The Letter A Real President Would Have Written…

‎”Dear Hamid:
I see that your goat humpers and assholes for allah are angry that we intercepted the messages they wrote inside the Korans as they desecrated your pedophile prophet’s book, and disposed of the infernal tomes properly.
If you can’t keep your primative screwheads in check, then we’ll “fire” you and get someone who can, because someday, we’d like to come home from your dusty little manure pile and come back to the land of 4 X 4s, Big Macs, bacon, beers, booze, boobs, and the freedom to indulge or refrain from each and everyone as much as we each desire.
I know you don’t really understand this, but trust us, it beats the hell out of being a splodeydope for 72 raisins. However, if you can’t get your rock-worshipping savages under control, the gloves WILL come off, because there is a new sheriff in town here, and we don’t really give two shits about “world opinion” until the world starts policing their own shit.
 
Hugs and kisses,

President Unrepentant American”

305 Comments

  1. Just ignore this. I didn’t know BBF still wasn’t completely molested.

  2. Again, as I left at your blog: “Thank you, my brother.”

  3. Not gonna ignore it. This was good. So was your comment about being racist, then so be it.

  4. Pizza is done, Gonna go pig-out.
    Good job BiW,
    BTW, We can drill through glass to get oil.
    Think about it…

  5. BisW – Righteous.

  6. Beautifully written, BisW.

    From the last poat:

    Well he’s stupid then.

    *smooches on Dave*

  7. come back to the land of 4 X 4s, Big Macs, bacon, beers, booze, boobs . . .

    You should have said Whoppers. They are way better than a Big Mac.

    Otherwise, I think you were spot on.

  8. I was going to the aliteration, but thanks, Bats.

    And Happy Birthday. I know how special it is when people remember it.

  9. Holy shit that’s just two paragraphs.

    Two good ones.

    >> *smooches on Dave*

    *THUD*

    I have to crawl back into bed now. And more tylenol.

    AVENGE ME!!!!

  10. Thanks, BiSW, it really means a lot to me when somebody remembers my birthday. I feel sorta lonely when everybody forgets.

  11. AVENGE ME!!!!

    That doesn’t sound as appealing as “Get blasted at my wake, you reprobate morons.”

  12. Can the brother get an amen?

  13. Will not ignore the boobies or the letter. Fucking awesome x 3. I would like to give it two prezdent’s thumbs up (his ass, as usual).

    And congrats on the 3 million views. 4 people clicking 750,000 times each… I think I’ve got some dust in my eye…

  14. Hang on a second. I think I need to borrow Xbrad’s fap machine. I’ll be back shortly.

  15. Hang on a second. I think I need to borrow Xbrad’s fap machine. I’ll be back shortly.

    He leaves it long enough for someone to borrow?

  16. Well, by ‘borrow’ I mean I’ll be wielding a cast iron skillet, and wrestling it away from his unconscious body.

  17. A man with goals and ambition! Excellent!

  18. I have to get better to die.

    night kids

  19. Excellent poat, BiW.

  20. Newt’s smackdown of Piers Morgan on this inspired me.

    I think Newt was holding back, BTW.

  21. Did everyone move to the H3?

    Dammit. I KNEW I got removed from the super secret memo list.

  22. Excellent letter BiW. MCPO, I did watch your video — love the old homes they showed, hated the music they used.

  23. BTW, blizzard headed east.

  24. Lippy – We’re getting rain/sleet and the wind has not abated. In bed w/ the iPad on my lap

  25. Lippy – It’s a beautiful little town that I cannot afford to live in unfortunately.

  26. yep, it started with rain, then the rain sleet and now a bunch of snow. Watched Red w/ Bruce Willis tonight, it was good!

  27. RED was outstanding.

  28. *pops in real quick-like* Hey Hostagefolkses! I’m going to have company soon but I was drunk and I missed ya’ll, so I am here to say hi.

  29. RED was outstanding.

    Yes! And I never watch a movie the whole way through in one sitting, but this one held me. Except for my dad saying “who plays him/her?” every freaking time someone appeared on screen, and twice for most cause he didn’t hear the answer the last time he asked…

  30. WHERE THE HELL IS MY FAP MACHINE?!

  31. hee hee, Not telling

  32. Lippy, I totally hope you don’t freeze to death in a blizzard.

    Totally.

  33. This post is going to piss off even the moderate Muslims.

    Wait…who?

    UVULA AKTARD!!

  34. MOAR HENRY PICS, YOU ASSHOLE!

  35. Polecat, I may freeze. My delicate hide is not used to this kind of hideous weather.

    You’ll feel bad when I’m gone.

  36. I wonder if Obama would apologize to an Afghani President who thought Dr. Seuss was God and we accidentally torched Green Eggs and Ham.

    One Fish
    Jew Fish
    Red Fish
    Holocaust Fish

    Worst children’s book ever.

  37. Lippy, you probably won’t freeze to death. Just a bit of frostbite. You’ll hardly notice when your nose turns gangrene and falls off.

  38. Rosie, I did NOT just laugh at that.. uh uh, no way.

    *waits for lightning bolt*

  39. Rosie, I don’t know why, but that reminded me of one of my favorite Christmas Carols:

    I saw mommy fisting Santa Claus.

  40. Hey Lippy, nice sausage.

  41. I saw mommy fisting Santa Claus.

    i can’t believe you’re not in prison for livestock rape.

  42. I do not have a sausage. Or a nose since the Great Blizzard of ’12 hit.

    What is Sox doing right now?

  43. Germany never quite got around to outlawing it, is all..

  44. If I was Santorum I would kill 12 women who have had abortions and see if Obama would apologize to me.

    But that’s just me.

  45. Sox is hiding under the bed. I did get some good pics of him last night. Hopefully I’ll post those at my place tomorrow.

  46. I do not have a sausage. Or a nose since the Great Blizzard of ’12 hit.

    Gross.

    What is Sox doing right now?

    How would I know? Licking his butthole?

  47. Sox is hiding under the bed.

    Smart cat.

  48. You have a place?

    (music note thingee) The More You Know (music note thingee)

  49. Rosie, there are only the three of us here right now; I thought you could make the connection.

  50. Rosie, what brings you here this late? Wiserbud kick you out of bed?

  51. BTW, gas here in Irvine was $4.15 when I went to dinner.

    It was $4.37 when I came back.

  52. OK, my daily ration of snark is gone. Goodnight yinzes, sleep tight.

  53. Rosie, there are only the three of us here right now; I thought you could make the connection

    You thought incorrectly, chubby.

    Rosie, what brings you here this late? Wiserbud kick you out of bed?

    I killed wiserbud long ago. For some reason the drugs aren’t kicking in as early as they used to so I’m awake.

    We watched “Limitless” tonight. That movie sucks a lot of gorilla nuts.

  54. xbrad, what’s new with you? How’s momma?

  55. Who wants ice cream?

  56. Momma is doin’ fine. I’m helping my sis get settled in to her new place.

    I cannot believe the incredible amounts of stuff she has.

    Would you like four gallons of vinegar, doucheface?

  57. I love ice cream!

    Wait…this looks like a rape van….

  58. Pshaw. Who keeps ice cream in a rape van? That’s just tacky.

  59. Would you like four gallons of vinegar, doucheface?

    Yes. Please mail that to me at:

    Sean in Burning Canyon
    2112 Tar Pit
    La Brea, CA 66666

    Thank you in advance, dicknose.

  60. Sean, did you do anything awesome today?

  61. xbrad, is your sister older than you?

  62. These pretzels are making me thirsty.

  63. She’s 8 years older than me.

  64. Anything awesome? Let’s see…I went to Target. So, no.

  65. She’s 8 years older than me.

    Aha. How many times in your life has she beat your ass?

    Round to the nearest 1,000.

  66. She’s never beaten my ass.

    She leaves that to my other older sister.

  67. X has seesters?

  68. Anything awesome? Let’s see…I went to Target. So, no.

    Somehow in the last few years Target has nice shit. What did you buy at Target? Did you have any coupons?

    For some reason I do the grocery shopping for our household. When I check out, the checker always asks me if I have any coupons.

    I want to say “Do I look like I would have any coupons?”

    “Would you like help out to your car?”

    “Yes, please.”

  69. Rosie, pull that pickle out of your ass this instant!

  70. Doin the math on X’s sisssss…. just about right :)

  71. She leaves that to my other older sister.

    Hahahaha. I knew there was one.

    I’m glad your momma is doing okay.

  72. TG, my sisters look like fatter versions of me, only with worse grooming.

  73. zaftig?

    did I say that?

  74. TG, my sisters look like fatter versions of me, only with worse grooming.

    Those things are all impossible.

  75. No, zaftig would imply that they were pleasingly plump.

    They’re butt ugly.

    sorry.

  76. I didn’t actually buy anything. I went to see if they had any Converse sneakers I would want, but they didn’t. Then, somebody stole twenty dollars from me.

  77. Sorry, Seen. I didn’t recognize you.
    * gives $20 back*

  78. No hard feelings. But, just in case, you might want to have somebody else start your car tomorrow morning.

  79. No worries. My wife was going to take it to the grocery store in the morning.

  80. wake up bitches!!

  81. Count sounds feisty. He must’ve gotten a bj.

  82. finally someone else up in this bitch. Bunch of lazy hungover good for nuthins gonna sleep all damn day.

  83. wakey wakey

  84. Breaking news: Somewhere during her second 18 oz martini Mrs MJ asked if I ever wanted to host a meatup. She thought it sounded like fun.

    WTF?

  85. Mrs MJ should drink more often.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YVOaXNI7dbU

  86. I’m going to try to get her to come to lapeerapalooza as a first step.

  87. I’m catching up on Castle this morning.

  88. I’m not hungover.

    *cough cough

  89. going to try to get her to come to lapeerapalooza as a first step.

    Yes,this.

    What’s the worst that could happen?

    *thinks about how we all love Mrs. Cuffy more than Cuffy.

  90. Lawd regis. This could be awesome.

  91. Someone go check on Dave…

  92. I’m sure Dave is fine. Maybe passed out at the bottom of his pool with only a few seconds before he expires.

    But for the moment, fine.

  93. Did not drink.

    Did not sleep either.

  94. Do you smoke?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOIBw1rXzy4

  95. No. I can’t last long enough.

  96. My first job that didn’t involve working for my dad on the farm was in a nearby beef packing plant. They loaded trucks with electric forklifts and had a big room off of the main cold storage for charging the batteries. There was a big sign on the door to the charging room that stated, “ATTENTION!! Absolutely NO SMOKING behind this door!!” Some witty deadbeat had written beneath with a black marker, “And very little drinking or fucking.” That was some funny shit to an 18 year old who didn’t realise that adults could be funny.

  97. My first job that didn’t involve working for my dad on the farm was in a nearby beef fudge packing plant.

    fixt (someone’s gotta pick the low hangers while xbrad sleeps)

  98. html fail!

    beef

  99. *polite cough*

  100. morning pup.

  101. she has a nub

  102. Morning CARIn. How you feeling?

  103. Oh my goodness, someone made coffee! Thanks, nice person.

    Oh wait, I did that. No one ever does anything nice for me.

  104. Morning CARIn. How you feeling?

    http://i.imgur.com/8u5gN.jpg

    You know, a little Metallica may get my morning roaring ..
    I’m feeling a bit better. I think I bottomed out thursday night.

  105. Michael dances @ Laperrpalooza.

  106. Everybody join me!

  107. Count and I have massages scheduled for today. His at 10:30 mine is at 11:30.

  108. Happy ending?

  109. Oh my goodness, someone made coffee! Thanks, nice person.

    I’m the only coffee drinker in my house. True story.

    $20

  110. Good morning.

    You should see my store right now. It’s hilarious. This slow-ass February ended with a bang. It’s piled high in here with huge boxes of packed furniture, and there’s a couch sitting on the conference table.

    Every customer who comes in here today is going to ask me if we’re moving.

    *cuts self*

  111. *tries to think of something nice to do for Leon*

  112. One can only hope Carin

  113. Thanks Pup, morning’s looking up now.

  114. the worst part of a bad cold is waking up.

    if I just could stop doing that.. no wait I’d be dead.

    fuuuuuuuuuuuu

  115. Mrs. Pupster and Boy1 are sick as heck with Lapeerfluenza.

    http://tinyurl.com/8ycbknn

  116. WHY ARE YOU ALL SO UNHEALTHY?

    *goes outside to smoke*

  117. Dangit. I’m patient zero.

  118. Go lie down, sickies.

    *wipes poat down with bleach*

  119. feel better Carinbaby

  120. Thanks Pup, morning’s looking up now.

    You named your penis “Morning”? Mine’s name is Fred. My wife named it Fred when she was still my girlfriend. She has never told me how she came up with that name, but I suspect she knew a midget named Fred at some point.

  121. feel better pupbaby & fam

  122. I took a five hour lay-down yesterday.

    Today I’m bound and determined to go to the gym.

    Hopefully, I’ll find a stepper by myself, so I don’t infect anyone.

    I’ve also got to go to costco … so the gym is looking dubious. My five hour nap was after my little errand yesterday.

    This is just an awful cold. You all should just wear surgical masks until the chance of contagion is over.

    Two days of head-splitting headaches, and now -6 days later -I’m only beginning to contemplate life again.

  123. Yep. Morning. Good name for an organ.

    Also, I’m not sick at all. Must be all the D&D.

  124. I am determined not to go to the gym today.

    Or tomorrow.

    *be’s a slug*

  125. Leon, you’re not safe. It would appear this is just starting to spread.

    I *never* get sick.

    *coughs in leon’s general direction

  126. I feel fine, other than these huge teethmarks on my tongue. I was at UVA Law Library yesterday doing a walk-through, and the facility manager was (breathlessly) telling me how both Robert AND Ted Kennedy studied Law there.

    CO-ED SANDWICH!

  127. I ain’t skeered. Only sick I get is from skunky guacamole.

  128. Think — just for a moment — how different America would be if Joe Kennedy had died in a car accident while running his moonshine.

  129. We then toured the Environmental Studies library where Michael Mann was tenured before he went to Penn State.

    *gargles with hydrogen peroxide some more*

  130. Good morning.

  131. Good morning.

    *looks down*

    Well, I’m fond of it.

  132. HA! Leon! Shazam!!

  133. *Puts on hazmat suit

    Morning sickos.

  134. Today I’m bound and determined to go to the gym.
    ———-
    I’ve also got to go to costco
    … so the gym is looking dubious. My five hour nap was after my little errand yesterday.

    This is just an awful cold.

    Don’t you dare!! This is how this shit spreads! I HATE IT when sick people come into my store. They can afford to be sick, obviously, if they’re out doing errands during the day. I can’t. No employees, no days off.
    Stay home!!
    STAY!!!

  135. For Laura

    http://is.gd/BhK2jy

  136. Get well soon peeps.

    Did I just hear that this flu season is getting its latest start ever? Excellent: just in time for Spring Break here.

  137. Cyn, a few years back some motherfucker came in here looking and sounding like dredged-up shit. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he had pneumonia and it was SO AWFUL. He goes into this long drawn out complaint thing about how awful pneumonia is, while I’m staring a new hole through his evil head.

    I don’t know how I refrained from beating him to death with a sledgehammer, but it was a mighty feat of forbearance.

  138. Slublog just sent me this, with a “I’m officially at ‘get out'” comment.

    I agree. Fuck this place.

    http://worldnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/25/10504899-nbc-two-us-army-officers-killed-at-afghan-interior-ministry

  139. Mighty indeed, Laura.

    Back when I worked in an office, I had no qualms about telling people to GTFO if they were sick.

    You should put a sign on your front door for sick people to see, like “Please Go Away”, or “If You’re Dripping, Stay Home You Dick”. People like signs to help them.

  140. The Afghans don’t deserve us. Neither do the Syrians, if anyone asks.

  141. how do I get to the recipe blog?

  142. I’m with Laura. If you are sick, STAY HOME.

  143. Ugh, Dave.

    Yeah, might be time for a parking lot there.

  144. Sohos,

    http://hostagerecipes.wordpress.com/

  145. Sohos, there’s a link on the right side of the blog, but there ya go…

    http://hostagerecipes.wordpress.com/

  146. You tell her, Laura.

  147. Thanks yall!

  148. So here’s a thought. The government started telling us how much water per flush we could have, how much water flow our showers could have, what light bulbs we have to use. I know with Tricare, Medicaid, and some of the other pharma plans, there’s some drugs they will cover and some they won’t. With the birth control stuff, it’s just one more step to “you get this pill, tough buns if you don’t like it or it gives you migraines.” Bureaucrats making choices for us.

  149. But, I’m not sick, and they’re home with ME!

    This is fucking bullshit.

    http://tinyurl.com/7wrc8qz

  150. *holds Carin down and sprays her with Lysol*

    STAY DOWN OR YOU GET THE HOSE

  151. I would refrain from smooching or even huggin you chicks right now.

    Manners. I haz them.

  152. Carin?

    http://tinyurl.com/7wuh723

  153. I adore that woman’s hair.

  154. Roamy, the government determined that women should not have to pay for their own reproductive health anymore.

    The next step to where they tell you through economic pressure if you can have a kid or not, is a small one.

  155. Not PC

    http://tinyurl.com/24r7ug4

  156. killed it? Ok time to go blow dry hair anyway

  157. I was putting up my first recipe over at the recipe blog.

  158. I’m sorry for yelling at Carin.

    I would still totally quarantine her ass, though.

  159. I have to go to the store lauraw. We’re out of food. Completely. Mr car in is working and has worked late every day this week.

  160. I mean, i’ve been sick since monday. Haven’t been to the store in a week and a half.

    I don’t really want to go, but … the rest of this house needs to eat. Apparently.

    So needy.

  161. Don’t you have a son that drives? Give him a short list just to get through today.

  162. http://is.gd/LIW1l5

  163. No cash.

    I have to write a check.

    I don’t use debit cards or have any other way he can get money. Bank is 30 min away, so at best I’d have to go there myself anyway.

  164. Car in, have you no offspring you can yet task with this quest?

  165. Actually, no one delivers to my house.

    and again the no cash issue.

  166. Send him with a signed, blank check. I’m sure nothing will go wrong.

  167. Ha. Yea, that ‘ll work.
    You’re genius.

    I’m sure costco will have no problem with that.

  168. I don’t see why they would. I mean, it’ll have your signature and everything.

  169. And not to nitpick, but some muthafocker gave this to me.

    I want retribution.

  170. LOL.

    *gee, I don’t remember spending $800 at Guitar Center … ?

  171. http://is.gd/LIW1l5

    HAHAHA!

    ———————-
    Carin, make the check out to your son, have him go to the bank to cash it, send him to the grocery store, done.

    *awards self 14 Nobels and a free coffee refill*

  172. Have Scott overnight the signed blank check to me, and I’ll go to Costco for you.

  173. Whore.

    http://tinyurl.com/7ta54va

  174. Next week’s headline: MYSTERY FLU SWEEPS THRU LAPEER, KILLS SIXTEEN
    Latest victim, an eight year old boy, tells parents shortly before death “I love you Mommy and Daddy. I’m going away now. Please take good care of Fluffy for me. I can see the light…it’s so beautiful…goodbye…”

    *eyes fill with tears*

    You WHORE. Timmy died because of YOU.

  175. Typhoid Carin?

  176. Someone really needs to go to Costco for Car in, so she can get back in the kitchen.

    http://tinyurl.com/72ns8hd

  177. Speaking of monkeys and whores. L-R

    Rosetta – Mare

    http://tinyurl.com/7us8b77

  178. Uh, good morning?

  179. Timmy was a nice boy. He liked baseball and dogs. He wanted to be a doctor someday. He might have been a great doctor. He might have saved a lot of lives.

    We’ll never know, will we?

  180. He might have discovered the cure for prostate cancer.

  181. Timmy might have been a meth dealer.

  182. But, you know. At least Carin got her rotisserie chicken.

    So, that’s good.

    *lays a flower on Timmy’s grave*

  183. I don’t go for this sort of humor.

    http://tinyurl.com/6metg47

  184. Or, a car salesman.

  185. Or America’s first competent black president.

  186. Timmy couldn’t even save his own life. Sounds to me like he’d make a crappy doctor. You know, one of those guys that goes to med school at some obscure diploma mill in the Carribean.

    I think we’re better off without him driving up the costs of malpractice insurance.

    Thanks, Car in!

  187. Carin, while you’re at the grocery store, will you pick up a twelve-pack of sympathy cards for me?

    Hallmark.

    Thanks.

  188. Just give him your Bridge card. Costco accepts those.

  189. Carin, wait until the lunch ladies get set up with their samples and then be sure to stop at each little cart.

  190. Oh, better! Send the driving kid with the rest of the brood to Costco when the lunch ladies are set up, have them stuff their pockets with samples, and then come back home. If they wear cargo pants, you should have enough for lunch and supper.

  191. What is Costco?

  192. Leave it to Brad to see the silver lining ;)

  193. http://is.gd/g3f7UX

  194. I like Cyn’s new glasses.

    http://tinyurl.com/7bnmqho

  195. If there’s monkey prostitutes….

    http://tinyurl.com/822zk6a

  196. Timmy was a punk anyway.

  197. Rosetta-on-a-wire

    http://tinyurl.com/7ulkcsc

  198. I know, that’s what I’m writing on all the sympathy cards.

  199. Sons bank account was closed because they muthafocking stole all his money. He can’t cash a check.

  200. And a five gallon barrel of cheese balls. TYIA.

  201. what?

  202. Look I’m going into this store right now. I’m no longer sneezing or dripping anything . I can still feel it I’m my lungs a bit but I’m not hacking up anymore. If I still was bad I wouldn’t have made it. I woulda just the family starve.

  203. Add a let into there.

  204. Brad, I get a “page not found” on that link.

    Carin, the bank stole his money??

  205. Hey Carin! Go to Costco!

  206. No one ever does anything nice for me.

    What the Hell? You have been on the “Kill Last” list forever, and STILL you whine…

    What is Costco?

    Its like Sam’s Club, only it has stuff that people actually WANT to buy.

  207. I started naming the flu after whoever first brought it into the office.

    We had the Jon Foote Flu in 1996 and then the Joe Oliva Flu in 1997.

    People stopped coming in sick after that.

  208. It wasn’t that funny a link anyway, Aggie.

  209. This poat is so good it doesn’t even need bewbs to raise it to the level of interesting and awesome.

    I therefor give it seven of these thingies: #######

    and just so you know, no poat has EVER gotten seven of those thingies.

    simply great BiW.

  210. Typhoid Scott

  211. Fuck you, ice.

  212. ah, so there’s really lead at the end of the rainbows.

    knew I was bein lied to.

  213. When unclefacts gets around to awarding these things ($$$) I might just pay attention. Until then his rating system is immaterial.

    psst…unclefacts…in the mean time send all your $$$ to…….uhh…I’ll email you my IRL address……kaithx.

  214. Why does he hate that pond?

  215. Yeah…fuck ice.

    I slipped in some this morning, my ass is still wet.

  216. I thought shooting at water was incredibly dangerous.

  217. awesome I’ve been wondering where I could get rid of three puppehs, and four kittehs worth of poops.

    you want those delivered once a week or bi-monthly pendejo?

  218. Not entirely. The Oleprachaun has promised “free” birth control at the end of that rainbow too.

  219. It’s dangerous for people on the other side, or if it’s Texas water.

  220. Good morning, Osterman weekenders.

  221. SIREN TEST TIME ELEVEN AM SATURDAY AROOOOOOOOOOO

  222. Uncle, in my neck of the woods cat and dog shit has no $ value. If you could just market it locally and send me the proceeds that would be great. And monthly will do. Say….around the 10th of the month?

  223. no, shooting at water isn’t dangerous for the shooter, like pups said, if you’re on the other side, yeah, crazy shit can happen and none of it good.

  224. Good morning, Osterman weekenders.

    <>

    Does anybody here know what the fuck seanm is talking about?

  225. Dave bringin’ the water knowledge.

    http://tinyurl.com/8yv4g8u

  226. Does anybody here know what the fuck seanm is talking about?

    Your lack of cinematic education is disturbing.

  227. I’ve had a “There but for the Grace of God go I” kind of morning.

  228. Your lack of cinematic education is disturbing.

    Bullshit!! I can quote dialogue from Animal House for minutes on end. Caddyshack as well.

  229. Yes Aggie, through bs fees and stuff. 200 bones

  230. I’ve had a “There but for the Grace of God go I” kind of morning.

    So where’d you run into the trannies?

  231. I’m going to try to get her to come to lapeerapalooza as a first step.

    Good idea. If she gets drunk, I’ll take care of her.

    Trust me.

  232. Batman, I don’t hang out here as much as I used to, but I haven’t seen your much better half on here in ages? What am I missing?

  233. Really, MJ, I’ll make sure that she’s OK, aside from maybe a big black dildo in her mouth.

  234. Does anybody here know what the fuck seanm is talking about?

    Please tell me you’re joking….

  235. No trannies, pendejo. Just a drunk friend who needed a ride home.

  236. What am I missing?

    Pending divorce proceeding in Dallas County Court. Cathy has moved to Colorado. So far, we have agreed on who gets which dog.

  237. I guess I better google osterman weekend and see what the fuck seanm is talking about.

    I honestly have very little interest in movies any more. I’d say over the past 20 years my curiousity about what’s happening at the theater has approached zero.

  238. Comment by Rosetta on February 25, 2012 11:04 am
    Whore.

    http://tinyurl.com/7ta54va

    One of Mr. TiFW’s co-workers tells the tale of the time when he was in graduate school – one of his fellow students was doing an experiment for his doctoral thesis which involved monkeys.

    The team was teaching the monkeys to do a series of tasks, at the end of which they could press a lever and food would come out (but only if they had done all of the tasks correctly). They had an opportunity to earn up to a certain number of treats per day.

    The experiment was going along swimmingly, and the monkeys were progressively doing more complex things to get rewarded. But as time went on, they began to notice that all of the female monkeys were gaining weight, and none of the male monkeys were.

    They realized that they needed to do more observation to figure out why this was happening; at first, they thought that perhaps the lady monkeys were doing more tasks than the male monkeys, so they added another layer of observation to their experiment.

    As it turned out, however, the MALE monkeys were doing more work – they quickly realized that they could exchange their treats for sexual favors, so they would get as many treats as they could, eat the bare minimum to keep from starving, and then would use the rest of their treats to satisfy a different kind of “hunger”.

    My friend said that his friend had a devil of a time keeping a straight face when it came time for his team to make their final presentation – “Sometimes, an experiment can take you places you never even thought of…..”

  239. Sorry to hear it. I honestly did not know that.

  240. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086058/

    I’ve read quite a bit of Ludlum but not that one. I’ve heard of Peckinpaugh, but he’s really not my genre. I guess it’s a classic or sumpn?

  241. Peckinpah is always classic.

  242. they quickly realized that they could exchange their treats for sexual favors,

    The entire social compact reduced to a dozen words.

  243. Don’t feel bad, Pendejo. I have never heard of Osterman Weekend either.

    *Crawls back under rock

  244. I don’t feel bad, Jewstin. Wait….I kinda do. I ate a box of girl scout cookies and washed it down with 4 cups of coffee this morning. I feel kinda sluggish now.

  245. Doug (Wickedpinto) sent me a link to a video that perfectly expresses the relationship now.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M&feature=related

  246. If you rape a prostitute, isn’t that just shoplifting?

  247. In about 3 hours, I should have some nicely-braised beef ribs.

  248. ahhhh wonderful massage but apparently it wasn’t “THAT” kind of place. awkward

  249. Miley Cryus is legal now, right?

    I’m not gonna go to jail just for lookin’, am I?

    http://tinyurl.com/79u6xkq

  250. just hugs Michael, my friend.

  251. Your relationship is a cover song?

    Wiser?

  252. I’m not gonna go to jail just for lookin’, am I?

    No, but you will spend more time in the reeducation camp during the Lutheran Millennium™.

  253. xbrad, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you can find 100 18 year olds more attractive than her on most college campuses. The baby cameltoe thing is kinda eye catching though…..I’ll admit.

  254. Sorry to hear it, Michael.

  255. She has an outie.

  256. Everyone who hasn’t heard of Osterman Weekend, raise your hand. (I mean, before today.)

    *raises hand*

  257. She’s an Occutard. Her hotness, it evaporates.

  258. Lapeerpaloozamobile.

    http://tinyurl.com/7rlajc2

    Check out the orange shag interior.

  259. Everyone who hasn’t heard of Osterman Weekend, raise your hand. (I mean, before today.)

    I have no friggin’ clue what this means.

  260. She’s an Occutard. Her hotness, it evaporates.

    Her hotness never existed. The other explains the vacant look in her eyes, though.

  261. Then raise your hand.

  262. Thanks Dave and Leon.

    Your relationship is a cover song?

    Yes, Brad. Dang, that made me laugh.

  263. Read the book and saw the movie when it was released.

  264. Miley Cryus is legal now, right?

    She ain’t all that. And her stupidity kinda blunts any appeal she may actually have.

  265. Then raise your hand.

    Don’t do it! It’s a Trap! ‘Spur just wants to give you a Purple Nurple!

  266. Miley’s idiocy is genetic.

  267. Mrs. Caruthers wants the TransVan. It’s older than she is.

  268. Miley’s idiocy is genetic.

    Don’t tell my heart…

  269. Emily Osment was the other girl on her show. Much cuter, and far fewer public idiocy events.

  270. I have no friggin’ clue what this means.

    Everyone who can’t follow instructions, insert tab A into slot B and tighten #4 screw with #2 Allen wrench.

  271. Emily Osment is also a more talented singer than Miley Cyrus, Leon.

  272. I’ll have to pass on both.

    Girls don’t really appeal to me, since you just don’t have much to talk about after you audition them as contortionists.

    Some women, on the other hand (looks at Hostagettes)….

  273. Jewstin?

  274. Not the least bit surprising, Aggie.

  275. Lapeerpaloozamobile.

    http://tinyurl.com/7rlajc2

    Check out the orange shag interior.

    Nice rape van, Pups. I wonder how much fiber and fluid evidence there is in that shag.

  276. Some women, on the other hand (looks at Hostagettes)….

    *smooches on BisW*

    Wait, you did include me, right? RIGHT??

  277. I’m young-ish and have teenager-level hormone issues, so girls still appeal to me. Women too.

  278. Hefner needs to get an offer over to Miley stat

  279. I pray for healing for you. I’m just sad but I am your friend. Always will be.

  280. I can’t run out of motivation this early in the day, it’s only noon.

  281. Jewstin?

    http://thehostages.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/uponz.jpg

    Two words: Apple. Butter.

    You’re welcome.

  282. Wait, you did include me, right? RIGHT??

    Duh.

  283. Cute redhead.

    youtube.com/watch?v=D0yBcj1_vQg&feature=related

    I have no idea what she was saying.

  284. Girls don’t really appeal to me, since you just don’t have much to talk about after you audition them as contortionists.

    Another life ruined by the circus.

    *shakes fists at sky*

    BAAAAAAAARRRRRRRNUMMMMM!!!!

  285. DiT when you going to come back down and have a drank with us

  286. Don’t forget the peach butter.

  287. I gotsa eat some paste.

    Count, I need fish tacos and some beer. You ready?

  288. totally ready. found some great fish taco’s just the other day. come on down

  289. I’m sorry, it must be the provincial Midwesterner in me, but fish tacos always make me giggle.

    Fish? In a taco? Gotta be a joke or innuendo.

  290. Leon, it makes me giggle, too :D

  291. I miss you goofs count. I promise not to punch you in the tummy.

    I got manners.

  292. Fish tacos are delicious and nutritious.

  293. I’m young-ish and have teenager-level hormone issues, so girls still appeal to me. Women too.

    Eh. at best youngish men can look attractive, until they do that fatal thing and open their mouth.

    ga.

    Just Keep.It.Shut.

  294. I’m back from infecting everyone at the Auburn Hills’ Costco.

    But, from the sound of things, I was too late. Kids walking around – everywhere – with my hacking cough.

  295. We’ll go to El Arroyo we’ll have tacos and beer, yeah we’ll let ourselves go.

  296. Really, MJ, I’ll make sure that she’s OK, aside from maybe a big black dildo in her mouth.
    ————————————
    I guarantee you that you’d be kissing the dong, be poorer by twenty dollars, and confused about why you were also holding her purse.

    She’s good.

  297. Mmmmmmmm…fish tacos.

  298. Sean, you should run down to the taco truck and bring us all back some fish tacos. I like the California style ones.

  299. Um novo post foi publicado!

    NEW POAT!

  300. Better yet, go find the lady with the pickle bucket full of foil wrapped tacos.

  301. Nice rape van, Pups.

  302. I pray for healing for you. I’m just sad but I am your friend. Always will be.

    Same here, Michael.

  303. [...] Hostages: What a REAL president would tell Afghanistan [...]


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