BBF & Friends!!!

Because this stuff usually comes at the end and you never read it, it’s getting bumped to the front of the pack. Eat your vegetables and you can have dessert.

* 636 – Battle of Yarmouk: Arab forces led by Khalid ibn al-Walid take control of Syria and Palestine away from the Byzantine Empire, marking the first great wave of Muslim conquests and the rapid advance of Islam outside Arabia. Unfortunately, the only way to ride the wave was on single-use serfboards, which precluded enjoyment of the wave for the general populace, as it had little (if any) disposable income to waste on serfs.
* 917 – Battle of Acheloos: Tsar Simeon I of Bulgaria decisively defeats a Byzantine army with a surgical strike to Acheloos’ heel.
* 1000 – The foundation of the Hungarian state by Saint Stephen after a marathon novena to St. Anthony, Patron Saint of Lost Things.
* 1083 – Canonization of the first King of Hungary, Saint Stephen and his son Saint Emeric, who used turmeric tea to help him write limericks.
* 1391 – Konrad “Two Ton” von Wallenrode becomes the 24th Hochmeister of the Teutonic Order. He was feared through all of central Europe as “Two Ton the Teuton.”
* 1672 – Former Grand Pensionary Johan de Witt and his brother Cornelis are brutally murdered by an angry mob in The Hague for their extravagant and fiscally irresponsible retirement income plans.
* 1775 – The Spanish establish a presidio (fort) made out of sofa pillows, dining room chairs, and blankets in the town that became Tucson, Arizona.
* 1794 – Battle of Fallen Timbers – American troops force a confederacy of Shawnee, Mingo, Delaware, Wyandot, Miami, Ottawa, Chippewa, and Potawatomi warriors into a disorganized retreat. At the battle’s conclusion, both sides assembled for a whiskey and s’mores jamboree that included the boot scoot boogie and a smallpox exchange.
* 1804 – Lewis and Clark Expedition: the “Corps of Discovery”, exploring the Louisiana Purchase, suffers its only death when sergeant Charles Floyd dies, apparently from acute appendicitis. The entire expedition was forced to do without haircuts for the remainder of their excursion.
* 1858 – Charles Darwin first publishes his theory of evolution through natural selection, the television rights to which he sold to Tru TV for $1.80 and eternal memorialization as the discoverer of the dumbest people ever.
* 1866 – President Andrew Johnson formally declares the American Civil War over in his pants and changed the name of his member to “John Thomas.”
* 1882 – Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture debuts in Moscow, 70 years too late.
* 1888 – Mutineers imprison Emin Pasha at Dufile, who was subsequently rescued by Mousketeers.
* 1914 – World War I: German forces occupy Brussels. Locals refuse to eat their sprouts in protest.
* 1920 – The first commercial radio station, 8MK (WWJ), begins operations in Detroit, Michigan. The station’s illustrious beginnings included Casey Kasem’s first long-distance dedication, dedicated to his homey, Henry “Crunky” Ford.
* 1920 – The National Football League, (NFL), is founded in the United States. Sundays are relegated to placeholder status between Saturday and Monday and removed from the calendar.
* 1926 – Japan’s public broadcasting company, Nippon Hōsō Kyōkai (NHK) is established. The first pledge drive is born. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
* 1938 – Lou Gehrig hits his 23rd career grand slam – a record that still stands. Lou Gehrig, unfortunately, was not able to keep up with his record.
* 1940 – In Mexico City exiled Russian revolutionary Leon Trotsky is fatally wounded with an ice axe by Ramon Mercader while on a glacial expedition.
* 1944 – WWII: 168 captured allied airmen, including Phil Lamason, accused of being “terror fliers”, arrive at Buchenwald concentration camp. Say a prayer of thanks for these men.
* 1944 – WWII: the Battle of Romania begins with a major Soviet offensive fueled by eggs and sauerkraut.
* 1953 – The Soviet Union publicly acknowledges that it had tested a hydrogen bomb.
* 1955 – In Morocco, a force of Berbers from the Atlas Mountains region of Algeria raid two rural settlements and re-carpet them both.
* 1960 – Senegal breaks from the Mali federation, declaring its independence. No one notices.
* 1975 – Viking Program: NASA launches the Viking 1 planetary probe toward Mars in hopes of finding plunder and virgins.
* 1977 – Voyager Program: NASA launches the Voyager 2 spacecraft to inspire a stupid Star Trek movie script.
* 1979 – The East Coast Main Line rail route between England and Scotland is restored when the Penmanshiel Diversion opens. Cursive instructors everywhere rejoice.
* 1982 – Lebanese Civil War: a multinational force lands in Beirut to oversee the Palestine Liberation Organization’s withdrawal from Lebanon. Lebanon takes it on the back instead.
* 1986 – In Edmond, Oklahoma, U.S. Postal employee Patrick Sherrill guns down 14 of his co-workers and then commits suicide, inspiring the cultural meme “going postal.”
* 1988 – “Black Saturday” of the Yellowstone fire in Yellowstone National Park. Discounted entry fees for people of color.
* 1988 – Peru becomes a member of the Berne Convention copyright treaty(TM).
* 1988 – Iran–Iraq War: a cease-fire is agreed after almost eight years of war to allow Iraq to prepare for an extended ass-kicking in the near future.
* 1989 – The pleasure boat Marchioness sinks on the River Thames. Porn producers hit hardest.
* 1989 – The O-Bahn in Adelaide, the world’s longest guided busway, opens with free gifts of Oban to the first 10,000 patrons.
* 1991 – Collapse of the Soviet Union, August Coup: more than 100,000 people rally outside the Soviet Union’s parliament building protesting government bouillabaisse.
* 1991 – Estonia secedes from the Soviet Union by calling a cab and slipping away while the bear slept.
* 1993 – After rounds of secret negotiations in Norway, the Oslo Peace Accords are signed. Black jeans are berets are chosen as the uniform for stinky hippie protestors.
* 1997 – Souhane massacre in Algeria. Massive fez heists ensue.
* 1998 – The Supreme Court of Canada rules that Quebec cannot legally secede from Canada without the federal government’s approval. Quebecois eat boogers in protest.
* 1998 – U.S. embassy bombings: the United States launches cruise missile attacks against alleged al-Qaida camps in Afghanistan and a suspected chemical plant in Sudan in retaliation for Bill Clinton’s side action and looming impeachment.
* 2002 – A group of Iraqis opposed to the regime of Saddam Hussein take over the Iraqi Embassy in Berlin for five hours before releasing their hostages and surrendering. The French tell them, “You’re not doing it right.”
* 2008 – Spanair Flight 5022, from Madrid to Gran Canaria crashes at Barajas Airport. 154 people are killed. Only 18 people survive. Gloria Gaynor not on board.

Now, on to today’s BBF model. Her name is Jordan Carver, she was born in Munich, Germany on January 30, 1984, which makes her 26 years of age. She’s 5′ 5″ tall, and her measurements are 32HH-23-35. This kraut definitely ain’t sour.

And a ladyboy for Rosetta, as promised:

Keep both hands on the keyboard and have a good day!

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