Hello tubby and welcome to Big Boob Friday. I saw a couple of ants in the kitchen earlier this week so I called Orkin. Here is an actual picture of who they sent to spray my house:
I feel like busting some old skool today so here’s a classic. Also, word to your mother.
Your BBF BFF for today is making her second appearance on this esteemed page but it’s been a while so you probably don’t remember her because you’re stupid. She was born on March 15th, 1983 in Puerto Rico but currently lives in Texas despite the proximity to Dave.
She’s a short-stack 5’4″ and weighs a bacon-friendly 140 pounds. Pick 3 Lotto? 41-28-38 with a cup of three D’s. In celebration of baseball’s opening week, please give a warm round of applause for your model for today, Friday, April 9th, 2010, Sharday!! YAY!! Let’s play with two!!
POP QUIZ! True or false. On this day…
* in 1649, James Scott Duke of Monmouth, bastard son of English king Charles II, was born.
* in 1691, French troops occupied Mons.
* in 1850, composer Herman Zumpe was born. He wrote “My Zumpes“.
* in 1905, J. William Fulbright (Senator-Democrat-AR) was born.
* in 1926, poor unlucky loser Hugh Hefner was born in Chicago.
* in 1953, “TV Guide” published its first issue. What was that? A pamphlet? There were only two or three channels back then, Stupak, you idiot.
* in 1954, actor and cool guy Dennis Quaid was born in Houston. He seems like he would be a fun guy to hang out with and not some douche. HERE chicks.
* in 1963, Sir Winston Churchill was proclaimed an honorary U.S. citizen in a White House ceremony.
* in 1965, the Beatles “Ticket to Ride” was released in the U.K.
* in 1971, Olympian record setter Wang Yang was born.
* in 1972, the U.S.S.R. and Iraq signed a friendship treaty and then went to Dairy Queen and shared a sundae.
* in 1977, Dick Pole and Ed Balls signed a friendship treaty and then rubbed lube all over each other.
* in 1979, Keshia Knight Pulliam was born in Newark.
* in 1981, the U.S. sub George Washington rammed the Japanese freighter Nissho Maru nice and hard like Nissho Maru likes it. Whore.
* in 1998, country singer Tammy Wynette died from a blood clot at the age of 55.
We are supposed to have great weather here this weekend so I hope it’s nice in your neck of the weeds as well. I have no real plans which is nice as that allows me more time to think of new ways to make fun of you.
Have a great weekend and remember, anything that’s fun with pants is more fun without. Cheers! Ed Balls!