UPS on Fire

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Home is the Sailor, Home from the Sea

And the hunter, home from the hill.

We are gathered together to celebrate the life of MCPO, USN (retired, expired). Beloved husband and father.

He was born in the summer of 1879, exact date unknown because of the courthouse record fire of aught-seven, the seventh son and fourth daughter in his family.  He was a precocious child, doted on and spoiled by his loving sisters.  In high school he loved to play all sports but his first love was football, where as the team captain his senior year, he developed as a natural leader, encouraging his teammates with exhortations like “If ya ain’t cheatin, ya ain’t tryin”, and “who the fuck put my cup in the freezer?”

His fondest desire was to serve the country he loved in the Navy.  As a boy his grandfather thrilled him with tales of the sea, adventures, fantastic stories of bravery, victory, and triumph.

Let’s pause for a moment as MCPO’s nephew Bob Earl (or as his mom calls him, “Josh”), the third boy on his sister’s side of the family, renders this tribute.

Please be seated.

MCPO enlisted in 1909, just missing Teddy Roosevelt’s “Big Stick” World Tour. He served through two World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, Grenada, the Polyester Conflict, and the off-Broadway productions of Annie, The Lion King and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolfe.  His military decorations include twelve Purple Hearts, various campaign medals, the Croix de Boix with “F” for Fabulous device, and the “White Pantaloon”.  Not many people knew he wrote poems, mostly about life in the Navy.  I have read a few that his family shared with me, and I was both entertained and very impressed with them.  My favorites were “You Say Potay-to, I Say I Slipped and Fell On It”, “There’s Nothing Like Scrubbing a Gun in the Morning Sun”, and “Mistakes from Subic Bay”.

In retirement, after a long and honorable service to the nation, MCPO found joy in spending time with his family, square dancing, political activism, and, the thing he loved most.  The game of golf.  He spent hours on the links refining his game, whether in sunshine and blue skies, or slightly inclement weather, which, sadly, brought us here today.

Mrs. MCPO, incidentally whose phone number and email address are printed in the back page of the Memorial Brochure you are all holding, confided to me that he was lucid to the very end, and at peace with the end of his struggle.  She asked me to share with each of you his final words, which were “Boy I sure hope there’s golf in heaven” and “Having a foot disease named after you isn’t as hot shit as I thought it was gonna be”.

Fair seas and fair winds Master Chief.   We’ll never forget you, a shining beacon that helped us avoid the rocks close to shore.

Monday Mashup!

Start listening to this and not the latest idiocy from the OWS crowd. . .

Sunday Not Mare

I’m dedicating this poat to Not Mare, whom I have never not met. This is not Mare:

Always be a leader!

cuz the view never changes from behind.

Updates will be added to this poat every 7.16 minutes.

update number A:

Update ♸ 

UPDATE:  ALWAYS BE CLOSING!

BBF – Pin Up Edition™

ATTENTION ON DECK!!!!!

It’s this week’s edition of BBF, only this time there’s a twist for you window lickers – none of the usual BBF wagons.

Rosetta has been on hiatus, or maybe he has had another bout of teh gout. Anyway, today you have me. This is my first attempt at this shit and anyone caught sniggering will be set on fire and stuffed in The Woodchipper®.

First a little school-eo for you damned fool-eos.

On previous June 24ths:
1314 – Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over Edward II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn in Scotland.
1340 – The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys, off the Flemish coast.
1509 – Henry VIII was crowned King of England.
1812 – Napoleon’s Grande Armee invades Russia.
1844 – Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for vulcanized rubber.
1861 – Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at Mathias Point, Virginia.
1869 – Mary Ellen “Mammy” Pleasant officially became the Voodoo Queen in San Francisco, CA.
1896 – Booker T. Washington became the first African American to receive an honorary MA degree from Howard University.
1922 – The American Professional Football Association took the name of The National Football League.
1940 – TV cameras were used for the first time in a political convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia, PA.
1941 – Franklin Delano Roosevelt pledged all possible support to the Soviet Union.
1944 – Jeff Beck (Yardbirds) was born
1947 – Kenneth Arnold reported seeing flying saucers over Mt. Rainier, Washington.
1953 – John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier announced their engagement.
1962 – The New York Yankees beat the Detroit Tigers, 9-7, after 22 innings.
1964 – The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting in 1965, cigarette manufactures would be required to include warnings on their packaging about the harmful effects of smoking.
1968 – “Resurrection City,” a shantytown constructed as part of the Poor People’s March on Washington D.C., was closed down by authorities .
1975 – 113 people were killed when an Eastern Airlines Boeing 727 crashed while attempting to land during a thunderstorm at New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport.
1982 – The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president could be sued for damages connected with actions taken while serving as President of the United States.
1997 – The U.S. Air Force released a report on the “Roswell Incident,” suggesting the alien bodies witnesses reported seeing in 1947 were actually life-sized dummies.
2010 – Apple released the iPhone 4.

And now, please take Carin’s panties off of your head so we can get on with the show.

Spring Break 2011!!11!!11!!

For most of you, Spring Break will be a time of shuttling the kids around, catching up on chores, or will pass without a moment’s notice.  For those of us in Florida, Spring Break will mean this:

The beaches will be off limits, due to the amazing amount of asswipes from all places North that believe college is actual work, and not a 4, 5, 6 year vacation in, and of itself.  

Get Off My Lawn Syndrome

This is something that I’ve come to accept that I’m suffering from. It’s not pretty, and I don’t think there’s a cure.

I’ve slowly come to the realization that I suffer from GOMLS over the last few years, and I’ve become resigned to living with it for the rest of my life.

One of the most prominent symptoms of GOMLS is an almost complete disconnect from popular culture. The Grammys were on this weekend, and I didn’t bother to watch. I didn’t even bother to watch any of the news coverage of the Grammys–in fact, any time there was news coverage of the awards show, I made sure to change the channel. Why? Because I have no idea who most of the nominees are. And the few who I had heard of were people (like Eminem) who I’d heard of a decade ago but didn’t like anyway.

Seriously, I have never heard a song by Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, or Whoever Antebellum. To be fair to the latter, I don’t listen to much country music other than old Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, or Marty Robbins, but there you go.

Sufferers of GOMLS feel the symptoms even more acutely when the movies are considered. The fact that the Oscars are chock-full o’ liberal nuts doesn’t help, but the fact is that I just don’t go to the movies anymore. I heard Inception was cool, but I didn’t feel like shelling out the money to see it. Part of this has to do with my irrational dislike of that guy from Titanic. I wouldn’t watch the other movies that were nominated if you gave me free tickets. If you paid me, on the other hand…maybe. But shelling out a bunch more cash to see some bullshit in 3-D? Haven’t done that yet. Don’t plan on doing that in the near future.

I still watch teevee sometimes, but I find myself yelling at it more than I used to.

In short, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

Update: I should also mention that I just don’t fucking get Twitter. I actually felt the need to apologize to Andy when I met him in person for the way I griped about that on the H2 Twitfeed after he set up the H2 Twitch account.

Update 2: Young men should not be wearing jeans tighter than those of the young women in their social circles.

Update 3: As someone who does not have daughters, I realize that Update 2 may not be a subject on which I should opine.

The Wednesday Before

 

Yeah, baby!

Wiser meets the family!

 

 

Idiots of the world UNTIE (yeah, I did that on porpoise)

 

Help! My unit is on fire!!!

 

Guess some folks go out for dinner. . .

 

 

Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

 

 

Sunday Bloody Sunday

No, the other kind.  Extra worcestershire. (Do they say that differently in Massachusetts?   Woosta chesata saha?)

You want a healthy breakfast to follow that first one down the hatch.

I hope one of them is fucking feldspar

Merl and George have a different recipe for mornings after, and I can’t say that it doesn’t work because I’ve never tried it. Make CCwaterbackonetequilasunrise your mission and report back.

Anybody get the number of that party van?