Big Boob Friday™

Good afternoon, lovelies. It’s Friday, which means it’s time to put your feet up, grab a beer, put on a Vaseline Kiss record and act the fool. In other words, time to get cray-cray.

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I wrote this song while on tour with an up and coming band named Holy Shit. They were an industrial, emo, 1970s band that specialized in exotic distortion noises and feedback. On the second night, I just couldn’t take it anymore and started beating the shit out of their guitar/synth player. It just so happened that Holy Shit was opening for Elton John at the Prince Albert theater, and Sir Elton had been working on a new song. The rest is history.

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This week features a latina born in the most excellent year of 1975 in San Luis Obispo, CA. Her early career was spent impersonating a Jackson Pollock painting, but then in a stroke of genius, she decided to move behind the camera to take pictures of girls doing the same impersonation. Please welcum a first time BBF chick that weighs in at a paltry 34F—Monica Mendez!!1!!!!1!!!!1

HHD

Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day. The RFH family has been watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on Netflix. Mr. RFH noted that when Lwaxana Troi talks to the computer, she’s talking to herself. (Majel Barrett Roddenberry played both parts for you non-nerds out there.) The episode “The Outrageous Okona” led me to this gentleman.

You might remember Billy Campbell from “The Rocketeer”.

That’ll put a little swash and buckle in your day.

Caring!

Yep, that’s exactly how many fucks I give about airlift today. Every C-5 I’m supposed to be controlling is broke somewhere in the world. Speaking of the C-5 (also known as the Aluminum Overcast), here’s a picture of A BOAT ON MY MOTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE.

Going to be a long shift. May have to self-medicate before lunch. If the quality and coherence of my posts start to improve around noon you will know that I am into the rum.

I may have mentioned that my arsenal of cool stuff has improved dramatically over the last few months. That reminded me to post a pic so you can revel in my awesome.

HHD

Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day. Let’s get started.

I like this one because he reminds me of this song.

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, grandmothers, mothers-in-law, stepmothers, wannabe mothers, and those that have mothers out there.
Something to stick on the fridge with a magnet (literally).

Big Blindfold Friday

Good day, lovelies. Today we will explore the concept of ‘less is moar.’ Rather than big ugly whales with ud-hers the size of Rosetta’s head, we’ll be taking a look at just the eyes, which somehow become hotter when they are obscured. I dunno how this works, but it works. Submit to my Friday post, bitches. It’s science!

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And now some music! I wrote song for you in the early 90s. It’s a love song, filled with revenge, violence, and what I can only guess is a deeply held white hot rage to kill you. It was Car in’s wedding song.

* Tool–Crawl Away

* Also, dat gap and belly button.

HHD

Good morning, and welcome to the Crossfit edition of Hunky Hump Day. A new skort to Carin for the suggestion.
Jump!

Gardening Secrets

Monday Muscular Motivationz

Greetings and salutations to any and all who read this. Unless you voted for 0bama, in which case I hope your day is filled with life-altering tragedy. No, really. I hope your doc tells you that you have ass cancer. And I hope he uses those exact words. Not “colon cancer”, not even “anal cancer”. “Ass cancer”. You deserve it, you rectal wart of a foul poopstain on the dirty old brown shoe of a dishonest day laborer.

Now, to the rest of you fine folk that either voted for R&R (thanks for the effort) or stayed home (eh, I get it, but duuuuuuuude), welcome to MMM #70. With any luck, we’ll make it to 700. Actually, if I’m still doing this in… 13 years, I’ll quit. For now, though, MMM is on!

Good morning.

Small Boob Friday

Good day, hosefuckers!!!

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I know all you assface douches don’t like Ani, but Wiser will love this shit. It’s tuba playing faggots, a few other horns, and a little percussion just fucking around. Plus the drummer is a pretty good looking box licker so it fists our theme for the day.

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Do you like lesbians? I like lesbians, so today we’re going to explore the deep dark world of ballerina lesbianism…for science. Normally this weekly post–the first of its kind–would be devoted to ladies with large mammary glands. But not today piglets. Today, because yesterday was my birfinday, I reserve the right to replace the normal Friday cow with a true beauty. A stunning, gal that speaks Russian and Engrish. A chick that has one brown eye (your whore mouth; shut it) and one green eye. A gal that emails me, texts, me and stalks me 24/7. Please put down the BBD and put your hands together for MILA KUNIS!!!!!111!!!!!!!!1

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MJ, I love you. Cum back to bed.