Monday Muscular Motivationz

Greetings and salutations to any and all who read this. Unless you voted for 0bama, in which case I hope your day is filled with life-altering tragedy. No, really. I hope your doc tells you that you have ass cancer. And I hope he uses those exact words. Not “colon cancer”, not even “anal cancer”. “Ass cancer”. You deserve it, you rectal wart of a foul poopstain on the dirty old brown shoe of a dishonest day laborer.

Now, to the rest of you fine folk that either voted for R&R (thanks for the effort) or stayed home (eh, I get it, but duuuuuuuude), welcome to MMM #70. With any luck, we’ll make it to 700. Actually, if I’m still doing this in… 13 years, I’ll quit. For now, though, MMM is on!

Good morning.

Small Boob Friday

Good day, hosefuckers!!!

*

I know all you assface douches don’t like Ani, but Wiser will love this shit. It’s tuba playing faggots, a few other horns, and a little percussion just fucking around. Plus the drummer is a pretty good looking box licker so it fists our theme for the day.

*

*

Do you like lesbians? I like lesbians, so today we’re going to explore the deep dark world of ballerina lesbianism…for science. Normally this weekly post–the first of its kind–would be devoted to ladies with large mammary glands. But not today piglets. Today, because yesterday was my birfinday, I reserve the right to replace the normal Friday cow with a true beauty. A stunning, gal that speaks Russian and Engrish. A chick that has one brown eye (your whore mouth; shut it) and one green eye. A gal that emails me, texts, me and stalks me 24/7. Please put down the BBD and put your hands together for MILA KUNIS!!!!!111!!!!!!!!1

*

MJ, I love you. Cum back to bed.

Hilarity

Sleep-in Saturday

Good morning. Let’s not having any more shit blowing up for a while, m’kay?

Let’s see what’s in the funneh folder for today.

Big Boob Friday

Hola. That’s my attempt to be inclusive during immigration!!!1!!1!! week.

I wrote this song especially for this post. You’ll get it later.

*

*

And now a joke…or not.

Mr and Mrs Obama were walking around downtown Chicago in early 2008. The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.  Mr Obama, confused by the sound asked his intellectually gifted wife what the buzzer was for. Mrs Obama replied that it was to notify blind people that the light was about to turn red. Mr Obama was appalled and asked, ‘What are blind people doing driving? That seems kind of dangerous.’  Mrs Obama contemplated, then replied, ‘Fairness, that’s why.’

*

So this week’s model is a newbie born in the great state of Pennsylvania way back in 1988. Not much is known of her background, other than she likes to change her hair color a lot, which as the kids say these days, is the ‘bees knees.’ Now, before you get all pissy, I’ll answer in the affirmative, that yes, those puppies aren’t real. Given her smile, body, and penchant for thongs I decided to make an exception. Please welcome Alexis Sage!!!!!!!!!!

*

XBrad Was Too Lazy To Poat…

…I bet he doesn’t make that mistake again.

Yer Welcome.

Self-Defense

Earlier, there was some mockery directed at me for failing to recognize wiserbud’s, ahem, wit.  In my defense, please permit me to present the following case, which can be summarized in five words, thusly:  It would explain a lot.

Oso mentioned that no one would come out with a picture of Carmen Miranda.  (A) I didn’t know who it was; (2) Rosetta totally would; and (iii) I thought the point of that picture was that that’s how Rosetta, being gay, sees women.  I mean, have you ever seen one of Rosetta’s BBFs?  If not, here’s an illustration.

Top to bottom: BBF chick, Rosetta

I ask you: what’s more surprising, that the creator of a Kerry Marie BBF is gay, or that he isn’t?

Quod erat demonstrandum.

And in conclusion:  wiser, I pure hate you.

Monday’s Magnificent Muscle

Ladies and Gentlemen, good morning, and welcome to Monday.

GOOD NEWS! TFG’s presidency is now more than half over. Moreover, today we celebrate a great American (and noted Republican) Martin Luther King, Jr. We should also take this moment to condemn Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and every race-baiting turd who pisses daily on Dr. King’s legacy. I share Dr. King’s dream, and pray that one day we truly can live in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. I would note that in that world, 0bama would be in a prison cell, and Allen West would still be in congress.

We don’t live in that world, not yet. Ours is still kinda upside-down.

Guns are evil — but gangbangers with guns are awesome…

I have an idea for all of our politicians on the Hill that want to enact gun laws that only punish the innocent. Since I have no faith in the “you have to vote for the bill, to see what’s in it” crowd, I’ll also be happy to share with folks in all of the flyover redneck states that somehow manage to balance their budgets.

And since we have an Attorney General that has never seen a constitution that cannot be interpreted politically — would have to be up to individual State’s Attorneys and state legislators.

Force cities with high gun crime rates to enforce the gun laws already on the books and go after the criminals that commit 99.99% of gun crime.

So True…