As it turns out, 3 million window-lickers CAN be wrong!

Big day today:

Births:

Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne de Bienville, French colonizer and Governor of Louisiana

César Ritz, Swiss hotelier

Konstantin Päts, Estonian president

Jon Hall, American actor

Paul Tibbets, US Air Force retired Brigadier General and pilot of B-29 “Enola Gay” over Hiroshima

Miljenko Smoje, Dalmatian writer and journalist

Alexy II of Moscow, Patriarch of Moscow and All Russia (Be sure to watch to the end!)

Johnny Winter, American musician

Maxi, Irish singer and radio personality

Naruhito, Crown Prince of Japan

S.E. Cupp, American author and political commentator

Emerson da Conceição, Brazilian footballer

Ron Hunt, baseball player

Kenny Bee,Hong Kong actor,musician and singer

Deaths:

Polycarp, Christian bishop of Smyrna

Pope Eugene IV

John Keats, English poet

Zygmunt Krasiński, Polish Romantic poet

Dickinson W. Richards, American physician, recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine

Events

The Battle of the Alamo begins in San Antonio, Texas.

Cuba leases Guantánamo Bay to the United States “in perpetuity”.

Oh, and the Hostages blog, sometime between noon and 1pm Eastern, the go-to site for diet tips, weather updates, recipes, music theory, and pictures of giant-boobed fat chicks, obsessive anorexic chicks, and barely-clad, narcissistic gay guys since March, 2009, will hit 3 million views!

WOOO HOOOO!!!!  Suck it, IB.

And while I’m positive a good number of those came from DHS or some sad lonely guy with a predilection for morbidly obese English woman who enjoy eating ribs but can’t handle the sight of nipples, quite a bit of it came from the likes of you.

So give yourself a hearty pat on the back and then get back to your mindless and mind-numbing conversations.  You’ve earned this.

You weirdos.

528 Comments

  1. “Happy Birthday!!”

  2. Hooray H2!!

  3. So, this is life in the so-called space age?

  4. And they thought this while “internet” thing would devolve into nothing but a waste of time….

  5. and at 12:15 Eastern, we crossed over

  6. wiser, you having a bad day?

  7. we crossed over

    Do NOT look into the light!!

  8. wiser, you having a bad day?

    no more than usual. Why do you ask?

  9. I didn’t cross over nothing.

  10. Oh lookie, the Fwench are banning the word ‘Miss’ because it suggests a woman is available and words for ‘maiden name’ are tossed because it suggests ‘virginity’. Feminists truly are a confused lot.

    http://tinyurl.com/7pvftpo

    They bitch they want equality until they go to bootcamp and can’t perform what a man is required to do.

  11. Yeah, thanks for the teaser pic of Erica. Thanks a lot.

  12. Hotspur, you crossed over from the old poat to the new poat!

    *begins to ready more bottles of champagne*

  13. The siege of the Alamo began today in 1836

  14. no more than usual. Why do you ask?

    You seem more sarcastic than usual. Or maybe me being x-tra crabby it appears more shimmery.

  15. I thought France was all about projecting sex. What better way to do it than by titillating titles.

  16. The siege of the Alamo began today in 1836

    ummmmmm… yeah…..

    (from poat above)

    The Battle of the Alamo begins in San Antonio, Texas.

    Damn shame no one actually reads the poats here…..

  17. Dave, have you ever gone to the re-enactments at Presidio La Bahia in Goliad?

  18. You seem more sarcastic than usual.

    Thank you!

  19. Maxi… iPad… bwahahahahaha!!

  20. You seem more sarcastic than usual. Or maybe me being x-tra crabby it appears more shimmery.

    The world is a much happier place when it’s
    MORE SHIMMERY

  21. I read them.

  22. Nice work and thumbs up, wiser, your efforts do not suck.

  23. I read them.

    you are a God among men.

  24. Good workout this morning but, I’m hurtin’. Time for some NSADs and innerwebtube surfing.

  25. The siege of the Alamo began today in 1836

    When I was a kid and I first learned what the war cry ‘Remember the Alamo!’ meant I was mystified by it.

    “Alamo was a total loss…why would you want to remember that?”

  26. Add bird watching to the list

    http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles

  27. Are you still mystified by it, Laura?

  28. “Alamo was a total loss…why would you want to remember that?”

    Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve got better things to do than shoot at Messicans with a musket.

  29. Lol, no, Aggie. I’m not seven years old anymore.

  30. Aggie – I think Laura is 27 or 28.

  31. Wisermeanie, you rule. 3 million hits and the most profound comment is still, ‘my cat’s breath smells like cat food.’

  32. Just checking ;)

  33. *says nothing more, just nods gratefully*

  34. 3 million hits and the most profound comment is still, ‘my cat’s breath smells like cat food.’

    HAHAHA!!

    Most memorable Hostage comments:

    Star Whores
    Fuck Salt

    feel free to add your own

  35. Speaking of God among men.

  36. Daddy’s fingers.

  37. What a kiss ass.

  38. Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Willis?

  39. Hotspur – The one on the left looks exactly like me!

  40. What a kiss ass.

    heh heh heh….

  41. Shaving Ryan’s Privates

  42. I always thought it was ironic the Navy’s unofficial motto was “Don’t Give Up The Ship!” uttered by Captain Lawrence.

    Since, moments after he said that, they gave up the ship.

  43. >> “Alamo was a total loss…why would you want to remember that?”

    “Remember the Alamo” is a better war cry than “Hey, the painters are here!”

    * denounces myself

  44. Unleaded regular hit $3.70 a gallon here today.

  45. “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! And watch out for those damn torpedoes!”

  46. quite a bit of it came from the likes of you.

    I do not know how to play the banjo.

  47. Uh oh, the eggs are exposed.

    WHERE DID THE MOMMA EAGLE GO?

    How long can they leave them unattended?

  48. I do not know how to play the banjo.

    I do.

  49. “I don’t believe in space.”

  50. okay, she’s back….go about your business….

  51. L – R

    Mare – Rosetta

  52. Bwahahaha,

    Limbaugh “We have Andrea Tarantula’s Mom!”

    Caller, “yes, I am Andrea Tarantula’s Mom”

  53. If you are still sick Dave, you might want to get your prostate checked. It’s probably infected.

  54. Most memorable Hostage comments:

    Dickslippers

  55. Unleaded regular hit $3.70 a gallon here today.

    Cry me a river. $4.25.

  56. Most memorable Hostage comments:

    *Anything having to do with getting your prostrate checked
    *Plugged-in / Jiggle the handle

  57. SYWM

  58. Not you, Cyn.

  59. YOU DICK!!!

    Not you, Cyn.

    Oh, well then; never mind.

  60. xBrad?

  61. Out of nowhere

  62. Shirlena?

  63. Just remember, the rising gas prices have nothing to do with Obama, it’s probably Bush’s fault or speculators or Wall Street folks.

  64. Ass potatoes

  65. Space pen

  66. man lesbian

  67. Hose Fuckers

  68. Compos’ bathroom story

  69. The Xtranormal video of Xbrad meeting a new Hostage.

  70. BANGLAR KING KNOG

  71. The Xtranormal video of Xbrad meeting a new Hostage.

    link?

  72. I was ready to slap that bitch that was just on Rush.

  73. Wisermeanie

  74. KNOG

    heh

  75. “Xbrad Meets A New Hostage”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4ERegJ0Tow

  76. fake reg

  77. I just laughed all over again thinking about the Fake Reg!! HAHAHA!

  78. “22 years old? This is the casual ‘hook up’ generation. Many of those girls are unfamiliar with the concept of virtue because it has never been explained to them.
    If they like a guy, they’ll go to bed with him right away.
    He’s not ‘working’ anything but his delusions.”

    Comment by: Lauraw

    BINGO!!

  79. That truly was one of, if not THE, seminal Hostage event.

    I laughed so hard I was crying.

  80. Blaming Mare for… everything.

  81. Ohai Mare!!

    ——

    Agreed Hotspur. Even worth linking again: Fake Reg

  82. Not meeting Mare.

  83. The H2 Eulogies.

    Fucking brilliant.

  84. Ass Pennies

    Steve from the Reunion

    DaveinTexas’ love of all bodies of water

    Feldspar

    Asking the cop in the park if he would taser one of you miscreants

  85. Is there a tab for the Fake Reg?

    If not, there should be……

  86. Oh.My.God. I’m in tears again.

  87. No tab, TiF, but I’m adding it to the “Funny” tab as we speak.

  88. Rosetta asking Officer Friendly in CT if he could hold his gun.

    *crying laughing tears*

  89. Rosetta and MCPO’s first kiss.

  90. fukksize

  91. Rosetta the Racist

    “I hope you don’t die in a fiery crash”

    Folly

  92. Just looked at the meat up photos…

    Rosetta asking getting frisked by Officer Friendly in CT if he could hold his gun..

    Even better!

  93. “No Drama!”

  94. I had forgotten fake reg, it is indeed awesome.

  95. Wishing Michael a “Happy Birthday” whenever the wind blows.

    How did that start anyway?

  96. Bart’s luscious pecs and deep seated fear of the ghey.

    http://thehostages.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/patty-ann-gets-freaky/#comment-43551

  97. I was trying to remember fukksize, because although it’s relatively new, it’s good.

    My minds not working and I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it to the gym.

    *searches for lighter fluid an matches

  98. Dick Pole.

    Poon.

  99. Miss Sarah Vaughan. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jR8fsEDEvdc

  100. MJ – meat up – day two

  101. I laugh every time I think about Reg, Fake.

  102. OMG…HAHAHAHA! From your link, Laura, comes Xbrad’s comment…

    >>Bart may not be out of the closet just yet, but he’s moments away from telling us he thinks Wiserbud is “pretty”.<<

  103. Hotspur, why does the dude wearing that homophobic t-shirt look so much like a young George Michael?

  104. MJ and the tiger…

    *crying!!!*

  105. *searches for lighter fluid an matches
    ———————-
    So you’ve settled on immolation. I always knew you were a drama queen.

  106. There was a second day??? Oh shit.

  107. OFB

  108. Mrs. Peel spanking wiser’s monkey.

  109. So you’ve settled on immolation. I always knew you were a drama queen.

    I’m suffering so.I want to go with a bang.

  110. hehe bang

  111. PJM and her goats (live ones and curtains)

  112. Who should I will the purple dildo to?

  113. Rosetta.

  114. It’s like I don’t even know you people.

  115. Mrs. Peel yelling out about the “Walk of Shame” in the hotel dining room at breakfast

  116. Checking under Wiser’s door to see if the light was on; calling him first thing in the morning

    Good Times….

  117. OFB is trendy.

  118. “Sohos’ are bigger”

  119. Worst Names For [Insert Topic Here] Joke Threads.

  120. Bite me.

  121. No, not you, Cyn.

  122. The incredible orgy at the very 1st meat-up, hence the reason they are called “meat -……

    I’ve said too much

  123. HAHAHA! Hotspur, you dick!!!

    *smoooooches!*

  124. If I’m the 3,000,000th visitor wtf do I win eh?

  125. Waking up with a smile on my face Sunday morning at the STL meat-up… and then racing to the bathroom with EbolaAIDSManBearPigShark Flu.

    How many of us had that?! Fuck You Ice!!!

  126. You win not getting banned for one more day, TG.

    Probably.

  127. Not I. I bet Rosseta poisoned the food saturday night. I didn’t really eat anything, so …

  128. HotBride was sick Saturday night and all the way home on Sunday.

    I blame Mare!!!!

  129. Mrs. Hotbride and Andy, plus me, had it. Oh… Ghee said he didn’t feel well either.

  130. The name “Ghee”.

    Ha!

  131. Animosity International.

  132. The name “Ghee”.

    Beasn

    Jewstin

  133. poat

  134. Burritohead

  135. xBrad???

    http://tinyurl.com/6ltvqpz

  136. Cyn??

    http://is.gd/KO8LFF

  137. Cowering in fear of wiser’s banhammer.

    *please don’t ban me for this.

  138. A hostage dictionary would be pretty funny.

  139. EddieBear’s strings of profanity

  140. TGSG – Nice one!

  141. Party Van

    Yellow Schoolbus

  142. Great memories of Patty Ann and Cranky and new Hostage babies Henry and Aaron.

  143. The day of hideous Avatards.

  144. A hostage dictionary would be pretty funny.

    This thread may be just the ticket for that.

    At minimum, this one goes into the Funny tab.

  145. Glarvelaine

  146. Dammit. HotBride just called. She’s going with her sister, daughter, three nieces and grandson to a Holiday Inn water park to spend the night.

    HotBride: I threw out the left over nachos, and potstickers that were in the fridge.

    Me: You what?!!!!??? Those were going to be my dinner.

    Her: Well, something stunk.

    :(

  147. Solutions™

  148. Lime Jello

  149. shithole dump

  150. Ask The Hostages™

  151. derp

  152. Wakey Wakey

  153. Splitters.

    lol

    although that’s an Ace thing.

  154. Has anyone ______ someone with a ______ today?

  155. No, YOU’RE a towel.

  156. heh

  157. What the fornication is this fecal matter?

  158. What color __________ are you wearing? NOW???

  159. http://is.gd/fs90Xv

  160. how many bullwhips do you have in your ass RIGHT NOW??!?

  161. How many ______ do you have up your ass right now?

  162. Wiser and Wiserbud

  163. Actually, I’m pretty sure “splitters” originated with one of the cobs, not Ace.

  164. DANGIT.

    stupid low internet connection

  165. L to R:

    IB, H2

  166. I’m just saying, I never actually saw “splitters” over here.

  167. http://tinyurl.com/ykpe2f3

  168. Hi.

  169. Michael sucking on a big black dong.

    The Ice Floe

    Knut

  170. Ok, I just hacked out half a lung. I think it cleared a lot out.

    I also had a HUGE cup of coffee (per lauraw and Scott).

    So, I’m going to the basement to try to work out.

  171. ok off to work.

    Please to make the funny for benefit of reading at runch.

  172. Nice legs, Carin. But what is….?
    You know what, never mind. Don’t want to know.

    http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/3769

  173. http://tinyurl.com/yfrhczm

  174. I award this poat 18 of these thingies “““““““““

    What is uppeth unto all you all?

  175. Hi laura.

  176. Holy shit, Mrs. Cuffy was RIGHT!

    http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/291813/scientific-anniversaries-john-derbyshire

    Michelson-Morley established that the speed of light in vacuo is the same in any direction regardless of one’s motion through space, and therefore that there is no such stuff as space.</b?

  177. Almost didn’t find this as Cuffy closed his account apparently; thank god someone stole it from him.

  178. Hi Laura!! Awwww, c’mere you! http://is.gd/zQKYxX

  179. http://is.gd/uMcZgS

  180. and

    Hoo Hoo!!

  181. “Where’s that whore Mare?”

  182. Super cute, Cyn!

  183. Hi MJ!

    http://is.gd/Tx0rCz

  184. GLUTEN!!!!!!

  185. I’m going through the archives from like three years ago, laughing my ass off and bringing some stuff forward.

  186. I blame mare

    *shakes fist at the sky*

    mmmmmmaaaaaaarrrrrrreeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

  187. It 3 million the swan song for the H2? I feel like I’m attending a wake.

  188. Oh laura, you’re just crabby because you are hungry. Here you go.

    http://is.gd/LAjEJl

  189. Poat Wars

    Header Pic Wars

  190. Great. Now the “Baby Monkey” song is stuck in my head.

    CYYYYYNNNN!!!!!!!!

  191. Chief Grumpybutt

  192. Chief, it’s not a wake, it’s a reunion!

  193. Birthday Stick of Pain™

  194. Cyn- STFU

  195. MJ.

  196. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c8yrdi__sQ

  197. So this is what 3 million sausages looks like.

    Nicely done, chinks.

    I have to work for a few more hours but I will try to swing by later so I can tell each of you personally how you’ve disappointed me.

    http://tinyurl.com/7q6sawf

  198. This is funny:

  199. http://tinyurl.com/6q7ll29

  200. I ♥ my alma mater:

  201. Greene For President!!

  202. *tackles Rosetta, puts my knee behind his neck, and forces him to question MCPO’s integritah*

  203. I linked BANGLAR KING KONG!!! and Rosetta showed up.

    Coincidence? I think not.

  204. I linked a pic of Carin’s FUPA and Rosetta showed up.

    Like flies to a dead squirrel.

  205. Thanks for doing the live blog thing last night Andy. That was fun.

    Hey laura:

    http://is.gd/gMgIgp

  206. ONE TREE HILL!!

  207. I think I’ve linked “shut up whore” about 400 times.

  208. “Hi Rich!!”

  209. Wiser’s cover song theory

  210. Shut your whore mouth.

  211. HAHAHA! That brick wall!

    ———————————

    Pupsters GIFs

  212. No BEASN! BAD!!

    http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/51260

  213. Sohos cuppin and fartin poor Count

  214. VMan, you’re going to get pulled over.

    http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/51183

  215. Ahh, 3 million hits.

    At the HQ that’s called “a slow month”.

  216. Muslihoon’s Thursday Poats and explanation of WTF those songs were talking about

  217. compos’ story about the port-a-potty — I nearly lost a lung laughing so hard!

  218. Are we there yet?

  219. Hiya Tom!

  220. How about now?

  221. I’m laughing so hard I think I broke something

  222. Five more minutes, Rich.

  223. “Hola Hostages”

  224. CROSSED THE LINE!!!!!

  225. What’s up TBoMs ass

  226. Luthern!

  227. Pie!

  228. Jewstin’s dinner menu.

  229. DOLLY

  230. OK, how bout now?

  231. Rich, don’t make me turn this car around.

  232. Hi, Rich. Is it Friday again? How did I miss the boobses?

  233. Oh, my all time favorite was the Hallmark Cards joke thread.

  234. Hi everybody!

    *licks computer screen.

  235. Wasn’t it PattyAnn that emailed everyone and said not to comment when Rosetta commented and he was saying what the fuck?

  236. *wonders how Car in’s work out went

  237. Honestly I need to stop arguing with Obama-worshippers. One walked in in the middle of a discussion I was having with a couple of people at the store and said “well, he’s better than any of the Curly’s on your side who are running.”

    I said “Okay, I’ll just ignore the ridiculousness of the “well, Obama’s not as bad as he COULD be!” argument and ask you to tell me what makes you think the other guys are so bad?

    “Oh, one of the them said that, if he were President, he would get gas back down to $2.50/gallon.”

    “Actually,” I say, “Obama could do that too, if he really wanted to.”

    “No way! That’s stupid. How could he do that?”

    “Lift his illegal Gulf drilling moratorium and approve Keystone. Prices would drop overnight. Once the Middle East realizes we are not going to need them as much, they will lower their prices. It’s called “competition.””

    “Oh, but the oil companies won’t let them. All of Dick Cheney’s friends like making all those profits that Bush has let them make.”

    “Ummmm…. FORMER President Bush “lets” the oil companies make profits by somehow forcing Obama to violate federal court orders in order to keep oil prices high, forcing the oil companies to pay more for their oil than the would otherwise, because Dick Cheney is their friend? Oooooookay……… You have a student waiting……”

    How do we keep losing to these people?

  238. Not so great, MJ. 30 min on the nordic track an I was dead.

  239. Car/in?

  240. Wiser, I can’t argue with them anymore. I just push them to the “idiot” file and never take any of their opinions seriously again.

  241. How do we keep losing to these people?
    ————————–
    I realize it’s a rhetorical question, but I’m going to take a crack at it anyway because I wonder what you paste eaters think of this: we’re naturally individualistic and they are naturally group think/assimilated. Rather than being diverse or tolerant they are quite the opposite. Everyone must agree.

  242. Not so great, MJ. 30 min on the nordic track an I was dead.
    ——————————
    That sucks. I was hoping the work out would kick start you back up.

  243. Wiser, I can’t argue with them anymore. I just push them to the “idiot” file and never take any of their opinions seriously again.

    But they vote. I feel like i have to at least try to get them to look at the person they are supporting with the same supposedly enlightened wisdom that they used to decide that Bush was Teh Satan.

    This guy actually said to me tonight “Well, at least he didn’t start a war..”

    I said “Really? Libya ring a bell to you at all? Or is that one okay because He did it without Congressional approval. Yannow, like the approval Bush got from nearly 100% of the House and Senate when we went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan…..”

    It’s like they simply ignore reality…..

  244. Rather than being diverse or tolerant they are quite the opposite. Everyone must agree.

    Nah, I think it’s a result of the indoctrination and the mindset of us vs. them. They simply been brainwashed into thinking “Republican = Bad”, regardless of the subject.

    Thee same people who cursed Bush for what he did fully support Obama for doing the same things and worse, simply because they cannot imagine ever voting Republican.

    this is sooo telling:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5p3OB6roAg

  245. Wiser, when they lose the argument, I always get “Republicans are worse” or “They’re all corrupt”. I’m having an hard time keeping my contempt to myself. I’m not allowed to talk politics with my inlaws any more.

  246. http://tinyurl.com/84dkb4x

  247. I was kind of thinking the same thing. They are very disciplined in making people believe if you are a Republican you are racist, sexist, insert pejorative here, and therefore you must think like us. Plus they pay better.

  248. I just put one of MCPOs friends on face chimp into the idiot file. Not worth fighting with her. My hubby really thinks Dems are going to vote GOP over gas prices. I did fight with him. LOL We never fight.

  249. Are we to 4 millions hits yet?

  250. Are we to 4 millions hits yet?

    fucking lurkers.. always stinking the place up…..

  251. Obama’s condescension isn’t going to work this time. He looks like a pussy when he mocks people for holding positions he did just a few years back.

  252. I think 500,000 hits are me.

  253. wiserbud, age 17

    http://tinyurl.com/7zzsve8

  254. Hmmm. Seems fatter in here.

    Ohai Rosetta!

  255. But MJ, he sings! And he’s so cool! Plus, we have bracketology coming up. Squueeeeeee!

  256. Hmmm. Seems fatter in here.

    I’m big boned, asshole. Especially my abdominal bone.

    http://tinyurl.com/ybu9oht

  257. I think 500,000 hits are me.

    I might have close to that as well, Oso.

  258. Obama’s condescension isn’t going to work this time.

    Aww…MJ underestimating the number of idiots in this country.

    Bless his heart.

    http://tinyurl.com/6beupmq

  259. Aww…MJ underestimating the number of idiots in this country.
    ————————————–
    I’m trying to be more positive you fuckface, butt licking, cum dumpster.

  260. My hubby really thinks Dems are going to vote GOP over gas prices.

    See, that’s what stuns me (although I know it shouldn’t) about Democrats, especially Jewish Democrats. They would mindlessly vote for steaming pile of vomit as long as it had a D next to it.

    I crossed the aisle to vote for Lieberman for Senate when he last ran, simply because I agreed with him on his stance on the war on terrorism. I disagreed with him on everything else, but I was able to put that aside and vote for the person who I thought was stronger on what was, at the time, my primary focus.

    Yet a Democrat will vote for a Democrat forever, even if they, say.. for example, leave a girl to drown in the back of an 1967 Olds Delta 88.

    And then they will turn around and attempt to crucify a Republican for returning a library book late.

    It’s maddening.

  261. I’m trying to be more positive you fuckface, butt licking, cum dumpster.

    There’s no reason to talk to me like I’m Alec Baldwin’s daughter.

    http://tinyurl.com/7wacket

  262. wiserbud, age 17

    http://tinyurl.com/7zzsve8

    WTF????? Those fuckers stole my joke!!!!

    So, how’s the goutse, fatboy?

  263. 3 million? That’s a big f’n deal.

  264. Yet a Democrat will vote for a Democrat forever, even if they, say.. for example, leave a girl to drown in the back of an 1967 Olds Delta 88.
    ———————————
    Since we’re reliving stupid shit, one of my favorite comments of all time was on the first anniversary of Ted Kennedy’s death: “Ted Kennedy has been sober for one year.”

  265. There’s no reason to talk to me like I’m Alec Baldwin’s daughter.

    Alec Baldwin’s daughter wears way less makeup.

    you skank.

  266. Rosetta, have taken up knitting? Latex hosing perhaps?

  267. So, how’s the goutse, fatboy?

    I killed El Goutcho and raped his livestock.

    Actually it’s much better since I stopped drinking beer and having unprotected sex with Nicki Minaj.

    Plus I lost 180 pounds.

  268. Plus I lost 180 pounds.

    Cut your head off?

  269. Mare!

  270. I’m one of the few GOPers in my Hispanic Catholic family. Our Archbishop has been largely silent on the latest Obama fiasco. I have a theory. Just need a brick wall.

  271. Rosetta, have taken up knitting? Latex hosing perhaps?

    You’ve taken up knitting latex hosing?

    Bless your heart.

    http://tinyurl.com/aa2wp3

  272. This thread has been about reminiscing over the fun we had whilst we collected our first 3million views and the subject of your reg came up

    Where is it RIGHT NOW??!?

  273. . . .I stopped drinking beer

    Ah. No wonder it’s on sale. There’s a glut on the market.

  274. Cut your head off?

    Had my internal twin Bob Munck removed.

  275. SUP JEW!

  276. I have a theory. Just need a brick wall.

    If America’s science teachers would only recognize the power of a brick wall and a dozen or so Coronas, our children would not be falling so far behind the rest of the world in education..

  277. You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.

    WordPress, why don’t you come over here and say that?

  278. Where is it RIGHT NOW??!?

    I recently moved it for the 5th time. Assholes.

    It’s in the storage room next to Velvet Elvis.

  279. Had my internal twin Bob Munck removed.

    *shakes head sadly….

    So it was malignant, huh?

    sorry to hear that.

    Speaking of the Muncky, how much would you love to have the opportunity to be chatting with him about all of the new info that has come out about how the AGW frauds have been shown to be …well… frauds….

  280. ROSETTA!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=598IdFlOXcQ&feature=related

  281. Reg, Fake is possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever read or seen.

  282. It’s in the storage room next to Velvet Elvis.

    you sun of a bitch. STORAGE?!?!?

    *tears Justin Bieber PJ top from office wall and runs from room crying……

  283. Mom, Mare is linking tribbing videos!

  284. Reg, Fake is possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever read or seen.

    For the really funny part, you should have seen Lauraw, Scott and I tracking the package like capuchin monkeys on crack…

    Okay, it’s in St. Louis.. okay it’s on the truck.. okay it’s in his neighborhood. OMG IT’S AT HIS HOUSE!!!!!!

  285. Speaking of the Muncky, how much would you love to have the opportunity to be chatting with him about all of the new info that has come out about how the AGW frauds have been shown to be …well… frauds….

    I so miss those days. If I would have realized that was lightening in a bottle I would have hung out there more and done more mocking. I miss that shit.

    When he said he taught a class on Pascal I laughed so hard I threw up blood. Blood and Jäger.

  286. When he said he taught a class on Pascal I laughed so hard I threw up blood.

    My favorite was when he tried to impress us with the fact that he knew Tim Whoever, who had fallen off a mountain and died.

    Cuffy and I were merciless… Holy crap, I remember laughing so hard as we mocked him about that…

  287. I believe Miss Rosetta owes us a Henry update as well. His failure to supply timely updates on that handsome young man is almost as egregious as his placing, Reg, Fake into storage!

  288. MJ, GET YOU HEAD OFF MY BALLS!!

    NSFW

    http://tinyurl.com/7xgrm6e

  289. ROSETTA!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=598IdFlOXcQ&feature=related

    Hey….where’s my happy ending? No happy ending?

    WORST MASSAGE EVER!!

  290. mare has balls?

    MARE HAS BALLS!!!!!

  291. Plus I lost 180 pounds.

    Finally changed your underwear? Awesome.

    I recently moved it for the 5th time. Assholes.

    For 19.95 you can get the lucite display case with mirrored back and little lights in there.

  292. gee, guess who’s been away from the blog for too long……..

  293. A chakra was released!!

  294. For 19.95 you can get the lucite display case with mirrored back and little lights in there.

    For an extra $5, you can get the insluctions engraved on the side

  295. Must have http://i.imgur.com/2ktyM.jpg

  296. Just occurred to me that if we sent him a nice display case for that thing, it would be bigger and therefore more difficult to find storage space for.

    *writes materials list for Home Depot trip*

  297. I don’t yet know how this will manifest itself in reality but you three fountains of douche that created the Reg, Fake will someday find yourselves inconvenienced and irritated by its existence.

    Soon.

    http://tinyurl.com/62bvm5u

  298. Pffft. Whose scared of Mare waiting for Domino’s?

  299. Who is.

    Who’s

    shut up Hotspur

  300. A chakra was released!!

    Hahahahaha.

    Hey who ate all the butter?

    http://tinyurl.com/72fwocw

  301. Sup fagz.

    Who’s the fat bald guy?

  302. My top 5 favorite Hostage memories that I never, ever forget:

    (in no particular order)

    Banglar Van Party

    Fake Reg

    Dave in LI Sound

    My birthday party

    tbd

  303. Did anybody mention the eulogies today? Those were fun.

  304. Who’s the fat bald guy?

    That just hurts my feelings. . .

  305. Mrs Rosetta needs my help duct taping Henry to the wall.

    bbl

    http://tinyurl.com/3so4f5c

  306. This chick is a ninja, watch her go into invisible mode.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=SnizITIZAEM

  307. Top five favorite joke threads (in no particular order)

    Worst name for sex toys

    Worst car names

    Misquoted movie lines (I like that one because it started in the middle of the “serious” Rosetta the Racist” post that drew tons of people over, just to watch us all be idiots.)

    Worst Pron titles (no longer in existence…. grrrrrrrrrr)

    Worst names for charities (Animosity International…. fucking genius)

  308. >> That just hurts my feelings. . .

    No, the other one.

  309. Did anybody mention the eulogies today? Those were fun.

    yeah, cyn mentioned that earlier.

    I remember how it started out like “yeah, that might kinda sorta maybe okay sure that might be fun……”

    and turned out sooo much better than even I could have imagined.

  310. Thanks.

  311. Worst Cereals.

  312. Scott, I just stole your WWF pic for my FB page.

  313. I was gonna make meatballz today, but I got this clever idea to mix them up in the food processor rather than by hand. It got a little too smooth to make balls from, so I pressed it out into a meattza crust and just went with it. Turned out pretty good.

    And then I found $20.

  314. The eulogies were EPIC. Misquoted movie lines had my sides hurting from laughing so long.

  315. Yeah, but in for-realz land we’ve actually lost a couple friends. I understand the trepidation.

    I figure we all got drunk and said “fuck it, I’m in”.

    I had SUCH fun memorializing Chief Grumpybutt. And I can still see you giggling like a retard when you were writing mine.

  316. Yeah, but in for-realz land we’ve actually lost a couple friends. I understand the trepidation.

    Oh, so did I. But that’s also what gave me the idea.

    How awesome that we got to see what another Hostage would say about us at our funeral while still here?

  317. I just read a few of the eulogies. Jeebus their funny.

  318. …they’re…

  319. Misquoted movie lines

    Where is that thread?

  320. That’s the way I’d wanna be remembered.

  321. Where is that thread?

    It’s in the middle of Rosetta the Racist.

    It starts innocently enough when someone misquotes a movie.

    an dthen we do what we do….

  322. I am FB friends with morons that lurk here. The Eulogies is one of the many things that keeps people lurking. They just don’t feel funny enough to comment here. I’m less funny than xbad and I delurked.

  323. >> I remember the many times Dave and I would ride together in the back of a cab, laughing as he would tell me about his…. oh, wait, we’re here.

    This. Was. Classic.

  324. I’m less funny than xbad and I delurked.

    I give you “Death March of Dimes” and this is the shit I gotta put up with?

  325. Um…They’re.

  326. …they’re…
    ———————-
    I knew that was coming.

  327. Remember when Rosetta told us about the first time he got his period?

  328. Search for this to see the beginning of the misquoted movies:

    111.
    Comment by BrewFan on October 18, 2008 4:44 pm

    YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH!

    Sadly, it was from the old Hostages, so it’s kind of tough to read

  329. xbad, you always make me giggle. I don’t know why you got the “unfunny” rep.

  330. xBrad – Yeah, but you’ve made such progress. You’re now the third unfunniest person on this blog.

  331. She got her.

  332. Oh, and no conversation about the funniest H2 moments is complete without this classic:

    http://thehostages.wordpress.com/2009/06/24/come-take-the-tour-now-boarding/

  333. Hahahaha

    Scott!!

  334. You’re now the third unfunniest person on this blog.</i

    Either xbrad got funnier or unfunnier people delurked…

    discuss.

    And osohoto is funnier than xbrad ever was, except as material…

  335. Fierce Scorpion!

    Did we ever get pics of his wife?

  336. my favorite comment on KKA’s thread is still the first one:

    Comment by pajama momma on June 24, 2009 12:26 pm

    ohhhh, so glad I got on the computer just now. This is gonna be an interesting day.

  337. Record store

  338. WTF is a record store?

  339. My absolute favorite was adding Get the fuck out of here to Biblical characters. I was at work at the time with tears running down my cheeks making choking sounds. People thought someone died and I lost it.

  340. it would be really cool if some lurkers de-lurked to tell us why they are here.

    I promise we won’t be mean…

    *snicker

  341. Leon, it’s a place where they sell instruments and sheet music – in California.

  342. Fierce Scorpion!

    Did we ever get pics of his wife?

    AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

    Yannow what I really miss?

    The late night links to music videos..

    this place has totally sucked since those stopped….

  343. Ah, that explains why I haven’t heard of them. All of my time in CA was spent wondering why every single woman was wearing hooker boots.

  344. *sets out lurker bait.

  345. Here, wiser. Maybe I can make it up to you.

    http://tinyurl.com/2eawg2o

  346. Where are my pants

    What color tutu are you wearing

  347. All of my time in CA was spent wondering why every single woman was wearing hooker boots.

    ummmm…. they are all hookers?

  348. One of the funniest things EVER said wasnt on the blog but when we were together in CT. We were all having breakfast on the last day and PJM said um eggs…how do I like my eggs and Mrs. Peel said Fertilized? hahahahaha it was awesome

  349. swimsuit area

  350. Mrs. Peel said Fertilized?

    Classic!

  351. being paid $5.25 cents a week

  352. I used to love finding new ways to pay sohos her intern fee for saying “mine are bigger.”

    I would patiently wait…. some days for hours…. it would kill me…

  353. ummmm…. they are all hookers?

    That would explain it, yes. But I was never propositioned.

    *ponders, strokes beard in sagely fashion*

    Now I feel kind of hurt, retroactively.

  354. Zimbabwean dollars.. empty returnable beer bottles..

    gad, that was so much fun

  355. Where are all the tabs

  356. Fertilized

    “Don’t make me laugh. My head hurts.”

  357. Mrs. Peel said Fertilized?

    I nearly spewed my coffee.. but there was no way I was wasting coffee that morning…

  358. WE did a rap song thread one night that was hysterical where did that go?

  359. Hotspur will never ride with me again. It’s really not my fault that he wasn’t quick enough to turn off his hearing aids!?!

  360. coffee was medicinal that morning

  361. where did that go?

    I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s my fault..

  362. but I’m sure it’s my fault..

    hahahaha but don’t worry I will defend you

  363. NEW SWAMP PEOPLE EPISODE!

  364. That’s not a cobra.

  365. Hostage swarms.

    We haven’t had a good one of those in a while.

  366. hahahaha but don’t worry I will defend you

    Well, that’s a given….

    now cuddle up a little closer and maybe we’ll be able to block out the GODDAMN TALKING!!!!

  367. Sausagefest

  368. The Bewbs page was pretty funny too.

  369. Hostage swarms.

    oh hells yeah… those were so much fun…

    too bad we all don’t have as much time anymore…

    THANK YOU, NANCY!!!

    (oops, wrong blog)

  370. What the fuck is this shit

  371. Sox is home!

    Of course, he bolted out of his kitty carrier, and ran under the bed. And is hiding.

  372. SOX!!

    WE NEED SOX!!!

    there was nothing funnier than Xbrad’s cat commenting here….

  373. “Thanks, Nancy” at the HQ really saved me from severe depression.

  374. Comment by Jewstin on February 23, 2012 8:33 pm

    *thud

  375. PEACE BLIMP!

  376. good times, good times.

  377. Here’s an interesting little factoid:

    At this point, this thread has over 360 comments.

    Approx. 350 of them are on topic.

    That’s an H2 record.

  378. Soccer game. I’m dying. 3-2 we’re winning. Erin scored

  379. WooHoo Erin!

  380. I like pie

  381. I liked the Best Advice to Children joke thread. That ass Rosetta was saying insane stuff.

  382. did anybody —–anyone else today

  383. I used to watch girls soccer in high school.

    I had very different reasons.

  384. Soccer game. I’m dying. 3-2 we’re winning. Erin scored

    excellent timing, as usual….

  385. I’ll do more off topic wiser. Don’t tempt me.

    *looks up a recipe to share

  386. I liked the Best Advice to Children joke thread.,/i>

    I remember that, vaguely,…..

    yo have a link?

  387. “Erin scored”

    3 times? Anything less would be disappointing.

  388. *looks up a recipe to share

    well, it was fun while it lasted……

    so, my lats are hurting from my PSX90 workout this morning, but I think it’s worth it….

  389. How about favorite recipe ever shared?

  390. Erin scored

    I hope her mother doesn’t find out!

  391. Car in, get a recipe for me! I want Cyn to put me on the hostage recipes page but I don’t cook!

  392. Erin scored

    pics or it didn’t happen….

  393. 5-2

  394. Since when is there a topic? What topic? Are we supposed to stick to a topic? Who the hells idea is this?

    *shakes fist at wiser*

  395. I love the header pic of xbrad.

  396. Wiser banhammer!

  397. hahahaha….Wiser thinks I know how to find a link for a thread here….hshhahahah

    He’s such a scamp!

  398. Momma eagle turned her eggs and settled down for the night. Wind is picking up.

    Tonight, here, will be windy as shit. Tomorrow, 35 degrees lower.

  399. *shakes fist at wiser*

    *throws some lube to beasn…..

  400. heheh Carin scores!

  401. wiser, you should ban someone today just for shits and giggles.

  402. Cyn, hostage recipes needs a “Drinks” tab. I can come up with a drink recipe!

  403. He’s such a scamp!

    *giggle

  404. Hey gang! 78 °F for the high here today!!!

  405. We’re getting 2-5 inches of snow tonight, and somehow I’ve got live flies in the house. WTF.

  406. Hey Cyn! STFU!!

  407. Leon – Blow flies from the rotting beef and rancid coconut oil.

  408. *boooooooom…..

  409. wiser, you should ban someone today just for shits and giggles.

    now that’s a damn fine idea……

    *looks around…..

    yannow, that Americano bitch has been pissing me off forever…..

  410. beef tips with rice for dinner

  411. hostage recipes needs a “Drinks” tab.

    Show me one time… ONE TIME!!!.. where I have complained about drink recipes…….

  412. SoHoS – Quit tempting me with your beef tips!

  413. *flashes MCPO in her heatwave bikini top*

  414. mmmmmmmmmmm beef tips.

  415. beef tips with rice for dinner

    Ooh that sounds good. Beef tips in horseradish gravy. I know what I’m making for supper tomorrow.

  416. Topic: cuppafart, cakes and pigpoo

  417. i hate you all.

  418. Drink Category created at http://hostagerecipes.wordpress.com/

    You want keys Oso, you got ‘em. Let me know what email addy you want me to shoot the invitation to. Anyone else too.

  419. Did anybody sweep anybody else’s leg today?

  420. Cyn, I have a tip for you.

  421. Beef tips broiled in tongue sauce.

    You should serve potato with that.

  422. Beef in my house never gets a chance to rot, and coconut oil doesn’t go rancid.

    I’m starting to think MCPO isn’t really a scientist.

  423. oh my god, I’m crying here….

    http://thehostages.wordpress.com/2008/06/20/worst-disney-movie-titles/

  424. I didnt really have beef tips w/rice I was fake dinner blogging. I havent eaten rice in years….*cries*

  425. I thought the “drinks” recipe page was just a polite link over to hookersandbooze.

  426. Ha! Scott, my beef tips will, in fact, be boiled in tongue broth which I have kept frozen for just such an occasion.

  427. Thanks, Cyn. Tonight, Evan on ice was good enough for my husband.

  428. Cyn, I have a tip for you.

    HAHA! Please tweet that to me immediately!

  429. The Little Spermaid

    Hahahahahahahaha

    *Crying*

  430. Alice in Auschwitz

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

  431. Miami Heat killing Knickerbockers. Lin is a pussy.

  432. This is easily the greatest poat poated here today.

    And in light of that, I give it a rousing 2 of these thingies: **

  433. I didnt really have beef tips w/rice I was fake dinner blogging.

    Lying makes the Recipe Baby Jesus cry.

  434. Hey faggot, ban me.

    I got shit to do tonight.

  435. That is a bit scary Jewstin.

  436. Old Yeller Discharge

    ouch ouch ouch my sides……

  437. I thought the “drinks” recipe page was just a polite link over to hookersandbooze.

    Polite? You’re funny :D

  438. Oso: check you Fe-mail.

  439. Hey faggot, ban me.

    You need to ask me three times….

    SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE!!! IS IT REALLY THAT DIFFICULT???!!?

  440. I don’t see a drink tab at the recipe site, Cyn….

  441. Goddamn I have to ask three times?

    What is this, homo baseball?

  442. Three strikes and you’re outed.

  443. I don’t see a drink tab at the recipe site, Cyn….

    She’s a-thar; just needs to be filled, Aggie.

  444. What is this, homo baseball?

    look, there’s a tab for this….

  445. Filled….how, exactly?

    *grins*

  446. Checked, Cyn. Now, I have to pick a drink!

  447. look, there’s a tab for this….

    I thought you dele–

    Oh, right. We don’t talk about that.

  448. 61 Dalmations: Michael Vick

  449. Oh, right. We don’t talk about that.

    zipit…

    zip..

    got me?

    ***

  450. I just re-read the whole eulogy again.

    It was ok.

  451. I can’t believe that tomorrow is backfat Friday already.

  452. I can’t believe that tomorrow is backfat Friday already.

    Maybe this time it will be a real live girl instead of a Pixar creation.

  453. Maybe this time it will be a real live girl instead of a Pixar creation.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!

    I love you, man.

  454. It was ok.

    ok? OK????

    fine. I’m going to have PJM read aloud that at your funeral.

    Happy now?

  455. I think I saw an H2 tweet earlier this week about some new chick for BBF? Was that your tweet Andy?

  456. Haven’t read up-thread yet. Just had to throw this out for Michael.

    http://tinyurl.com/75mxcb3

    I’ll be back…

  457. In fact, forget that.

    I’m going to hire PJM’s cousin to read BiW’s eulogy for Rosetta at your funeral instead.

    Happy now?

  458. I think we should email Erica Campbell and see if she’ll pose for us, in honor of the occasion.

  459. covers

  460. * gives PJM bullhorn *

  461. >> Was that your tweet Andy?

    Yes. It’s a chick that CAC has photgraphed. She meets the definition.

  462. I’m willing to toss her $5 and her choice of one item from Wiserstuff, if that will help.

  463. I think we should email Erica Campbell and see if she’ll pose for us, in honor of the occasion.

    I volunteer to take the pictures at no charge…

  464. I might even chip in a buck o’five to Erica.

    Wha?!?!?!!

  465. Tomorrow is “Go Texan” day. I expect you Yankees to get onboard

  466. I’m as happy as a leetle girl.

    I had lunch with this gentleman today. Former Marine, veteran of Iwo Jima.

    http://www.glo.texas.gov/voices-of-veterans/interviews/marshall.html

    I’ve known him for 20 years now. He’s a local hero, and a good guy.

  467. She meets the definition.

    Er… I don’t see the MJ has started working on the poat for tomorrow.

  468. I expect you Yankees to get onboard

    Tomorrow I will find a way to use ‘yall’ in a sentence.

  469. Tomorrow is “Go Texan” day.

    You’re Texan, right?

    then I’m in.

  470. ARCHER!!!!!

  471. I had lunch with this gentleman today. Former Marine, veteran of Iwo Jima.

    What a treat and an honor! You’re a good doobie, Dave.

  472. Cool, Dave.

  473. Whoa. The WordDouche people changed the way tweets embed.

  474. Thanks, Dave.

  475. I made a batch of light rye parmesan cheese rolls a couple nights ago with my sourdough starter. Scott pretty much killed them.

    This evening I made a batch of mostly white wheat (with some oat bran and rice flour) rolls that came out real nice. We both like the chewy rolls with a lot of lacy holes in the crumb.

    Although super-soft rolls are better for the cheeseburgers Scott prefers. I can buy those.

    I have a 100% rye sourdough starter going now for baking with this weekend.

    Mrs. Peel’s snickerdoodles
    Jay’s buttermilk sourdough waffles
    rye pretzels
    rye bread
    baked chickens with peach-rosemary glaze
    some vegetable thing

    I has full roster.

  476. Ok friends time for bed. Yay tomorrow is FRIDAY

  477. Lucky you Dave! That’s a treasure of an acquaintance.

    I so rarely meet members of the WWII vet community. And now that my late friend has passed, all the ones I knew are gone now.

  478. wiser, you should ban someone today just for shits and giggles.

    I think it should be Michael.

  479. Cyn, I would like an invite for the recipe blog, please.

  480. Keifer’s money has been no good at the restaurant for a long time.

    He reminds me of Sonny, the step dad of our 70s band drummer who was also a Marine that fought from Guadalcanal to Iwo.

    Sonny passed a few years ago. God, he loved his Corps. Sweet man.

  481. I am off to bed as well. Let me know if Erica’s up for posing in just an Animosity International golf shirt (size small, stretched downward strategically).

    I might pay as much as $10 for that.

  482. Headed your way Roamy!

    ——

    Sweet dreams to all those headed off to dream land!

  483. CYN!

  484. woot!

  485. Was there ever any doubt, Andy?

  486. Was there ever any doubt, Andy?

    Maybe no doubt, but there’s certainly gratitude.

  487. GEOFF!

  488. Night, y’all. This has been fun. Lots of memories and laughs.

  489. Night, y’all. This has been fun. Lots of memories and laughs.

    Oso must be writing from a prison cell. Or a leper colony.

  490. Geoff, NM. Same thing.

  491. Now that everyone’s gone to bed…..

    *removes rubberfist from secure location, puts it on wiser’s pillow, runs away into the night giggling like xbrad in the middle of a flock of sheep.

  492. Hurrrrr derp der.

  493. Anyone up? I wanted to sleep longer, but I’m bad at sleeping in.

  494. Yo.

  495. wakey wakey

  496. I think the ebola has morphed into something else.

    Last night I felt worse than ever.

  497. I am reading about deadlifts. It’s scintillating.

  498. BLISTERING article. I don’t know what to tease.

    It’s true enough that oil prices can’t be commanded from the Oval Office, so in that sense Mr. Obama’s disavowal of blame is a rare show of humility in the face of market forces. Would that he showed similar modesty in trying to command the tides of home prices, car sales (“cash for clunkers”), or the production of electric batteries.

  499. Looks like if I get off the ground this afternoon, I’ll be flying into high winds in a two prop plane. Not looking forward to it.

    *gets affairs in order*

  500. I’m sorry you’re still sick, Carin. Are you getting enough rest?

  501. Did we do a eulogy for you pupster? Just in case?

    Please don’t die in a firey crash.

  502. I think I’m getting enough rest. I’m never sick like this. Last night I couldn’t even eat.

    I’M OFF MY FOODBAG. I just hope it’s not pneumonia or something.

  503. 1. Erica Campbell

    2.

    I’m no good at this, who wants to go 2?

  504. 2 should be Judy Greer. Her voice role on Archer convinced me.

  505. Off to work in the late-season blizzard. OMG 4″ of snow!

    Snowmageddon!

  506. Good morning.

  507. LEON NOOOOO!

    First we have Puspter riding in a rickety plane, now Leon’s driving in 4 inches of snow.

    We’re going to need some new de-lurkers.

  508. HI ROAMY

    *cough hack cough

    oops. Sorry.

  509. **makes BIG pot of chicken and rice soup

  510. This is slow. I’m going to put up a poat to hold us over until BBF. brb

  511. Googamerrnin.

  512. Have you guys seen the bootleg fireworks youtube? MY husband’s been laughing about it for weeks. The start the workday with it everyday.

  513. Does that one include the blowing up various body parts Carin?

  514. New poat!

  515. I have a sore throat and a fever. I think Carin coughed on me.


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