Big Blindfold Friday

Good day, lovelies. Today we will explore the concept of ‘less is moar.’ Rather than big ugly whales with ud-hers the size of Rosetta’s head, we’ll be taking a look at just the eyes, which somehow become hotter when they are obscured. I dunno how this works, but it works. Submit to my Friday post, bitches. It’s science!

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And now some music! I wrote song for you in the early 90s. It’s a love song, filled with revenge, violence, and what I can only guess is a deeply held white hot rage to kill you. It was Car in’s wedding song.

* Tool–Crawl Away

* Also, dat gap and belly button.

Big Boob Friday

Hola. That’s my attempt to be inclusive during immigration!!!1!!1!! week.

I wrote this song especially for this post. You’ll get it later.

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And now a joke…or not.

Mr and Mrs Obama were walking around downtown Chicago in early 2008. The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.  Mr Obama, confused by the sound asked his intellectually gifted wife what the buzzer was for. Mrs Obama replied that it was to notify blind people that the light was about to turn red. Mr Obama was appalled and asked, ‘What are blind people doing driving? That seems kind of dangerous.’  Mrs Obama contemplated, then replied, ‘Fairness, that’s why.’

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So this week’s model is a newbie born in the great state of Pennsylvania way back in 1988. Not much is known of her background, other than she likes to change her hair color a lot, which as the kids say these days, is the ‘bees knees.’ Now, before you get all pissy, I’ll answer in the affirmative, that yes, those puppies aren’t real. Given her smile, body, and penchant for thongs I decided to make an exception. Please welcome Alexis Sage!!!!!!!!!!

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Guns are evil — but gangbangers with guns are awesome…

I have an idea for all of our politicians on the Hill that want to enact gun laws that only punish the innocent. Since I have no faith in the “you have to vote for the bill, to see what’s in it” crowd, I’ll also be happy to share with folks in all of the flyover redneck states that somehow manage to balance their budgets.

And since we have an Attorney General that has never seen a constitution that cannot be interpreted politically — would have to be up to individual State’s Attorneys and state legislators.

Force cities with high gun crime rates to enforce the gun laws already on the books and go after the criminals that commit 99.99% of gun crime.

Big Boob Friday

Hi errrrvryone.  Welcome to the official start of the weekend! If you haven’t put up your tree, lights, garland, stockings, or decorated the washer and dryer that reside in your front yard, YOU SUCK!!!!  Seriously, you better get on that you lazy POS.

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I wrote today’s song while approaching a semi-concious state after smoking opium with today’s model. I fired up the ‘ol time machine and punched in the coordinates ’20-naught-09, 23-skidoo, left-52, geisha gash dick punch, 49-swing.’ I was promptly taken to Japan where Nanomi Takizawa waited for me, then tempted me to ride the white dragon. When in Japan, do as the 19th century Chinese do. That’s what I always say.

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Sunday Suckage

Yay, family holiday gatherings!

Big Boob Friday

Hi. It’s the weekend, and you know what the means? No really, do you know what it means, because I have no idea. Every day is basically the same, except the weekend seems to have a 75% better chance of sex. Meh.

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I wrote this song for the people that thought Hope n’ Change™ was a good slogan. They can go fuck themselves with a cactus while the rest of the world goes about removing the choomtater in chief. The moshpit at never is un-fucking-believable.

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Today’s model comes from the magical land of England, which seems to be entirely populated by guys named Nigel or Roger. What a bunch of homos. She stands nine feet tall, weighs 78 pounds and sports the impressive ability to chug a 32F big gulp in under 9 seconds. Please stop filling the belly button well for a moment, and welcome Lacey Banghard!!!11!!!

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Pupster Poat

Last week I drove from Ohio to Tennessee, and while passing through Kentucky, a radio station played my favorite scream-along-to-the-radio song. It is possible I may have blown the speakers out of the rental car. YOU DON’T KNOW.

Big Boob Friday

What up, homefries? I wrote this song for Harry Reid last night when I was thinking about what a dirty, cocksucking-motherfucker he is. The only question I have is:  after he has ‘special time’ with his young boys, does he smell his finger? I think we all know the answer so from now on I’m just going to refer to him as Leader Stink-Finger. (sorry sohos)

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Today’s model comes from the far off land of Tokyo, Mississsippi. She is oddly fluent in Japanese, and generally displays her massive godzilla boobs for cold, hard, cash. Please welcome Miri Hanoi!1!!!!!!!!!   Mmmmmm, catfish sushi.

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Mutha Forkin’ Bootleg Grey Hurr

When I decided to run for President, I had significantly fewer grey hairs than I do today. –BHO

Aunty Acid, perfect for Wednesday Eve