animal House soundtrack that I dig.  If you don’t own that soundtrack, you’re prolly a Communist.

Today’s smoking hot on-fire model is making her second or third appearance here.  I don’t remember much about her bio other than she was integral in the most successful cold-fusion experiment to date, got a 1600 on her SAT, can juggle seven flaming chainsaws, predicted the most recent bear market, makes the world’s best Brown Russian and is hotter than the suns of all the known star systems.  Give it up for gorgeous Taylor Kennedy!!  HAWT!!!! 

 

On this day….

*  in 987, Louis V le Faineant the Lazy, king of France was poisoned at the age of 20.  How lazy can you be at 20?  Fat kid.

*  in 1370, Jews were expelled and/or massacred from / in Brussels Belgium.  Fucking Belgians.  Make waffles and leave the Jews alone.

*  in 1761, the first life insurance policy in the U.S. was purchased in Philadelphia by a guy who wanted the Northwestern fucker to stop calling him every week.

*  in 1803, the first public library in the U.S. opened in Connecticut (State motto: Send us your losers).

*  in 1856, violence erupted in the U.S. Senate when South Carolina Representative Brooks took a cane to Massachusetts Senator Sumner.  I know we make fun of the Taiwanese government because they get into fistfights and shit but I’m not entirely opposed to that idea.

*  in 1859, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock “John” Holmes, was born.

*  in 1863, the War Department established the Bureau of Colored Troops.  RACIST!!!!

*  in 1868, German mathematician and physicist Julius Plücker German, son of Father and Mother Plücker, died at the age of 66.

in 1885, author of the lesbian art-house play “Les Misérables”, Victor Hugo died at the age of 83.  Victor Hugo is a badass name.  Victor-Marie Hugo, not so much.

in 1891, the first motion picture was shown to the National Federation of Women’s Clubs, presumably after all the pies and cakes were done.

*  in 1906, the Wright Brothers patented the “aeroplane” and lost their suitcase.

*  in 1928, oil-man turned windfarm-pussy T Boone Pickens was born.

*  in 1942, Mexico declared war on Nazi-Germany and Japan.  Hahahahahaha.

*  in 1950, Bernie Taupin, lyricist for drama queen Elton John was born.

*  in 1959, original emo crybaby Morrissey was born.  He was in the Smiths and THIS song kicks ass.

in 1964, LBJ presented the “Great Society”.  I don’t know if he conceived of that on the shitter where he did so much of his work but that would have been fitting.

*  in 1967, “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” debuted on PBS.  HERE is Fred Rogers with your mother.

*  in 1970, model, David Bowie pretend-wife and all-around difficult bitch Naomi Campbell was born.

* in 1973, President Nixon confessed to his role in the Watergate cover-up.  Thanks a lot, Dick.

*  in 1977, Gijsbert van Hall, mayor of Amsterdam from 1957-1967 died at the age of 73.  The only reason I included this is because “Gijsbert” is close to “Jizzbert” and I thought that was funny.  Jizzbert.  Hahahahahaha.

*  in 1980, Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue married.  The honeymoon ended up being a disappointment however as both of them have vaginas.

*  in 1992, Johnny Carson made his final appearance as host of the Tonight Show.

This is Memorial weekend, dummy.  So go drink your beer and BBQ some meat and have fun with your friends and family.  But at some point, please raise your drink and propose a toast.

The freedoms we enjoy, the life of privilege that we lead;

Come not from grant nor law but from one most solemn deed.

Our rights, our liberty, our very life from one dear source derives.

Our freedoms, they exist, because our bravest gave their lives.

Continue reading