Where is my coffee and bacon?

Since the other poat was starting to smell like old champagne cheese, sweaty palms, and cellulite (pronounced cell-you-leet) you gets this. Here is a great tune. If you don’t like it then you suck.

 

Looks like some hostages have placed some shit for sale

Enjoy this fine Saturday because I said so

285 Comments

  1. First!

  2. Hey, I really was first!!!

  3. This poat has new car smell and babies like it.

  4. Woo Hoo, I own this thread. It’s mine, all mine!!!!!

  5. Mmmm, coffee and bacon.

  6. And then Dave showed up and spoiled everything.

  7. I’m waiting to go meet Count for coffee and bacon

  8. I think Herself and I will take a walk along the beautiful St. Johns river today.

  9. I would answer the time travel ad.

  10. Tell herself that I luvres her

  11. Whose turn is it to wrap MCPO’s head with bacon and microwave it until crispy?

  12. that’s my favorite one Leon

  13. *looks at schedule*….shoot! It’s Layra’s turn I so thought it was mine…

  14. Awww, Herself is a lucky lady.

  15. Laura – My nose and cheeks are pretty crispy. . . need to pick up some SPF 30 today.

  16. BACONFACE

  17. SoHoS – I dreamt last night that me, you, PJM and Rosie were in my Jeep, stuck in traffic. Peej would not stop laughing, Rosie kept egging her on, and you and I were just rolling our eyes.

  18. You got sunburned? Please send some of that sun up here, sir? Been so dreary of late.

  19. DaveinTejas – Nice poat on the hippies at AOSHQ.

  20. SoHoS – I dreamt last night that me, you, PJM and Rosie were in my Jeep, stuck in traffic. Peej would not stop laughing, Rosie kept egging her on, and you and I were just rolling our eyes.

    so you had nightmares too last night?

  21. MCPO, take your fishing pole with you!

  22. Those brainless hippies. Glad I saw that thing on twitter last night.

  23. Clint – No FL license and too lazy to get one.

  24. Laura – It is 72F, sunny and glorious today. Herself and I spent considerable time on the screen porch this morning, drinking coffee and listening to the birds.

  25. Perfectly fine post and you people sully it.

    *sigh* We can’t have anything nice.

  26. Wow, that sounds great, Chief. Enjoy it for sure! We’re still pretty chilly over here.

  27. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo

    he know he know he know he know he know

  28. We got up in the 80’s yesterday

  29. I always feel warm around you.

    So that makes sense to me.

  30. Good poatin’ Sohos.

    Mrs. Pupster has a new dog grooming client who just walked in and shit on the floor.

    Her dog was mortified.

  31. Let me do my stuff. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHQCC4TMZB4

  32. put out fertilizer?

  33. oh gross

  34. From last poat:
    …does anyone else secretly agree that the full stop and comma kinda should go outside the punctuation marks, but still can’t quite bring themself to do it?

    Actually, that’s the way that I learned to do punctuation with quotation marks, so that’s the way I’ve always done it – it throws me off to see punctuation inside of quotes.

    However, I have since read that some consider that the incorrect way to do it, so who knows who’s right and who is wrong?

  35. http://is.gd/81kkJE

  36. http://is.gd/jQwLiW

  37. I can be at home for hours on end, and the ONLY time the phone rings some days is when I am in the bathroom.

    I blame Mare.

  38. http://is.gd/gwFzHk

  39. Strunk and White addendum #24. Put commas and periods inside quotation marks.

    http://faculty.vassar.edu/brvannor/supplement.html

  40. Comment by lauraw on February 26, 2011 11:07 am
    http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2011/02/24/17396711.html

    For 14 pounds sterling, I’ll drink from the bottle and skip the middle man IYKWIMAITYD.

  41. http://is.gd/wQcXNn

  42. Mom must be a gibbon

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_gbnp0rVlQ

  43. Mom hit me with one of those things once.

    ONCE

  44. Comment by lauraw on February 26, 2011 11:19 am
    http://is.gd/gwFzHk

    A 63 year old female sex addict. First there’s anthopomorphic global warming and now this. What kind of bullshit myths are they gonna expect us to believe next?

  45. Laura ? Come back!!!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne7fPpxAnuM

  46. Come to think of it, I put commas inside quotation marks (if it’s a person “talking”), but periods outside of them. Weird.

    Of course, I think I learned my punctuation rules from Mrs. Rhodes in 4th grade, and she was really old back in 1969 – she probably learned her rules from someone who came over on the Mayflower, thus the “British Commonwealth” rules…..

  47. Mom must be a gibbon

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_gbnp0rVlQ

    Put some celery sticks up there and see what happens.

  48. Shim…you- URK

    *projectile vomiting*

  49. I didn’t intentionally fuck up the previous comment. But I did fuck it up. Evidently.

  50. Ya want me to go in there and fix it for ya, PG?

  51. A bunch of LW’s
    http://tinyurl.com/48vc76w/

  52. *looks at Humpy’s comments, contemplates suggesting to Scott that he NOT leave her at home alone on Saturday mornings*

  53. If ya want to T have at it. I prolly could but I’m to lazy.

  54. We are the weiiiird, we are the starving
    we are the scum of the filthy earth so let’s start scarfing..

    there’s a goat head bakinnng

    http://www.joebobbriggs.com/index.php?/en/we-are-the-weird.html

  55. After two weeks of temps reaching above freezing nearly ever day, we are starting to show signs of life here in CT:

    http://thehostages.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/dsc016701.jpg

    I’m sure it’s not over yet, but damn it’s nice to see the ground again.

  56. By the way, if you look closely enough at the picture, to the left you can see Andy’s tire tracks.

  57. Count and I went to have coffee before he had to work and now it might be nap time

  58. My older brother had a ‘gift swap’ one year with a cousin that was a farmer, kind of prissy. He received a Back album and gave a copy of this-
    http://tinyurl.com/4mpz76z/
    The cuz was shocked.
    Pussy.Anti-Carribeanist.

  59. that’s not ground, that’s tundra

  60. 1 hour to weekend!

  61. that’s not ground, that’s tundra

    We’ve gone from snow to mud.

    schwulch!

  62. I’ve been coughing up schwulch for a week now and I’m sick of it.

    At one point I thought I cracked some ribs, but it’s just sore muscles.

  63. Wiserfamily weekend fun
    http://tinyurl.com/4bhx7k9/

  64. Nice post SohOreos. The used turkey ad is from the area code next to mine, which doesn’t surprise me much.

    Back to planting palms. BBL.

  65. Morning, jackholes.

    I was always taught to put periods and commas inside the quotation marks, but I’m a rebel, so I cheat on that once in a while.

    Or forget. Same effect.

  66. **sniffs armpits**

    Hey, I don’t smell that bad.

  67. 1800 seconds to weekend
    1799 seconds to weekend
    1798 seconds to weekend

  68. If this hasn’t happened yet, it needs to. Someone go to WUWT (wattsupwiththat.com) and get the picture of Joe Bastardi. Make it a caption contest or other similar form of ridicule on AoS.

  69. I quit strangling hobos for this?

  70. Really?

    Is it dead?

    You people are out having lives and shit, aren’t you?

    **curls up in corner and cries**

  71. http://tinyurl.com/6865d8m

  72. Oh my…

    http://tinyurl.com/46qf6te

  73. Sorry it’s so dead, Eddie.

  74. Why did Eddie kill the thread?

  75. It was dead long before that.

    It is starting to smell like Norfolk at low tide.

  76. Hey Brad, here’s something in case Sox ever gets F-book spam:

    http://twobluecrabs.com/2380

  77. BOO

  78. Heh. I stoled that, Lippy!

  79. How ya feeling, Dave?

  80. Steal away!

  81. Is IS Caturday, after all…

  82. I’m ready for a nap hon. How’s your Saturday?

  83. Wouldn’t Sox say that every day is Caterday?

  84. Quiet day, Dave. Mr. L is studying and we just got an awesome meat cleaver in the mail.

    *looks around for something to chop*

  85. Sox has a very feliocentric view of things. The entire universe revolves around him.

  86. Please do not **chop** my cat.

  87. ….

    RUN MR. L RUN!!!

  88. Lunchtime.

  89. Lipstick, that blue coat makes your butt look big http://i.imgur.com/9A5h8.jpg

  90. “In dialogue,” she said, “commas and full stops always go inside the quotation marks, because they’re part of what you’re quoting. Dialogue is not under discussion here.”

    When you are not writing dialogue, the US convention is to enclose a comma or full stop inside the quotation mark, regardless of whether it “goes with” what you’re quoting. For example, suppose I am quoting an incorrectly spelled sign at the grocery store, and I type (leaving out the outer quotation marks for convenience):

    My grocery store is apparently selling “strowberries.”

    This is considered correct by every US authority. However, the reason for it is, or so I hear, typewriters. According to my fairly reliable source, typewriters would jam if you typed “strowberries”, but not if you typed “strowberries.”

    It’s much more logical to have the punctuation that isn’t part of the quotation outside the quotation mark. But I’m so used to the US convention that I can’t quite do it. I wouldn’t correct someone else for putting the punctuation outside the quotation marks, though, unless I knew that they were using a style guide that specified otherwise.

  91. Wow, that took a few seconds to figure that pic out, Scott.

    No living things will be harmed by the cleaver, just yummy grilled chicken.

  92. thanks Mrs Peel now I’ll never forget.
    I once read about how the qwerty key arrangement is the slowest possible arrangement for the English language on a keyboard. They intentionally figured that out and set it up that way so the old type writers would not jam. Now because everyone is so familiar with it they just leave it that way on computers.

  93. “that blue coat makes your butt look big”

    SoHos has those britches. She likes to wear them when we go out table dancing.

  94. Yep. There is an alternate keyboard layout, Dvorak, that has the keys arranged in a more logical fashion. QWERTY puts a lot of the burden of typing on the left hand, and is also arranged such that many words are typed with just one hand. Dvorak is designed to alternate hands as much as possible, because that’s faster.

    I don’t use the home row method – I use a bizarre hunt-and-peck method I evolved over the years, in which my hands jump all over the keyboard. I do about 90 wpm, and can also type about 50 wpm one-handed with either hand.

  95. Yeah, I’ve seen you type, Peel — super fast.

  96. LEFTIES WIN

  97. Peel is a huntin’ pecker.

  98. Now THAT is how poat 100 is done.

  99. Well if I’ve got the place to myself…com
    *rips spacetime with some serious flatus*

  100. *lights match*

    *tosses into poat*

  101. Hey, you put that spacetime back together, young man. Leave the fabric of the universe as nice as you found it.

  102. FIRE IN THE POAT!

  103. Mrs. reason has boobs like yesterday’s BBF. Only catch is, I only get a chance of seeing them about once a month, on Egg Laying Day. If it falls on a busy weekday, then…well…try again next month.

  104. Hey, this continuum was like this when I found it.

  105. Also, any elected official willing to go on the record with the phrase, “Don’t blow sunshine up my ass” should be immediately promoted to VP, with a default Presidency at the end of the term.

  106. Jeebers, reason. Just strip her, throw her down on the kitchen table, and have your filthy way with her.

    She’ll get used to it.

  107. >> She’ll get used to it.

    Just like Michael’s dogs did.

  108. Just strip her, throw her down on the kitchen table, and have your filthy way with her.

    Put a pizza on the table and you could combine dinner with evening entertainment.

  109. She needs to learn.

  110. Should I make her clear the lunch dishes first?

  111. Tell her she can have the remote control for the TV when it’s over.

    That’s a lie, of course, but it shuts them up for awhile.

  112. That’s some Everything Pizza…

  113. Once a month?!

    Dude, once the egg takes, you’re getting nothing. Used to work with a guy whose wife cut him off for 8 years after the kid was born. Of course he didn’t want to leave because of the kid, so he was stuck and miserable. And horny.

  114. Used to work with a guy whose wife cut him off for 8 years

    There ought to be some medal or something.

    Not a Purple Heart. Maybe Blue Balls.

  115. “Just like Michael’s dogs did.”

    Aww, man. Paw prints are hard to get out of the placemats.

  116. There ought to be some medal or something.

    Not a Purple Heart. Maybe Blue Balls.

    He never got any more from the wife, and when I ran into him a few years later, after the divorce and new girlfriend, he looked so much more….relaxed.

  117. She got tied off during our youngest’s Cesarian. Good, because we’re all out of bedrooms in the house. bad because I think she was megahot when pregnant, and the hormones actually worked in my favor IYKWIM.

  118. Should I make her clear the lunch dishes first?

    Probably not. That might kill the mood. If the kitchen table is not clear, bend her over the dishwasher and have your filthy way with her. Maybe she will get the message and keep up with the dishes.

  119. If you google – funniest picture on the internet – a group of 5 photos shows up.

    Look at the middle one.

    The link brings you to Geezers site. Compos and his story are world famous.

  120. Scott, I wanted to let you know I appreciated your thoughts and kind words.

    *squishy hugs*

    They mean the world to me :)

  121. …QWERTY puts a lot of the burden of typing on the left hand…
    THAT explains why I picked it up so easily…..

    And why on EARTH would any woman cut a man off after they had kids?

  122. And why on EARTH would any woman cut a man off after they had kids?

    That boggles. I was assaulting Hubby during and after.

  123. Our longest drought was the year my stepdaughter moved back in, and we got our youngest for a roommate. It was a sad sad year. We were too poor to even get a hotel room for a night on our anniversary. By the time we could be together, she was at the point of it having been so long, she was shy to get naked around me.
    I didn’t stand for that. I’m a compassionate guy, but “It’s okay, we can just sit and talk about our day” was not acceptable.

  124. “assaulting”
    Heh. We would joke that the baby would have a dent in the head with as enthusiastic Mrs got.

    Good times.

    This really isn’t helping my randiness right now.

  125. This really isn’t helping my randiness right now.

    *changes subject*

    So, how ’bout them Spurs?

  126. Every woman should be able to tolerate having sex at least once a month.

  127. Every woman should be able to tolerate having sex at least once a month.

    *runs upstairs to tell Mr. TiFW that he won the wife lottery*

  128. Shucks Aggie.

    I always remember the vets and those serving, but sometimes I forget about the families and spouses that sacrifice as well. Your comment was a reminder.

  129. I broke it.

  130. what the hell did I walk in on here?

  131. Just got a call from the NRSC asking for a donation.
    Don’t think they’ll be calling back…

  132. Didyou bring up Snowe and Collins?

    If everyone did, maybe it would help.

  133. This really isn’t helping my randiness right now.

    Well then, just fling her onto the washing machine in the laundry room and have your filthy way with her.

    Put some dirty tennis shoes in the washing machine first. The thumping sound is good.

  134. Put some dirty tennis shoes in the washing machine first. The thumping sound is good.

    It ain’t the sound…

  135. The truth comes out about reason and he finally gets laid:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvxWdnu9iDE&feature=related

  136. But now that he’s “active” again, reason decides it’s time for a physical:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHKTE75dgE4&feature=related

  137. Deepening shadows gather splendor
    As day is done
    Fingers of night will soon surrender
    The setting sun

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWHuZa1DxrM

  138. Did you bring up Snowe and Collins?

    Murkowski.
    Woman on the other end of the phone didn’t have the first clue what I was talking about – I had to explain it to her.

    Me: “Ms. Murkowski lost her primary, but ran anyway after being assured by the Republican Senators that she wouldn’t lose her standing in the Senate if she ran as an independent.”
    Her: “The NRSC only supports Republican candidates for the Senate.”
    Me: “Yes, but they supported Ms. Murkowski in the race.”
    Her: “She won the primary.”
    Me: “No, someone ELSE won the primary; the Senate didn’t strip her of any of her positions, which allowed her to win the election, and now she is an Independent Senator who is free to vote with the Democrats and already has.”
    Her: “Well, the NRSC is committed to finding Conservative candidates….”
    Me: “No they’re not. We won’t be giving any money to the NRSC – we have started donating to individual candidates that we support.”

    I hope I don’t get any more calls from them…..

  139. MCPO is Bubba a good guy? He looks like a douche to me and I am hoping I am wrong.

  140. Well then, just fling her onto the washing machine in the laundry room and have your filthy way with her.

    *remembers that Batman is much taller than Mr. TiFW, scratches “washing machine sex” from the rotation*

    *also remembers that Batman and his lovely lady are empty nesters and can have sex wherever they want to, whenever they want to*

  141. 1. NEVER ASK FOR SEX!!!

    Well, I surely would like Cathy’s take on this. STAT!!

  142. “*also remembers that Batman and his lovely lady are empty nesters and can have sex wherever they want to, whenever they want to*”

    Yeah, when I was their guest I washed my hands A LOT.

  143. Scott – You are wrong. Bubba ain’t a douche.

  144. Yeah, when I was their guest I washed my hands A LOT.

    We noticed that. Maybe you could send us a nice bar of soap from Bed, Bath & Beyond to replace the one you used up.

    We are retired folks on a limited budget.

  145. Thanks MCPO. Don’t what it is, but he looks like one. Laura says it’s his hair.

  146. Also, Scott, I’m not trying to be picky about this replacement bar of soap.

    Jasmine, Lilac, Orange Blossom or Honeysuckle would be OK.

  147. Yeah, when I was their guest I washed my hands A LOT.

    Next time, take that hand sanitizer stuff with you.

  148. Rosetta hair growth idea
    http://tinyurl.com/4zuaqft/

  149. Jasmine, Lilac, Orange Blossom or Honeysuckle would be OK.

    What!? Ivory soap isn’t good enough for the likes of you?

  150. No MCPO. They prefer European snobby type soaps, from what I could tell they really like French soap as most of it was stamped Marriott.

  151. They also had some called La Quinta, which I assume they fly in from Spain because I can’t find it anywhere.

  152. What!? Ivory soap isn’t good enough for the likes of you?

    Well . . .

    *scratches head, thinks it over*

    . . . no.

  153. I bet they have Best Western soap in the Dude Ranch room, Scott ;)

  154. I bet they have Best Western soap in the Dude Ranch room, Scott

    Not really.

    Guests we do not like get Red Roof Inn soap.

  155. Scott got some kind of really fancy soap. I think it was Hawaiian Coconut Honey or something like that.

    This was a mistake, because he spent hours in the shower running up my water bill.

  156. “he spent hours in the shower running up my water bill.”

    That was a simple distraction. Sorry about the guest towels.

  157. Guests we do not like get Red Roof Inn soap.

    You are brutal.

  158. Also, I could not help but notice that Scott uses more toilet paper than a normal person.

    Dude, three wipes and your done. How did you burn through a whole roll like that?

  159. I brought my own travel size liquid soap liberated from a fancy cruise ship: Bulgari Green Tea.

    That stuff is far too expensive to buy, so I sneak a few in the suitcase.

  160. You monitor the toilet paper?

  161. Lipstick, you got your hands on freebies of BULGARI???

    *bows in respect*

  162. “Dude, three wipes and your done. How did you burn through a whole roll like that?”

    That wasn’t me. I used the guest towels.

  163. Perfumed soaps make me wanna puke.

  164. Lipstick, you got your hands on freebies of BULGARI???

    *bows in respect*

    Oh yeah, *rubs hands together. It is standard on Silversea Cruise Line, or you can choose Acqua di Parma. I was just reading about another line, I think it was Seabourne that has Moulton Brown. schwing!

  165. You monitor the toilet paper?

    I only notice if usage is excessive, sufficient to trigger a budget variance in Quicken, as was the case with Scott.

    You were not a problem, Lipstick.

  166. In our home, there is a tall galvanized tin bucket of soft sand mixed with homemade lye-soap flakes on the floor by the sink.**

    When that’s the setup, everybody scrubs and nobody bitches.

    And absolutely NOBODY steals.

    **this is bullshit

  167. Lipstick, do you go on cruises?

    Hubby is interested in us taking a transatlantic cruise when he’s returning from his deployment.

  168. Lipstick, do you go on cruises?

    BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    She goes on cruises when she’s not busy picking up guys at a blackjack table in Vegas.

    If you want advice, Lipstick is the right person for:

    1. Cruises.

    2. Picking up guys in Vegas.

  169. Also, Lips is kinda the sweetest person you could ever meet.

  170. “Also, Lips is kinda the sweetest person you could ever meet.”

    Suspected.

  171. The sun is a faggot commie.

  172. Geoff, I don’t even have my W-2 yet. I am dreading it. I am going to hate looking at what I paid to support Michelle’s enormous posse.

  173. Lipstick, do you go on cruises?

    Hubby is interested in us taking a transatlantic cruise when he’s returning from his deployment.

    Yep — been on about 30 over the past 30 years. Fall is when most of the ships are repositioning from the Med to the Caribbean and the repositioning cruises can be quite a good deal. The down side is that there are fewer ports and more days at sea, which bores some people.

    I think you said hubby would be away a year, so if there are no transatlantics going then you could do Italy, Greece, etc. and then fly home.

    Email me if you want more info. I still make mistakes and learn something every time.

  174. Yep, his return date is February 14th.

    Will email as I get more info from him, Lipstick.

  175. Awww, guys…*actually blushing now*

  176. hmmm, it will be cold in Feb. I will think about this…
    Gotta run for a bit.

  177. Geoff, I don’t even have my W-2 yet.

    Me either.

    I thought that by law they had to be sent out by the end of January.

    Me too.

  178. I have never been on a cruise ship. I would not do so unless the ship was endorsed by Lipstick. She knows what she is talking about.

    My travel strategy has been:

    1. Fly there on frequent flier miles.
    2. Rent a car.
    3. Drive around, and party at places where you are the only foreigner.

  179. 3. Drive around, and party at places where you are the only foreigner.

    Persons of the small and/or female persuasion should ignore this advice.

  180. It’s amazing how nice people are to Americans, if you show up at some dive and just act like a normal person.

  181. Did anybody pay anybody else a nice compliment today?

  182. OK, they are nice to large male Americans.

    I am not disputing Laura’s comment.

  183. That’s right, Michael. Just ask Natalie Holloway.

  184. “just act like a normal person”

    or criminal.

  185. I wanna play black jack with Lippy. I played for a living for 3 years

  186. That’s right, Michael. Just ask Natalie Holloway.

    Or Daniel Pearl.

  187. Did anybody pay anybody else a nice compliment today?

    Sean, your skin is like silk beneath my hand, your hair is like floss, and your eyes are jewels that burn into my soul.

    So, done.

  188. Aw, thanks, Bruce.

  189. If I were with Lips and Sohos, somehow, blackjack wouldn’t be the first game to spring to my mind…

  190. Did anybody pay anybody else a nice compliment today?

    FINALLY!!! A question with an affirmative answer….

  191. *looks down at shoes, kicks pebble*

  192. That’s right, Michael. Just ask Natalie Holloway.

    Been there. On a motorcycle. Brad, Aruba is safer than your neighborhood.

  193. I wanna play strip poker with Sohos. I played for fun for 3 years.

  194. Good evening, Brad. How are you feeling today?

  195. I actually was a criminal in Aruba. We had rented a Harley for a week, and they made us take helmets, but the cops don’t actually enforce the helmet law. So we could ride around in shorts, a tee shirt, flip-flops and sunglasses.

    Great trip.

  196. Michael, Aruba is apparently NOT safer than my neighborhood. For 18 year old girls, at any rate.

  197. 1. No sex. She is “out of commission” at the moment. Which doesn’t really bother me, but then again I am not the one who launders the sheets.
    2. Anything less than Lava is for pussies and babies.
    3. Blackjack is not a job.
    4. HORNY.

  198. Aggacita,

    I’m fine, except I somehow got a crick in my neck while trying to sneak in a quick nap this afternoon.

  199. Michael, Aruba is apparently NOT safer than my neighborhood. For 18 year old girls, at any rate.

    There’s a joke in there somewhere about b-rad going around and notifying his neighbors.

  200. Brad, you can’t take one isolated tragedy and extrapolate it into anything.

    Aruba is a former Dutch colony, meaning, the rule of law is firmly established. The dependency on tourism means that foreigners generally get treated extremely well. The crime rate is next to nothing.

  201. I somehow got a crick in my neck while trying to sneak in a quick nap this afternoon.

    *gives brad a neckrub and a chewy chocolate brownie*

  202. Brad, you can’t take one isolated tragedy and extrapolate it into anything.

    So this fiver, my passport, and the new Nikes are just a coincidence, right?

  203. **lounges under the tender care of a hawt, machete wielding Puerto Rican goddess**

    Michael, I’m aware of that. But the crime rate here is practically non-existent.

    Also, Aruba is a sore spot for me, since my mom bought me a vacation there for my birthday without checking with me first. Turns out, my company commander denied me leave over that time period, so Dad had to spend 2 weeks by himself in Aruba.

  204. **lounges under the tender care of a hawt, machete wielding Puerto Rican goddess**

    I took off the machete. It tends to get in the way.

  205. So this fiver, my passport, and the new Nikes are just a coincidence, right?

    Whoa.

    Those new Nikes would scare me. Did they just show up in the mail? That would make me think that there are a bunch of Arubans just waiting to assfuck you when you arrive.

  206. As a small ‘Merican, having traveled much of the world, I have to agree with the lawyer from Tejas.

  207. Black jack WAS a job for 3 years

  208. Strip poker WAS my fun for 3 years

  209. so Dad had to spend 2 weeks by himself in Aruba.

    What is bugging you about that?

    He probably got laid. Is that your problem?

  210. One of the most notable things about the Natalee Holloway murder was how exceptionally rare things like that are in Aruba. Psychopaths can show up anywhere I guess.

    I was there shortly after her disappearance and conducted an extensive underwater search, however.

  211. Michael, I was only pissed that instead of being in a nice timeshare in Aruba, I had to spend a weekend in the Indianapolis airport Marriott with a busted toilet, attending mandatory training reminding us to not sleep with prospective female recruits or pad our expense accounts.

    And then have my boss’s boss tell me I should have called him when my leave was turned down.

    Uh, no. Going over your commander’s head is a no-no.

  212. Every year, the Dutch navy shows up in the harbor at Orangestad, and shoots off some guns for dramatic effect.

    Who says that colonialism did not work?

  213. God, Kathleen Parker is a stupid bitch.

  214. >> Every year, the Dutch navy shows up in the harbor at Orangestad, and shoots off some guns for dramatic effect.

    Both ships?

  215. Client 9 is no peach, either.

  216. God knows, Sean. God knows.

  217. Sean – This was an epiphany for you?

  218. Andy – Actually, the Dutch build better, and cheaper, frigates than the U.S. Navy buys from Bath or GD. But, our PowerPoint presentations are much more colorful than theirs.

  219. I had to spend a weekend in the Indianapolis airport . . .

    Wait, you’re telling me you got to spend a weekend in the Paris Of The Midwest, all expenses paid, and you are bitching about it?

    Damn, you are such a whiner.

    Did you score some Orville Redenbacher Gourmet Popcorn while you were there?

    If not, you are a total loser.

  220. Nope, Chief. I’ve been one of many over at DPUD who have torn her multiple new assholes. I’ve never seen her on Parker-Whoremonger before watching the clip over at Ace’s just now.

  221. The Dutch also maintain a detachment of F-16s in Aruba/other former Dutch Carribean colonies.

  222. Somewhere in the mountain of pictures I have in storage down in the basement, I have some nice shots of a P-3 Orion doing touch-and-go’s at the Bonaire airport.

  223. Michael, I got my OR popcorn from the plant, not in Indy.

  224. >> But, our PowerPoint presentations are much more colorful than theirs.

    Hahahahaha. True dat.

  225. This is a Dutch frigate: http://tinyurl.com/4gmj9wu

    Beautiful and about 1/3 of the cost of our latest “optimally manned” P.O.S.

  226. Cathy’s father was an engineering officer in the Dutch merchant marine. He was part of the convoys in the North Atlantic war before they got the U-boats under control. He had two ships torpedoed from underneath him.

    His favorite memory is that the ship’s bursar lost his beer tab when they were leaving a sinking ship.

    Cathy comes from tough stock.

  227. Actually, the way Cathy’s Dad tells that story, he mighta contributed to the bursar’s books falling into the Atlantic while they were scrambling onto the life boats.

    He’s vague on this point. Probably he is not aware of the statute of limitations.

  228. I’ve only been to Aruba once. Spent a lot of time in Bonaire, though.

    I may have seen one military vessel there in all that time. And that one P-3 is it for military aircraft.

    The KLM 747, OTOH … yawn. There’s a dive site in Bonaire called “windsock” that is right off the end of the runway. You’d best keep your head down:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hud54btsmWw

  229. Funny, but the U.S. Navy conducted anti-drug surveillance flights out of Curacao several years ago. Of course, in order to comply with the law, we had to have a Customs Agent onboard the aircraft.

  230. OK, losers.

    I’mma go eat dinner and call it a night.

  231. There was no commercial landing that was more interesting than Hong Kong’s old Kai Tak airport.

    I actually did this, before they built a new airport on the mainland. The pilots had to hop a mountain range, do a really steep bank turn, and then fly through a valley. I was looking outside into the windows of apartment buildings right beside me. Then, when you got to the landing strip, you had to crank the plane sideways to deal with the crosswinds, so you did not end up in the bay. Several flights did not make it. The major air carriers limited the pilots that they would let attempt this. Kai Tak used to be renowned as the most dangerous landing on earth

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PCOcyt7BPI

  232. Michael – Done the “crabbed” landings in Lajes in the Azores and flown between buildings going in to RAF Northholt (near London), but never both at the same time.

  233. The thing about landing at Kai Tak is that the plane got slapped down hard on that runway.

    There was no concern about passenger comfort, or how much they burned off the tires. They were seriously interested in keeping the plane out of the harbor. It was a short landing strip.

  234. The “Checkerboard approach” into Hong Kong was on one of my friends regular routes. He’s a retired United ’47 driver. If he heard a KAL flight coming into the airport, he ‘put the spurs to it’ to try to arrive before they did, as on more than one occasion, the runway would be closed until they towed the KAL aircraft away.
    One of Anitas friends at Microsoft used to fly for ‘Iran Air’, back in the days of the shah. He’d been an Alaskan bush pilot, missionary pilot in Africa, been there and done that. She met him working at Microsoft. He was working on Flight Sim. The ‘Hipster Douchebags’ on the team (who didn’t fly) were always giving him crap about the reality settings in Flight Sim. “It’s too hard! Nobody can do that”!.
    He stayed late at work one night and recorded a 737 approach to Hong Kong, at night, inverted! It’s beautiful!
    They were blown away. He was really good.
    I got him a last ride in a Twin Otter at the Kapowsin Skydiving airport before the cancer killed him. He was a great guy, and an excellent pilot.
    RIP Barry.

  235. That’s awesome, ChrisP.

    *Lifts glass to Barry*

  236. Lajes Field: http://tinyurl.com/4zx68p7

  237. Chief, are you getting snow overnight too?

  238. It’s kind of a shame that your average American businessman can’t gamble his life on a flight to Hong Kong anymore.

    Used to be, you earned some cred for this.

  239. Sorry to interrupt this sausage fest with something completely OT:

    We took Rebecca to see “Gnomeo and Juliet” this evening. It was very good – William Shakespeare meets Elton John. If you haven’t seen it yet, grab a child (SYWM) and get to the theater! We saw it in 3-D, and Rebecca kept reaching out to try and touch everything. She was giggling the whole time. All of the kids in the theater were having a great time –

    Mr. TiFW and I had fun catching all of the “Shakespearean” references – the “Rosencrantz and Gildenstern” Moving Company truck; the “Out! Out!” line followed immediately by another character saying, “Damn Spot!”; the “Verona Lane” where they lived; the “Lawrence” place where they met; etc. Very cleverly done!

    And Rebecca especially liked it when we got her the “Kid’s Pack” with popcorn and a special “Rango” cup. She was so excited to show it off to Sarah when she came home – she ran into the front room to tell her about it, but she got the sounds mixed up:

    “Sarah, Sarah! Look – Negro!”

    Took Sarah about 5 minutes to quit laughing…..

  240. Good piece by Andy McCarthy: http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/260786/oic-and-caliphate-andrew-c-mccarthy

    He’s speaking on April 14th at the synagogue where Jackstraw and I saw Mark Steyn last Thursday.

  241. Andy – Nope. It was 83 degrees and sunny today. Tomorrow it’s gonna be only 82.

  242. The family flew back from Texas last night into a nice little snowstorm.

    Welcome home!

  243. I shaved Wisconsin Public Employees Union for this?

  244. ‘Sup doucheface?

  245. Sorry, just a little bit more:

    How many 9-year-old girls do you know who still jump up and down with excitement because they’re going to get “Popcorn movie!” (well, except for when the movie is the Justin Bieber gagfest)?

    We couldn’t get to the theater fast enough – she ran from the sidewalk to the door of the theater (got distracted by the fountains, though), then tore through the ticket-taker’s booth to see the video games. Had to go to the concession stand to get the popcorn, of course.

    Then it was off to theater number 2 to find a seat, put on the 3-D glasses, and sit in rapt attention for the next 2 hours. When it was all over, she was clapping and laughing and saying, “They did it! They did it! Mommy, Daddy, they did it!”.

    It’s lots of fun to go with her to the movies….

  246. Did you misread that as the Pubic Employees Union?

  247. Rosetta -Did you bribe convince the IRS so your taxes went through un-audited?

  248. Rosetta -Did you bribe convince the IRS so your taxes went through un-audited?

    I’m off the grid. The IRS doesn’t even know I exist.

  249. Andy, what did I miss this week on TittyWeb?

  250. what are you trying to say Rosetta? This is isn’t poating genius?

  251. Tifw that is a great story. I am so glad that Rebecca enjoyed the movie. I can’t wait to see it myself.

  252. Jackstraw and I hung out with Mark Steyn for a bit Thursday.

    Other than that, nothing important happened on the Interwebz.

  253. what are you trying to say Rosetta? This is isn’t poating genius?

    This is one of the best poats ever. Seriously. BLUE RIBBON!!!

    How are you sohitabonita?

  254. ‘Night all.

    *An arrow? Win The Future!*

    *Passes out*

  255. Jackstraw and I hung out with Mark Steyn for a bit Thursday.

    Other than that, nothing important happened on the Interwebz.

    Well done! Kudos to you and JackStraw. That jackass is a good kid.

    Ny-Tol.

  256. Most excellent rosie posey how you darlin?

  257. CB if you are around we are finally watching Secretariat (sp) sooooo good

  258. I loved it, Sohos. Have seen it three times and get choked up everytime. Of course, I grew up in Kentucky, lived through all that, and actually was around Secretariat several times in his later life. He was exactly like in the movie, a big ol’ ham.

  259. Sohos, regarding blackjack, I can’t play worth a darn. I count on my fingers.

    It was sheer chance that I was keeping my more capable sister company on the night I picked up a husband.

  260. CB we loved the movie! Thanks so much for telling me about it.

  261. That’s ok Lippy I’ll make us lots o money ;)

  262. It was definitely a keeper. We bought it.

  263. Sohos, when he rounded the last turn at the Belmont did you get a big ol’ lump in your throat?

  264. secretariat: 0
    seabiscuit: 1

  265. Nope. It was 83 degrees and sunny today. Tomorrow it’s gonna be only 82.

    Aw man. Grab a blanket and tough it out. You will be fine.

    If you really need somebody to snuggle with, let me know.

  266. This is one of the best poats ever. Seriously. BLUE RIBBON!!!

    Pabst.

    Fucking hipster.

  267. I totally was teared up. Great movie!

  268. Goodnight peeples.

  269. It was sheer chance that I was keeping my more capable sister company on the night I picked up a husband.

    Wait — this is new information.

    Your sister was present when Mr. Lips picked you up at a sleazy Vegas joint?

    Dang. Sounds like your sister has totally given up on you.

  270. I mean, sisters should have rules.

    For instance, it should be agreed:

    Sister No. 1: Hey, lets say I get drunk, and some geeky guy comes on to me at the blackjack table. You wave him off, OK?

    Sister No. 2: Yes, on my honor, I will wave that guy off. You can count on me.

  271. Haha, Michael, there were two spots left at the table and I just happened to be in the right one. Susie got the one next to the drunk who was eventually kicked out.

  272. That’s ok Lippy I’ll make us lots o money ;)

    Yippee!

  273. Can you count, Sohos?

  274. Oh yes mam

  275. my 14 year old son started talking about H2 last night at hooters and I was laughing so I video taped it:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_voJKvDYciA

    total stalker

  276. Oh yes mam

    Sweet! Night all!

  277. my 14 year old son started talking about H2 last night at hooters and I was laughing so I video taped it:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_voJKvDYciA

    total stalker

    I was offended that I was not included. Clearly, you need to let your son stay up later.

  278. Well, okay then…

  279. Goodness
    This stinky ole smelly old poat is still up?

    Yous are lazy aren’t ya?

  280. New War Pron poat!

  281. Ok, I kilt it.
    See yous menyana!


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