Let the Fighting Begin!

 

[IMPORTANT WHORE UPDATE: Rosetta]

This is hilarious.  You know how funny it is when people mix up their metaphors?  This is a good one.

One the one hand, you have legislators bringing home “pork” to their district.  One the other, you have the legislative process being described as “sausage making”.

Enter douche-bagger Bill Weir from ABC who said the following trying to excuse Mary Landrieu’s whoring out her vote:

“The people of Louisiana sent her to Washington to get as much sausage as she could.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Nice job defending that act of prostitution, dummy.

HERE‘s the link if you like clicking on links, link clicker.

I Am Bat Dog

Make teh funneh.  New poat for Halloween Eve.

I’m Avatarded

Well.

I thought I knew who my friends were. I guess I was wrong. I had NO IDEA there were people here who were unhappy with my avatar.

It’s been my avatar for two years. It fits. It matches my screen name. It brings me warm fuzzy memories. It is a comfort on a cold night. I guess that doesn’t matter to you people.

So. What should I replace it with? Help choose an avatar for me. The winner will receive something. Probably a dead skunk, but something nonetheless.

Badassery, Pt. 1

I mostly enjoyed being a grunt. And I was pretty good at it, at that.

But I never made the mistake of thinking my secret identity was William T. Roughbutt, AKA Billy Badass.

For that,  you have to go to the Navy of all places.

Most folks in the Navy aren’t what you’d call warriors. Dedicated, hardworking, professional, sure (or drunken duffers with an alpacca fetish, in the case of one Hostage who shall remain nameless).  But stone cold killer isn’t the first thing that pops into your mind.

There is, however, a small community in the Squidforce that really are warriors, par excellence. That’s the SEALs. SEAL is an acronym for “Sea, Air & Land”, the three arenas they expect to fight in. There’s a consensus that the entry requirement for becoming a SEAL is the most physically challenging regime in all the armed forces. BUDS, or Basic Underwater Demolition School, isn’t about training people. It’s about weeding out those that can’t hack it. It’s only after you pass this rite of initiation that they get around to training you.

How hard is BUDS? You tell me. Here’s the video.

You can find the other three vids in the series here.

6″ Guns

The Army’s main self propelled artillery piece is the M109A6 Paladin 155mm gun howitzer. It’s roughly 6″ bore diameter.

Hostages in Action

Best. Poat. Evah!!!!!

Memorial Day

OK, we’ve spent a fair amount of time in rememberance of our fallen. Let’s remember what they died fighting for:

So, other than these staples of the moron lifestyle, whatchya doin’?

There’s Strong, and then there’s Army Strong, And then there’s Army Stupid.

Romy put up  a link to this guy the other day. Now that I look at it again, I realize I’d seen him before. Guys like this were a constant pain in the  ass when I was in. On the other hand, guys like this were also a source of a lot of laughs. It’s a fine line to walk. I suspect he’s snuck a toe over the line from time to time.

56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

60. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”.

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

66. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Bosnia.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

That’s a small slice of the 213 *things Skippy isn’t allowed to do in the Army*

Oh, and a reader at my place sent me this:

Porn for Women

No, HHD hasn’t arrive early. I’ve just been feeling a little guilty about giving Folly and some of the other wimmens a hard time lately. We Hostage guys sometimes forget they have feminine sensibilities, and occasionally take them for granted.

So, in that spirit, here’s to the ladies kind enough to grace us with their presence:

Welcome Fiity-tooers!!!

Rosetta was lamenting our lack of trolls. What better way to get one than to mock Teh ONe™. I know, its hard to improve upon such brilliance as appointing every tax-cheat and leftist twat-waffle floating through the stanky bowl we call D.C., setting up Joe Biden to police waste and incompetence, and causing the dow to drop like a stone every time you step in front of the camera, open your pie-hole and confidently mouth whatever the teleprompter feeds you, but I am confident that while we all count the change his disasterous economic policies leave us with while we hope they don’t find out about it, we can all sing this song. After all, it isn’t any sillier than Teh One™ telling us how electing him will reverse glowbull worminging, and stop the rise of the oceans.