Greetings and salutations, fellow dicklickers, assfisters, roustabouts, loafers, fucknuggets, shitstuffers, and all around fans of XBrad. Welcome to another Friday of Fuckitude, as we all gather ’round the ass assfern and give thanks for that which makes our country great. That’s right, the love and appreciation for the female form in all its engorgred and unobtainable glory.
That’s right, fucksnuffers. It’s the Friday the 13th edition of Big Boob Friday, and you all can join in on the fun with the same vigor I have when laughing at the left eat itself whole and turn on each other. Seriously, making fun of the left and Obama as they fight each other makes me even more determined than ever to see their smug faces wiped away this November as we do this to their electoral fates:
Anyway, enough of the political bullshit. Thinking of the left makes me angry, and you won’t like me when I’m angry. So, to calm our nerves and excite ourselves, let’s meet somebody special. Somebody Canadian (for that exotic foreign flair). Somebody who loves to dress in very tight outfits, proclaiming to the world that she is proud of the gifts Mother Gaia gave her, as well as the marvels of latex as it relates to the human body, and get paid to do so in the photo and video realm. And anybody who disagrees with me needs to get treated to a round of spiked goatse for their sins. She has some measurements, but since she is not one of the usual BBFers I am certain you will forgive me as I don’t give a shit about numbers as we all gaze at the awesomeness of Ms. Bianca Beauchamp. Fuck yeah!
At least she doesn’t need a forklift to get around.
And just to clarify how awesome Bianca is, let’s go to the video replay to confer:
Anyway, now it’s music time. And if you don’t like what I like, you probably like stuffing wet donkey asses. So let’s leave it at that.
Oh, and lest I forget, some fucked up fuckingness happened on this date:
- 1415 – King Henry V of England’s army lands on mouth of Seine River and helps France kick off a multi century losing streak and trigger the only piece of Shakespeare that military officers, football coaches and office managers all recall.
- 1521 – Spanish Conquistadors capture Tenochtitlan (Mexico City) from Aztecs and trigger massive diarrhea outbreaks that would make Compos stand up and salute.
- 1624 – Cardinal Richelieu appointed Chief Minister of France by Louis XIII, leading to a fight with a candy bar.
- 1651 – Litchfield, CT founded, and Humpbacks rejoice.
- 1704 – French & Bavarian forces were routed by a combined British, German & Dutch army at Blenheim, Germany. Stupid fucking French.
- 1792 – Revolutionaries imprison French royals including Marie Antoinette, after her junket to Spain to tend to her grieving friend and avoid her husband’s poll numbers.
- 1846-A Joint Expedition led by CDR Robert Stockton seizes Los Angeles, CA. Generations of peace, harmony, and culture follow.
- 1876 – Reciprocity Treaty between US & Hawaii ratified, keeping pineapples free from the Commie Menace, and up Pendejo’s ass where they belong.
- 1906 – Cub’s Pitcher Jack Taylor ends a string of completing 202 games (187 complete, 15 relief) by Dodgers in 3rd inning. Those Cubs! Will they ever be stopped?
- 1926 – Fidel Castro is born, forever ruining my chances of getting a kickass cigar and causing Harry Reid much identity politics angst.
- 1961 – Construction of the Berlin Wall begins in East Germany. Good thing moderation and conciliation to the Commies was the great idea.
- 1997 – South Park’s first episode is aired, revealing what I was like as a child.
This weekend, I plan on taking my daughter to the pool one last time before she starts Kindergarten, and cooking for my mom and dad. And fuck anything up their feeble fuckholes if they think they can get in my way. At the same time, double fuck with a fistuled side of fucksauce anything or anybody who thinks they can own me, for I can never be own so long as I refuse to let it happen. But before I go, one more for the road: