Secret Santa: Last Call

I know everyone’s been busy with work and prepping for Turkey Day, but you’ve put this off long enough so get off your ass and sign up for The Third Annual H2 Secret Santa right now!!!

.

**IMPORTANT**: Sign-up deadline is this Saturday, 11/26/2011.

*Email your name, address, & phone to (remove asterisks and spaces):  TheH2SecretSanta*@*gmail*.*com

  • I will email your Secret Santa recipient’s name & addy on Sunday 11/27/11
  • Gifts should not exceed $20 and should be wrapped. Rosetta did some research a few years back for places to find gifts if you’re too lazy to go to the store and provided some links in this poat; the linkies may or may not work anymore.
  • DO NOT put your name on the gift–it’s supposed to be a surprise you silly!
  • Last recommended mailing date of your gift: Monday 12/12/11
  • DO NOT open your gift when it arrives! We’ll do a gift opening poat on Wed 12/21/11 or Thur 12/22/11, and keep in mind that you may receive something from your SS that might be NSFW so please shield the eyes of your various furr babies or Dolly

If you’ve already emailed me, then good for you and here’s an early Christmas present; one for the ladies and one for the gents.

398 Comments

  1. *breathes in deeply*

    This post smells better than one of those Christmas tree hangy things.

  2. So if you don’t want them, send them my way.
    ————————–
    I already threw ‘em out. Sorry, buddy. And happy birthday, BTW.

  3. Awww. Thanks for the early present, Cyn. I bet that girls plays a great game of scrabble.

    Letters on slut’s rail: SCOAMF

    Word she spells: So.

  4. I don’t know MJ. She kinda looks like she just might have a PhD in Agribusiness. See that hay behind her?

  5. Mmmmm, brunette wif blue eyes!

  6. Another whooooooooooore?

    It’s getting so you can’t swing Rosetta’s pants about your head without hitting one.

  7. I don’t know MJ.
    —————–
    Hmmm. You may be right. She’s probably spell: FAMOS.

  8. She has blue eyes?

    Huh.

  9. Why is MJ speaking in Ebonics today?

  10. MJ, my buddy ran the Tough Mudder over the weekend.
    —————————————-
    Looks like a ton of fun. Once I get past this half, I’m going to see where this whole fitness thing is going. I start with a PT tomorrow.

    Oh, why don’t you just throw all caution to the wind and sign up with us?

    It’ll be fun. JD – a regular around conservative sites – is gonna do it. He’s the one who ran it over the weekend – and is willing to do another.


  11. I already threw ‘em out. Sorry, buddy. And happy birthday, BTW.

    yeah.

    thanks.

    bastard….

  12. Oh my goodness! I don’t think she’s a whore, BiW! Slut? Oh yeah.

  13. She came up with PINK hay, she’s like, rocket surgeon type smart.

    with huge brains to boot!

  14. I’m sort of honed-in on Mr. Cooper. Bunkity bunk bunk. Rawr.

  15. Does he make you hony, Cyn?

  16. HAHAHA! Oh very much so. I love heem looooong time!

  17. You know why he’s laughing? Because he just took a dump in that bath tub.

  18. “Hony” = High class & horny.

  19. You just hush your mouth Compos!

    Later cool kids.

  20. Listen to Compos on this one, Cyn.

    He’s an expert.

  21. “Listen to Compos on this one, Cyn.
    He’s an expert.”

    hahahahaha…thinking the same thing.

  22. I got out of bed at the crack of 1pm for this?

  23. hahahahaha…thinking the same thing. SYWM!

    That was over ten years ago. And I sure as fuck wasn’t smiling!

    Andy…Quick! Look over your left shoulder! http://tinyurl.com/82qm2y3

  24. I shit you not this is the status on facechimp for some chick I grew up with:

    “I think we need an Occupy Black Friday uprising where families block entrances to retail stores. Do you think bargain shoppers would pepper spray families engaging in a game of red rover, arts and crafts, or a hacky sack freestyle contest?”

    Has anyone ever read anything so ignorant as that?

  25. You should encourage her.

  26. Someone should graph that thought process

  27. Yes, yes I would pepper spray them.

    And enjoy it.

  28. Count – You might remind her that your local gun shop has a Black Friday sale and encourage her to block THEIR entrance.

  29. good call mcpo

  30. Someone should graph that thought process

    I’m on it….

    *where’s my brick wall….

  31. Count, I’m assuming this person hasn’t ever been at a Wal-Mart entrance at 5:00 a.m. on Black Friday…..(there’s a REASON I don’t go out on that day!)

    She sounds like a “pre-emptive” winner of this year’s Darwin Award – by all means, you should encourage her to attempt this; ask her where she wants the flowers for her memorial service sent (there won’t BE a body to find :P )

    Is this the same idiot who wanted to “show support” for OWS a couple of months ago, but didn’t know how?

  32. Yes, yes I would pepper spray them.

    As we were leaving the dinner dance around 12:30am on Saturday night, we drove past the local OccupyAlbany encampment.

    OI rolled down the window and screamed “GET A FUCKING JOB, YOU LAZY FUCKING LEECHES!!!!”

    in-laws were not happy, but the kids laughed.

  33. in-laws were not happy, but the kids laughed.

    HAHAHAHA…..No wonder your FIL tried to kill you.

  34. They should try and shut down the railroads, occupy train tracks.

  35. different dumbass TIF. apparently there’s more than one on facechimp these days.

    I told her to start with the gun shops.

  36. by the way happy bday wiser.

  37. by the way happy bday wiser.

    Thanks, count.

    The day actually sucked pretty badly, but that just means the rest of the year will be better.

  38. OI rolled down the window and screamed “GET A FUCKING JOB, YOU LAZY FUCKING LEECHES!!!!”

    hahaha — Wiser = My Hero!

  39. Being thwarted from doing business/ errands makes me extremely sympathetic to the people trashing my To-Do List.

  40. HAHAHAHA…..No wonder your FIL tried to kill you.

    Hmmmm…. I hadn’t put those two together…..

    It was really funny to keep driving another block and turn the corner and see all the local bars just packed with people having fun. Compared to the 12 tents at most on whatever ground the occupiers were defiling.

    Hmmm… let’s see…. sleep in a tent to protest the evil corporations for being so corporation-y or hang out and have a few beers……

    Obviously not a tough call for many of the younger people in Albany.

    But they are the 99%, doncha know….

  41. Why’d you guys lock out Pupster?

    http://tinyurl.com/6sogtdc

  42. Wiser = My Hero!

    My hero is the guy at Ace’s who said he stops at the traffic light right outside the Missoula, MT encampment at 4am every morning on his way to work and just leans on his horn for 2 solid minutes before moving on.

  43. I’m pretty sure these attitudes constitute hate crimes in all 57 states.

    And I whole-heartedly approve.

    I was watching Morning Mika’s meltdown over Newt basically saying the same thing during lunch…a rant interupted by someone bringing belts to her on the set, adding to the bizzaro world feel of Carter’s Secretary of State’s kid droning on about Newt being part of the 1% and the horror and revulsion she felt at his comment.

    Then one of her fawning panelists started talking about how the GOP needs to address issues of income inequality, and the moment was lost.

    OCCUPY ELECTRIC PEPPER SPRAY SUPPOSITORIES!

  44. OCCUPY ELECTRIC PEPPER SPRAY SUPPOSITORIES!

    +738,984,321,011 Eloquence Medals

  45. Mika has all of the intellectual prowess of an amoeba. Talk about your privileged 1%!? Does anyone think she would have that job if not for her father?

    Hey Mika! STFU!

  46. I’ve got a mediocre HS education, and a failed attempt at college, and I’m a shitload smarter than her.

    And her dad.

  47. Did I miss Wiser’s birthday?

    Sorry Wiser. Happy Birthday, handsome.

  48. OccupyNoTrees hasn’t gotten off the ground yet.

  49. +738,984,321,011 Eloquence Medals

    What? You were out of Nobels?

    *shakes fist at Skye*

    MMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRE!!!11!!

  50. Hey Cathy, how are you feeling?

  51. Hi Lips.

    First full day with no oxycontin… Not good.

    I’ll survive.

  52. I don’t know about the secret santa thing. Last year I got TI this

    http://www.cafepress.com/monkeydantees.109392433

    and shortly thereafter she disappeared.

  53. *walks into hostages feeling cocky

  54. The day actually sucked pretty badly

    Awesome!! WOOT! WOOT!!

    wait…….wha?

  55. Did everyone see my dramatic self-injury?

    Top poat on my crapblog.

  56. And thus is born possibly our first Russian Hostage.

  57. **looks down pants**

    Don’t worry, cocky. She does that to everyone.

  58. Did everyone see my dramatic self-injury?

    Top poat on my crapblog.

    I’ve never seen a fap wound quite like that.

    You should totally ask XBrad for the best way to treat that.

  59. I squoze out a vitamin E capsule on it.

    I won’t be doing any fapping until it heals.

  60. Lotion! Really, lotion.

  61. I hope some of you get an iPad from Santa. I really enjoy it.

  62. Hey now, when you and me flip that SCOAMF the bird, it’s our right as Americans.

    That foreigner just insulted my president, I think.

  63. Did everyone see my dramatic self-injury?

    Top poat on my crapblog.

    You have a blog?

  64. I don’t claim that communist mofo.

  65. you’re doing it wrong leon

  66. count, I know I am, but PussyHouse gym doesn’t let me use chalk.

  67. Leon’s blog looks kind of insane.

    I found that article about the muscular mice pretty interesting though.

  68. Holy cow!

    Here in Dallas we have free water falling out of the sky!!!

  69. Aloha snack bar!

  70. So do I!

  71. Laura, if you click the “upgrades” category I have about a half-dozen of those from the last couple of years.

    Mice get all the cool stuff first. Including congenital ass cancer, of course.

  72. Yeah, but then after the marathon and stress tests, they have to get that ‘cool stuff’ checked out under a microscope.

    And something tells me the docs don’t bother with just a little biopsy.

  73. Here in Dallas we have free water falling out of the sky!!!

    Wha? I’m having to pay for mine.

  74. PJ, what did the Ikea letter say?!?

  75. You didn’t get the email lips?

    I thought you were on the list. Hold on, I’ll send it to you.

  76. Laura, I’m mostly upset that after many, many murine alpha tests, I’m still not allowed to beta test because why? I might cheat at sports.

    Fucking fascists.

  77. oops, maybe I should have checked email.

  78. hahaha, well you have it again.

  79. Wha? I’m having to pay for mine.

    I’m not shitting you. This water is just coming from the sky, refreshing the lawn, and filling my pool.

  80. The myostatin inhibition is the one that really pisses me off. They can give it to adult mice, whereafter they become as muscular as a mouse can be with almost no effort, they live 50% longer, and have better all-around health outcomes, they just need to eat more.

    We also know there are humans surviving nicely with the exact same natural mutation, and yet I can’t have it, even though it could literally be a single injection of a cheap-to-make custom virus.

  81. Pay for water?

    The mind boggles.

  82. My pond is the deepest I’ve seen it.

  83. You should tweet that.

  84. Pay for water?

    The mind boggles.

    I pay for it in the fact that my chickens are too stupid to go into the shed when it rains, so I have to wait till it’s dark and pouring rain, pick them up and put them in the shed one by one.

  85. Didja know that there is a genetically-engineered mouse with Down syndrome (Trisomy 21)?

    Science – is there anything it can’t do?

  86. They have genetically-obese mice, too. They are like tribbles, except they can’t breed naturally at all. Too fat to hump.

  87. Too fat to hump.

    I’ve been there.

  88. **wanders in with a twelve-pack of Sweetwater 420.

    **pops a cold one

    Hi honey, how was your day?

  89. Lymphoma.

  90. I’ve been there.

    Me too.

  91. Hi Romey.

    It was like this:

  92. Cocktail in my hand. Finally.

  93. Nice ouchie there Leon.

    *emails case of Jergen’s*

  94. Everybody pays for water.

    Everybody man.

  95. Welp, it’s official. I now must wear glasses all the time. I am not particularly happy.

  96. Cyn, just do the Sarah Palin thing.

  97. Ooo Roamy– I actually tried on a pair that were kinda like hers!

  98. Cyn, it works for S.E. Cupp, just combine it with a hot bod and pencil skirts.

  99. Everybody pays for water.

    Sometimes you only rent it.

    Jefferson, Thomas: Stuff Jefferson Said, Vol. III

  100. Good suggestion Leon. I have the cups for sure, but the bod and the skirt are iffy.

  101. So…my in-laws who are in poor health and really should have someone close looking after them put off moving into assisted living because they had a dog, and very few facilities allow pets. Their collie passed away a month or so ago (at the ripe old age of 13), and I thought, finally, they can sell their house and not depend on the neighbors for every little thing.

    The breeder for their old dog offered them another one, so now they have a new dog to take care of! Isn’t that grrrrreat!

  102. I may have to try on a couple of different styles with some pictures and then do a post with a poll and have you all help me decide which pair to choose.

    I also apparently have a slight astigmatism. I’m just looking forward to a time when I stop furrowing my eyebrows to help focus.

  103. How many letters can you read on this eye chart Cyn?

    http://tinyurl.com/74sq9ac

  104. Iffy? Iffy??? Every red-blooded Hostage man (BIRM) just said “bullshit”.

  105. Oh yay, Roamy. HAHA! What on earth were they thinking.

  106. Count, I’m assuming this person hasn’t ever been at a Wal-Mart entrance at 5:00 a.m. on Black Friday…

    FYI, many retailers, including Wallyworld, sales begin at midnight this year.

  107. I switched to wire-frames a few years ago, I like them fine.

  108. Dave, I can see it! The letters on your chart read thusly:

    F
    U
    C
    K

    Y
    O
    U

    Did I get them all correct?!?

  109. Cyn, if pencils are out, pleated tartan is always good.

    Send me pictures, I’ll let you know if it’s a good look for you.

  110. How many numbers can you read on this chart, Dave?

    http://tinyurl.com/855278t

  111. *emails Roamy a check for $1,000,000 and three giant sized Hershey’s dark chocolate bars with an unopened jar of Jif*

  112. The 34 is a little hard for me to make out. Is it equally-hard for the XX-chromosome folks?

  113. I have TONS of tartan skirts! I usually pair it with a leather bustier, I hope that’s okay. Check your email right now Leon!!!

    _____________

    My family wants me to eat dinner with them or something.

  114. I’m going to go kick a collie breeder in the poon.

  115. Leon, the 34 is no harder for me than the other two on the bottom.

  116. Leon, the 34 is no harder for me than the other two on the bottom

    Okay, I think I’m all right.

    I have TONS of tartan skirts! I usually pair it with a leather bustier, I hope that’s okay. Check your email right now Leon!!!

    *Checks email like it owes me money*

  117. I’m going to go kick a collie breeder in the poon.

    Yeah. that really sucks.

  118. Remember this guy?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElzPZNSdd5w&feature=relmfu

    Here he is at 8 weeks. His owners kick ass.
    Dogs and cats don’t give a crap about vision.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNpeTCEPrRk&feature=relmfu

  119. Is everyone’s house clean? Did you remember the bathrooms?! Did you make your 2nd booze run yet?!

    OMG! So much left to do!!?!

  120. >> Did I get them all correct?!?

    Hahahaha.. yep.. I think you did.

  121. .. chicks with glasses are hot.

  122. I know I was supposed to pay attention to the story lipstick, but those two puppies were SO stinkin’ cute!

    awwwwwwwww, puppy breath

  123. RFH, that’s a chart with numbers? It looks like popcorn balls with crazy food coloring.

    I think the first one has a 9 in it, after that, nuthin.

  124. Here he is at 8 weeks. His owners kick ass.
    Dogs and cats don’t give a crap about vision.

    I can’t wait till they teach him to use the red tipped cane.

  125. Dave is number blind.

  126. Is everyone’s house clean? Did you remember the bathrooms?! Did you make your 2nd booze run yet?!

    My mother in law is coming this week. It’s enough to crash my IKEA induced high.

  127. Yep. It’s not colorblindness, it’s innumeracy.

  128. Dave, it does have a 9.

    **feels bad for being a meanie

    Scott, my sister had a deaf cat. Man, he could meow LOUD.

  129. “My hero is the guy at Ace’s who said he stops at the traffic light right outside the Missoula, MT encampment at 4am every morning on his way to work and just leans on his horn for 2 solid minutes before moving on.”

    You and Mr. Horn share honors.

  130. Scott, Oskar is pretty fricken cool!!

  131. We had to put down our blind dog a couple of months ago.
    Nobody believed us when we told them she couldn’t see.

    She would run down trails and fetch soccer balls just like sighted dogs.

  132. MT encampment at 4am every morning on his way to work and just leans on his horn for 2 solid minutes before moving on.”

    hahahaha, except it doesn’t matter because, as we’ve seen, no one really sleeps in those tents

  133. My mother in law is coming this week.

    I’m overnighting some xanax and val-u-rite right now PJ!!

  134. Mare! I knew you would like that.

    Oskar has awesome owners.

  135. She would run down trails and fetch soccer balls just like sighted dogs.

    That is so very awesome Scott.

  136. We had to put down our blind dog a couple of months ago.

    awwww, I’m sorry. That part makes me sad.

    She would run down trails and fetch soccer balls just like sighted dogs.

    That part makes me smile.

  137. Oskar is a tabby like my Lil’Bow and they are the sweetest most loving, angel, sweethearts ever!

    Thanks for that video, Scott. Don’t tell Laura I said that, tell her I think your links are boring crap and to KNOCK IT OFF!

  138. I’m overnighting some xanax and val-u-rite right now PJ!!

    God bless you my child.

    More please!

  139. Numbers can suckit.

    It’s not really colorblindness, just can discern most shades of red or green.

    Driving with me is a HOOT!

  140. She had glaucoma. The only way to end the pain is to remove the eyes or chemically kill the eye.

    We put that off as long as we could because we didn’t know how she would react to being blind.

    She didn’t give a shit. Dogs and cats generally don’t.

  141. HAHAHAHA! So I check our spam bucket periodically and found this gem, in the “I, Rosetta…Racist” poat:

    Submitted on 2011/11/21 at 8:36 pm
    You are the worst writer

    Not Spam | Delete Permanently

  142. He is pretty bad, I mean, to be fair.

  143. There is only red and green.

    The “shades” and 47 different names for them are bullshit.

  144. It sounds as if it’s a harder decision for us humans to make than it is to our furry babes, Scott. I know it would be a tough decision for me to make, but when there’s pain involved, that’s kinda different.

  145. I hope you approved the comment, cyn!

    We’re no fascists here!

  146. We put that off as long as we could because we didn’t know how she would react to being blind.

    oh man, that’s tough.

    I think it’s easier to have chickens. You just eat them.

  147. Approved with haste.

  148. Approved with haste.

    bwahaha hahahaha that’s my cyn!

  149. So, Friday is number one son’s birthday. I’m going to marinade a London Broil and Herself is baking a 3 layer chocolate cake for the young man.

  150. >> The “shades” and 47 different names for them are bullshit.

    COLORIST!

  151. Check you gmail please PJ.

  152. Did anybody haul off and slug anybody else today?

  153. Tell your boy Happy Birthday, Chief. I think that’s my anniversary; I should probably look into that.

  154. Cyn – you never write me. . .

  155. Sean – slugs are hard to come by around these parts after September.

  156. So, Friday is number one son’s birthday

    I thought you only had one.

    Why do you confuse me so?

  157. Did anybody haul off and slug anybody else today?

    No, but Crazy Bear tried to fight the law.

    http://tinyurl.com/bu2d8yv

  158. I miss that dog. She chased a 300 lb man out of my store as I was reaching for my security pipe.

    While I was calculating my odds of survival in my head, she woke up out of a sound sleep and took him on.

    He apparently didn’t like dogs.

  159. She was just trying to get you to put down the pipe.

  160. PJM – What makes you think I’m done?

  161. Uh-oh.

    Sounds like Chief is ovulating again.

  162. Punster – I have 2 “eggs” which I carry externally.

    Thus endth the anatomy lesson.

  163. Red Indians smoke the peace pipe. Scott has a war pipe.

  164. While I was calculating my odds of survival in my head, she woke up out of a sound sleep and took him on.

    Best dog evah!

  165. So, I was all ready for bed when I said fuck it a cold beer sounds good and got one

    I read The Hostages

  166. Scott, there was a cool Nat’l Geographic special on the Vatican, and they showed some nuns restoring an old tapestry. They had thousands of different colors of thread. Not sure my eyes could tell them all apart.

  167. Gold star for you Sohos!

  168. Touchdown Pats!

  169. So, did anyone beat a hippie today?

  170. That incident freaked me out. My fear woke her up and she immediately knew what her job was.

    Hell, my moms stupid Standard Poodle saved her from being carjacked.

    That’s why cats suck.

  171. Sox would attack me.

  172. Sox would attack me.

    Dolly has attacked you.

    Oh; you asked me not to mention that incident, didn’t you. Oops.

  173. So, did anyone beat a hippie today?

    No, but I fired up a 4 kilogauss magnet real close to the hippies and watched them faceplant.

  174. Rip those piercings right out.

    Can you hook me up with one of those?

  175. That’s kinda hawt, Roamy.

  176. That was roleplaying. I think she just forgot the safeword.

  177. Somewhere there’s a youtube of Norm Macdonald talking about an S & M session where the safeword was “BOR-ing!”

  178. Heh heh heh… now you’ve got me looking for that on YT.

  179. I like Scooters’ dog story about saving him. Time for bed. See yall later

  180. Laundry done.

  181. Good night, Sohos.

  182. Doing some internet shopping today — Ann Taylor has 40% off EVERYTHING and free shipping.

  183. I used to trade thousands of shares of ANN every day. Never been in one.

  184. Who is Ann Taylor? Estate sale?

  185. Um, Chief, there’s one more load in the dryer here, please.

  186. Hello, Dave. Fall in any bodies of water today?

  187. Silly — it’s a “personal electronics” site!

  188. ohhhh

  189. Cyn – I’ll fold, but I’m not ironing!

  190. So why was ANN so popular to trade?

  191. A market maker for ANN was one of my prime customers. Plus, we traded for a hedge fund that had a couple million shares so we day traded about 50-100k shares for him daily.

  192. Yeah. you can tell MCPO has a no ironing rule.

    Look at all those wrinkles he has.

  193. The beauty part of this last load is that it’s towels that only need to be hung up. Late night laundry win!

  194. Hey look! XBrad made a . . . Never mind.

  195. Did you play today, old timer?

  196. No. Rain today. Booooo!

  197. I brought out the ironing board, and Mini-me asked, “What’s that?”

  198. That made me belly-laugh Roamy!

  199. We got rain last night, MCPO. For about half an hour. Beautiful day today. 64.

  200. I ironed my own clothes beginning when I was11. Now, unless I have 2 phone books to put under the legs of the ironing board, I don’t bother.

  201. It took me a minute to even remember if i HAD phonebooks. I think I kept a few from when the kids were little as booster seats when I trimmed their hair.

  202. I ironed a shirt last year, I think.

  203. I cleaned up my desk and found 3.

  204. Heh; that’s the one that I found too Roamy, Made me giggle :)

  205. Hitting the hay early tonight. Squishy hugs and sweet dreams to y’all.

  206. G’night, Roamy.

  207. G’night, Romacita.

  208. Patiots kicked ass
    Only a puppy could make this better.

  209. Well, with Roamy gone, who’s gonna make me a sammich and a nice cup of cocoa with marshmallows?

  210. Sweet dreams Roamy!

  211. xBrad – Wish in one hand and shit in the other. . . Let me know which one fills up first.

  212. You know, with a witty, fresh response like that, MCPO, you’re almost qualified to be a Corporal in the Army.

  213. Yeah, I heard that one for the first time from my Dad in about ’62.

  214. I’m surprised a refined gentleman such as your father would utter such a vulgarity!

  215. Yeah, 36 years in the Army provided some colorful saying in our house.

  216. I wish you all a good nite and sweet dreams.
    NYTOL.

  217. I’m shocked!

  218. Shocked!

  219. Shocked, I tell you!

  220. Are you shocked, xbrad?

  221. I’m thinking he’s shocked.

  222. Yep, he looks shocked all right.

  223. o_0!

  224. I’m also going to bed.

    G’night!

  225. Good night.

  226. Anyone home?
    This bicycle thing is spotty, but the pay is ok when I work.

  227. Well I will drink alone then.

  228. Done drinking

    Taking the time tyrant out. She will wake me at 6am just because, 8am to pee and 10am to poo. I hate being woken for no reason.

    Good night Hostages.

  229. Buttered popcorn with Parmesan and Aseago!

  230. Was filling out a health assessment with my health insurance company to get a wellness debit card, but they asked whether I had firearms in the house, and “Nunya” wasn’t an option. So fuck that.

  231. What’s assago and why does it go with popcorn?

  232. Good morning Peelie. How are things?

    I don’t have that G+ thing where you put the cute Aaron pics. Is there anywhere else they can be found?

  233. Was “You goddamn right I do!” an option?

  234. wakey wakey

  235. She didn’t give a shit. Dogs and cats generally don’t.

    I just think dogs and cats don’t dwell. They probably prefer non-pain, or sight … but once they dealt a situation, they just carry on.

    Oscar’s been limping, on and off, and yesterday the doc gave me some pain meds for him … said it was probably something to do with a ligament or something. It didn’t make sense, but she said a week or two of pain meds, and the muscle would recover. But w/o it just goes on and doesn’t go away.

    Weird. but he’s feeling better. Like a puppy again.

  236. Dogs and cats can get along:

    http://www.dlisted.com/2011/11/19/hot-slut-day

  237. I won’t how Obama’s country hoedown went last night.

  238. “I miss that dog. She chased a 300 lb man out of my store as I was reaching for my security pipe.
    While I was calculating my odds of survival in my head, she woke up out of a sound sleep and took him on.
    He apparently didn’t like dogs.”

    Good doggie, gooooood doggie.

    Glad your pup is feeling better Carin.

  239. Zelda gets along with all the cats. Oscar has a strained relationship with two of them.

    Our one cat – ugh – I mean my bil’s cat who he “gave” to us …she weighs 18 pounds.

  240. lipstick, check your yahoo

  241. Yippee!

  242. “The party with a stronger charge on its zapper right now, the party struggling with more self- imposed obstacles to responsible governance, the party most in need of a course correction, is the Republican Party.”

    This is from the Frum piece linked at Ace’s. This fat, dipshit makes a grand statement and says NOTHING about why the republicans need a course correction.

    The dems are all out insane and he says “we” need a course correction. He makes my head explode.

  243. I know honey badgers don’t give a shit.

  244. Peel, I did one of those for Aetna. No gun questions, though.

  245. And if you want several examples of insane I’ll start with OWS.

  246. Mare, they keep Charlie Rangel and Shiela Jackson Lee in the party. We keep Ron Paul and Gary Johnson.

    We’re doing just fine.

  247. Crap, I just realized my comment was racist and sexist. In my defense I see Rangel and Lee as incompetent parasites long before I notice they are black. The Black is incidental.

    Nonetheless, I denounce myself.

  248. Leon, we have Allen West and Tim Scott.

  249. I haven’t had to fill out a health assessment form. Pretty happy about that.

  250. G’Morning cool kids.

    Massage cat could make me very happy.

  251. They also have Nancy Pelosi, who is a “devout catholic” but doesn’t have “this conscience thing”.

  252. I cracked another vitamin E capsule on my injury and slept with a sock over my hand last night. Looks a little better this morning, more range of motion before pain. I might do the same thing tonight, just in case it helped.

  253. …but they asked whether I had firearms in the house…

    Head assplosion right off the bat to start the day.Did they ask about pitbulls in your home too? And the number of knives? And whether your outlets are GFCI at your sinks? Man, that’s a pissah.

    *happy thoughts*

  254. 5 gallon buckets kill more children than do firearms. Even if you include 19yo gang members as “children”.

  255. /Mom on/

    Yes, Leon, Vit E or Neosporin on at all times for at least a week, longer if you can and at all times if possible. /Mom off/

  256. They also have Nancy Pelosi, who is a “devout catholic” but doesn’t have “this conscience thing”.

    **thinks extremely unChristian thoughts

  257. “Head assplosion right off the bat to start the day.Did they ask about pitbulls in your home too? And the number of knives? And whether your outlets are GFCI at your sinks? Man, that’s a pissah.”

    Good examples, sistah!

  258. Oh, by the way, 108″ in China could be 106″,107″, 110″ or anything in between.

    Yes, yes, I know, you get what you pay for.

  259. Nancy Pelosi is a “devout Catholic” as much as any surface at an OWS is a “sterile environment.”

  260. **thinks extremely unChristian thoughts

    I had a few of those too. I don’t take communion at weddings because I know I’m not in a state of grace, but she’s “devout”.

  261. Work time.

  262. Oh, by the way, 108″ in China could be 106″,107″, 110″ or anything in between.

    Ha Ha! Where did this come from/what does this comment reference?

    So sleepy still, I am.

    *starts thwapping a vein to shoot up coffee*

  263. I don’t have to do the assessment, so I just stopped it right there. I was doing it only because they send you $25 if you do. They’re probably trying to collect information on gun owners.

    Funny thing is, you can choose “Prefer not to answer” regarding being treated for depression, but it’s either yes or no on firearm possession. I think being treated for depression is much more relevant to one’s health.

  264. Off to work for me, too. County schools are closing early because a tornado front is coming. Bets on my kids’ schools closing?

  265. I am so glad to hear that it wasn’t required Peel. I fear someday that the question will become a standard one and that makes me a little depressed.

  266. I was looking for pre-made 108″ drapes. They have some at Bed Bath and Beyond and a few at Pottery Barn but not the right color. I asked if anyone knew where I could find some.

    I ended up getting some from BB&B but I had to make a trip back because one was a lot shorter than the other. And it’s happened before.

    Then I found 2 million dollars!

  267. “I think being treated for depression is much more relevant to one’s health.”

    Yes, and actually more dangerous if the numbers were run.

  268. They lied about the length? Huh. That rarely happens.

  269. Oh, if it were required, I’d make a huge stink. One of my mom’s coworkers did something similar. Their health insurance was forcing them to do an online assessment, so she chose “prefer not to answer” or its equivalent for everything, including basic questions like whether you smoke. The insurance company had a “nurse” (who immediately stopped claiming the title once the lady asked where she was registered) call her up and ask all kinds of personal questions, like her cholesterol numbers, sexual behaviors, etc. Mom’s coworker flat-out refused, threatened to lawyer up due to the invasion of her privacy, and eventually managed to get health insurance without having to go through that.

  270. WHy is Obama delivery a speech on the “jobs act” to a high school?

  271. So they’ll realize they need to learn a marketable skill if they want to actually have a job?

  272. Why is Obama?

  273. It would appear that most everyone across the internets are doing prep stuff for thanksgiving.

    sigh.

    Grump grump grump.

  274. Fat ass Michael Moore is pissed we’ve militarized our campus police (I guess the campus police having pepper spray and face masks is “militarized”) “mainly through grants from Homeland Security.” I wonder what fat ass will say when they have a terrorist attack at a University which is a pretty damn rich target.

    And sincerely, why are people making a big deal of the pepper spray, that’s pretty mild.

  275. I mean, I fail to see the excitement of me preparing to cook a meal for a few days, and then spending an entire cooking and cleaning up for my family. Sounds like every other day .

    What part of the day is “holiday”ish?

  276. They are making a big deal of it because they are idiots. Because pepper spray is the only thing they can incite the police to “do” to them. This is orchestrated outrage.

    Mare, why don’t you and your family come to my house for thanksgiving?

    Cooking for someone ELSE is fun.

  277. It’s time to put your kids to work, Car in.

  278. Eh. It’s not that. My kids will help. It’s just. I’m grumpy. Right now, it’s just all about a meal and football.

  279. I worked 40 minutes over yesterday, stopped at another store on my way home, and guess what The Golden Child asked me when I walked in the door?

  280. What?

  281. Mare! scroll down

    http://imgur.com/ls8Y4

  282. Whats for dinner?

  283. What’s for dinner?

    The snot.

  284. HA!

  285. Carin, if you do the cooking, I’ll do the cleaning, that’s what I’m doing this year and I’m very efficient and thorough.

  286. that was my guess. It seemed too obvious.

  287. DEAL.

    I’ll pay you in wine.

  288. hahahaha…That kitten looks like he could be a snack!

    Kitten hor d’oeuvres sound delicious!

  289. “I’ll pay you in wine.”

    DEAL

  290. Why are you eating snot for dinner?

    /only skims comments

  291. Damn time tyrant dog, I let her out at 4am she stands over my face panting at 8am, I let her out at 9. Now Pant pant pant pant.

    I want to sleep!

  292. *licks v-man’s face

  293. Hot!
    going back to bed

  294. The rather large Satsuma oranges from Costco are really good this year!

    Vman needs a doggie door the size of a garbage can.

  295. What is our Country coming to?

    http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Flash-Mob-Knocks-Over-Silver-Spring-7-Eleven-134286103.html

    I know it’s happened before but isn’t this kind of like OWS? Give me what I want.

  296. Time to work out, do ten thousand errands, and general nonsensery!

    Have a good day, Dear H2ers!

  297. I miss 7-eleven. They got rid of them all in houston and surrounding areas many years ago. Those slurpee’s rock!

  298. I think I can see where teeth are fixing to sprout. *promptly bursts into tears*

    I am making cookies Wednesday night, but that’s it for cooking for me. This year, anyway. We may be going to my sister’s, but I’ve heard a few coughs from my baby, so there’s a chance I’ll want to keep him at home…except that I have to go somewhere that has ESPN Thursday night. YES.

  299. *promptly bursts into tears*

    Time for another one.

    That’s what I always did.

  300. apparently PJD invited his friend to use our yard for Turkey butchering today or tomorrow.

    Thanksgiving with the kids should be interesting this year.

  301. Time for another one.

    That’s what I always did.

    hahaha, yeah, me too. Oh, you’re a toddler now?

    NEXT!

  302. My brilliant son decided that instead of having Thanksgiving this year, as I have had for the last 41 years in a row, that we should feed the homeless at some chow line. Mom set it up so that will be our Thanksgiving, I’m all for helping a brother out but Thanksgiving deserves to be had passed out with a full belly on the floor in front of the tv watching the longhorns bitch slap the aggies. (Sorry Mrs. Peel)

  303. Hey count, looks like your Facebook friend was on to something. More like spoon fed something:

    http://www.stopblackfriday.com/

    Heh, this will end well. Like a Kardhasian (or however the hell you spell it) marriage.

  304. Boycott Butterball!

  305. Brilliant Jay!!! Everybody knows that if you want to increase jobs then you should decrease corporate profits. These occupiers might just be smarter than they look.

  306. Some good ones at Patriot Post today.

  307. that occupy alone is hilarious I had to steel it

  308. “Stop Black Friday”? Really?? I don’t… I mean, why… What are they…

    Screw it. FiaT-uesday

    *adds Bailey’s to coffee coffee to Bailey’s*

  309. Great article for any Republican hand-wringers you might know:

    http://townhall.com/columnists/calthomas/2011/11/22/searching_for_the_perfect_candidate/page/2

  310. Hey Hostamages.

    Took some over the counter pain killer before bed last night and ended up with a headache when I woke up. But my butt still hurts some.

    Morning Cyn. Check your email.

  311. Sorry to hear you’re still hurting Cath. It will all be worth it in the end!

  312. My brilliant son decided that instead of having Thanksgiving this year, as I have had for the last 41 years in a row, that we should feed the homeless at some chow line

    Hey, we’ve done that every year since we got back to California. You feed them, then you’re too disgusted to eat.

    Works like a charm.

  313. It will all be worth it in the end!

    bwahaha hahahaha

  314. Hope you get better soon Ms. Cathy!!

  315. stop being a pain in the ass pj

  316. Some of Michael’s magic sky-water hit us earlier. Wow! It’s amazing!

  317. You feed them, then you’re too disgusted to eat.

    Dieting Protip Win!

  318. Sorry Cath :-( hope all is better soon. I didn’t have much fun in that department while I was pregnant myself, so I can vaguely guess the feeling.

  319. I’m thinking this could be pretty terrific. You?

    http://www.hugomovie.com/#home

  320. stop being a pain in the ass pj

    I can get behind that!

  321. It’s time to put an “end” to this discussion!

  322. Hahaha. You guys make me laugh.

    It hurts when I laugh.

    Does that make all y’all a pain in the ass?

  323. stop being a pain in the ass pj

    Wow, someone’s a little behind the times. It’s the new wave.

  324. The new ikea website is pretty cool:

  325. Bwahahahahahaha! I’m doing my shopping at Ikea from now on, Count!

  326. Bwaaaaa-hahahaha! Count!

  327. Afternoon, Hostages, Hostagettes, hawt chicks and lurkers!

  328. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    rat bastage.

    I hope a homeless guy eats you for Thanksgiving.

    wait………what?

  329. I sure hope Cathy is eating lots of salads.

    *remembers after Beasnette was born and that end was too traumatized to work for many days….and when things finally started to move…….mommy*

  330. I cut my hair this morning in the garage. Lots of platinum blond tresses on the floor. :-(

  331. The old soft shoe. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t-2GeZFDdc

  332. Count, that needs to be a header pic…..

    ROFLMAO…..

  333. I wish Mr. Beasn would hurry up and win the lottery.

  334. Reason #11,314,098 to hate MSM, especially NBC.

    The Roots diss Michele Bachmann with ‘Lyin’ Ass Bitch’ as she walks on Jimmy Fallon

  335. *note to self: If you get Count for Secret Santa, be sure his gift is Aggie-themed…..*

  336. Tony Rezko, former fundraiser and friend of President Barack Obama and Gov. Rod Blagojevish, was sentenced to ten and a half years in prison Tuesday for corruption.

    http://tinyurl.com/6va6blb

  337. Chief, don’t you worry your pretty little head over Rezko. No doubt Barry will pardon him.

  338. I don’t think you people understand what our Occupy Wall Street feel like when they get home. How bout a little sympathy?

    http://www.countercontempt.com/archives/2437

  339. PJM – That was some of the best satire I’ve read in quite some time.

  340. bwahaha hahaha my cousin’s (that some of you met in CT) email account got hacked last night.

    “I’m writing this with tears in my eyes.I made a quick trip to Madrid Spain on a short vacation unfortunately i got mugged at the park of hotel where i stayed,worse of it was that my bags, cash, mobile phone and credit cards were all stolen at GUNPOINT leaving me penniless right now.

    It’s was a horrible experience for me and i need help flying back home,the authorities are not being 100% supportive but the good thing is that i still have my passport.I need some cash to settle my bills and get on flight back home. please let me know if you can help.

    I’m freaked out at the moment..”

    My response?
    OMG!! That’s awful. WHat can I do to help?

    Their response:
    Glad you replied back,i have nothing left on me right now,Well all i need right now is £1,420 you can have it wired to my name via Western Union ,I’ll have to show my passport as ID to pick it up here, i promise to refund you as soon as i get back home. Here’s my info below:

    Name :{name redacted}
    Address:-Calle Rosa Jardón 3
    City:-Madrid, 28016
    Country:- Spain

    As soon as it has been done, kindly get back to me with the confirmation number,let me know if you are heading to the WU outlet now??

    My response:
    How much is that in American money? I have $42.75. Is that enough?

    I’m waiting for their response

  341. PJM – That was some of the best satire I’ve read in quite some time.

    It was great, wasn’t it?

  342. Beasn, Eating habits are very system-friendly IYKWIM…

    And… on top of what I am eating, I’m also taking Benefiber three times a day and 30 ml. Phillips Milk of Magnesia once. But I still wanna scream when… you know…

    I’ve had two babies and did the whole thingy of getting back into the swing of things, but this is about 10 times more painful. I have to fight the urge to pass out from the pain. But the good news is that the pain is not as bad today as it was a couple of days ago. So I seem to be heading the right direction.

    Heading out to get some errands done and take a walk and hope that will help my recovery also.

    Later cool dudes.

  343. PJM – And why would it be in Pound Sterling and not Euros?! Stupid hackers!

  344. PJM – And why would it be in Pound Sterling and not Euros?! Stupid hackers!

    hahahaha

  345. Here’s there response.

    That’s $2,220,but i will be glad if you can help me with $500 promise to reimburse you as soon as i get back home.

  346. My response:

    But you said you weren’t ever coming home again? Remember? I threw out your pots and pans because they were made of aluminum and that angered you, but I only did it because I love you and don’t want you to get Alzheimers.

    I think I might be able to scrape up $5 more. So that’s $47.75.

    p.s. I’m sorry about the pots and pans

    This will probably be the end of it as they’ll know I’m onto them

  347. Here’s another good Republican Party Animals link

    http://www.countercontempt.com/archives/2426

  348. Anyone know how to get an actual person’s name from an ip address in an email header?

    Oh, and hiya.

  349. beasn lurves pjm.

  350. You gonna tell me how?

  351. Ok. First day with trainer is finished. I should have saved the money and just thrown myself down a flight of stairs.

  352. I know this will surprise you, but hold onto your seats. The IP address for this account hails from………..drum roll please…..Nigeria

    Host name:
    dial-pool68.lg.starcomms.net note
    Country:
    Nigeria
    B Class:
    41.155.0.0 – 41.155.255.255
    Region:
    05
    City:
    Ikeja
    Latitude:
    6.5967
    Longitude:
    3.3431

  353. You gonna tell me how?

    Sure. Just as soon as someone else shows me how to do it.

  354. Sure. Just as soon as someone else shows me how to do it.

    darn it. I thought you were trying to show off

  355. I don’t know that it can be done. Probably have to contact the service provider and I’d wager they’re reluctant to give out that info without a legal document.

  356. This is as close as I can find to it w/out a search warrant compos

    http://whois.arin.net/ui/ type the ip in the upper right hand corner.

    I’m sorry for stalking you.

  357. pjm, you’re the one that’s been takin computer classes out the ass. Quit bogating.

  358. This is as much info. as I can get on the guy who hacked my cousin’s acct.

    http://whois.arin.net/rest/net/NET-41-0-0-0-1/pft

    however, once I finish the hacking part of my degree……..I’ll let you know. ;)

  359. Thanks PJ. Not enough info. I’ve used that type of service to find out it’s coming from Comcast and is a Yahoo account.

  360. My response:
    But you said you weren’t ever coming home again? Remember? I threw out your pots and pans because they were made of aluminum and that angered you, but I only did it because I love you and don’t want you to get Alzheimers.
    I think I might be able to scrape up $5 more. So that’s $47.75.
    p.s. I’m sorry about the pots and pans

    TiFW ♥♥♥s PJM…..

  361. Thanks PJ. Not enough info. I’ve used that type of service to find out it’s coming from Comcast and is a Yahoo account.

    You’re not gonna give us the juicy gossip, are you?

  362. Ask them if they can run over to IKEA corporate and get that fabric for you peej, then offer the cash!

  363. Maybe this will help, compos:

    http://whatismyipaddress.com/trace-email

    Probably only gives WhoIs info.

  364. heck, they’re prolly wearing it as loin cloth right now!

  365. Ask them if they can run over to IKEA corporate and get that fabric for you peej, then offer the cash!

    Oooooh! Wait, please, you don’t think head butting goat fabric would sell like hot cakes in Africa? Hello?

  366. But my butt still hurts some.

    Wasn’t me!

  367. Ugh. You guys are lucky.

    I have to go sell unhealthy low fat snacks to the children of California.

    Thanks to SB12 food is um, interesting.

    http://www.dietitian.org/member_pdfs/bulletin/sb12_summary_posted_10_05.pdf

  368. Can’t get names from IP addresses unless someone has identified them online already and posted it somewhere. There are ip directories where you can label them much like cell phone directories. It’s highly likely those emails are being routed through a proxy server so you won’t get anything anyway.
    I used to set traps for trolls online with online forms I’d guide them to in order to get their information. (ex. I’m glad you’re ok and I’m worried sick about you. I’m using that new service from western union to send you the money now. It’s says you have to log in accept payment. Here’s the link: ________”)

  369. count, phishing FTW!

    Did you have your phishing license?

    Did you catch your limit? Throw any back?

  370. ———– ^ Phishing guide

  371. Wiser? http://i44.tinypic.com/2zisdb4.jpg

  372. Silly me that’s gotta be Scott and Laura

  373. Maybe this will help, compos:

    http://whatismyipaddress.com/trace-email

    Probably only gives WhoIs info.

    Thanks, Jay. I used that site and think it actually gave me the latitude and longitude of the ip address. Not certain, but it sure looks that way. Too bad it’s a gd factory with 4,000 employees.

  374. The at-work pre-feast feasts have begun.

    If I do this right, after Thanksgiving I won’t need a meal until Monday nite.

  375. Where’s that whore Mare?

    http://tinyurl.com/75f2llp

  376. YER DOIN’ IT RONG!

    http://tinyurl.com/6nm7jpq

  377. eyeroll:

    ditto

  378. I’m here! I’m here!

    And that pic gets several thumbs way up.

  379. You’re OK, Mare.

    I don’t care what all the Hostagettes say behind your back.

  380. Hi, Mare! I baked you some low fat wheat bread. It will be great for leftover turkey sammiches!

  381. WTF?! Freshly baked bread kilt it?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMsd6HEZ97k

  382. Nah, man, I kilt it earlier.

    Sorry.

    I didn’t realize my comment was loaded.

    I was cleaning it and it just went off!

  383. http://tinyurl.com/7h5yo37

  384. new ass poat is up!

  385. It’s not dead. It’s just laying up in an expensive hotel until the next protest gets underway.

  386. Xbrad you’re whipping out the funneh today.

    Glad my butt hurts a bit less than yesterday.

  387. Do NOT want to work tomorrow


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