Monday Caption Contest

obamessiah1

Well, if this image doesn’t make you want to buy some nice real estate in Hell, then I don’t know what to say to you.

Bring the captions, and teh funneh. And remember, you aren’t really going to Hell for mocking this tool because Teh Black Baby Jesus™ doesn’t like him either.

Alice goes to a fairy tale wedding in England last weekend

BARNSTAPLE, England – A British couple said they spent
three hours in makeup before their wedding so they could
walk down the aisle as characters from the “Shrek” films.
Christine England, 40, and Keith Green, 44, of Barnstaple,
England, used green paint and costumes to turn themselves
into Princess Fiona and Shrek while guests at the wedding
dressed as other characters from the animated films,
including Donkey and the Gingerbread Man, the Daily Mail
reported Thursday. “Every girl wants a fairytale wedding
and I got one — with a bit of a twist. It was a real
laugh,” England said. “The idea just came to me. I knew
what we would go as them because Keith looks just like
Shrek.” The couple said they hired a makeup artist to
design their wedding getup. “It was a very strange
experience to say the least, but a thoroughly enjoyable
one. We love the films and my wife tells me I have
resemblance to Shrek,” Green said. (source)

(Not the actual couple)

coolest-shrek-and-fiona-homemade-costume-2-29671

[UPDATE PJMOMMA] The real couple below

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Sunday Night Beat Down

Everything was cool once…

Annoy a hippie — get paid.

Beyonsuck

Autotune is like Photoshop for singers. What does Beyonce sound like without professional help?

Here she is singing a song that Rosetta wrote when he was a teenager.

Yes, she is lip synching, dumbass.

Chick would get booed off the stage singing her own song at your local redneck karaoke.

Quality entertainment after the jump…
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Sunday Morning Fresh Post

Ohai peeps.  That old post was long in the tooth so here is another brilliantly conceived and masterfully executed post that will probably win some Best of the Web award.  Or something.

I’m going to post this picture again because it makes The Pants Baby Jesus laugh and laugh and laugh.

lauraw?

Seriously though, what are those?  Do those pants exist for some medical condition of which I’m not aware?  I WANT TO KNOW SO BAD!!!!

xbrad, leave Folly alone!!!

I like this song.  The video is dripping with 80s cheeze but it’s still a good song.  And an especially good makeout song.

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Help A Blog-Brother Out

We don’t bleg often here. This is one time I want to. If anyone has a couple of bucks laying around in a Value-Rite bottle, my buddy, Dan Collins, can use some help. Dan’s one of my favorite bloggers and is one of the good guys. Thanks.

vermontaigne – at – gmail – dot – com is the email address to use through PayPal.

Link

And here’s a little Jennifer so you can’t say I never give you anything:

jennifer_connelly_horse1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Frigate Friday

BBF was getting slow, so here are some guided-missile frigate’s to look at while the night goes on.

Seeing as it looks like Georga is going to be invaded by Russia and the big 0 will sit on his ass sending strongly worded messages. Here is Mikheil Saakashviliin front of one of our frigates.

090402-N-6480G-023
BATUMI, Republic of Georgia (April 2, 2009) President of the Republic of Georgia Mikheil Saakashvili is interviewed by local media after a luncheon aboard the guided-missile frigate USS Klakring (FFG 42). During the luncheon, Saakashvili thanked the crew for their hospitality and discussed the strong relationship between the United States and the Republic of Georgia. Klakring is on a scheduled deployment in the U.S. 6th Fleet area of responsibility conducting theater security cooperation engagements with regional nations. (U.S. Navy photo by Ensign Peter Goodman/Released)

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Big Boob Friday™

ZOMG!!!  LOLCATS, IT’S BBF!!!  Yay.

Does men’s love of boobs lessen as they age?  HELL NO!  However women’s appreciation of that love seems to increase, so says this study.

Who likes music?  Hey!!!  Me too!!  This is a good song to listen to on a Friday in my personal but factually correct opinion.  Crystal Method are in the electronic genre, somewhere around techno and dance, but they have a definite rock bent and they know how to write some sweet grooves.  I dedicate this song to someone that’s having a birthday today.

Your exquisite model for today is making her second appearance as our Friday babe of choice.  Burl actually suggested her yesterday which I appreciate.  Despite being a hermaphroditic homophobic hobohater, Burl appreciates the beautiful BBF women.

Your model for today is 5’4″, weighs 115 pounds and has a freakish safe combination of 28F-25-36.  She’s from California, juggles chainsaws made of razorblades, eats lives mice, has a hairless cat named Jew and once killed a man with her bare hands.

She hates eskimos, chimps that don’t eat people’s faces and fish sticks without ketchup.  Her turn-ons include bald men named Rosetta, bacon and the discomfort of others.  Her turn-offs include men named Ted, ottomans without midgets and daylight.  She also has pierced nipples which makes The Sensitive Baby Jesus uncomfortable.

Please punch yourself in the junk to welcome our model for today, April 24, 2009, September Carrino!!  YAY!!!!  And I especially like this picture because it’s not the standard “woman with big boobs falling over”.  Well done, September, well done indeed.

Listen, if you want an awkward handjob from a sobbing guy wearing an ugly dress, you go see xbrad.  You want to learn about history, you come see me.  On this day in…

*  in 1061, the appearance of Halley’s Comet caused an English monk to predict the end of the world.  Stupid monk.  Brew beer and quit predicting the end of the world. 

*  in 1288, the Jews of Yroyes France were accused of ritual murder.  How different the world would be if Isreal and France had traded places long ago.  The Jews would only have the Germans to worry about and France would surrender to a 7-year old rock-hurling Palestinian girl.

*  in 1800, the Library of Congress was established with a $5,000 grant.  In all seriousness, that it one of the most impressive buildings I’ve ever seen.  Even the official tour is excellent.  Five out of five man-lesbians recommend you visit if you haven’t already. 

in 1850, composer Louis Alexandre Piccinni died at the age of 70.

*  in 1888, Eastman Kodak forms.   A day later, Eastman takes a picture of his naked ass and mails it to Kodak. 

*  in 1914, cajun chef Justin Wilson was born.  I remember watching his show when I was a little girl.  He was one of the first cooking shows I remember and I loved listening to the way he talked.

*  in 1934, Shirley MacLaine was born for the 12th time.

*  in 1942, idiot Barbra Streisand was born in Brooklyn.

*  in 1943, Richard Sterban, bass singer for the Oak Ridge Boys, was born.  My parents used to love them when I was growing up so I have seen them in concert probably 5 times.  Loser.

*  in 1953, Winston Churchill was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II.

in 1954, bassist for Night Ranger and Damn Yankees, Jack Blades, was born.

*  in 1957, Chicago Cub pitchers walk National League record 9 Reds in 5th inning.  Hahaha.  Stupid mesa. 

*  in 1962, Sandy Koufax pitched his second 18-strikeout game.

*  in 1974, Bud Abbott of Abbott & Costello died at the age of 78.  I love the math bit.

*  in 1975, Australian Olympic canoeist Justin Boocock was born.  Justin doesn’t Boocock is more like it IYKWISAITTYD.

*  in 1980, the US military operation to save 52 hostages in Iran, fails and eight die.  I know it’s not right to blame Carter for the failure of that mission but I will anyway.  Fuck him. 

*  in 1989, Massachusetts declared it “New Kids on the Block Gay Day” making Bart the happiest man in the world.

I have to work this weekend which I’m not all that happy about but what the hell.  I’m sure I will find a way to consume adult beverages, make fun of you and laugh until I cry at least a couple of times.  And maybe we’ll even have a joke thread at some point or another.

Whatever you have planned for this weekend, have fun, be nice to strangers and Jews and try not to get arrested.  Cheers!

Mesa’s New Business Cards

100% beef jerky and laser printing

meatcards