Ahhhh, Valentine’s Day. The day that all women look forward to with unrealistic expectations and all men dread.
THANK YOU, HALLMARK!!!
Tell me how you like it, bitch. yeah, that’s right… tell me I’ve got the bigge…
Oh.. sorry. got a little off track there.
Anyway, Valentine’s Day is here again and women all over the country are being horribly disappointed by their significant others because .. I guess mowing the lawn and paying the mortgage and cooking dinner even when they’re not working late and helping with the household chores and basically being there instead of being where they really want to be… doesn’t say “I Love You” and “You’re Special to Me” the same way this does:
Yeah, baby.. look at how big it is… You like that? Huh, you like how…
Ooops… sorry. Got off track again there… Sorry.
Seriously, this is a ridiculous holiday. It creates more problems that it solves. It’s bad enough to be single on this day, but you are in a relationship, for some reason companies think they can sell their stupid crap to stupid men to give to stupid women who are then going to hate their stupid men for giving them stupid crap.
oooooooh, baby….. No no no…. don’t take it off…. I like furry…..
*cough
Sorry again.
Anyway, Happy “Worst Holiday Ever Created” Day, everyone.
How about a joke thread?
Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever?
I’ll start:
Herpes.
BONUS VALENTINES DAY SONG!
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And for when MCPO gets here, happy to hear about your sis, big guy.
Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever:
A poat with Pink Floyd.
Sees Chocolate Daddy’s Fingers
That was just for you, Cynabuns
A nice dinner:
http://tinyurl.com/a6cwcg3
Awww, thanks Wiserbuns. They are my favorite squeeeeee!!!
*slashes Xbrad’s wrists*
Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever?
snakes
Worst VD Gift:
Wrinkle Face Cream
*slashes Xbrad’s wrists*
Awwwww, thanks, Cyn.
And I didn’t get anything for you….
Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever?
The half-bottle of perfume your last girlfriend left behind when she moved out.
A foot long box from Michael.
Gym membership.
A poat with Pink Floyd.
—————————
Hahahahahahhahaha.
And I didn’t get anything for you….
Well, the day’s not over. Tellya what; if Xbrad clots up a bit, it will be a nice gift if you could re-slash him.
A Weight-Watchers lifetime membership.
Apparently.
Chapstick
Vacuum.
Apparently.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Was Pupster a bad dog?
Spanx.
it will be a nice gift if you could re-slash him.
That would be nice…
You are too good to me…
Dinner at Old Country Buffet
A Stop & Shop gift card
A miss directed text from your spouse to their lover.
A coupon book for free hugs.
Dinner at Old Country Buffet
ummmmm… brb…. gotta make a call….
a Twitter follow
A downward push on the back of the head.
You are too good to me…
Well,
it is my week to be nice to youthe pleasure is really all mine.Pre-paid Chevron gas card
Rufied.
Chief, SOOOOOO glad to hear that your sister’s surgery went well!
VMan, SOOOOOO excited that your interview went well!
Wiser, I’m betting if you lived in Japan, you would think that Valentine’s Day is the bestest holiday ever – the guys are the ones who get all of the chocolate.
Mr. TiFW wins the Valentine’s Day lottery today – click on my name to see what he’s getting today…… ♥♥♥
Less than 8 seconds of Rodeo Sex
Oh, and he’s getting candy as well:
http://www.despair.com/bittersweets.html
Comment by MJ on February 14, 2013 1:37 pm
A downward push on the back of the head.
Lol
Wiser, I’m betting if you lived in Japan, you would think that Valentine’s Day is the bestest holiday ever – the guys are the ones who get all of the chocolate.
diabetes
Sex with Rosetta
Rufied.
————
Hahahahahaha.
An Obama email with a picture of Michelle and Barack doing it doggie style.
XXXL lingerie
A vibrator without batteries
Donkey punch and some belly jelly.
Yay, Vman!!!!
XXXS Lingerie
Tide
Donkey punch and some belly jelly.
HAHA!
Gila Monster breath lube.
A sex instruction tape geared toward technique correction.
Expired Condoms
TruCrime novel about a husband that kills his wife.
Hip-waders
‘Sup, homunculi?
Summer’s Eve
De lousing gear.
Fungi-Nail
Sugar free chocolate.
batteries without a vibrator
Sammich fixins.
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/357/681/d5e.jpg
Do what?!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6buJGU7wiBg
A blow up doll
Extenze.
A subscription to Kerry Marie’s pron site.
A blood pressure monitor
Found porn
Porn on VHS
Postage Stamps
A dollars worth of ass pennies.
The same gift you give your girlfriend.
Pre-stained underwear.
wait……..what are the rules here?
The same gift you give your girlfriend.
with the wrong name tag
The custom made Valentine card meant for the hubby’s girlfriend.
wait……..what are the rules here?
rules?
We have friends whose anniversary date is February 14th – for years, the husband traditionally made reservations at a swanky hotel for their celebration.
He is quite the prankster, though: one year – early in their marriage – he had a co-worker pose as a hotel worker; she called his wife to confirm their reservation at the Motel 6 on I-35 on Valentine’s Day, and said that the Denny’s was looking forward to having them for dinner that evening.
We don’t need no stinkin’ rulez
An hour with a slut.
Anyone else having a problem getting the site to reload?
An empty bottle of Nuru gel.
Of course, I denounce myself.
Not today for me, Chief. Using Chrome. The day before yesterday, it didn’t want to land on the right comment position though.
Rules.
An hour with a slut.
HA!
But, of course.
http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1254/1213499192_ac3bfa603e_z.jpg
Free consultation gift certificate to the proctologist.
A bottle of Zovirax
Methadone.
Cash on the nightstand
A vacuum.
http://tinyurl.com/aqlvs9u
Hang up call from the local STD clinic
One of these: http://tinyurl.com/a6f279a
Liposuction gift certificate
Webkinz
Ball gag.
AIDS Quilt patch
A vacuum.
http://bit.ly/12lswit
a 1/2 empty mini-nip bottle of vodka
An intervention
A call from the suicide hotline.
One of these:
http://tinyurl.com/agd3dfl
Very NSFW. Unlike some others, I do care about your continued employment.
Coke reward points
Gimp Suit
Teddy Bear Gram.
Pets.com stock.
Laundry
Daddy’s fingers.
A life insurance policy
Paternity test results
PajamaEmail
Salt
A surprise overnight visit from your mother-in-law
A surprise overnight visit from your mother-in-law
A surprise overnight date with your mother-in-law
Studio tickets to the Arsenio Hall show
A surprise overnight date with your mother-in-law
A surprise overnight date with your mother-in-law to a Pink Floyd concert
Toilet brush
A bag of empty deposit bottles.
a couple of singles that smell like strippers
$20 starbucks card with 39 cents remaining.
An 8-Track player
Christmas Candy
an ipod with obama’s speeches
St. Patrick’s Day card. Two days later.
A five-pack of Pabst
A tattoo that says ‘I love your mom’.
A surprise overnight date with your mother-in-law to a Pink Floyd concert
without you.
HAHAHA!
Moving Men Furniture Sliders – the bonus 12 pack!
a broken rubber band
http://tinyurl.com/a59mq3g
Coupons for “Bagels with Hagel”
Lucky Strikes
Django Action Figure
Ike Turner’s Greatest Hits
‘Gently Used’ Butt plug
A Che AquaVelva t-shirt
Tickets to Cats.
A date with Chris Brown
Monopoly Money
Rape whistle and a head start.
Turkey Jerky
Rape whistle and a head start.
These are supposed to be the WORST.
Throw bullets
Well, I have sensitive ears, so the whistle would be pretty bad.
Brail edition of Penthouse.
Dental Floss
Ambassadorship to Libya
10% off anal bleaching coupon
Being found tied-up and naked by housekeeping at a Motel 6.
A new “Sister Wife”
SpongeBob’s square pants
A blind date with your ex
A “Glamor Shot” of your sister-in-law.
Rosetta Stone
Platinum Membership to AoSHQ.
The sudden realization that you are, in fact, gay.
The Tide Detergent – Wisk Pre-Soak – Downy Conditioner Trifecta
A burial plot
All expenses paid trip to Guantanamo Bay
a Burqa
Crotchless burqa.
Chaps with an ass-backing
Crotchless burqa.
Hahaha
Your name trimmed into back hair.
Sores
A restraining order
Your name trimmed into HER back hair.
fixt
Abreva
Beano
A hunting trip with Dick Cheney.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3BPK8ahNPo
The Blu-Ray boxset of the first three Star Whores remakes, starring Hillary Clinton as Princess Lay-ya
Eau de Cankle.
A HC Parfum.
A kiss from her:
http://www.instablogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/meth-mouth-4_KS1cz_16638.jpg
A bus ticket to Gary
lard
One-way
Blu-ray edition of The Notebook
A bus ticket to Gary
I’ve actually bought that a couple times.
But it’s better than a ticket to Ace and Gary.
Nose hair trimmer
A bus ticket to Gary Busey
From Mrs. MJ to MJ:
Elevator shoes. Made with real elevators.
A bus ticket WITH Gary Busey
Bunion pads
A two week vacation in exotic Newark, NJ.
Actually she bought me a t shirt.
Size 2 T.
Ear Wax Vacuum
Wiser’s monkey with an invitation to touch it.
A hand job from your grandma
D.G. wants to wish you all a Happy St. Valentine’s Day!
http://flic.kr/p/dULZtV
A hand job from Stephen Hawking
What a little princess!
D.G. wants to wish you all a Happy St. Valentine’s Day!
That kid’s hair looks like the crest of snow that was created on my roof during the blizzard
Please, Michael J. Fox gives the best handjobs.
A box of powder-free latex gloves
D.G. wants to wish you all a Happy St. Valentine’s Day!
———————
She is sooooooo cute. I really like her haircut.
Cyn – I know I’m biased, but she is a gorgeous baby!
Dawwww.
She truly is, Chief.
A size XXXS cock ring
Please, Michael J. Fox gives the best handjobs.
*doesn’t want to know how he knows this*
A size XXXS cock ring
STAY OUT OF MY NIGHTSTAND DRAWER!!
One year’s paid membership to the internet
Please, Michael J. Fox gives the best handjobs.
Just because you whacked off while watching Teen Wolf doesn’t mean MJ Fox actually gave you a hand-job
A paid membership to Ashley Madison
ISWYDT.
A paid membership to Ashley Madison
I thought these were supposed to be bad.
A romantic evening with your choice of escort, Rachel Maddow, Hillary Clinton or Justice Sotomayor.
A romantic evening with your choice of escort, Rachel Maddow, Hillary Clinton or Justice Sotomayor.
TAKE IT, XBRAD!!!
(I mean the gift,. Probably your best opportunity to not be alone on V-Day.)
DIY Stomach Pumping Kit
African junk washing instructions
I thought these were supposed to be bad.
“Here. I’m tired of fucking you. Go fuck someone else.”
Man, Valentines Day at the leon’s must be just one romantic moment after another.
Hey now, Rachel Maddow wasn’t that bad in high school.
http://tinyurl.com/auh5nu8
Dinner reservations for one
A Facedouche account with WP as your first and only friend
xBrad – That’s before she started “experimenting” with the girl’s softball team!
Man, Valentines Day at the leon’s must be just one romantic moment after another.
Hey man, if she’s gonna give me permission…
Hey now, Rachel Maddow wasn’t that bad in high school.
Pearls on a swine.
XBrad would have thrown pearls on that swine.
I bet she sucked dick like a champ.
Well, I just learned of the passing of a very dear online buddy of mine whom I’ve known for many many years. I feel gut-shot.
I never got to meet him eyeball to eyeball, as I have so many of you fine people. I tried to convince him to come to St. Louis when we went to Rosetta’s but he couldn’t make it.
He is actually the one who turned me on to this site back in ’09, but he wouldn’t come hang out here. He said we were too uptown, and he preferred staying downtown.
Fake internet friends – who knew?
a layoff notice
I bet she sucked dick like a champ.
still does.
see: Obama
A garden hose
sorry about your friend, HS.
wait…. we’re….uptown?
A garden hose
and a golf ball.
“Here. Practice.”
Oh, gosh, that’s awful, Hotspur. Condolences.
What was his name/handle?
http://tinyurl.com/a8bs2am
Divorce papers
Sorry to hear about that HS.
Uptown? Surely you jest? And yes, I’ll quit calling you Shirley.
Sympathies, Hotspur. Always sucks to lose a friend.
for her: shaving cream and a razor
A card with your old girlfriend’s name crossed out and hers written in.
“A burial plot”
and a plan!
Uptown? I’d hate to see his part of town…
That’s too bad HS
An empty toilet paper tube.
“Here. You practice.”
a furry costume and a wink
Divorce papers
BiL to sister at 10th anniversary dinner.
Can’t understand what took him so long.
Nose Hair Trimmer for Her™
“Here. You practice.”
“if you want me to practice for you, I’m gonna need a much larger tube.”
a furry costume and a wink
Um, these are supposed to be bad
Flying Monkey Chow™
an invitation to dinner at the Manhole
RIP Apotheosis
You might have seen him commenting at AoSQ.
RIP Apotheosis
I remember that name.
sad.
a furry costume and a wink
Um, these are supposed to be bad
Kinda depends on the costume in this case.
a mix post-it
Well, damn; that name seems familiar to me too. *raises a glass to a gone but not forgotten Moron*
Kinda depends on the costume in this case.
Bingo, bay-bee!
a copy of Quake.
on diskettes.
A bad clam
A bag of QUIKRETE®
A gift certificate to the free clinic.
Hope you all tweeted, e-mailed or called your Senators to stop Hagel at DOD!
A gift certificate to Jimbro’s ER.
A gift certificate to the free clinic.
With a note that going before the burning and itching starts is a good idea.
Here’s a gift certificate for your sister, too.
Hope you all tweeted, e-mailed or called your Senators to stop Hagel at DOD!
You know where I live, right?
tickets to your neighbor’s 6 year old kid’s orchestra recital
Wiser – So? Don’t they needto know where you stand? You think Bob Casey is going to get out of lockstep with Dingy Harry? I will cajole the bastard and demand he justify his stinking actions!
Seriously, Senators Blumenthal and Murphy, bought fully bought and paid for, ain’t gonna vote against ANYTHING that their beloved leader wants.
and how cute of you to think they care….
A gift certificate to Jimbro’s ER.
—————————————————-
GYN exams are free. Haven’t had need to use a speculum in years but I bet it’s just like riding a bike….
Eww
but I bet it’s just like riding a bike….
seriously?
wow…
how do you change the gears?
An STD of the Day desk calendar
http://tinyurl.com/bygcrh7
A combination KFC Taco
Reft Reg.
ooooo, Guy tempts the fates…..
Brave guy, being so far away. Come to this state and do that, yer so brave…
It ain’t bragging if you can do it:
http://tinyurl.com/6o7k2u5
Doing a GYN exam is as unpleasant for everyone as you’d imagine. I always used a thumb shifter. This is not an approved method of examination:
http://tinyurl.com/buds4tg
Doing a GYN exam is as unpleasant for everyone as you’d imagine.
Yeah, as a young teenaged boy, I thought it might be really awesome to be a gynecologist.
Then I figured out that my teachers go to them too.
http://tinyurl.com/bysmjzo
Nipped that career path right in the bud
What does Brian Dennehy have to do with your story?
Gross.
manure
What does Brian Dennehy have to do with your story?
He was playing a school teacher in school production of The Merchant of Venice.
A gift certificate for a free massage at the Oakland DMV
Sorry about your friend, HS
Chief, DG is cute as a bug!
Anybody want some Valentines?
I asked DD#3 to please remember to put both boxes in Rebecca’s backpack last night – just realized that they are still on the coffee table…..
An empty box of wine.
An empty box of wine.
A full box of used wine
A snowball kiss.
A punch in the jimmie.
jimmie hat, haha
A laurel… and hearty handshake..
A hit off of this pipe
http://tinyurl.com/ajz9p28
nsfw nsfw nsfw
Man, that fucking heart is killing me. It’s so…gross.
Early contender for asshat of the day:
http://weaselzippers.us/2013/02/14/california-police-chief-a-gun-is-not-a-defensive-weapon-that-is-a-myth/
Man, that fucking heart is killing me. It’s so…gross.
Hey – I had a cute puppy up there earlier. I swear that thing up there is throbbing.
Ice cream dude: you want jimmie’s on that.
Me: What? uh..no thanks.
I’ll bet you hurt his feelings when you told him you didn’t want his jimmies.
Must. Not. Make. “Throbbing.” Joke.
See, now, that was my V Day gift to you, Xbad.
I was doing a little reading on that disabled cruise ship, and any small desire I had to take a trip like that is now gone.
I went on a Carnival cruise 10+ years ago, that one was enough for me
I dunno what all of those cruise-goers are complaining about – aren’t those “everyday” conditions in a lot of the world?
You know, all of those “noble” countries that don’t practice the eeeeevil capitalism……
I was hoping your Valentine’s gift to me would be personal pics, but whatevs…
You dicks are funny. I was in a movie theater (pre movie) reading this crap and laughing out loud. If they only knew.
Who is “they”? The voices in your head?
Which theater did you guys go to, Mare?
“A Facedouche account with WP as your first and only friend”
“A bag of QUIKRETE®”
“A nose hair trimmer for her.”
“Crotchless burqa.”
Awesome.
Southlake.
I saw Safe Haven. A true romance movie. Hough was so pretty in it and Josh Duhamel is very cute too and let’s just say about Josh, I like an earnest kisser. The bad guy was creepy.
Why is Mare’s vulva the blog header pic today?
No hotspur the assholes around me.
“Why is Mare’s vulva the blog header pic today?”
D’OH!
Explain this behavior, I’m at the gym not a lot of people there it’s Valentine’s Day and only us losers are there. There is a bank of treadmills, I’m toward the center, no one 7 units left or right of me. I know because I counted. A really fat guy walks in takes the one directly next to me and then proceeds to cough like an 80 year old smoker.
WTH?
Afternoon.
A really fat guy walks in takes the one directly next to me and then proceeds to cough like an 80 year old smoker.
WTH?
You must have looked like you knew CPR.
Why is Mare’s vulva the blog header pic today?
Mulva??
Hiya Jewstin
Once I got a box of chocolate, poked my finger in each of them, and ate the ones I liked. Then I wrapped the box back up and gave it to Date Guy.
He wasn’t nearly as amused as I would have thought.
A really fat guy walks in takes the one directly next to me
He thought he would blend in working out next to the other really fat guy at the gym?
*Runs fast
Chocolate rape!
Well, looks like things are starting to look up around Casa de Wiser re: home repairs.
Yesterday, I got the new tank to replace the one that got busted last week. I put the box in the bathroom, expecting to get to it as soon as I had a couple of hours to spend on it, figuring it would take me that long to get the parts off the old tank and put them on the new tank, then mount the tank, not counting X number of trips to the Depot.
But then, surprise, surprise, surprise, when I opened the box, what to my wondering eyes should appear? Not only did they ship a new top with the tank, it also came with all the hardware already installed!!!
You mean all I got to do is put these two bolts in here and tighten them, put this gasket there, mount the tank and screw it down??? Well, hell, that’s fucking EASY!
Took me all of maybe 10 minutes to remove the old tank and get the new one in place and working. And I sure as hell wasn’t expecting a new top too, since tops can cost like $50 bucks and this whole thing cost me $75, with free shipping!
So now I got extra parts, an extra top and a working toilet for $75 and 10 minutes of labor.
Best Valentine’s Day EVAH!
Who gets the honorary first dump?
He thought he would blend in working out next to the other really fat guy at the gym?
And now you all know why I love my Jewstin!
Explain this behavior, I’m at the gym not a lot of people there it’s Valentine’s Day and only us losers are there. There is a bank of treadmills, I’m toward the center, no one 7 units left or right of me. I know because I counted. A really fat guy walks in takes the one directly next to me and then proceeds to cough like an 80 year old smoker.
—————-
MCPO wants to meet you. Be nice, assface.
Who gets the honorary first dump?
Well, as much as I trust my work, I think I’ll leave it for wiserbride to test out.
I’m a giver.
No time to explain. I need to know where to get roofies in Tampa.
I wish to christen the latrine.
I wish to christen the latrine.
pond is right back thataways… have a party.
Can’t help you, MJ. My guy is in Romulus.
No time to explain. I need to know where to get roofies in Tampa.
Look on the tops of buildingies….
fuck.
just dropped the box carrying the old tank with the new top down the stairs. Whole fucking thing shattered.
I need to know where to get roofies in Tampa.
Use a kitchen chair to climb up on the counter and look for a canister marked ‘SUGAR.’
*throws tarp over pond, and points to swamp*
“MCPO wants to meet you. Be nice, assface.”
holy crap….hahahahahaha
Use a kitchen chair to climb up on the counter and look for a canister marked ‘SUGAR.’
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
MJ is short.
“No time to explain. I need to know where to get roofies in Tampa.”
HA! Is MJ drunk? He’s funny today.
Use a kitchen chair to climb up on the counter and look for a canister marked ‘SUGAR.’
————————
This was sage advice. Thanks Jewst….
*thud
I already christened the pond.
*gets the net*
A woman who works with wiserbride raises seeing-eye dogs from puppies until they go in for their actual training. Basically, they work on socializing the dog during the first year, so the woman brings the dog to work every day.
Here’s the latest puppy wiserbride gets to work with every day.
http://i1122.photobucket.com/albums/l529/wiserbud/Fenix.jpg
HA! Is MJ drunk? He’s funny today.
It’s the “roofies.”
Obviously, he’s taken them all and now he needs more.
*gets the net*
DEAR GOD NO, WOMAN! WHATEVER HE LEFT THERE IS BETTER OFF LEFT ALONE!!!!
He has such big paws! Good doggie!
dawwww… puppy
DINNER!
MJ has moved up 7 spots on The List!
Happy VD, y’all.
“Here’s the latest puppy wiserbride gets to work with every day.”
If anyone complains of allergies they get fired.
I feel groggy.
Don’t get up. Turn on your side. Predial 911. And put your pants back on just in case you need EMS.
You might be having a heart attack. Chug some booze.
Sin City is on.
Best Valentine’s Day movie – EVAH!
just dropped the box carrying the old tank with the new top down the stairs. Whole fucking thing shattered.
Welcome back.
Wiser – carrying is always accomplished by the teenaged son. That way, when stuff is shattered, you just shake your head and say, “I’m disappointed in you son.”
You should have seen MJ earlier. He fell for the ol’ “Does this rag smell like choroform?” trick.
Get’s ‘em every time.
Skinny little Nancy Callahan. She grew up. She filled out.
http://youtu.be/1k2MX-3cpUs
Confession time. I’ve never seen Sin City.
xBrad – Do it! Watch the movie!
What list, MCPO?
I had to break old toilets by myself. Daughters will not carry those.
Did anybody drop several hints that anybody else had overstayed their welcome today?
“Does this rag smell like choroform?” trick.”
Ohh, a trick, I wondered why people kept asking me to smell those rags. Then I wake up wearing a princess costume.
There are several good reasons to watch Sin City. Mainly scantily clad wimmen.
Did anybody drop several hints that anybody else had overstayed their welcome today?
————————————————————–
That reminds me, time to throw out the leftover scrod from Monday’s dinner
>> Then I wake up wearing a princess costume.
People are gonna know we met at a Rangers game now.
ix-nay on the incess-pray ostume-cay
You’re still here, Sean?
Gotcha, Dave.
Ohai, b-rad…
http://tinyurl.com/6lmjcos
I was plannin’ on saying somthing brilliant…..but I got sidetracked.
Mare – The Special High Intensity Training List!
good job mare
Is it just me or is anyone else looking at the header pic and thinking, ” Is the clit on the left or the right?”
I think that’s pretty much just you PG
Is it just me or is anyone else looking at the header pic and thinking, ” Is the clit on the left or the right?”
Is that what guys think lady parts look like?
*thud*
What’s a “clit”?
Sean,
I don’t think you’re going to find it inside the pericardium, no matter how hard you look…
So far, on “The Rental”:
Plumbing replacement: $3k
Wiring replacement $3K
Roof $5K
Furnace $1.7k
Still to come, appliances, flooring, cabinets.
FML…
>> Is it just me or is anyone else looking at the header pic and thinking, ” Is the clit on the left or the right?”
I was thinkin’ more “Goatse: Chest Cavity Edition” but now that you mention it …
No.
Wow ChrisP, I think you’re ahead of me.
New well $6,900
Pipe, conduit and various supplies $2,000
Digging ditches and plumbing $400
Well guy and new pump $ ????
Electrician $ ???
Plentiful water………priceless.
I saved a bunch on the digging, a friend of mine (master plumber) did the backhoe work and most of the pipes. Two days work with a backhoe and a skid steer, and I paid fuel and his helper’s wages.
3 hours for the electrician today, don’t know what that’ll cost me, but it shouldn’t be too bad.
I am so tired of working on this project. I’ll be glad when it’s done.
But you got some new wheels though ChrisP.
http://tinyurl.com/b6msaht
Like there’s ever been any ambient light when I had a chance to see the real thing……….sheeeeeiiiit.
>> Is it just me or is anyone else looking at the header pic and thinking, ” Is the clit on the left or the right?”
It’s a guy.
D’uh.
“Like there’s ever been any ambient light when I had a chance to see the real thing……….sheeeeeiiiit.”
hahahaha….It keeps the mystery alive. Women don’t like those harsh lights.
I think I’ve said, “don’t say I didn’t warn you!”
http://is.gd/BySMLI
For Pepe!!
The rest of you motherfuckers go on down the road!!
I’ve been married for 30 years……manogoumous or however you spell it for 32 years……raised 2 daughters……..and I still have no idea how all that shit works. None
You’re not supposed to, PG. It’s sorta like magic. Or math.
PG, it’s all a trick anyhow. None of that crap actually works. It’s all just an elaborate ruse.
I can do math………female reproductive processes bare no resemblance.
Hell, PG,
I’ve been married for 42 years, and am clue-free. I think they want it that way.
Damn, I’m tired of being sick & tired.
Getting old sucks pond-scum…
Yo, Leon. That’s what I’ve been saying every Wednesday AM for years now.
It’s all just an elaborate ruse.
Okay… WHO TOLD?!!!
“I’ve been married for 30 years……manogoumous or however you spell it for 32 years……raised 2 daughters……..and I still have no idea how all that shit works. None”
HAHAHAHA…PD!
I dont’ know how it works either, THANK GOD!
Okay… WHO TOLD?!!!
Mare confessed it accidentally.
Boxed wine may have been involved.
How can I tell what I don’t know??
Like xbrad said (paraphrase) I just do what comes (sywm) naturally and hope for the best!
I’m pretty sure it has to do with one or the other nipples being sucked on odd numbered Saturday evenings when there’s been between 0.5 and 4.5 alcoholic beverages consumed and the visit from Aunt Flo is somewhere in between 12 and 5 days away. Though I can’t prove it.
Seems like you got it figured out PD.
*shakes fist at the sky and shouts, “Maaaaaaarrre!”*
Did I mention that the moonhas to be in the last quarter?
Drank a shit load of beers ($33 worth of $1 happy hour drafts, you dippy fuckers) watched a Howard Hawks movie (His Girl friday? WTF?)
Okay, what was ai talking about? Are you all fruit cups?
Mare, let’s meet in Abilene. I won’t tell any of the rest of these cumdrunk fucksticks that you broke down and had a meatup. How bout the Rosa’s Tortilla Factory on Judge Ely Boulevard? Maybe in April….
I totally see numbers in your comments PG and numbers mean MATH.
Stark, have you ever seen an airline pilot, bucknekkid?
Not counting PHAT…
I’ve been in a Turkish prison, if that’s what youse askin’.
For Cyn…..Nobody else look:
=, + -,*, /, and last but not least, pi.
PG, it literally cannot be that complicated. Occam’s Razor: ruse.
I’m extremely pleased that you’ve addressed the issue of Turkish Prison’s. It’s been neglected here for too damned long.
So how was the food?
=, + -,*, /, and last but not least, pi.
*swoons*
PG, it literally cannot be that complicated. Occam’s Razor: ruse.
What was the question again???
Did I mention that the moonhas to be in the last quarter?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj1FifK3bbg
That was adorable, MCPO.
Oh, PG, I feel sorry for you. Have you ever had the unique pleasure of eating sushi off of a wrestler’s taut behind?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2keIfaPHgw
That was not adorable, Stark
PD, I’ll be googling this:
Rosa’s Tortilla Factory on Judge Ely Boulevard? Maybe in April….
Then after I first meet Dave at a Baseball game, we shall make Rosa’s rue the day, they offered free chips and salsa.
xbard:
the context was turkish prison. the post was about eating sushi off a wrester’s arse. I can’t see how you can click on that link & possibly be offended with what you find.
My passport ain’t left North and South America. So far.
$33 worth of $1 beers. I will fight you.
Mare, the only thing I’m scared about is how totally intimidated Mrs. Pendejo will be with you. Not to mention how intimidated I’ll be by Mr. Mare. aka War Admiral
Dying from a smelly-footed houseguest who snores. I guess that’s whom I’m fightin’.
As for the Turkish wrestlers. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amv1TeQGamY
Good night, nice-smelling people. I wish I were squatting at your house[s].
Huh Whut?
True story Stark: In ’82 I went to a place that was serving $0.25 Lone Star Longnecks. They shut that shit down at 11pm and started in on $0.25 tequilla shots. Totally unfair but I bought in.
I haven’t had tequilla in any form since then.
PD, my husband is the nicest person I’ve ever met and quite possibly the nicest person ever.
He’s the “good” one between us.
I’m about as intimidating as a bowl of oatmeal. And look about the same too.
Mare – Funny thing. I just discovered that I actually intimidated people in H.S.!?! Hell, I was having fun and trying to make it out alive!
He’d be the second nicest person ever if we ever met.
I nauseate myself at times.
Mare,
I’m nicer than your husband.
That means that you suck…
I heard back on the ND job today as well.
They are forwarding my resume to managers in Bismark and someplace I have never heard of.
Yeah, sometimes you just never know what people think of you. They may say x but they are thinking y.
In college my good friend’s roommate didn’t like me because her boyfriend said nice things about me (idiot). She was a jealous fool. I have lots of faults but I’m not a jealous person so it never occurred to me when I spoke to her boyfriend she was a seething pit of rage.
I didn’t find this out until many years later. I didn’t care, I just thought it was an interesting insight into some women (?).
In other words I did not get the job
I must suck sweaty donkey balls.
I fully believe that you people here are incredibly nice. I think that’s been proven over and over again.
My husband isn’t jealous either. At all. We’ve never had those type of arguments. No need.
Rubbish, Vman.
vmax, you need to fuck around and get you a job.
You’re becoming the Erica Kane of H2.
Sounds like 2 more chances to get hired if you ask me, Vman!
I ditto what MCPO says.
Well Charlotte is in play and closer than Minot by a long shot.
not to mention warmer than Minot
I’m off to bed. Yous guys have a good night!
Charlotte and Minot killed it?
I guess so. I am out. Good night my Hostages and Xbad.
10:45 and I still have a couple of hours of reading…
Good night, good people!
Dave?
http://youtu.be/7D28hhaU9RU
Poor puppeh!
I thought AGDTDie Hard was meh. I started looking for continuity in the car chase, it was so poorly done. I had read the books that the original DH and DHII were based upon. (Maintains Nerd Cred)
Well screw you too, Mare.
http://youtu.be/1_nuKzNuV-Y
Dan and I have spent 4 of the last 6 VDs at either EPCOT or on Hawai’i. Not because it means that much, but because retail doesn’t have Black Outs in February. VD on Tybee was really nice 7 years ago. Dan was Bakery Lead last year and Produce/Floral this year. Looks like my romantic getaways are over for a few.
Day 2 of no FB: So far OK. Dan’s Carne Adovada Indian Taco really needed to be captured and shared on FB. I’ve had 5 ear worms that I’ve been unable to share with my closest friends and MCPO. Mostly, MCPO. Mostly. (DG is quite possibly the cutest bebe EVER)
Home. I made my money the hard way tonight. All two tops.
Wow. Late night, Car in?
Also, I was “warden”tonight which means I don’t get side work and I check everyone else. One girl didn’t check out with me and her tables we’re a mess. So I’m cleaning them up and I found $20. Just under her tables.
(Feels bad for getting pissed about the guy that came in 10 minutes before closing to buy a piece of crap jewelry. I can’t count and close until the last Member is gone)
Just email the earworms to MCPO. He’ll post them on fb and here.
What are “two tops?”
For all that I’ve blessed
And all that I’ve wronged
In dreams until my derp
I will wander on
Good morning all.
Early OR day, 2 elbows on the schedule. Cut>reduce>screw>close>cast. Anyone want to get that done? I’ll be in the lounge if you need me. (Actually, that’s how I learned how to do this stuff in the days of “See one-Do one-Teach one”.)
See you for bewbies.
Can you make me taller?
I’m asking for a friend.
Morning.
wakey wakey
Reading your comments about work really take me back Car in.
I haven’t thought about side work, checking out, tip share, etc in a loooonnngg time.
SMOD landed in Russia.
Missed DC by 5500 miles. Dammit.
We didn’t get hit by the asteroid? DAMN IT!
My husband isn’t jealous either. At all. We’ve never had those type of arguments. No need.
Same here! Leg irons make for happy marriage.
Snow cover, too. Easier to track. He only made it halfway across the neighbor’s yard yesterday before I tackled him, and we laughed and laughed…
Is God mocking us by killing innocent Russians rather than our criminal overclass?
Our looks have really helped to keep us focused on each other. We don’t look outside the marriage:
http://tinyurl.com/d8yfd9w
My height helps a lot. Women don’t hit on short dudes, even without wedding rings. I’m also never around single women. Except at the gym, and I’m too busy there.
*waits for MJ to claim he’s turning down 8s and 9s daily*
That’s a picture of a mother and daughter. Who may be unattractive but have done nothing to you. You are very cruel and cutting, Mare.
*perches self daintily atop high horse*
I know how to keep a marriage and household strong:
http://tinyurl.com/cjdp4rn
“That’s a picture of a mother and daughter. ”
HA! That may be true but it’s a pretty decent representation of us as a couple.
Mrs. Caruthers gets hit on every time she travels for the Guard. As I’ve heard it, she’s yet to be tempted because it’s mostly knuckleheads.
I said I wasn’t a jealous person, I didn’t say anything about cruelty.
Are you sure women aren’t eyeballing you when you’re not looking Leon?
I turn down 8s and 9s daily.
Well played. *hump deflates with a whine*
If they are eyeballin’ me, I haven’t caught them. No batted eyelashes either.
I turn down 8s and 9s daily.
Gotta be at least 10″, huh?
*zing*
If they are eyeballin’ me, I haven’t caught them. No batted eyelashes either.
Have any of them dropped a hanky?
Yesterday at the movie there were many old (my age) couples. I thought that was really nice until it became clear that older people at a movie need to continually explain or comment on EVERYTHING happening in the movie. Hey old man, STFU!!!
And they laugh at very obvious, lame humor. The previews, evidently, were HILARIOUS!
Tina Fey, talking to a cow giving birth, “where’s the steer that did that to you, probably at a bar having drinks with friends.”
That just made them all leak in their depends.
I bet MJ gets hit on a lot. What woman doesn’t want a man who can make delicious drinks?
Have any of them dropped a hanky?
Who has a hanky anymore other than a gay du..? Oh. No.
Morning children.
Off to the salt mines.
Pimp something out while I’m gone.
Basically no one hits on me.
For this week we’ll be making a tropical cable car.
It’s Mrs MJs favorite drink lately.
1/8 grapefruit
Hand press with muddler.
Pack with ice to the top(of the cocktail shaker)
1 oz Spiced Rum
1 oz Coconut Rum
1 oz sour mix
1 oz Pineapple juice
Dash of Bitters
Garnish with Pineapple leaf
Good morning, cool kids and wanna-be’s
You should make that recipe into a new poat, MJ.
See, MJ, I think it’s nice you make her special drink for her. Strong ties.
Jillian Michaels gives absolutely terrible diet advice. I wonder what her long-term success rate is.
At what point do the rufies go in and is the order important?
HA! Mare loves Cyn.
And I thought MJ lived in cougar town? How is it possible he’s not hit on? Didn’t he mention at the neighborhood party the housewives were circling him like vultures? Which is not surprising.
I’m going to post in on the H2 recipe site this weekend. I still haven’t been to Total Wine, so I don’t have all of the ingredients.
Limbaugh NAILS it:
http://neoneocon.com/2013/02/14/rush-limbaugh-has-an-epiphany-about-obama/
MJ, like Laura, I think you need to do more videos. Those are fun.
Didn’t he mention at the neighborhood party the housewives were circling him like vultures?
———————————–
That’s a fair point, but they’d hit on xbrad at a certain point in the night.
I’ll keep posting videos for the time being. It’s kind of fun, and I want to learn how to add music, or text or whatever. This seems like a useful skill.
“That’s a fair point, but they’d hit on xbrad at a certain point in the night.”
Ohhh, huh, that changes things.
Pineapple leaf? I want a picture.
Wow that was fast. They just called me to book a flight for my interview net week.
OH, VMAN!!
You must have done well in your initial interview!
I thought I did Mare. At one point the hiring manager guy said “You are exactly what I need.”
“You are exactly what I need.”
Holy Crap!! This could be it!!
And it’s in North Carolina? That would be fantastic.
Hey, Lauraw, have you ever made candles? 50 hour candles could be useful although I swear I saw something about adding a wick to crisco tubs and it lasts for days:
http://teotwawkiblog.blogspot.com/2012/02/diy-survival-candles.html
I’ve linked him before, but I love this guy:
http://themetapicture.com/coolest-dad-ever/
Fingers cross Vman.
In the spirit of post Valentine’s Day:
http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/e9a928c113fe84bc7372a382cae843786d
I gotta figure out how to candle-ize my jars of bacon fat.
A cautionary tale of boobs, boobs, gifs with sound, insulting commentary, moar boobs, and bewbs.
Pups, are you talking about your Valentine’s Day at home?
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