Hi. I’m not really sure I could be in a worse mood this week so you’re going to get shitty boobs and you’ll thank me for it. If you’d like to complain, please send hatemail to numberoffucksgiven@gmail.com. Otherwise, just pretend you know the answer. It’s zero. Zero is (are?) the number of fucks given.
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I wrote this song for Dave way back in 2008. He needed yet another song about sex, and because I’m a total perv he called me. ‘MJ,’ said Dave, ‘do you think you could rustle up something supremely dirty for me? If you’re busy I’ll call Cyn. That chick is a freak.’
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Today’s model is none other than THE super famous butter churning ho from the 90s. These pictures are 100% real and have been validated by the H2s legal team. The team consists of Steve after visiting the dispensary, but he’s totally sure they’re real, and he’s staked his medical card on it. Please welcome the belly jelly master of disaster, Monica—blows like a harmonica—Lewinsky.
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Some shit happened, but none of it was funny. In order to make famine, war, death, and genocide appear less serious, I’ll attempt to link gifs or jpegs that are only tangentially related to the actual event. Hopefully we’ll all have a chuckle at the contradictory emotion of it all.
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44 BC – Julius Caesar, Dictator of the Roman Republic, is stabbed to death–The Ides of March, bitches.
1564 – Mughal Emperor Akbar abolishes jizya (per capita tax)
1906 – Rolls-Royce Limited is incorporated.
1922 – After Egypt gains nominal independence from the United Kingdom, Fuad I becomes King of Egypt.
1978 – Somalia and Ethiopia signed a truce to end the Ethiopian-Somali War.
1985 – The first Internet domain name is registered (symbolics.com).
1990 – Mikhail Gorbachev is elected as the first President of the Soviet Union.
2011 – Beginning of the Syrian civil war.
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Drink of the week
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This post sucks.
Is that really her? Why would she do that?
>> If you’re busy I’ll call Cyn. That chick is a freak.’
I did say that, yeah.
Haha, I didn’t know she did a shoot for Twistys. I figured Playboy or Penthouse.
She’s got nice hair.
I’m sure that’s what you’ve all noticed.
DUI – Tennessee Style
Only a person in Tennessee could think of this.
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Bristol, TN . After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off–it was a fine, dry summer night–, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
‘I doubt it,’ said the truly proud Redneck. ‘Tonight I’m the designated decoy.’
ha ha ha .
I have to take a dog pee sample to my vet. My wife doesn’t want me to put it in an old salsa jar because she’s worried about soap residue. So instead it’s in a red solo cup inside a plastic baggy.
It’s difficult to know for sure without the beret.
*doesn’t want to know how Leon got the pee samples
Morning children. Urgh.
My wife caught it in a big baggy then poured it into a cup then wrapped the cup in a new baggy. This all happened before I woke up, thankfully.
Where the hell has Mare been?
My wife caught it in a big baggy then poured it into a cup then wrapped the cup in a new baggy. This all happened before I woke up, thankfully.
I thought leon was talking about yesterday’s issue when I read this. That makes the story even better.
Context is important.
HAHAHAHAHAA dogpee.
Drive time.
HAHAHAHA J’Ames
Dog pee samples aren’t easy.
Never had to do that before.
I think I would just take Moses to the vet and say “here, you do it.”
Morning all your gorgeous people, and you too Dave!
That’s what they asked for, Dave, but the dog is old enough and the drive long enough that we didn’t want to stress her out if we could avoid it.
Ah. Okey doke.
In the future, your drone will collect dog pee samples.
Didn’t you read the story? She did.
*ducks*
Ha ha ha ha.
We had a good conversation this morning about the things we will be using personal drones for.
Deep sea fishing and deer hunting will never be the same.
Think about it: a specialized drone with a fish finder on it. Follows schools of fish, or identifies certain size game fish. Drops the line into the water…when it gets a hit it flies back to shore….
So we put up a header in honor of Mare, and the whore disappears for three or four days.
Where the hell is she?
Dog Pee sampling is made easier with a stick C-clamps and a pie pan. Trust me it is much easier.
Scott just laughed and told me how easy goose hunting would be. A drone that looks like a goose, gets into their V-formation…then, one by one…
I will teach my robot to cook meth and make a really nice breakfast.
if that really is Monica, she’s not half bad looking. Certainly better than some of the other assault beasts that MJ has offended our senses with in the past.
Plus, she likes giving teh oral sex, so… works for me.
Be sure to label your drones. If you confuse your fishing drone for your dog walking drone, bad things can happen.
http://tinyurl.com/chjs57f
Old but on topic
just think how big you could make your garden, using a drone to spread rabbit shit
http://imgcash5.imageshack.us/img132/1706/invisiblepresidentjs5.jpg
I want a pigeon killing drone. Our hawk isn’t reliable. Right now, a dog feeding drone would be nice.
* sends drone out to mess with the Domino’s delivery guy *
Woo Hoo! Free pizza!
These are real and in use:
http://www.naztoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/berlin_or-1024×768.jpg
The robot has a steep learning curve but when a surgeon is good at it the recovery is excellent. Robotic prostatectomy vs open prostatectomy is like night and day. We have one at our hospital but in my biz it’s not used.
A plow-drone would be pretty nice, actually.
Robotic prostatectomy
heh heh, just sounds funny….
seriously, if MJ thinks this is some sort of punishment, he’s forgotten the bad old days.
http://tinyurl.com/czdgrhw
I think I saw Robotic Prostatectomy open up for the Talking Heads.
“Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?” asked the wife.
“No,” said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
“Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?” she asked.
“Uh, no,” he said.
She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
“Now,” she said, “Have you ever seen 40,000 dollars all crumpled up?”
“No,” he said, now really intrigued.
“Well, go look in the garage…”
J’ames is on fire today! I sent the decoy joke to a friend and the money joke to the missus.
Stick with the joke material though….
.
.
.
.
.
NO PUNS PLEASE!!!
NO PUNS PLEASE!!!
Puns are best told orally anyway.
Telling them any other way just isn’t write.
-This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
http://www.tastingtable.com/entry_detail/chefs_recipes/12942
* sends drone north to kill Jimbro *
Bacon Marmalade
Needs duckfat
The fishing drone or the dog walking drone? I need to prepare the appropriate defenses
Gotta run to the PO before it closes for lunch, I’ll keep an eye out overhead.
My bacon is turning a really cool color of red now.
Kinda like a good infection.
Awesome, Jay. Then when you smoke it, the rind glows red.
*tummy grumbles*
It smelled awesome, when I was bagging it. I can’t wait until next weekend.
No lo contendre.
Ace of Spades HQ, (ace has a blog?) won for blog of the year.
Congrats cobloggers.
I learned that fresh bacon scorches when you fry it, almost no matter how low you keep the heat. And the flavor isn’t as fine as when it has sat for a while.
When I take a chunk out of the freezer, I now do it a few days to a week ahead of time. It seems to equalize the moisture and saltiness somehow. Tastes better and doesn’t scorch so bad.
Congratulations you guys.
Haha. Oso you’re so funny.
Haha, Gabe thanked @theH2.
I suppose that’s Andy. But it’s still funny seeing it at Ace’s.
What do the commenters win, since that’s all that anybody reads.
Haha:
I love that gag. Winston Wolf is one of the greatest characters in my lifetime.
What Ace wrote for Gabe to read to accept the award is a stitch.
Has the speech been given? and can we find it online?
WTFITS?
If nobody else posts it I’m going to put it up at Mothership anon.
If nobody else posts it…
Double posting is a feature, not a bug.
The Winston Wolf line works better when you’re a guy. Also works better if you say it around people that realize you’re quoting a line. Awkward.
Gabe said he thinks DaTechguy got it on vid
http://tinyurl.com/ad3lmq8
It’s up. Making Gabe stand up there and insult himself is so fricking funny I can’t even stand it. Pulling a prank on the guy who’s doing you a solid. Awful/ genius.
that was pure genius. I cannot wait to see the video.
I wonder if he made Gabe keep it in an envelope and not allow him to open it unless and until he won.
There is no way he got through that without wetting his pants.
Actually, knowing Gabe, I don’t need the video. I can picture it, with Gabe turning all sorts of shades of red.
plus, having a gay man accept the award is the perfect slap in the face to the anti-gay asshats at CPAC
Laura, Ace really did write that and Gabe read it out? I love these two guys! It takes stones to do something like this.
“Ungrateful bread” is just plain funniness
Yes, Tushar, and agreed.
Just the first line. Just right out of the gate, “Gabriel Malor is an asshole.” Jesus, that’s so funny. That had to be impossible for him to read out loud without pooping his pants.
Oh God, let there be a video. I will watch yhat a hundred times, if I can restrain myself from hitting play 101st time
Greetings, degenerates.
Way to go Ace and the cob-loggers!!
I am also happy that Ace chose a warrior like Gabe to do this, instead of that blabbering mass of quivering blubber, Dave in Texas. Dave would have just stood there going whaaaaa?
What happened? Did the guys get shirts?
The guys always get shirts. Always.
Dammit.
Gov. LePage signed emergency legislation yesterday that will allow bars to serve alcohol starting at 0600 on St Patrick’s Day. Bar owners were concerned that they’d lose 3 hours of sales. For crying out loud … who teh hell starts drinking at 6AM? And continues long enough for them to make any more money?
Well done AOSHQ cabal!
I think it was my interview with Nick Searcy that sealed the deal for Ace.
Surely that’s it, Xbrad.
That robot is scary Jimbro. *shudders* Of course to XBrad it looks like a fun Saturday night.
Well you’re windy and wild
You got the blues
In your shoes and your stockings. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBin9qC5dKg
Have you seen some of those Japanese sexbots? And they wonder why they’re facing a demographic crisis. You just pay once and your all set.
I feel as though I may have contributed in some small way to the AoS win.
I think I need a bath.
Hahahahahaha. I luvres me some gabe.
I figure the Japanese are prime candidates to figure out radical life extension at this point. Them or the Russians.
Wow, I hadn’t even thought of sexual orientation as a stab in the eye. That’s pretty good.
And I too can just imagine poor Gabe giving that speech and turning red. I hope he got to practice a few times!
I luvres me some gabe.
We’re used to it.
I remember reading a snippet of one of the Forest Gump “words of wisdom” books. He suggested that the first thing you oughtta do in a fight is whack yourself really hard on the head with a frying pan or something, because it’ll scare the other guy with the “if he’d do that to himself, what’ll he do to me?” thought.
That speech reminded me of that strategy.
Anyone still have the video of Ace on FNC?
FNC? I thought the only video was him at CPAC a few years back.
We’re used to it.
———————–
Really, sean? Really? I expect so much more from you.
Chief, do you mean the Stuck Israeli Tank video?
Expectations are to be avoided. They often lead to resentments.
Gabe kicks ass.
http://tinyurl.com/b6bh3ad
Expectations are to be avoided. They often lead to resentments.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3flv5nWZgII
Haha, Hotspur!
What happens at meatup stays at meatup!
For crying out loud … who teh hell starts drinking at 6AM?
Professionals. That’s who.
Yeah, I’d have fucked it up Tushar, but I’m an asshole too so the starting line would have held up.
Seriously, I love it that ace did it, and love it more that Gabe took the jokes like a man. Very awesome.
Hotspur is linking deck pics.
Better than pecs or dicks really. Besides we have Wednesdays for that.
*glances overhead nervously*
I thought that was Monday.
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Car in has a spectacular deck.
Car in’s deck is HUGE!
Car in has a spectacular
deckass.Ungrateful Bread made me giggle. Ace’s reference to Fred Willard getting caught “buttering his crotch lobster” has entered our everyday insult stream.
That last Hotspur comment made me realize we’re having a sausage fest here, they’re the wurst
Jay, the implication of last three comments is that, according to you, Carin has a huge ass
Or you can change one letter in deck.
Just depends on your point of view.
I congratulated Gabe on his awesomeness. He laments the lack of video. Hopefully something will turn up.
The gist of this is that we’re pretty much (not) all gonna die:
http://youtu.be/S-nsU_DaIZE
Puns.
They suck.
What sucked was your drink video. Dog saliva and lime with a floor lint garnish? That tasted like swill. I know you can do better.
The Pianist is a much better movie if you remember that the vast majority of the people involved in its making are likely not child rapists.
It’s okay, Sean, none of them were rapist rapists.
The video Leon linked to is long, 18 minutes, but well worth it.
Thanks Scott. I was sure the 18 minutes would scare off most folks. You can mostly just listen to it and get all you need.
I watched it too, leon. That guy made some interesting points for someone who’s worse than Hitler.
I don’t listen to 18 minutes of porn.
School kids should have to watch it for Earth Day.
Because you’re done after 1 1/2?
Pretty much, yeah.
The story about polar bears destroying the cabin on Spitsbergen was awesome.
One last D.G. photo for St Paddy’s Day.
http://flic.kr/p/e3oya2
That’s by far the cutest baby pic I’ve seen with shamrocks all day.
Fucking fuckers.
DG looks great. Their camera is awesome too. Very clear.
I’d never realized how blue DGs eyes are…what a cutie.
I just love that babygirl’s smile.
I’m always kinda surprised when the “MJ Drink of the Week” isn’t a Shirley Temple.
Oso – Her eyes are quite striking. Even lighter blue than they look in the photos.
Seeing DG makes up for all of the time that I have spent today dealing with the Student Loan people, trying to get one simple question answered.
The people on the phone were quite helpful and nice; however, if the website had offered the option that I needed in the first place, all of our time (theirs and mine) could have been avoided.
It’s a good thing Mr. TiFW is so cute – he’s the one who wanted the info in the first place…..
I was coloring with my cousin’s 6 yr old. I suggested she could give the unicorn “Blue eyes like yours.” I was informed that she didn’t have a “Sky blue crayon.” I wouldn’t let her deviate from ROY G BIV while coloring the rainbow though.
He hasn’t made an appletini yet, either.
How about I just cut to the chase and dump a shot of cheap bourbon in a glass of Ensure, brad?
He hasn’t made an appletini yet, either.
——————————-
My guess is that I’ve made somewhere between 8-9 billion of those POS drinks.
At first I tried to make them decent. After a few nights I was just dropping some apple pucker in with the vodka and charging $15.
Hmmm, apple pucker and Zubrowka
Vanilla Ensure with a bourbon float. Hmmmm…
Sounds great, MJ, hold the Ensure, with a bourbon back, please.
http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/swedish-mannequins-cause-a-controversy–192108535.html
Hmmm, apple pucker and Zubrowka
—————
I’ve actually been toying with that idea a bit. I really want to make a drink with Zubrowka but I can’t bring myself to do anything but add a bit of apple juice.
I saw Apple Pucker open for Vanilla Ensure at the Apollo in 83
Since I’ve come up with the stupid idea of doing the tough mudder in June, my alcohol consumption is reduced to medicinal use only.
lauraw, they look like Lane Bryant mannequins.
We could help you practice for the tough mudder by getting you drunk, taking you out in the woods, and leaving you.
Dave at the Apollo. Now there’s a picture.
I saw Apple Pucker open for Vanilla Ensure at the Apollo in 83
——————-
Well played, sir.
Are you sure it’s not a tough muddler?
>>One last D.G. photo for St Paddy’s Day.
http://flic.kr/p/e3oya2
cute, Cute, CUTE!!!
Muff tuddler
Everybody is rooting for the Cyclones against Kansas tonight, right?
Right?
What were those drinks that we had at the CTMU where the muddler was actually used (before Sohos molested it)? Caiperias…??
Caipirinha?
>> Dave at the Apollo. Now there’s a picture.
That was the best part of the joke. “OTIS! MY MAN!”
Yes! That was them, MJ.
Nice BBF today.
Of course we are, Jay. Of course!
I may have gotten a little silly drinking those at the park.
I really should have gone. Its such bullshit that I take crap for wanting to go to meat ups.
At least you got to go to STLMU.
I still am itching to attend one.
Wonder if AoS will have a hangover tomorrow?
I’d put money on tonight, Jimbro.
>> Caipirinha?
Brazilian drink. Good stuff. I learned about em working in Sao Paulo. You can make em with vodka, but the local liquor there is something called Penga and it. Will. Kick. Your Ass.
MJ – did your company do Rawhide while you were in town?
>>Brazilian drink.
That must be why I felt funny in my Brazillian area after drinking a few.
likely so.
Cyn, for some reason I thought you were at the STLMU -
Cyn?
http://tinyurl.com/bzm2rtq
MJ, why a bad mood? You feeling okay? You want me to make you some soup and a grilled cheese sammich?
I was there TiF, and I had the added pleasure of staying a bit extra when I got bit with the STLMUFlu.
Cyn?
http://tinyurl.com/bzm2rtq
*sniggers*
OK, good – you had me worried there for a minute; thought I might have been imagining things…..
Guess I misunderstood your earlier comment -
I was referring to MJ making it to STLMU, as opposed to missing out on the CTPalooza
I agree with MJ. I think spouses should just back off about meat ups. After meeting Cyn, I can’t wait to meat more of you guys.
Afternoon.
I always root against Kansas, unless they are playing Duke. Wisconsis beat TTUN for me today. Thanks, Brew.
Crap. Wisconsin. Should have just stopped with WI.
MJ – did your company do Rawhide while you were in town?
—————————
I’m not really sure. Besides hanging out with you I never left the resort.
These guys get hammered and talk about work all night. No thanks.
You guys should be watching NBC. They know exactly what the GOP needs to do to get back into national prominence. Portman’s change of heart on gay marriage is it.
Steve Schmidt (of MSNBC) agrees.
/do I need the /sarcasm tag?
I just bring mine along with me. Saves having to explain things. I mean, how exactly do you explain a meat up?
MJ, why a bad mood? You feeling okay? You want me to make you some soup and a grilled cheese sammich?
—————————-
Yes. Could you please make vodka soup?
I agree with MJ. I think spouses should just back off about meat ups.
————————-
This times 1000. I’m going to be less of a pussy and more of HS from now on.
It sucks having been raised at a time when being assertive was frowned upon.
*slides MJ a bowl of crystal head vodka*
Today I made ten (10) of these:
http://tinyurl.com/c5mdfny
I found a location with a bar and a pool, walking distance (sort of) to Chandler Fashion Mall and BJ’s Restaurant, not far from bowling, casino, golf, and a close on Saturday night at Rawhide for dinner.
June 1st weekend for PHXMU??
If you didn’t leave the resort, then you didn’t do Rawhide, though it was down the street from you.
I agree with MJ. I think spouses should just back off about meat ups.
Bingo.
You really gotta work on those dents a bit, Jewstin.
I’ll let you know how not being a big giant pussy goes if I’m allowed to use the computer tomorrow.
Didn’t she do a spa thing off somewhere with her BFFs? Meat-ups are like a spa thing for you.
*blows the dust off fake marriage counselor diploma*
JUne 1 …
Humn.
I suppose I’ll know in the next month or so whether or not I could go.
after I didn’t get raped and murdered at the first meetup I attended, Mr Car in was much more into me going to ‘em.
You really gotta work on those dents a bit, Jewstin.
They really are kind of shameful. Next time I’ll try my steel-toed boots instead of a hammer.
Cool, Carin.
If I see there’s enough interest from peeps, I’ll start making some calls to get us some good rates at the hotel and Rawhide.
Dan just told me I needed to man up and go to my family camping trip in July. Somebody may be manning up for a meat up, if I have to hang out with all those D-rats! (My favorite Marine and his wife are expecting another baby, so I’ll be surrounded by teh stoopid)
Hello all your beautiful people, and you to Oso!
Hey Mundane.
How’s about you run and go get me a redbox movie.
(isn’t that what newbs are for? errand boys?)
Checked Red Box on my quick run to Smith’s. They were out of everything. (Wreck It Ralph) OK, Dan checked, I have WBC and Lobo basketball on tonight.
Too/ HS
Right away, Ma’am!
(Hands over copies of Serenity and Highlander)
(Flashes Westside hand signals at Cyn while maddogging)
If I’m here, I’m in.
BEI interview is set for Thursday at 2pm. I’ll try not to say cockface, but no promises.
*Flashes brights twice at Oso while tucking red bandana in left front pocket*
Do you think if you got the gig, MJ, that you’d start before June 1?
*begins to rethink we should do this sooner*
I’ve been looking at pics of St. Thomas. Looks nice. Are we wishcasting this and planning a meatup?
Also, don’t say that you’d fukksize their profits.
Wait, that’s got some potential…
Dan wants me to try the Wagonmaster @ Rawhide. He’s reading the menu. Mr Pibb not Dr Pepper.
Mr Pibb not Dr Pepper.
Old school.
I remember wondering “Where are the brown people?” the first time I went to PHX. We stayed in Chandler and spent most of our time in Scottsdale.
I’m surprised you didn’t see any in either place; they’re both close to reservations, but it does sort of depend where you were. Otherwise, yeah, not really too many to be seen, but I suppose that’s like anywhere – they mostly stay to their Res areas. Not that it’s a law or anything.
No cabbage at Shaw’s supermarket. Which doesn’t break my heart.
The missus bought Irish soda bread from the store. Which would break my mother’s heart.
(She got the Guinness I asked for so I won’t mention it)
Put a new post up at my blog.
Give me comments that will validate my existence
Feather, not dot.
I am just going to boil up some pork chops.
Give me comments that will validate my existence
You’ll get no comments, and like it!
Jimbro, I make my own soda bread. It is the only thing I used to actually cook before the diabeetus.
Cyn, red not brown.
BEI interview is set for Thursday at 2pm. I’ll try not to say cockface, but no promises.
What if the interviewer has a cockface?
Fukksize would seal the deal. He MJ should try to work that in somehow.
WAIT. I don’t want him to get the job.
Yes. Don’t say fukksize.
Cyn, I think it is a major positive that Dan started Binging your meatup mention. Not quite a Squeeeee, but close.
I picked up some (probably crappy) scary movie my husband wanted to see.
He’s like a moth to bad movies.
*opens box of wine to see if it bring Mare out of hiding.
If getting the job means “No PHXMeatup” then I’m against. If getting the job means future VI Meatup, then I’m fer.
Total Wine has Box O’ Vodka.
You have to get White Dog Car in.
http://i.imgur.com/JUCQ8VL.gif
Car in, I buycott movies of people that totally piss me off. Dan watches/attends lots of movies with out me.
My mom used to make it a lot when we were kids. That, and scones, from the same recipe. Fresh out of the oven, smeared with butter and served with tea. Delicious. Nowadays she makes it for my cousin John maybe once every other year.
Total Wine has Box O’ Vodka.
*grabs car keys and a straw*
Do you think if you got the gig, MJ, that you’d start before June 1?
*begins to rethink we should do this sooner*
———————————–
Yes. No question. I think it will be 5 weeks total until I’m there. If.
Jimbro, I really don’t cook. At all. Irish Soda Bread is easy and delish. Bread is my weakness. I love bread. Beer is liquid bread.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li46r3T13e1qzv9mho1_500.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0gZgdlYGNJs
Well, no sign of Mare.
But at least I hooked Cyn.
^winning.
I didn’t see White Dog at Redbox.
Yes. No question. I think it will be 5 weeks total until I’m there. If.
Okay. *nods*
MU and possible bon voyagee party. This is do-able.
Samuel Fuller’s throat-grabbing exposé on American racism was misunderstood and withheld from release when it was made in the early eighties; today, the notorious film is lauded for its daring metaphor and gripping pulp filmmaking. Kristy McNichol stars as a young actress who adopts a lost German shepherd, only to discover through a series of horrifying incidents that the dog has been trained to attack black people, and Paul Winfield plays the animal trainer who tries to cure him. A snarling, uncompromising vision, White Dog is a tragic portrait of the evil done by that most corruptible of animals: the human being.
Cujo had some white on him.
/racisty
*cries reading description
That movie would probably have Che Che asking her dad some questions.
My dogs H8 wheeled Americans. Bicycles, Motorcycles, Wheelchairs. They would bark at my Dad as he held and petted them. Not rayciss dogs, just H8RS.
I had a dog that hated bees. We would get them all the time, dying on the patio, as they pulled nectar from the honeysuckle in the backyard. Nicky would bark and bark at them as they crawled across the patio.
My dog was totally inbred and dumb as a post.
It was never released, but you can find it on the interwebs.
Best film ever. Burl Ives was in it, I think he may have gotten on Oscar.
If.
http://tinyurl.com/a3fwnh3
True Story. I make my dogs sit with me when I watch Where The Red Fern Grows (Both), Sounder, Eight Below, Hachi, Old Yeller, etc.
June 1, huh…
http://tinyurl.com/agalkbf
‘Sup, brain dead wingnuts?
Hi, Chief! *waves in a northeasterly fashion*
Don’t piss off Kathy Lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCB5R-AC980&feature=youtu.be&t=14s
If.
http://tinyurl.com/a3fwnh3
Yes.
Hey, Sweety Bear! Just so yous knows, Herself is making soda bread and Gaelic steak for St. Paddy’s day.
Scott – HA!
I hate that stupid cow.
No Trudy this week? Lame.
http://tinyurl.com/a8eqt2e
I’m usually in Vegas for St. Paddy’s. Smoked Prime Rib or smoked corned beef at Memphis BBQ is the yum. Stupid early Easter. Dan is making traditional corned beef & cabbage on Sunday.
Wonder if Carin saw the latest D.G photo?
Ok, I posted something this month at ace’s.
I can go back to fucking off now, and basking in their glory.
I was totally in Love with Kathy Lee when she sang the clues on “Name that Tune” and did the Carnival Cruise commercials.
Shit, that was 1977.
She was dead to me when she married a former NYG.
I kinda liked the Carnival Cruise Kathy.
Now? If I want granny pron, I’ll look at German websites.
Did anybody click on my links at 755? No love for the Space Bat?
No love for bats. Not a spelunker. (Cavers H8 being called spelunkers)
Latinos are wanting their own Smithsonian Museum. Rubio has signed on. No Cruz. I H8 this stuff.
Holy crap! How did you remember that?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xPYUvqPspM#t=01m00s
Game show talk: Matt Lauer or Anderson Cooper to replace Trebek.
La-la-la-la = boner
Dude, she had Toni Tennille’s haircut!
Keith Olberman could be a game show host.
Evenin’, bitchez!
Chuck Woolery should host. I’m beginning to love him.
Yeah, I liked Toni too.
Redhead thing.
Hi, Andy! ~waves~
Comment by scott on March 15, 2013 8:04 pm
It was never released, but you can find it on the interwebs.
Best film ever. Burl Ives was in it, I think he may have gotten on Oscar.
======
Pretty sure it was Brian Dennehy……..
Dog on the slide is hilarious.
We did Dog on Slide with Gingy. I think she warned MA away from slides. We know she told MA about stairs.
Brian Dennehy was not in White Dog, but he wanted to be.
Did anybody have that dream about anybody else again today?
Excellent post Dave. TEL. Heh.
Hello Andy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaK2chA79jI
‘Sup MJ?
Every time I read one of these tweets, I expect to see your mug shot. http://twitter.com/_floridaman
I dreamt that I was at bat at the 7th game of the WS with bases loaded and 2 out again. Does that count?
Comment by scott on March 15, 2013 8:52 pm
Brian Dennehy was not in White Dog, but he wanted to be.
=======
He was the dog.
Yeah sure, whatever.
So, my Alabama Uncle comes to NM for the HS basketball tourney each year. Hondo is B. Not even A. My cousin, Tonio, was 6th man on the State Champion Goddard Rockets 25 years ago. Just like the movie Hoosiers, but with brown people.
Is Gregory Hines still around? He was great in White Dog.
Did Oso have a stroke?
Maybe a scorpion got her.
Not yet, Scott. Next week.
SHOUT OUT
Every time I read one of these tweets, I expect to see your mug shot.
————————-
Don’t worry Andy, no one will notice.
http://i.imgur.com/uJmBtIr.jpg
Scary scorpions are in AZ. Ours are lame.
He’s dead,
JimSean.DiT, I think Brittney Griner is a candidate for MMM.
Almost ten years now. I’ll be damned.
Cotton Club or White Nights? Discuss.
http://i.imgur.com/6S26xqY.gif
Did all of you watch the video Leon linked at 2:41?
Zeke never got the hang of that Pups, he drops the ball on the floor 3′ away and expects me to play.
Lazy dog
Scott, I watched and watched other vids at ReasonTV
I sent a link to my Mom.
She wont like it.
Did all of you watch the video Leon linked at 2:41?
——————-
I watched it. Very interesting. Plus anyone with a British accent is instantly credible.
MJ, YES!!!!! On the accent thing. I have an Uncle that is a federal prosecutor. Drug dealer with British or Aussie accent: Acquitted. Drug dealer that sounds like Cheech: Mandatory Minimum baby!!!!
Support for MJ’s theory: If Andrew Sullivan didn’t have a British accent, nobody would have ever heard of him.
David Beckham just needs to STFU and be pretty though.
You know who has a Brit accent, and I find very credible?
Helen Mirren.
Full circle at the H2
*wonders if Cyn is having vodka pizza for dinner.
Ridley’s done some good TED talks and wrote a few books, including The Rational Optimist.
You people need to comment faster. I’m watching WBC and NCAA basketball while surfing twitter, AOS, and here. I may have to start reading a book if you guys don’t step up.
Yes.
Sorry, Oso, I’m busy watching a video teaching me how to deliver nuclear weapons.
Are we sure Oso isn’t Mare?
Oso has met people, so she can’t be mare.
*replaces the Folger’s Decaf that Xbrad slipped in for Oso’s meth with
32 xanax*Yes. I don’t ski. Or get in the ocean.
Where’s Aggie? I need a PR to berate.
Can vodka go bad? Yes, this is a real question.
*pulls that 1 xanax out of pocket and slips it back to Oso*
MJ & Cyn meat up
http://fuckyeahfernandez.tumblr.com/post/45456653896
No. But it can be bad.
Haha. Cyn and I are actually pretty tame.
Well, I’ll be… some one did get a pic of us at our mini-meat.
Vodka in glass should last more than a human lifespan.
I may have to start reading a book if you guys don’t step up.
Do my nails.
http://tinyurl.com/a4w7t7e
I couldn’t drink that LIT. I would have been fucked up at 4 o’clock.
I can see that. Tiger Chick and Monkey boy. Tiger Chick will eat him when she tires of playing.
back from dinner. I think I ate too much. The boy had a good time though.
Cyn, they have Vodka in a box. I’ll vote no.
…are actually pretty tame.
Yeah, if you don’t count the hobos we rolled.
That LIT did look pretty good, MJ, except for the part when you added gin. {{shudders involuntarily}}
C’mon Vman, I only nibble a lit’bit.
>> I’m busy watching a video teaching me how to deliver nuclear weapons.
FedEx?
I read for most of the last 3 hours or so. Got about 140 pages into Anti-Fragile. It’s making me regret a lot of life decisions.
Did you go somewhere fun, Mun?
Bottom of the 9th people…
Or that time we woke up in Rio. I still can’t figure out how you managed to convince those trannies to give me my pants back after i stole their cola and told them you were Sarah Palin. Thanks, BTW.
Nick Searcy once played a FedEx employee. I’d never abuse them to deliver nukes.
Hey, Scott, Laura, I need to talk to you.
How does Team USA lose to Puerto Rico? I blame Sean & Mundane.
I’d almost forgotten about that. Whooo boy, that was some crazy shit. I smiled and said to ‘em, “You wanna see some chest?”, thinking no big, I just flash them and we’re good to go. But when they pointed to your chest as you were passed out, well, um, yeah, at least I did get your pants back.
YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RG_xH5dtfIQ&feature=youtu.be
Actually, let’s try that again….
YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N6CggyBfg8
Cyn, not really. Micah and I go to Hometown Buffet because they have some stuff he will eat and I can get salads to my heart’s content. Although this time, they had steak and salmon in. So I had that, with two plates of veggies.
Then we came home. he is watching veggie tales and I am playing Rage of Bahamut TCG on my iPad
Oso…haters gonna hate
Banglar PARTY! van.
http://tinyurl.com/aptjlla
Well that explains why my shirt was stuck to me when I woke up.
*barfs
Mundy
Did I miss what region of the country you are living in?
Should I check Cyn’s map?
Cyn has a map?
Top right column of the blog Mundy
Banglar PARTY! van.
http://tinyurl.com/aptjlla
So. very. close.
Dang – to far to bring the Banglar Van to Phoenix; I even made sure that there was plenty of parking lot room too, http://goo.gl/maps/ffuXf
Well that explains why my shirt was stuck to me when I woke up.
But you got your pants back.
*sniggers*
I see the map, but can’t tell if I am on it or anything…
MJ, are you a mixologist or a bartender? Inquiring minds. Yada.
Anywho, I am in Southern California, but I really can’t travel much farther than work. Solo dad with a special needs kid.
I just noticed Pepe isn’t on the map either.
Stick around for a bit, Mun, and I’ll update the map. Depending on where in SoCal, there’s a bunch of you guys.
I am not going anywhere…I keep hoping you will turn your spycam on Cyn…
No Pepe?! Shame on me. It has been a while since I updated it. I’ll get my top men on that.
I don’t really know what a mixologist is. I made drinks for people I’m college and for a few years afterward.
I really just wanted to party so it was a means to an end.
BFE, NM is kind of hard to put on a map.
Isn’t that really anything other than Santa Fe and Taos, Oso?
You people aren’t commenting fast enough and I just saw a douche on twitter refer to a bartender as a mixologist.
I mean, a “city” in NM is like “elevation” in Florida.
mundane, you reminded me of one my customers who came in once a week with his autistic son to get a birthday cake. The boy (he’s 21) can be combative – not so much physically – loves Barney*. Always had to write HB Barney and Jake in purple. Once he got used to us, he would send dad on his way to let him wait for the cake and ‘talk’ if he were in a good enough mood. ‘Go’, ‘yes’, ‘Barney’, ‘rainbow’.
If he was tired or stressed he would holler at dad – better behaved with mom. Cracked me up. One time I handed him his cake and said ‘Thank you, come again’, he yelled ‘I WILL’ and ran off.
*I took an old Hallmark ornament of Barney to his house and he wanted me to stay and watch Barney with him on their big screen. He was so tickled but I had to be on my way.
Santa Fe and Taos are for the gheys (NTTAWWT) and Texans. Kind of the same thing. I live in ABQ and Pepe is in the not FSA part of the state.
Oh, and by the time I quit, he wanted the birthday greeting in another color and written in cursive!
Purple dinosaurs give me the heebie-jeebies!
SQUEEEE!!!! I always knew beasn was a bleeding heart squish!
Note to self: beasn has first customer for her underground TFG business.
That is similar in ways with Micah. He is that way sometimes too. Although, I don’t get cake for him, when we go to Vons he always wants to go to this one checker because she gives him a stick of gum or a Starburst chew.
Send your city or general location to Cynnabuns and she will update her map I am sure.
wait, what? Banglar Party van to Phoenix?
It could go right by here. I COULD BE ON IT IN THE BACK.. with.. my hands tie-wrapped to the..
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT AGAAAAAAIN
Not sure I am comfortable with you guys knowing where I live. I mean, next thing I know, I have you guys show up with two dead ewoks in the trunk and stolen car looking for a place to “lay low until you can get to Tosche Station for some power converters”.
If you look reallllllllly close at Cyn’s map, you’ll see me in the bushes just outside her bedroom window.
So, Xbrad is a Ranger?
I have the master map open and Pepe is there; that’s the map you can open up for details in the POL.
The one up there was a screen shot of some years back and I’ve been derelict in updating it. I probably need a spanking.
How do I get into the Proof of Life?
Volunteers to spank Cyn on PPV.
*imagines Dave tied to BPV like a hood ornament and pees laughing*
That is ok Mundy. We are gentle. If you send a pic to Cyn she will put you in Proof of Life and give you a password to see how hot the chicks are here and how ugly the dudes are.
But we have very hot chicks like Tiger Chick and Iron Buns Carin, not to mention hotter than the sun Mare and PJ momma.
Beasn is taken but I am waiting for her to be a widow.
I could go on but why?
Clean up on aisle 3!
No offense to Oso and anyone I may have missed for the hotter than the sun chickadees
Umm…where do I find the email?
Cyn or I will email you soon
Tiger chick? Or shall I do this?
“No offense to Oso…” *Pours out my crying in my beer, beer*
Ahh…ok!
Mundane, I will email you soon at the email you use to log in with and ask you for a picture. Stick around for a time and you’ll be in and then you’ll see that most of us are pretty normal. Vman is jumping the gun just a pinch, but no worries. Very soon *winks and finger-guns ya*
It wasn’t on the outside Cyn.
It was.. inside.. when I was reaching for that last beer.. and I passed out.. and woke up.. under a pile of moving blankets and..
I don’t like to talk about it
that laughter…oh god that laughing, cackling.. and the.. *buries my face in shame*
ok
In the meantime, I am updating the map and will put up a fresh screen shot pic in the upper right of the blog. Mun, are you closer to LA or SD? More inland or water? You can be generic and I’ll still dump you in. I’m not always exact with everyone because then they’re too hard to see. Even then, for the screen cap pic, there’s no names.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NOW TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE DAMMIT!
*ahem*
that laughter…oh god that laughing, cackling.. and the.. *buries my face in shame*
Awww, there there, Dave.
Cyn – Not sure shy you asked GPS coordinates after reading your entry of 11:22 pm?
All I know is southern Cal, MCPO. I guess that’s good enough. Off to update.
Done. Anyone else look like they need added/updated while I’m in there?
Orange County, Cyn
Coastal about 1/3 the way between LA and SD
I am glad I don’t have to do anything
Thanks Tiger Chick!
Move me to Kaua’i. KTHXBAI
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts “This is a raid! Everyone get on the floor!!” and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts “DID ANYBODY ELSE HERE SEE MY FACE?”
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. “DID ANYBODY ELSE SEE MY FACE?” he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner… “I think my wife caught a glimpse…”
I may be a Houstonian or is it a Houstonite? I am confused.
INAR.
I’m not a Ranger.
Just a poor leg 11B/11M.
Rangers are always sneaking around peeking in windows
Paper is not dead:
http://vimeo.com/61275290
“I think my wife caught a glimpse…”
Heh.
If anybody gets Showtime, there’s a really good documentary called “The World According to Dick Cheney” on right now. A lot of it includes new interviews with The Sodomizing Cougar Man himself.
When will you hear something, V?
Mundy, sure, but so am I.
More importantly, I don’t want there to be anyone that thinks I’m a candidate for a Stolen Valor campaign.
I hate douchebags, and don’t even want anyone to conceivably think I’m puffing up my creds.
They said 48 hours Cyn. That was today and I did not here anything.
I will give it to Monday before hanging myself in (mock) Dispare.
Ahhh…Gotcha Xbrad
I’m out. You folks take care.
Yes, wait until Monday, but then CALL them so they know that you know that they know you’re interested!
I am used to snickering about “Chairborne Rangers” and such. Funny thing, I remember reading Big Tobacco’s Army Blog and seeing the term “fobbit” and wondering, “WTF?”
You too, Master Chief. Sweet dreams.
Which has little to do with Stolen Valor, except to say that, I remember using the term “Rangers” (with a bad Yogi Bear accent) to describe anyone who hoofed it to the sound of gunfire.
Night Mr. Navy Person
I trust you eventually figured out Fobbit is a term for one that never leaves the FOB (Forward Operating Base)?
Yeah. Then I saw a t-shirt advertised somewhere with something like the Rankin-Bass Frodo dressed in full battle rattle and a reflective belt.
The from what I’ve seen, most grunts just call ‘em POGs, Fobbit being what POGs call themselves.
I’m old school. They’re REMFs.
Yes, well, we also serve that taught the recruit, yo!
I mean, you know how many time I had to utter the term “NO DAMMIT! YOUR OTHER RIGHT!”
My little buddy just came home for spring break!!
SQUEEEE!!!! I always knew beasn was a bleeding heart squish!
Am not either. He is my kind of people. (my degree – spec. ed.)
You don’t know how many times as a recruiter I promised them breakfast in bed.
Heh.
Mundane,
I, too, enjoyed “The War on Big Tobacco”. He was kick-ass!
NYTOL…
That T-72 shot was cool, in a sorta stomach churning way. As it was, I bet that tank WAS the commander’s and that’s why the others just hung around. No one was telling them what to do, and the commander was someone in the clan heirarchy.
http://tinyurl.com/bd4wquj
http://llamafont.com/llamafied/4gw
Kilt it.
Night all
Her name is Aphrodite and she rides a crimson shell,
And you know you cannot derp her for you touched the distant sands
http://i.imgur.com/x1xNxfz.gif
Morning.
hi
Soccer wakey wakey
My Bil is such an asshole.
Why is BiL an asshole?
Morning children.
He’s leaving for overseas in a bit, and he hasn’t chosen to come home/ visit his widowed mom or family. Hasn’t really visited in2 years. He instead chose to go party- which he’s done plenty of in the months leading up to this deployment- with friends in Denver. He posted that he was having dinner with his “family.”. 20- something drinking buddies. 22 year old girls. Asshole.
How can there be soccer when it’s snowing?
*looks at calendar*
WHY IS IT SNOWING?
I’m done with him.
Indoor.
hullo
Being an asshole is not a crime!
Sounds like your BiL might have a touch of the ol’ UltraDouche malady that’s going around these days.
I hope his 20-something drinking bud ‘family’ are a real help to him in a time of need.
I’m so glad my sisters aren’t jerks.
Makes me want to try not to be one too. But then I’m like all “meh”
I’m 2 for 3 and that ain’t half bad.
Two awesome, one nut.
2 for 3? I missed something.
No. I have three older sisters.
One’s a little nutty but she’s sweet so I don’t mind.
Yea next time he can borrow money from them. Did I mention he’s a year older than me? 46 hanging with 20-something douchebags.
No offense MJ.
*reconsiders replacement of sister number 2 with Car in
Ha ha ha
New poatse.
This seems like the appropriate place to put this. It’s got Big Boobs, OK, well, biggish. And alcohol, poured on boobs, and then bottled. To make drinks. Check, check, and check.
http://www.gspirits.com/
… unless you already knew about this. If so, I’ll just slink away and pretend it never happened.