Hi. 你好阴道擦净剂，欢迎到大乳房节日!–Roughly translated for those of you not versed in simplified Chinese Han: Hello vagina cleaners, welcome to the titty festival! You should also master this phrase: 你有奧巴馬吗？是吗？嘿中国欺负那家伙叫你同志。杀了他 ！ (translate here).
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Cyn called me last Wednesday and said, “Hey, you gorgeous man, you. This song just came to me and I have no idea why. It’s probably unrelated to any event, but it just seems oddly appropriate. I also want to let you know that when the end of the world comes, I want to be in your bunker. And by your bunker I mean your pants. Your pants bunker.” Get in line, Slutty McBlowjob Face! Mom, Cyn is being awesome again! Eleventy!111!!!!!111
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I believe this is the first time that Lyla Ashby has graced this POS blog. After extensive research at boob central, I could only find a limited set of fap glamour pictures, which leads me to believe she’s a relative newbie to showing her sweater puppies for cold hard British pounds. Her twitter bio contains this quote, which makes her the smartest girl on the entire fucking planet, even if she has has a tenuous grasp of proper capitalization: ’A Woman Without Curves Is Like Jeans Without Pockets… you don’t know where to put your hands’. Bravo, dear girl, bravo.
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Since we totally failed the test last week, we’ll have to study cheat extra-double-super hard for this week’s exam. Pssst. Sit next to the Asian kid.
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534 – A second and final revision of the Codex Justinianus is published.
1272 – While travelling during the Ninth Crusade, Prince Edward becomes King of England.
1532 – Francisco Pizarro and his men capture Inca Emperor Atahualpa.
1776 – American Revolutionary War: British and Hessian units capture Fort Washington from the Patriots.
1852 – The English astronomer John Russell Hind discovers the asteroid 22 Kalliope.
1904 – English engineer John Ambrose Fleming receives a patent for the thermionic valve (vacuum tube).
1938 – LSD is first synthesized by Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann at the Sandoz Laboratories in Basel, Switzerland.
1943 – World War II: American bombers strike a hydro-electric power facility and heavy water factory in German-controlled Vemork, Norway.
1944 – Operation Queen, the costly Allied thrust to the Rur river was launched.
1973 – U.S. President Richard Nixon signs the Trans-Alaska Pipeline Authorization Act into law.
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Three things to remember this weekend: You suck. You should suck more. Sucking face is fun.
389 Comments
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dicks
Gracious!
This wagon gets it on her back. No way I’m letting her crawl on top and suffocate me.
She’s nice and fluffy. Good job, MJ! She’s not hideous.
Those aren’t boobs they’re udders.
You know, if you image search on “Suzy Q,” you get a surprisingly small number of snack cakes returned. You do however get this:
http://bit.ly/TNYFaI
NSFW
Are you calling her fat, HS??
*sucks in gut and stands up a bit straighter*
For a moment I thought she was Meghan McCain but then I realized she wasn’t slutty enough.
She appears taller than Megaton.
The quality of this weeks model definitely deteriorates the further down the post you go. This saddens me.
Happy friday, fucksticks.
HI RICH!
MJ – http://qkme.me/3pg3g8
MJ – http://tinyurl.com/bsjzj4t
I will never get to eat this now. I want to drink poison.
http://bit.ly/TO1wk7
“HI RICH!”
Stop yelling at me. sheesh.
Ancient bakers used this temple to watch the stars and time the hours for baking. Modern man has lost this spiritual link to the universe.
http://bit.ly/TO1RDh
Fear not George. Hostess may die off, but some other food company will buy the brands. This is not the death knell for Twinkies.
Oooohhhhh, my!* She looks friendly!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
*Uses best George Takei voice
MCPO!
http://bit.ly/TO2T25
I doubt anyone will buy Sno Balls. That shit is nasty.
George, just because they stopped making new ones doesn’t mean you won’t find them. They’ll probably be on the shelves for several years.
George – I chuckled. +53921 points
Twinkies are like Candy Corn and Circus Peanuts. They just reuse the old ones.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2ALsvU50wQ
You know, stockpiled Twinkies might still be fresh when a new republic arises in North America, after the era of burning tires and eating rats passes. I imagine a future archeologist finding a horde underground, like in the novel “A Canticle for Leibowitz.”
The Twinkie could become a sacred relic for a new post-apocalyptic religion.
I agree with Rich.
Twinkies are like Candy Corn and Circus Peanuts.
They are indigestible?
But now your off with someone else and I’m alone
You see I thought that I might keep you for my own. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4xp2lgiAjY&feature=related
I can say with complete metaphysical certainty that MJ goes to Overeaters Anonymous meetings to pick up chicks.
NTTAWT, Not judging.
Little Debbie, bitches.
Kerry Marie hit that blonde hair dye a little to hard.
I doubt anyone will buy Sno Balls. That shit is nasty.
This from the dude that wears plaid skirts and probably eats haggis…
I think she may have been Miss Hostess.
Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.
I think she may have been Miss Hostess.
Both of them!
eBay!
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Hostess-Twinkies-Cake-with-Filling-10-sponge-cakes-Great-Gift-Idea-/181010689128?
BTW – good job, MJ. The history section was good, but the LSD link was way off – you don’t get LSD from mushrooms.
Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.
Is that what Rosetta told you when he showed up with the bullwhips and nipple clips?
Five minutes of your life you will never get back.
http://youtu.be/lul-Y8vSr0I
She’s quite lovely, MJ.
All of youze better remember that when Obama’s through with his glorious transformation of this country, you’re gonna want a gal who can keep you warm at night without busting your heating bill and who can miss a few meals without collapsing from hunger.
Obamanomics, bitchez – better get used to it…..
(Mr. TiFW figures I’m good for at least a couple of winters
)
For GO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEdSu1bORXU
Good day, motor boaters.
Thanks everyone. Your praise and scorn mean so much to me.
*wipes single tear
Here is the order that I have decided to kill you…in 14 days:
Fagspur
That’s all I have so far.
She looks a little dumb. I probably have a chance with her.
Comment by wiserbud on November 16, 2012 1:22 pm
Okay, I admit Stewie is a better singer.
If I had a brain I would have sold every stock I own last September.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
2nd time in a week I have seen a senior citizen sporting spandex pants. This one was wearing high heels and could barely walk.
The end is near.
2nd time in a week I have seen a senior citizen sporting spandex pants. This one was wearing high heels and could barely walk.
DAMMIT, MCPO!! I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THE YARD!!!!
I thought I was in New Jersey for a minute.
Quick question: What would make someone who was supposedly a half-way decent business “friend” of mine feel the need to send me an e-mail and tell me that she just bought a system from my former employer?
Seriously, how does she think I would react to that news, especially since she knows I now work for their competitor?
Fucking cunt-faced doucheskank.
Seriously, how does she expect me to respond?
“Oh, best of luck with that! Seriously!”
Seriously, how does she think I would react to that news, especially since she knows I now work for their competitor?
Send her a box of Twinkies, filled with your homemade cream.
If you get my drift.
Send her a box of Twinkies, filled with your homemade cream.
little fucking troll would probably like that.
Science has discovered a new species, endangered on account of humans poaching and trapping them for food. The devastation is particularly bad in economically distressed regions. Behold the Obamadillo.
Just ask her ‘What’s your point?’
You know, stockpiled Twinkies might still be fresh when a new republic arises in North America, after the era of burning tires and eating rats passes.
We bought a box last night for exactly that reason. It’s going to be our bugout food.
2nd time in a week I have seen a senior citizen sporting spandex pants. This one was wearing high heels and could barely walk.
The end is near.
Yeah, I see this a couple of times a week on two, 6’2″ men. I wouldn’t be surprised if they run a daycare.
Oh, and if you have a jiggley, fat ass, those spandexy workout pants that disappear 4 inches up your crack – not a good look. Especially when you’re buying a ton of cake with food stamps.
Just ask her ‘What’s your point?’
I replied:
I simply cannot tell you how happy that makes me.
and you felt I needed to know this….. why?
What would make someone who was supposedly a half-way decent business “friend” of mine feel the need to send me an e-mail and tell me that she just bought a system from my former employer?
Her mother apparently didn’t teach her any manners.
*joins pupsters ‘Club for Hate’*
a senior citizen sporting spandex
http://bit.ly/TOgMNY
I don’t know which pic is the winner this week, boobs make men dumb. BTW, pies are not squared. Stupid Math.
a senior citizen sporting spandex
http://bit.ly/TOgMNY
——————————
You can go to any beach around my house and see this. It always makes me wonder, do old people have sex?
George, are we supposed to be looking at the ‘healthy’ looking man or the obscene stick wearing the floss?
Old people are whores.
Well done, MJ! She looks like she knows her way around a sammich.
wiser, maybe she’s getting older and forgot you don’t work there anymore. Dementia is a horrible thing, and you should be more caring.
Old people are whores.
eh? What’s that, sonny? You say you’re hoarse?
well here, try some of this hard candy that’s been sitting here in this candy dish for a little while….
http://tinyurl.com/cx6yku8
Oh, and if you have a jiggley, fat ass, those spandexy workout pants that disappear 4 inches up your crack – not a good look.
Slap a thigh, ride the wave in.
well here, try some of this hard candy that’s been sitting here in this candy dish for a little while….
Haha, ribbon candy FTW!
Had a woman ‘buy’ a $48 cake for a baby shower, paid with EBT.
After having her party, she brought back her receipt and got a refund for the total because she said it was done in the wrong color. Ate the whole f*cking thing and didn’t have to show proof that anything was wrong.
Happens all the time and that kind of ‘shortage’ comes out of our bonus.
Bad shits a-coming. Attitudes are bad, morale sucks, nobody cares, chaos.
wiser, maybe she’s getting older and forgot you don’t work there anymore.
Yeah, and maybe the rep that she was dealing with looked a lot like me….
MJ – http://qkme.me/3pg3g8
———————
Cyn–http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3rt72h/
Or this:
Cyn–http://is.gd/sFtfQz
Or this:
Cyn– http://is.gd/sFtfQz
Fer fucks sake.
Ate the whole f*cking thing and didn’t have to show proof that anything was wrong.
holy shit.
Sounds like management needs a good ass-whupping there.
George, are we supposed to be looking at the ‘healthy’ looking man or the obscene stick wearing the floss?
You are supposed to yell “GAAAAAAH!”
Ribbon candy. GAHHHHH
I hated that shit, even as a kid.
awesome html skillz there, Sprout
Don’t sweat it, MJ. I remember my first day on the internet, too.
So, beasn, what you are saying is the bakery’s owners actually want to go broke?
Sounds like management needs a good ass-whupping there.
Oh no, that’s a customer service consulting company’s idea. Another one was a story about Nordstrom taking tires back for a refund. Even though Nordstrom doesn’t sell tires.
The customer is always right! *spits
Rosetta and the missus exercise regularly.
http://bit.ly/TOimPU
Wiser, it’s company policy – customer is always right. Had management not given it to her, she could have called corporate and do you know what they do?
They reprimand the management responsible and send the complainant a $200 gift card….which is deducted out of our bonus.
So the color was fine when she picked it up and paid for it.
She didn’t notice the problem until after she at it.
Sounds legit.
Doesn’t matter, cake is a right.
Funny how MJ’s iPad wouldn’t fix that for him.
Bet Car in doesn’t want one so much any more.
MJAsian?
http://tinyurl.com/c8qjhl6
Doesn’t matter, cake is a right.
THE CAEK IS A LIE!
No properly colored cake, no peace!
Scott – yes. With so many suffering from Bush’s excesses, people deserve cake at someone else’s expense.
Had management not given it to her, she could have called corporate and do you know what they do?
Then corporate needs an ass-whupping.
That shit is unacceptable in the extreme, especially since the company doesn’t even pay for it, you do.
pollutico:
http://www.politico.com/politico44/2012/11/petition-wants-obama-to-save-twinkies-149789.html
A new White House petition wants President Obama to nationalize the “Twinkie industry,” saving the popular junk food from possible extinction.
Oh no, that’s a customer service consulting company’s idea.
Again, not the one’s taking the hit….
Gee, what are the chances that no one ever pays for a cake there ever again?
That shit is unacceptable in the extreme, especially since the company doesn’t even pay for it, you do.
But see, it teaches us a lesson….
My company is too big to fail. So they think or perhaps those progessives they brought in as consultants and board members have other ideas. The place started swirling the bowl 6 years ago – about the time they brought in the new CEO, who took Ventures out of business.
My company is too big to fail.
Not that I would ever recommend this, but I wonder what would happen if like every 6th cake had something like ex-lax mixed into the icing?
*joins pupsters ‘Club for Hate’*
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luskc720Vi1qgojoqo1_500.jpg
A new White House petition wants President Obama to nationalize the “Twinkie industry,” saving the popular junk food from possible extinction.
Heh. They don’t know his wife very well, do they?
I’d only do it if the color is wrong.
And you know what really f*cking boils my ass?
If the election went the way of non-commie, I was going to put in my 2 weeks and start something from home. Now I’m terrified. With Europe’s problems, my husband’s hearing rumblings. Has been for awhile because even though his division is doing well, they have to take the hits because of Euro labor laws/regulations.
In case anyone was wondering, there are topless images of the lovely Lyla available on the interwebnetdouche. Just sayin’.
I’d only do it if the color is wrong.
Oh, I’m sorry, was the color wrong on the cake that you bought on my fucking dime and that you fucking ate anyway and you want “your” money back?
How about a free cake? On the house….
Of course, it was bought with an EBT card, but they probably got cash back.
Free loans!
Awww…good one, pupster! They are squeaky little non-toy buggers.
http://tinyurl.com/bmf7qj9
A new White House petition wants President Obama to nationalize the “Twinkie industry
Didn’t he already do that with his switch to support gay marriage? Oh! Not “Twink”, but “Twinkie”? My bad.
It really annoys when they ask me beforehand if they can use their EBT.
One of these days…….
Well, beasn, with the “rumblings” in Europe, you can still start your own business. I’d suggest investing in brown cloth and a sewing machine.
How about a free cake? On the
houseface….Truth!
In case anyone was wondering, there are topless images of the lovely Lyla available on the interwebnetdouche.
no shit really?
(we’re gonna need a bigger screen. and a reinforced desk)
With enough trinkets we could probably enslave about half of the population. That would kick ass.
*starts website collecting flip phones.
This is going to be simple.
She’s a little pudgy but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed. And I’m fairly she’s a pretty good cook.
I wouldn’t make fun of her cooker.
Nice callback.
With enough trinkets we could probably enslave about half of the population.
Well, everybody in Cleveland, anyway.
I’m not sure enslaving that half of the population is a good idea. I mean, what good are slaves who won’t work?
A new White House petition wants President Obama to nationalize the “Twinkie industry,” saving the popular junk food from possible extinction.
Government Twinkies.
In two years, a multi-billion dollar Twinkie budget shortfall that must be subsidized by the taxpayers, even with guaranteed government contracts to public cafeterias and twinkies designate as THE snack food in all public schools.
And half of them explode randomly in storage.
It’s the other half that is enslaved.
And half of them explode randomly in storage.
You had me up to that part. Those things are made of such inert material that they could be used as liners for Yucca Mountain.
I’d suggest investing in
brown cloth and a sewing machine. lumber and blade-sharpening equipment.FTFY
Those things are made of such inert material that they could be used as liners for Yucca Mountain.
Science has revealed that exposing Twinkies to bombardment by high-energy neutrons produces so-called transtwinkian isotopes in the Twinkie material. These isotopes can be isolated with gas diffusion or high-speed centrifuges and be used to enrich a normal Twinkie to weapons-grade snack food, sometimes called a “Twinkie bomb.”
what good are slaves who won’t work?
Load ‘em up in a truck and dump ‘em in the middle of Death Valley without their Obamaphones. Problem solved.
Maybe they could load up the Government Twinkies with birth control pills – kill 2 birds with one stone, as it were.
Or medical marijuana – thus creating an endless cycle of dependence.
Anyone for a rousing Nelson Riddle arrangement and the phrasing of Francis Albert Sinatra?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf76NAXd8mk
I saw Government Twinkies open for Fugazi back in 1992.
Wish I had some PS skills. Just had a flash of a Road to Perdition single sheet with Twinkies. . .
John Ekdahl on Dana Loesch’s radio show now:
http://www.971talk.com/dana/
What would make someone who was supposedly a half-way decent business “friend” of mine feel the need to send me an e-mail and tell me that she just bought a system from my former employer?
Lighten up, Wiser. She probably just wanted you to know you did a commendable job representing your company and explaining your software. She doesn’t know you are bitter.
Don’t burn any bridges.
Seriously, how does she think I would react to that news, especially since she knows I now work for their competitor?
I hear Shoebox has a great selection of Sympathy cards..
Little Chocolate Donuts got John Belushi to the Olympics
http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/2345
When will this day be over.
I’m dangerous when really angry and easily aroused today. . .
Lighten up, Wiser. She probably just wanted you to know you did a commendable job representing your company and explaining your software. She doesn’t know you are bitter.
yeah, you’re right.
I guess all those times we spoke 3 years ago when I was unceremoniously ass-fucked by those scum just sort of slipped her mind and she wanted me to be happy for the person they hired to replace me.
I hear Shoebox has a great selection of Sympathy cards..
heh.
she responded to my e-mail, telling me she was leaving to start a new job in Jan.
I said “Oh, so I guess buying that software is awesome “FU” on the way out the door.”
no response
and easily aroused today. . .
Been taking your little blue pills again, eh?
so I guess buying that software is awesome “FU” on the way out the door
Well, I suppose it could be a legitimate form of farewell sabotage. But taking the resumes of the remaining top talent with you is better, and referral bonuses don’t hurt.
Test Turkey Sunday is almost here!
So is Real Turkey Sunday.
Is pumpkin cheesecake low carb?
Is beer non-alcoholic?
Good.
I just realized that this will be the first year that the Aggies and the Longhorns won’t be playing each other on Thanksgiving Day.
Kinda sad.
Jay, what’s on the schedule for the weekend? A little college football, puppet rape, and church?
Just puppet rape, probably. Like most days
College football, college basketball, smoking, baking, cleaning, raping…
No church on the schedule. Couldn’t fit it in.
What, no pillaging?
I’m still sort of laughing about the whole Elmo thing.
Show me on the real person where the puppet touched you.
If you’re going to be participating in collegiate athletics, you probably shouldn’t be smoking.
So…where do I go to get free cake? I’ve got a kid with a birthday coming up…
Is government cake made of cheese?
On a side note, do any of you Texas douchebags know anyone at Baylor who might be able to help a kid find a scholarship? A friend of mine’s son got accepted but I don’t think they’ll be able to pay for him to go. Which is a shame, because her husband’s been working two jobs to help another family get back on their feet – if they’d been putting the money aside that her husband made instead of helping out others, they’d be able to afford to send their kid to college.
WalMart or Sam’s Club for the free cake. We’re a big company. We can afford it/
Dave probably got kicked out of Baylor. Check with him.
We should make a list of colleges that Dave didn’t get kicked out of. It would be shorter.
I did get kicked out but I didn’t have a scholarship.
Alice, if the kid is a high A student, he would qualify for the President’s Scholarship. BU is about a $32K per year ride, it will cover about $12k of that.
He would have to maintain a 3.7 GPA to keep it.
http://www.meritaid.com/meritScholarships/Baylor-University-223232
Ah, it’s changed a little. 3.0. 32k/8 semesters
Ha!
LinkedInfidel Network Updates #talibansubjectlines
16 Nov 12
I got thrown out of North Texas State too.
Twice.
I’m sending my friend your suggestions. If you think of anything else, please let me know.
They should tell the folks at Baylor that he’s Native American.
How are his cheekbones?
I had a friend that looked just like me, but his last name was Gonzales. He went to college for free.
Are they Baptists?
Sometimes you can get a scholarship through the church – Baylor is affiliated with the Baptist Church (not sure which “branch”, though)
Better yet, tell them he’s gay.
They love that kind of stuff when it comes to “diversity” scholarships – especially at private religious schools…..
*runs far, far away*
Seriously, though – have the family that has been receiving the help write a nice letter to Baylor’s financial aid office, telling them the story; it might make a difference.
If not to the FA office, perhaps to one of the alumni, or a family which funds a scholarship.
It was a nice day here today. Thanks Al.
In fact, all weather events are now effected by global warming pollution. – Al Gore
Damn you people were prolific today.
Cyn – Shaddup!
I got thrown out of North Texas State too.
Twice.
That’s saying somethin’, considering that school’s reputation way back when…..
Then again, DD#2 was asked not to return to Blinn Community College (until she is more serious about her studies).
It happens.
Ply me with a cocktail and I’ll be happy AND quiet.
Phiffle! I was asked to not return to an Ivy League school!
They had a problem with you wearing that tutu to class, huh, Chief?
They did frown on that back in the day…..
Well, as Lenin said, you can’t make a Twinkie without breaking some eggs.
So, Rice didn’t say Benghazi was terrorism because that was classified.
Got it.
Well, it didn’t work out for me to
harassmeatup with Wiser, Laura, Scott, and Andy, but NH was kind to me. Good to be home.But Barack called it terrorism right away, Meatloaf showed us the transcripts.
Rice is cooked, or ought to be.
So, Rice didn’t say Benghazi was terrorism because that was classified.
Got it.
But Obama said it was terrorism at the outset! He told me so. Sort of. That one time, obliquely. In passing. And anyway he’s president so he can talk about it even if it’s classified.
See? No problem.
Hey now, no disparaging Mr. Loaf. He’s done more for his country than any 50 MSNBC employees combined.
Jimbro and Agile Dog too.
I can no longer stand to watch TV news. Herself had to tell me, twice, to stop shouting at the TV.
What did you buy in NH to bring home RFH? Booze? Maple syrup?
I thought Rice was a college in Texas.
So, Rice didn’t say Benghazi was terrorism because that was classified.
And she was instructed to lie and tell us some story about a stupid video, which was repeated ad nauseam – INCLUDING AT THE
PHOTO OPMEMORIAL SERVICE – by many different members of the administration, instead of telling the American people, “I can’t talk about that, because it is still under investigation / it’s classified.”Got it.
No free time, Romy?
>> What did you buy in NH to bring home RFH? Booze? Maple syrup?
It’s not duty free from New Hampshire to Alabama.
Shit, somebody pissed off Leon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U91PW-ViDO4&feature=g-u-u
IS there maple syrple booze?
Well how about that: http://is.gd/l7B3xN
I knew I could count on you Cyn.
Dave needs flapjacks, a bottle of that maple syrple bourbon, and a week off of the low carbs thang.
XB you awake?
put down dolly – i was too lazy to go over to your site and email this;
just up on the blaze:
interesting a10 CAS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=llEWrL9ghyg#!
OMG I need these two little sticks so badly.
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/ebelskiver-filled-pancake-turning-tools/?&
I’ve been using a great big tree branch to turn my ebelskivers, and making a terrible mess of them.
Where’s that whore Mare?
http://youtu.be/FK_CKtYCRIc
WTF is an ebelskiver?
Thanks, Jam. They don’t pay you to bring ammo home.
Filthy Scandi food.
Williams-Sonoma assures me it’s a very popular treat. Everybody is making them now.
what leon axed
I’m not making them, and I’m representative of… well tens of people, at least.
Well, without those two little artisan-carved rare japanese maple sticks that cost $4500, my life is worth nothing.
Did anybody tell anybody else that they were moving into a separate bedroom today?
Evenin’, pudknockers and hawt chicks.
>> Well, it didn’t work out for me to harass meatup with Wiser, Laura, Scott, and Andy, but NH was kind to me. Good to be home.
I was wondering what happened there. The Mrs. and I were in NYC for part of the time you were here anyway, but I hate that I missed you.
Heat up all those white nights. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F7QWtDUjoM
Dana Perino is no longer hot. How the hell did that happen?
What did you buy in NH to bring home RFH? Booze? Maple syrup?
Yes and yes. A new microbrew beer for Mr. RFH, two kinds of maple syrup, chocolate, maple-sugared nuts, plus a chunk of Vermont cheese that TSA probably thought was plastique. Also a pair of purple socks with moose on them for Mini-me. I went a little overboard.
I am so confused about these sticks
Not sure, Scott, but I noticed that a few weeks ago.
She’s teetering on the edge of cute.
I had free time Tuesday morning and Thursday morning when everyone was at work.
It happened to Megyn Kelly too. I blame botox.
“WTF is an ebelskiver?”
ebelskiver = the protective sheath that surrounds the vas deferens
I think there’s a point at which you’ve made enough ebelskivers. Money. I meant money.
I am calling in sick tomorrow. I got ebelskivers, and they itch like hell.
ebelskiver = the protective sheath that surrounds the vas deferens
Vas deferens? Not Sandra Fluke?
scott – washing with your first urine of the morning will take care of the itch
I thought ebelskivers were traps you set up to catch elves.
>> ebelskiver = the protective sheath that surrounds the vas deferens
Can you take vitamins to build that up?
Dammit. Ebelskivers.
*sets shallow dishes of kerosene on the kitchen floor*
Evening urine doesn’t work?
Urine, how does it work?
I called Terminix and told them we have ebelskivers and they hung up on me.
Babe, I think we’re going to have to burn the whole thing down.
You could have learned a thing or two from the classic tale, “The Girl Who Cried Ebelskivers,” laura.
I can do that.
You might want to take your dog for a walk.
Wish I’d bought that cabin now. At least when the shit hits, I could burn punk wood to stay alive.
WAIT
The Witch, The Lion and the Elbeskivers.
is that a stump in the yard on fire?
One of my aunts was tormented by ebelskivers as a child, before they understood it was caused by a vitamin deficiency.
I saw ebelskivers open for The Flaming Lips at the Tacoma Dome in ’97.
I’m pretty sure fresh horseradish will clear up a case of ebelskivers in a jiffy.
You hear a lot of talk about ebelskivers from Minnesotan housewives, but it’s just superstition and noisy old heating pipes. Still, it keeps their pie-eyed kids in bed and quiet, heh.
I think I’m out for the evening.
Night night, sleep tight, don’t let the ebelskivers bight.
I’ve got a lot of elberskivers irritating my haunches
The astronauts ran into ebelskivers during an EVA. “It’s full of stars.”
This is a good documentary on King Harold of 1066 fame:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWVopr0V2OM
The Saxons never had a chance against the Norman ebelskivers.
Ebelskivers come in the night and carry naughty children off to their caves. . . eating them under the northern lights.
I don’t usually put up links to animals, but….
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01250/kitten-bunny_1250034i.jpg
elberskivers will suck your breath out while you sleep and kill you
“Forget it, Jake. It’s ebelskivers.”
Wasn’t “Ebelskivers” that Stephen King novel where all the pastries were trapped in some kind of time warp?
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Elberskivers R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
Ebelskivers, Ebelskivers
Every morning you greet me
Small and white clean and bright
You look happy to meet me
Ebelskivers!?
Game over, man! Game over!
Ebelskivers. Why did it have to be ebelskivers.
You have to get the eggs and the larvae.
*drags the living room couch and rug out to the curb and sets them on fire*
Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are ebelskivers.
Look I found some smoking living room furniture!
Ingmar stood near the edge watching the cold crashing water on the rocks. She startled as black ebelskivers fluttered up, a confusion of dark feathers in the wind. They disappeared to their nests into the dark cliff, and she was alone.
As not what your ebelskivers can do for you. As what you can do for your ebelskivers.
-Stuff Kennedy should have said, Vol. II, 2nd Revised Edition.
nay dear GO, twas not the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…. twas racist ambivalence toward you ebelskivers.
Jim called Amy and gave her the bad news while she pulled over: “Ebelskivers,” he intoned. “Thanks a lot, asshole,” Amy growled, and hung up the phone. She rested her forehead on the steering wheel for a moment, then dialed the doctor.
*adds “ebelskiver” to comment blacklist*
Hold the ebelskivers, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us…
Anita had just finished “Killing Lincoln”, so she wanted to go see the movie “Lincoln”.
We did that today. It wasn’t bad. I thought I thought I saw a few 50-state flags, a ball-point pen, a magic-marker, and ebelskivers…
“So they’re real,” Andy thought, astonished, watching through his rife scope as two ebelskivers emerged from the cave near nightfall.
He saw them stretch as if it were morning, and smile at each other, with long dripping fangs.
“Not a fable. It’s them…its really them. The missing people…”
His grip tightened and he struggled to control his breathing as he took aim…
New Federal Golf Rules by Executive Order…
These new golf rules will be in effect beginning January 13, 2013. By Executive Order Please share with fellow golfers…
President B.H.O. Has recently appointed a Golf Czar.
Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective January 13, 2013. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2700 pages) is being rewritten as we speak. Here are a few of the changes:
Golfers with handicaps:
- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play. (Can’t wait to see my $$ check)
- The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.
In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.
Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.
Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .
The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only “net score” against every other player’s “gross score”.
These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.
This is the “Right thing to do.”
So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn’t shoot it yourself. Some one else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.
H/T
Theo Spark
Beware the Ebelskivers, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”
*applies ointment to my patch of ebelskivers*
Praise the Lord and pass the ebelskivers.
Ebelskiver Scrooge was visited by the ghost of Christmas Past.
Girl got curves like a basketball: all convex.
I normally don’t go for chicks with big hooters because I have an IQ of 103 and I like intellectual stimulation.
But I will make an exception in the case of this blonde genius.
SUCK MY BRAIN STEM!!
*wipes drool off beanie propeller*
*slips on Floyd drool*
*impales head on exposed femur of dead hooker*
*starts to write note of explanation, drinks rest of booze, dies*
*has 13th worst night ever*
Hey Sean.
wtf is this
Who’s the newbie?
Jones,
How many Bull-Whips do you have shoved up your ass Right Now?
Rosetta!!!
Out on work release?
Cry havoc!
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjp96DxJn1qgggino1_500.jpg
Jones is a newbie?
Has it been properly hazed?
Hi, Rosie. Sorry about the femur. Won’t happen again.
Oh, I linked this POS in the ONT. You might want to straighten the place up, you fuckin’ slobs.
I didn’t know we were going to have company.
*dusts ebelskivers*
Out on work release?
Kinda. Busted out of woman’s prison.
Man, did anyone else take the brown acid and think that Obama won the election?
Stupid brown acid.
RACIST!!!!
**stuffs one-legged dead hooker under sofa**
**sprays poat with Febreeze**
Fresh as a daisy! Ready for company!
EBELSKIVERS!!!!! Or KINDLE FIRE!!! One of those.
Jones,
How many Bull-Whips do you have shoved up your ass Right Now?
Hahahahahahaha. We have the best welcoming committee in all of the series of tubes.
The brown acid’s totally racist. Everybody knows that.
*slams Jager shot*
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md7crzVUBB1ry1utqo1_250.gif
There’s this HUGE bottle of Jager in the fridge that was given to us by a German friend(?).
It’s been there for a year. I have no idea why. Neither of us will touch it, as will none of our friends.
Who drinks that shit? And why?
So it goes…
Here is my delicious bread recipe for Thanksgiving:
1 box macaroni and fucking cheese
1 (12 oz.) can luncheon meat or ½ lb. bologna
¾ C. celery
½ C. Miracle Whip
1/3 C. Kraft French dressing
¼ C. sweet pickle relish
1 Tbsp. really super unbelievably finely chopped onion
Bake at 500 degrees Kelvin in a kiln on Pluto in a 7″ by 9″ pan etched with pictures of Ho’s because you got the pan for free by buying a year’s supply of Hostess Ding Dongs.
Serve when drunk.
You might want to straighten the place up, you fuckin’ slobs
*pushes the ebelskivers under the Persian rug*
Here is my delicious bread recipe for Thanksgiving
I think I had that at Applebee’s.
Andy, are you and the family coming over for Thanksgiving like you promised when we were hanging a few weeks ago?
I hope so because we bought a new dining room table and chairs and a 25 pound turkey with extra neck.
I like where this series reboot is going.
http://www.pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/wheresmytail.jpg
Hey Orwell, in what state do you currently reside?
And I mean geographically, not metaphysically.
Weird,
I tried to comment at Aces and got “Your website has been fucking banned”!
WTF, O?
The Snausages is banned?
Somebody needs to kick Pixys ass!
The Pacific Ocean, if there were any justice. Because your nation has no chance unless you sink my Clownifornia beneath the waves.
We have always been at war with Eastla.
War is peace
Freedom is slavery
Ebelskivers are awesome
Andy links the HHD with Daniel Craig’s ears.
Jones, get your happy ass back here. How rude to delurk, and not even stick around to tell Rosetta that dress makes his ass look fat.
Pupstah!
http://is.gd/umoSrR
The Pacific Ocean, if there were any justice. Because your nation has no chance unless you sink my Clownifornia beneath the waves.
I assume by the fact that you still live there that you are incarcerated.
California Resident: Look at the pretty ocean.
California: IT COSTS $187 TO LOOK AT THE OCEAN!!!
Porn Star Guy: Why the fuck do I have to wear a condom?
Porn Star Chick: OH!! Your debt is so big…uhhhh…it feels so good in my union dues.
Texas: I’m not paying for that.
Fin.
California Resident: Look at the pretty ocean.
California: IT COSTS $187 TO LOOK AT THE OCEAN!!!
Porn Star Guy: Why the fuck do I have to wear a condom?
Porn Star Chick: OH!! Your debt is so big…uhhhh…it feels so good in my union dues.
Texas: I’m not paying for that.
Fin.
Kind of short for a script, but after all: Brevity is the soul of wit.
Jones is dead to me now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNpBoFTkN_Q
Watch this a couple of times before you go bed. You won’t wake up with the song playing in your head. I promise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqbClLq1NkY
Who’s that faggot with the tuba laughing at the two faggots with the cellos?
http://tinyurl.com/c4hk6yh
*Feels bad about bullying cello players in HS*
Go to bed dreaming of this:
http://youtu.be/8W2tpdc1cUc
I really don’t feel bad for bullying the cello player. I mean c’mon, he played cello.
Hey, Rosetta, did you know this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxxsP7VWVN8&feature=related
I knew a guy in high school who played cello. He grew up to become Jay Carney.
And now you know…the rest of the story.
I would’ve pegged Jay Carney as a tuba playing faggot.
French horn players are the faggots.
Owning the comments. I got my agoraphobia diagnoses in ’92. I could have been paid by SSI to stay home. Panic attacks are why I don’t drive. My check would have been bigger than my dad’s military retirement check. I can answer phones, but I can’t make calls. I hate chickens. Mom raised them when my dad was in VN and they are assholes. Pretty sure Little Jerry was cool. $20
Derp keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future
sean=funniest guy on the interwebs
I dunno. That Treacher guy has his moments.
Some of the guys over at Cracked are pretty good, too.
I’m probably the only person who has actually had (and cooked) an aebelskiver.
Yes, I spell it different.
Aebelskiver Fire!
http://img-fotki.yandex.ru/get/6414/127626179.5f/0_8f09e_8b63d82f_L
http://img-fotki.yandex.ru/get/6417/127626179.54/0_8e1af_a90a2662_L
http://img-fotki.yandex.ru/get/6614/127626179.54/0_8e1ad_c56b3fb7_L
I’ve had palacsinta, which is pretty much the other end of the pancake spectrum.
My exmominlaw used to get riled up when I said “ooh, I love crepes”.
I have ebelskiveraphobia. This blog is pretty difficult to read this morning.
Good morning.
*sends all my life savings and a gold bar to Williams-Sonoma*
I need that mini-tart pan.
I need that mini-tart pan.
You can find maxi-tarts anywhere for free.
Just sayin’.
Doesn’t matter. That money will be spent on ammo and fishing gear.
wakey wakey
About an hour ago, Fox had a screen graphic talking about how you might “loose” you health insurance as Obamacare is implemented.
This is why we can’t win elections folks. Also, I’m not going to miss TV after I shut it off in a month.
Scott, don’t forget the pellet rifle (with scope). There are a lot of squirrels around that the zombies can’t catch. Great source of protein.
It was cheap night last night. ga. PTL for the overtippers.
So I was looking into doing Scottish Heavy Athletics — because I’m a masochist and throwing hammers is cool– and there are no weight classes other than a midwest-only “under 190lb” class for puny folks. The implements all have a fixed weight, so I’m guessing my chances at doing well there are, well, small.
Woodchucks are not bad food source either. Back east, they are plentiful and slow.
You’re gonna shut it off?
That would be more of an option if we had (truly) high speed internet. There are only a few shows I watch, and I do like the news occasionally.
And football. The men in the house would die.
Leon, I was catching typos in USA Today. I can remember when my English teacher offered bonus points for finding spelling and grammatical errors in Readers Digest and Time.
After season 7 of Dexter ends, yeah. We have fast internet, so I don’t expect to really suffer much, and I don’t actually watch the TV much, it’s background noise. I’m not sure that’s good for me.
It was cheap night last night.
Were you showing cleavage?
Obviously not
>> I need that mini-tart pan.
Women and their needs..
200lb of venison just walked through my back yard. 2 does and a 6-pt buck.
Carin, buy yourself a few push-up bras and some low cut blouses.
I know, it’s cheap and demeaning. You should be tipped for your excellent service and winning personality.
But these are investments that will quickly pay for themselves.
They know you don’t have a license.
I’m forced to wear a white men’s style button up work shirt. Tie, etc.
It doesn’t look good on ANY woman. We all look kinda frumpy.
They know you don’t have a license.
I swear one of them winked at me.
Pellets guns aren’t what they used to be. Holy crap are they powerful now. One for Laura is on the list.
You should have shot one Leon, in self defense of course.
If I did, it’s not like anyone would notice. I could shoot, field dress, and hang the thing, then go buy a license.
We all look kinda frumpy.
Ouch. That makes it hard to do the add-on selling for a dessert and cappuccino.
The problem is that I don’t have any weaponry legally appropriate for the task or ammunition appropriate for the legal weaponry.
I might have to go see how bad the Cabela’s zoo is today.
You were target shooting and it ran in front of the target.
If you can process it yourself, you wouldn’t have a problem.
Only weapon I could have killed it with is my rifle, and I don’t have a backstop. The possible penalty isn’t worth it.
I take that back, my .45 might have nailed it at the range I had on it, but I might have had to finish it off with a second shot.
A bowgun is a good idea for deer. Little noise, high shock value compared to a bullet.
I probably could handle most of the butchering, but I’d have to use my normal kitchen knives. I should get a set of proper tools for that, too.
if you have teeth you can kill
I wasn’t impressed with Cabela’s. They were out of what I was looking for and couldn’t tell me if they would get more or when. They also couldn’t order it for me. I went to a large local shop, they ordered exactly what I wanted and charged me $100 less.
Also known as a crossbow, if you want to google available models.
Known to be effective against zombies.
We finally legalized crossbows this year, Michael. Last year and prior, you had to be handicapped. Made no sense. Higher lethality means fewer deer running around with arrows stuck in them.
The reason to go to Cabela’s is the used gun racks. Anything else I’m better off going to a small shop or even just Dunham’s.
Or get a cougar, they are good at catching deer.
Based on what I see online, cougars are good at catching teenage boys.
Holy shit, this is like 5 miles away: http://hogwildarcheryllc.com/
It’s south of where I turn north, so I’ve never seen it.
I might have to go see how bad the Cabela’s zoo is today.
Dude, if you go there, you’re nuts.
Yeah, I’m looking around and seeing much easier ways to meet my needs. Even Gander Mountain is closer and less likely to be stuffed to the gills. The only thing working in my favor is that it’s the first Saturday of gun season, and it’s nice out. Should cull the herd.
Interesting. This guy adds a little vinegar to his stock pot to extract more minerals.
http://slowburnfitness.com/making-your-own-stock/
Science!
So, I’ll be doing that tomorrow.
>> I went to a large local shop,
There’s a small local gun place I’ve shopped for 20 years. We have a good relationship. They know what I like, what I shoot, the kind of ammo I buy. They will compete with the big box retailers.
I remember when Cabela’s was a catalog and one store in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska. We stopped there. It was kind of a cool place back then.
Interesting tip, Laura. I happen to have some apple cider vinegar. Ima gonna try that with the carcass of my Thanksgiving turkey, using a slow crockpot.
Yep, and Maine had the only LL Bean.
They have about 30 locations now.
I remember going to that LL Bean back in 1984.
Going gun shopping today, too. I think I’ve settled on the Ruger Mini 14 for my rifle, still wavering on the shotgun. I like the simplicity and portability of a coach gun, but I have nothing to hunt deer with (legally) here in Ohio, so I was leaning toward that Mossberg combo scott bought.
They’ll be back down to the one store shortly.
I’m also going to try roasting a brined turkey this year. Never done that before. I’ve invited neighbors for this. Could be a disaster. I’ve got some brine mix which includes juniper berries and sea salt and a bunch of other stuff, and will add some fresh rosemary from my yard.
I’m counting on my oven, which has a built-in temp probe port so that the oven automatically shuts off when the turkey is done. Plus, I got an oven bag which is supposed to keep the turkey moist.
(I’ve read that the installed pop-up buttons in turkeys are unreliable — designed by lawyers to avoid litigation about food poisoning, so you can easily dry out your turkey.)
I guess I can forget my plan to stuff this year’s turkey with Twinkies.
http://imgur.com/0I3Rj
“Comment by Pupster on November 17, 2012 10:04 am”
Presumably from the IPAB amusement park.
Yes. Those pop up things let you know when you have overcooked it.
Michael, this guy is a wizard
http://www.amazingribs.com/recipes/chicken_turkey_duck/ultimate_smoked_turkey.html
Michael, you wouldn’t use your stone oven for that?
However you cooked the prime rib; do that.
You’ll probably need to increase the roofies though. About a half a cup should do it.
Good morning, cool kids.
I cannot believe how fast Thanksgiving got here.
http://i.imgur.com/ltF0h.jpg
My stone oven does not have a built-in temp probe. I’m not taking any unnecessary chances.
I’m sorta nervous about this meal. I’ve never tried to do a Thanksgiving dinner mostly by myself. The menu is:
1. Turkey (brined and roasted)
2. Syrah
3. Smashed potatoes with onion and bacon
4. Stove Top Stuffing
5. Cranberry sauce (the jelly type)
6. Fruit salad (supplied by neighbors)
7. Brown gravy (supplied by neighbors)
8. Apple pie, not the gay crumble top (supplied by neighbors)
9. Coffee
Maybe there should be a vegetable on that list, but WTF, who actually wants to eat broccoli on Thanksgiving? Let’s just doze off during the football game instead.
I am going to do what the amazing ribs guy says.
Practice turkey starts in 24 hours.
10. Traditional Ding-Ding cobbler
Oh, wait.
I just cram a meat thermometer inside the turkey leg, hitting the bone to show it who’s the boss.
Stove top? Michael, stuffing is SO easy.
I’m planning on stuffing a lobster inside a duck inside a hen inside a turkey. It’s called Surf ‘n’ Turducken.
Yesterday seemed like the longest Friday ever.
No idea why.
2012 to 2016 is going to be the longest four years ever. You’ll be able to grow a giant sequoia before the next GOP convention.
Gimme a minute, I’ll put up a new poat.
Car in is right, Stove Top Stuffing is easy.
New poat.
http://imgur.com/r/WTF/2LKPD