New Amazon Customer Review Funny

This is an $88,000 watch for sale on Amazon.com.

It’s actually a $145,000 watch but if you buy it from Amazon you can save $57,000.  Hahaha.

There are 72 customer reviews that are comedy gold.  I was in tears.

BANGLAR NEW WATCH!!

*

If by some cruel twist of fate you missed the steering wheel desk, HERE you go.  Be sure you have some extra diapers handy because you’re going to pee all over yourself.

But from laughing this time.

In addition to the customer reviews, be sure you check out the customer images that have been added.

347 Comments

  1. Chicks dig this new post.

  2. What the faggot is this poat??

  3. Rosetta – Did you bury TBOM is the backyard or the crawlspace?

  4. God Bless the U.S.A.

    http://tinyurl.com/25zu6kr

  5. Afternoon, Hostagefolks.

  6. I didn’t know MCPO had a type of drilling named after him.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSbFTHlNRt4

  7. Dumbasses always fall for the same shit. When will they learn; Democrat politicians NEVER stay bought.

    http://tinyurl.com/24td6wm

  8. And TBOM is alive and well depsite my attempted homicide with Jaegermeister.

  9. I didn’t know MCPO had a type of drilling named after him.

    I can do the same thing with my Johnson, without the need for pneumatics!

  10. Sky – Kitchen packed?

  11. Chief, not quite yet. I was taking a quick break, ’cause Mr. Ember ran out to get us some food that isn’t a turkey sandwich. I’ve had nothing but fucking turkey sandwiches since we came back to Louisiana. I am so fucking sick of turkey sandwiches.

  12. Rosie – I hope he at least had a killer hangover!

  13. I am so fucking sick of turkey sandwiches.

    Starving children in PJM’s basement would LOVE a turkey sammich!

  14. He actually drank rather responsibly believe it or not.

    I had 800 hefeweizens.

  15. “Starving children in PJM’s basement would LOVE a turkey sammich!”

    Yeah, well, if I eat another fucking turkey sandwich, will the children in PJM’s basement stop starving?

  16. Yeah, well, if I eat another fucking turkey sandwich, will the children in PJM’s basement stop starving?

    “Don’t Be A Smart Ass” – Vice Precedent Joe Biden

  17. You’re not my real mom, Vice President Biden! I HATE YOU! *slams door. writes in her diary about how Vice President Joe Biden is a douchehat*

  18. HAHAHAHAHAHA! douchehat HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  19. **looks up “douchehat” in dictionary**

    **finds picture of an old guy on a Hoverround**

    ???

  20. xBrad – Don’t make me use my cane!

  21. When I asked for fried okra, I assumed Mr. Ember knew that meant I wanted it as a side dish, not that I just wanted fried okra for lunch.

    Sigh. Apparently, I have to go out and get some food.

  22. It took a rumor to make me wonder. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ58TVYNFro

  23. I’ll have a shrimp Po’boy while you’re up!

  24. xBrad – Don’t make me use my cane!

    Crossing the street?

  25. Why won’t PJM answer my question? Is “Uncle xBrad” visiting while PJD is working the fair?

    You’re just jealous that he has the potential to visit me.

  26. You’re just jealous that he has the potential to visit me.

    Of course! But, then again, he won’t be in CT!

  27. And you are rooming with us after all.

    but you can’t smoke in the room.

    it makes me cough

  28. MCPO, be quiet when men are talking.

  29. it makes me cough

    That’s not what you said when I hand-rolled those “special” cigarettes!

  30. I get to meet the whole RFH Family in a few hours!! Yay!

  31. I get to meet the whole RFH Family in a few hours!! Yay!

    Wha? I’m SO jealous. If my keys weren’t locked in the car, I’d SO be driving there.

  32. Cyn, please French kiss Rocket Chick for 5 minutes for me.

    Also, please videotape that and post it.

    Thank you in advance.

  33. If my keys weren’t locked in the car, I’d SO be driving there.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a fibber!

  34. Yay, Cyn! I can’t believe the AZ meat-up is this week. Time flies. I am quite looking forward to it.

  35. What a fibber!

    *kicks MPCO under the table

  36. What’s your name??

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrZf3vRHmkw

  37. PJM – If I show up in CT with bruises on my legs, everyone is gonna know it’s your fault!

  38. PJM – If I show up in CT with bruises on my legs, everyone is gonna know it’s your fault!

    Good! I own those bruises like I own you. You’re my BISH!!

  39. Good song, Airdale.

  40. You’re my BISH!!

    Ohhhhhhh, you are in S-O-O-O-O-O-O much trouble!

  41. I’m excited about you coming too Sky! Mr. Cyn went grocery shopping today for eggs and sausage and biscuits, plus I’ll make sausage gravy, and bacons.

  42. Prison shower.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAn2UFXSsgw

  43. The Friday Morning Feast Fest; Xbrad will be there for the feast too.

  44. “Mr. Cyn went grocery shopping today for eggs and sausage and biscuits, plus I’ll make sausage gravy, and bacons.”

    Yummmmmmmms. Traveling cross country: Hostage-style!

  45. 3 wolf tshirt looks on in awe

    Oh, and the hand dryer at the bar restroom was weird

  46. Eddie – Did you have to can-X your trip to CT??

  47. Ohhhhhhh, you are in S-O-O-O-O-O-O much trouble!

    *blink blink

    Wha?

  48. shopping today for eggs and sausage and biscuits, plus I’ll make sausage gravy, and bacons.

    WTF?!?!?! Cyn conveniently called me for breakfast when I was already several hours away. I see how it is.

  49. I know it’s old, but it sort of amused me again


    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

    The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

    When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

    Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

    When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

    ‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.

    ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ “

  50. HAHA! You are the one that chose to book a motel room about 40 miles away! Sheesh!

    B’fast at my house that morn was kind of a last minute dealio anyway. I talked to Xbrad the next morning and he needed to get new tires. I knew that there was a tire place close to my house, so we picked him up from there, ate like pigs, and just hung out until his car was done.

  51. oh don’t try and cover for it now. You just gave me your slippery pants and sent me out the door………AFTER sacrificing a chicken in my old pants.

    seriously cyn, you need help

  52. I just called to see if Roamy was here but I just went into her voice mail. I practically squeeled with excitement in leaving the message. HA! I must have sounded like a dork. She may decide not to return my call after all.

  53. It’s gonna be fun cyn! I really am jealous

  54. seriously cyn, you need help

    HAHAHAHAHA! *cough cough, goes and changes underwear*

    You’re probably right :-)

    I won’t put quite so many drops of Visine in your unbrella drink next time. Because I care.

  55. It’s not really a true girlfight, MCPO, until we are down to bra and panties. Sheesh!

  56. I won’t put quite so many drops of Visine in your unbrella drink next time. Because I care.

    Oh, I thought you did that because I looked stoned. No?

  57. *thud*

  58. Dishes are the worst thing to pack.

  59. MCPO, can I borrow $87,000 so I can get a new watch?

  60. Rosetta – If I had $87,000, don’t you think I would have given you half by now?

  61. I don’t know what sort of piece of shit watch you think I can get for $43,500.

  62. Uhhh, sorry dude. I don’t wear a watch, I carry a FUCKING CELLPHONE THAT DISPLAYS THE TIME!!!

  63. Howdy peoples that are meeting each other without me.

    Stoopid job.

  64. You really don’t wear a watch?

    What are you? Some kind of commie?

    Unlike pants, I feel naked without a watch.

  65. Beasn, I’m sad. I was supposed to go to St. Louis this summer and I was going to arrange a meat-up there. Then I lost my job and stuff.

  66. beasn, queen of pigs, I drank a beer for you in your absence.

  67. I don’t wear a watch either MCPO.

    It always gets stuck in my hair

    ok, gotta walk the kids to the park before there’s a revolt.

  68. I feel naked without a watch.

    So, you call that thing that covers your crotch, “a watch”? Verrry Interesting.

  69. Funny how your comment works with mine mcpo

  70. That stinks, sky. Had you visited, I would have doubled my effort to get to a meat-up.

    Though my schedule sucks. Work with the insane, come home, make dinner, feed pigs, clean up kitchen, clean up pig poop, time for bed.

  71. It always gets stuck in my hair

    HAHA! That is so NSFW, or children, or human eyes!

  72. Rosetta, tell TBoM to come back for this next weekend. I am off on Saturday, so could come out to play.

    Off on a holiday weekend. HAHAHAHA…the damn place is falling apart and I get our busiest day off. *dances*

  73. Beasnsns, have you ever met Hosetta or anyone else there around those parts?

  74. I’da forced you to come, beasn. Mwahahahahaha.

  75. I don’t wear a watch. No need to.

  76. Cyn, I’ve met eddiebear and tattoo, as she traveled through. Rosetta, the snob, stood us up.

  77. Mr. Ember is shocked to learn that I have never packed dishes/glassware before. I’ve always just thrown it out when I moved and bought new dishes. I am a lazy, lazy beast.

  78. I will punch him squarely in the nose with a giant green hulk hand (one that makes the “Rowar!” sound) when I meet him in CT for you, Beasn.

  79. I seem to recall Scottw mentioning that you will want to pack the dishes on their edges, Sky. That kinda smells like BS to me, though.

  80. I am a lazy, lazy beast.

    Were you looking for an argument?

  81. I don’t wear a watch either MCPO.

    You know why women don’t need to wear watches?

    Because there is a clock on the stove.

    *runs away*

  82. I have an aunt, who used to throw out her underpants, instead of washing them. Just kept buying new ones. Gross.

    She is the same one, that found out her boyfriend never divorced his wife, after twenty years of dating him. Couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t marry her.

  83. “Were you looking for an argument?”

    I don’t expect any of you to argue with the truth.

  84. Cyn – I’ve moved a bunch (obviously), and Scott is correct. . . if you want them all in one piece at your destination.

  85. “I have an aunt, who used to throw out her underpants, instead of washing them. Just kept buying new ones. Gross.”

    Eeeew. We wash our dishes, thank you.

    I also wash my underwear. Well, Mr. Ember washes my underwear, although I am now aware of how to do so if I should need to do laundry. I learned how 2 years ago. *beams with pride*

  86. .You know why women don’t need to wear watches?

    Because there is a clock on the stove.

    Because the pool boy, Vlad, keeps a detail that informs him and Mrs. Rosetta when Rosetta enters the subdivision.

  87. Rosetta throws his underpants out after he wears them. It’s safer that way.

  88. I will punch him squarely in the nose with a giant green hulk hand (one that makes the “Rowar!” sound) when I meet him in CT for you, Beasn.

    Like you’re fast enough to catch me.

  89. What are these “underpants” of which you speak?

  90. Rosetta – Are you making St. Louis ribs at Scott and Laura’s on Sunday?

  91. Cyn – I’ve moved a bunch (obviously), and Scott is correct. . . if you want them all in one piece at your destination.

    Sound advice it is then.

    Pack away, Sky!!

  92. *beams with pride*

    *puts gold star next to Ember’s name on the panty board*

  93. Rosetta’s favorite book: http://tinyurl.com/24hkcvm

  94. Rosetta – Are you making St. Louis ribs at Scott and Laura’s on Sunday?

    No. I will be making bail and then getting on an aeroplane.

  95. Like you’re fast enough to catch me.

    Ha! I’ll just wait until you’re passed out on the picnic table like drunk-thong-girl to get you!

  96. Did anybody buy a new watch today?

  97. Cyn, I’m betting that you are faster than him.

  98. “Pack away, Sky!!”

    Mr. Ember let me bubblewrap everything, not actually pack any of it.

  99. Cyn, ask me what I’m wearing right now.

  100. Christie Kerr – a boulder in a skirt with a pretty face.

  101. Hotspur – I wish I had her game! Man! Did she lap the field or what?

  102. FUCK YOU!!

  103. Yep, she definitely brought her A Game.

  104. Rosetta–what are you wearing right now?

  105. HAHA! I hope so, beasn!

  106. Sean, Hotspur has something you might be interested in.

    http://tinyurl.com/3lazsk

  107. Rosetta–what are you wearing right now?

    BANGLAR UNDEROOS!!

  108. Awesome woman.

  109. BANGLAR UNDEROOS!!

    Pictures or it didn’t happen.

  110. I smell a rat. Do you smell a rat? A big ol’ commie rat?
    http://www.thefoxnation.com/justice/2010/06/27/wh-preparing-national-online-id-plan

  111. How many drinks will it take at the Meat-Up for Rosetta to be wearing Cyn’s panties on his head?

  112. clintbird, why would they want that especially to do with my banking transactions?
    WTF?

  113. Pictures or it didn’t happen.

    No. I like chicks.

  114. As I said, beasn, I smell a rat.

  115. BANGLAR UNDEROOS!!

    Are we to assume that the Wonder Woman underoos are in the wash?

  116. *Squirts Rosetta squarely in the eyes with my new Super Soaker, Retro Ediiton, loaded to overflowing with warm, melted Velveta cheese.*

  117. How many drinks will it take at the Meat-Up for Rosetta to be wearing Cyn’s panties on his head?

    None; he’s a sweet ‘tard that might just rip them off of me since his social skills are lacking.

    Time for me to hose off and try to call Roamy again for our Hostage Family Meat-Up™. Try not to poke each others eyes out while I’m gone. Oh, and for gawdsakes, please put the toilet seat down!!

  118. Mmmmmmmmm….cheese.

  119. Cyn, can I hold the hose for you?

  120. *removes unnecessary toilet seat*

  121. Try not to poke each others eyes out while I’m gone.

    Oops.

  122. Are we to assume that the Wonder Woman underoos are in the wash?

    What is this “wash” that you speak of?

  123. Rosie! I watched an old Val Kilmer movie this weekend that I hadn’t seen in forever called Thunderheart. You should seek it out and watch it when you are in need of a kick ass retro movie experience.

  124. No, Cyn. i was wondering how many drinks it would take for you to hand them over to him.

  125. DaveinTejas has picked out his ensemble for the Pic-A-Nic: http://tinyurl.com/2eayvsm

  126. Me likee, you likee?
    http://canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/24728

  127. Message for Roamy Only; nobody else read this, or else!

    I’m not reaching you on your cell. I sent you an email with my phone number. Call us or else!!11!!

  128. No, Cyn. i was wondering how many drinks it would take for you to hand them over to him.

    I have my own panties. I don’t need hers.

    Stupid Hotspur.

  129. No, Cyn. i was wondering how many drinks it would take for you to hand them over to him.

    HAHAHAHA! You’re a towel.

    Later.

  130. I watched an old Val Kilmer movie this weekend that I hadn’t seen in forever called Thunderheart. You should seek it out and watch it when you are in need of a kick ass retro movie experience.

    I’ve never seen it. What makes you recommend it?

    And I like Val Kilmer. Mostly because he doesn’t care about this.

    http://tinyurl.com/ykx3nal

  131. When I get to the Meat-Up how will I tell the difference between MCPO smacking down a hobo, and Rosetta getting smacked down by a drunken sailor?

  132. Speaking of Val Kilmer, in the movie Heat, he has some sort of elbow injury that is never mentioned.

    What the fuck is up with that? Anyone else ever noticed that?

    BANGLAR VAL KILMER!!!!

  133. When I get to the Meat-Up how will I tell the difference between MCPO smacking down a hobo, and Rosetta getting smacked down by a drunken sailor?

    The drunken sailor is your mom?

  134. They cut out the tennis scene. It’s on the special edition DVD.

  135. Rosetta – Rent the extended version of HEAT, all will be revealed.

  136. The drunken sailor is your mom?

    Really? That’s all you’ve got? Sad.

  137. They cut out the tennis scene. It’s on the special edition DVD.

    Hahahahahahahaha.

    Val Kilmer, deleted scene from Heat.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXfBqNMoWOo

  138. I saved an extra $87,000 today.

  139. Hey Sean, did you read the customer reviews from the post?

  140. Rosetta, it is well acted murder mystery based on some real events that happened on mutiple reservations in the 70′s. The cinematography is first rate, the story as it unfolds compelling. The plight of the involved Native Americans is heart wrentching and the convulted plot about who’s the murderer keeps you involved to the very end. Also Kilmer’s transformation, as a half Sioux trying to ignore his native side, from uptight “white” FBI guy to spirtually aware “Indian” guy is quite intriquing. Graham Green is a delight playing the on reservation law officer, and an ancient old real life Indian whose name I don’t know stole every scene he was in.

    I have not seen Heat. Any good?

  141. I have an announcement. I declare that Obama’s recession is not a recession. We are in a Depression. That is all.

  142. Why doesn’t WordPress have a spell checker, damn.

  143. Bubba Watson needs a fucking haircut. And a penis.

  144. I saved an extra $87,000 today.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    One of my favorite parts of the whole thing is this:

    List Price: $145,000.00
    Price: $87,709.99
    You Save: $57,290.01 (40%)

  145. MCPO just made an understatment. *Nods head knowingly.*

  146. YAY, it’s raining!!!

    *takes off everything but boxers*

    *runs down the street*

  147. The comments on the watch site were as epic as the steering wheel desk site. last time I laughed that much was BBF. Not last week. sorry wiser. You’re depressed. It’s understandable.

  148. Yeah, I read the customer reviews, and now I’m saving up to buy the watch.

    I hope they still make it 100 years from now.

  149. Good review, Clint. Thunderheart is on the list.

    I have not seen Heat. Any good?

    That’s nearly a burn-your-man-card offense, man! What the heck?

    Excellent story. Excellent acting. I think it’s one of the best heist films ever. It’s a Michael Mann film so the thing is slick. I recommend highly. You gotta check it out.

    It’s also the first movie where DeNiro and Pacino are on screen together in a scene if you like useless trivia.

  150. We are in a Depression. That is all.

    I think so too, Chief. There is some serious bad mojo happening at the largest retailer.

    They are hiring tons of part timers. Full timers are dropping like flies. Managers are fleeing. Full timers hours have been cut and when we can’t get what we need to do, done, they threaten write-ups and/or, ‘well, we will have to hire a couple of part timers to help out’…instead of just giving us our regular hours.

    I will stick it out since it is so close, but I am worried….not so much about my job, but the big picture.

  151. I think I saw Thunderheart on a plane. Decent enough flick.

  152. I hope they still make it 100 years from now.

    Hahahahaha. I love the one guy that said he saved his allowance for 45 years.

    There needs to be a website that highlights all the funniest customer reviewed products on Amazon. I just randomly stumbled across that today but you know there are some other good ones.

    None may top the steering wheel desk but still.

  153. The customer-uploaded pictures of the steering wheel desk are the fucking best.

    That whole thing is one of the funniest bits I’ve ever seen.

    Someone should win an award for that.

  154. Dang, Rosetta. I love Mann’s films. I don’t know why I missed that one.

  155. In case any of you don’t know what Rosie is talking about…

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-media/product-gallery/B000IZGIA8

  156. I loaned my steering wheel desk to my brother in law.

  157. HEAT was good, but not as good as RONIN.

  158. Hahahaha. I just added the steering wheel desk post as an update.

  159. HEAT was good, but not as good as RONIN.

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm….I don’t know about that.

    What’s your reasoning?

  160. Jean Reno was the French mercenary. A far superior performance than that of Pacino in HEAT. Plus, the car chase scene when DiNero is driving is the best ever, IMO.

  161. One of the monkeys with Ace sidebar access should throw the watch thing up there.

    That has moron swarm written all over it.

  162. Dinner is about an hour late here from normal. I’ve heard much loud voices, mild cursing at kitchen appliances/grilles/pans and dogs. Am afraid to venture upstairs to ask, “Hey, where the hell is my dinner?”

  163. Looks like another hour before the line of storms finishes going through St. Louis

  164. Am afraid to venture upstairs to ask, “Hey, where the hell is my dinner?”

    The correct and subtle inquiry would be: DAMMIT WOMAN! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DINNER? SHAKE THAT ASS FASTER!

  165. I know I brought this up once before, but at the Meat-Up I’ll have a hard time adjusting to real names. I could do it with Chief, but I could not do it wth Leon or Jazz. Car in is Car in, so no bigee there.

    Rosetta and wiser will be Rosetta and wiser. You all may call me Gort. Klattu Veringa Nictu.

  166. Heh. Byron York is on an impressive hitting streak.

    http://tinyurl.com/23u39zb

  167. “The correct and subtle inquiry would be: DAMMIT WOMAN! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DINNER? SHAKE THAT ASS FASTER!”

    Okay, Chief, I’ll give that a try.

    *Trundles upstairs, delivers the inquiry.*

    Damn, shit, ouch, stop it. Where the hell did you find that old iron skillet. Ouch. Ouch. Thud.

  168. Jean Reno was the French mercenary. A far superior performance than that of Pacino in HEAT. Plus, the car chase scene when DiNero is driving is the best ever, IMO.

    On those two points I cannot disagree.

    Jean Reno is excellent as was the car chase scene.

    Meh. BANGLAR DOUBLE FEATURE!!

  169. Here’s another tried and true way to inquire about dinner.

    HEY!! THIS MEATLOAF ISN’T GOING TO MAKE ITSELF, WOMAN!!!

    Try that and report back, Clint.

  170. Rosie – Jean Reno is, IMO, one of the best actors out there. I’ve seen a lot of his work in French films (not those, you dirty whore), and it is, without exception, excellent.

  171. Rosetta and wiser will be Rosetta and wiser. You all may call me Gort. Klattu Veringa Nictu.

    You will refer to me by my birth name which is Longrod Van Hugendong.

  172. This poat amuses me.

  173. http://tinyurl.com/24659vj

  174. The first Jean Reno film I saw was the Professional.

    He does haz good skillz.

  175. BUM FIGHT!!!!

  176. Hi everyone.

    What’s going on?

  177. The Lord is getting ready to bring some storm action…

  178. Hi Car in! *waves*

  179. Hello Hostages!

    One of you guys wrote the review including the words “poon magnet.” ‘Fess up.

  180. Hi Brew.

    did you buy your watch yet?

  181. Shouldn’t we have a moment of prayer for Sen Byrd?

  182. My oldest daughter and I went to a ball game today. Now that she is a grown up lady and the mother of my grandchildren we very rarely get to spend time together. It was an awesome day.

  183. did you buy your watch yet?

    I bought a Kindle Thursday so I’m a little short right now.

  184. Why do little girls have to grow up? WHY?

  185. Well. A kindle.

    Look at the big man.

    What book are you going to get first?

  186. Romy – Did Cyn reach you? She was getting hysterical I think.

  187. Chief, yes. In fact, we’re leaving soon to meet for dinner. I promise to give a full mission report later.

  188. As a senator, Mr. Byrd has cast more than 18,000 votes, many of them for bills that funneled money to projects in his state, where highways, bridges and federal buildings are named in his ho

    Let us pray.

  189. What book are you going to get first?

    BANGLAR KING KONG!

  190. What book are you going to get first?

    Seriously, I have a list of technical books I need to get so that will be first.

  191. Why do little girls have to grow up? WHY?

    Beats the alternative.

  192. What book are you going to get first?

    BANGLAR KING KONG!

    Hahahahahahaha.

    Best book ever.

  193. Brewfan – Are you going to assist in Rosetta’s pink belly and TP’ing Wiser’s house?

  194. OK, now I’m getting bored.

    http://tinyurl.com/2eoftpj

  195. VP Bite Me to hard working entrepreneur:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO13_tJ6x44

    Rosetta to VP Bite Me:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ee3xemyQjI#t=0m13s

  196. MOM!!! MCPO IS KILLING KITTEHS AGAIN!!!

  197. Brewfan – Are you going to assist in Rosetta’s pink belly and TP’ing Wiser’s house?

    Yes. But to show that I’m a good sport I’m also buying Rosetta a brand new coffee mug http://tinyurl.com/27szjs6

    (h/t Steamboat McGoo)

  198. This coffee tastes like shit.

  199. HAHAHAHA! I saw those at McGoo’s the other day. Whoever made ‘em is a sick, funny bastard!

  200. 2 girls, 1 goatse.

  201. 2 girls, 1 goatse.

    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  202. There are 72 customer reviews that are comedy gold. I was in tears.

    You’re right. That was hilarious.

  203. FUCK YOU, KYLE!!!!!

  204. (L to R) Airdale, Rosetta, Sean M.

    http://tinyurl.com/2fvbcbq

  205. Happy birthday, Michael.

  206. (L to R) Airdale, Rosetta, Sean M.

    http://tinyurl.com/2fvbcbq

    You have the best toupee I’ve ever seen.

    Nicely done.

  207. FUCK YOU, KYLE!!!!!

    Hahahaha.

  208. Mr. Ember just told me that I have OCD. I do not have OCD. Now I’m all weirded out that I have OCD.

  209. Hey, MCPO, what have you been up to for the last few years?

    http://tinyurl.com/cl33eq

  210. Hey, MCPO, what have you been up to for the last few years?

    Nothing, how ’bout you?

    http://tinyurl.com/29mf4z6

  211. pros·ti·tute (prst-tt, -tyt)
    n.
    1. One who solicits and accepts payment for sex acts.
    2. One who makes money from consorting with a John.

    http://tinyurl.com/2cwpojq

    “Disgrace” indeed.

  212. MCPO,
    That line of storms extends clear to central Texas!
    http://tinyurl.com/24duxah
    It don’t look like a good evening for a whole bunch of folks!
    Up here in the North-Wet, we got nuthin’.

  213. Where did everybody go?

  214. Chris Kilt it Sean

  215. I’m bubble wrapping stuff and still contemplating my terror of OCD.

  216. The great Count Basie Orchestra

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdWgHtTau48

  217. BCD?

  218. Wow!
    Vector caught lightning!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/vector1771/4736804877/in/photostream/

  219. When the Lindy Hop met Rock and Roll
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSpWJss5Gjc&feature=related

  220. Vmax – Unusual placement of the canards, even for a pusher!

  221. Very strange MCPO

  222. Michael tells Rosetta some important news: http://tinyurl.com/27f7xol

  223. OCD’s not so bad, as neuroses go. I wouldn’t get all obsessive or compulsive about having it, you might end up disordered or something.

  224. “OCD’s not so bad, as neuroses go. I wouldn’t get all obsessive or compulsive about having it, you might end up disordered or something.”

    Thanks. That’s super helpful, Leon.

  225. I’m a helper. I’ve been accused of the same thing myself, though the object of my obsession changes often enough that I don’t buy it.

  226. I do have a compulsion with my fingers. I fingerspell when I speak. Can’t help it. Have always done it. When I’m in some sort of meeting or social gathering and I can’t do it because I don’t want to look like I’m fucking insane, I have to move my legs in a specific rhythm.

  227. Embrace the OCD!

    I’m home. Did y’all even notice I was gone?

  228. Peelio – I was inconsolable.

  229. Desperately missed you Mrs Peel

  230. Hi Hostages.

    *tosses cube at Tagnash*

    http://tinyurl.com/3yhrbvz

  231. I was hoping y’all would say no, because I was going to say something like BANGLAR INGRATES! Oh well. I missed you jerks too. I read the threads I missed and laughed a lot.

    True story: I was doing a puzzle in my puzzle magazine today, and the subject of the puzzle was “a guy from Connecticut.”

    Sky, what night are you stopping in Dallas? It’s a work night, isn’t it? :-(

  232. POS internet crapped out at the casa again. At least I got to download some porn visit with you guys a bit.

    I’ll try again in the morning.

    I’m insanely jealous that I’m not having dinner with the RFH and Cyn families. I was gonna head there today, but needed to take mom to an appointment Tuesday. Now I learn that my sis is gonna make it out here for that appointment. Would anyone like to kill my entire family for me?

  233. Tuesday, Mrs. Peel. Tomorrow, we’re packing the truck, then we’re going to do a walkthrough with our landlord Tuesday morning and leave as soon as that’s done.

  234. **gets all twitchy with essitment about upcoming meeting with Sky, Mr. Ember, black vinyl pants, and others**

  235. “**gets all twitchy with essitment about upcoming meeting with Sky, Mr. Ember, black vinyl pants, and others**”

    I find it odd that Mr. Ember gets listed before the black vinyl pants there, Xbrad.

  236. Well, I gotta pretend like I’m considerate of the Hostagette husbands. Otherwise, they’d get all twitchy about me meeting their wimmens.

  237. Mr. Ember was fairly polite to Sean last night on the phone when we were drunk. He’s fairly not twitchy.

  238. I’ll bet if I had one of those watches I could get me that dream job at Jet Propulsion Labs, splitting atoms with my mind.

  239. If I had that watch, I could tell time…

    …to get me a sammich.

  240. Small investment to make for such a huge contribution to mankind.

    Let’s start some kind of telethon for DiT.

  241. OK, it’s too damn hot to sit outside the clubhouse and steal signal. I will check your feeble attempts at humor later.

  242. We survived!

  243. PeeJ,
    How you doing, and did you get my note on FaceChimpHalliburtonBush?
    Lurve you!

  244. Scott! How was the gathering?

  245. ScottW,
    How is the upkeep on the pond? We’ve been considering a water-feature, but the many trees, and leaves/needles would be a problem. How much maintenance is involved?
    If”n it was for ‘show’, we’d put one in front. If it was for us, we’d put in back, towards the mountain(Rainier).

  246. Just got off the phone with Ember Jr. She’s living the high life with her Nana, getting spoiled unbelievably rotten. Her biggest concern was that I make sure we pack her favorite teddy bear. And bring the cat.

  247. man I am a lobster!

  248. I finger spell as well Sky

  249. I take it the SPF wasn’t sufficent?

  250. Are ya sunburnded?

  251. No it wasnt and I applied like 10 times

  252. I am suckin’ funburned ;)

  253. “I finger spell as well Sky”

    Yay! Someone else is crazy like me!

  254. Worse than this fool? Or not.

    http://www.angelzfunnyz.com/Portals/0/Gallery/Album/8/Sunburn.jpg

  255. oh goodness no not that bad thank God

  256. My back finally stopped bein all itchy from my first burn of the summer, couple weekends ago.

    I really gotta be more careful.

  257. I can still feel the motion of the boat

  258. I am going to go night night

  259. Sleep tight, Sohos.

  260. DiT,
    You’re lucky to not be a ‘border-line ginger’ like me. I can get burned in 15 minutes. Some of the BP med I take are marked “Avoid direct exposure to the sun”.
    In the North-Wet it’s not a big problem, but it’s a problem…

  261. I don’t ever step outside without a bath of sunscreen. I burn somethin’ turrible. Damn ginger skin.

  262. * Scans thread,,,,,puts Cyn on the list*

    BS? Man if she were still awake………

  263. For all the bad luck I got in genes, one stroke of good luck was to inherit a bit of melinin from somewhere. I work outdoors from time to time, and in the summer I’ve had Mexicans come up to me on a worksite and start rattling off Spanish. Evidently I can pass for one of ‘em. I have to give them the old “No habla Espanol. Anglise por favor, hermano.”

  264. Chris, I’m pretty whitebread.

    Actually just slipped up that weekend. I get lectures from my dermatologist once a year, who’s been zapping this little thing and that off of me before they get dangerous since 2002.

    Sad thing is, for most of us, it’s shit we did running around with our shirts off when we were 13.

    Oh well. Nothing I’ve had ever got to the point where the doc got worried.

  265. Fun Dave. Wiserbride probably thinks we stayed way too late, and Laura is going to HATE Monday.

  266. Stayed too late, hatin Monday?

    Aw hellsyeah.

    Sounds good.

  267. Chrisp it depends. Ask Laura for a link to the water gardening forum she is part of and you can chat with people that are familiar with your climate. In our area we need a fair amount of technology ($) to make them low maintenance but I doubt that would be the case in your area.

  268. Found it ChrisP, http://americanponders.com/

    The people there are very helpful and smart. Somebody will know your climate and offer great advice.

  269. OK, I see how it’s gonna be.

    Fine….Cyn is gonna hate Monday too

  270. Will and I are talking wedding. We can’t really come up with a good solution that (1) pleases Mom, (2) doesn’t cost a friggin’ fortune, and (3) allows us to have a honeymoon.

    (Will won’t have any vacation since he won’t have been at the new job very long. I imagine he can probably get the putative new employers to give him a Friday off, but there’s no way in hell he’ll get a whole week. So that means that under the scenario Mom expects, we get married Saturday night and go back to work on Monday. Fuck that.)

    The more I think about it, the madder it makes me to think that all these people I don’t even like are expecting me to drop serious coin and give up my honeymoon for them. WTF? Bite me.

    I am very, very, very seriously considering eloping. I don’t even mean the kind of “eloping” where our parents and sisters come with us to the pastor’s office (which is what I’d actually like to do, except for the part where I would have to listen to my mom bitching until the end of time) fo a quick ceremony. I mean the full-on elope where we don’t even tell anyone until we get back.

  271. Actually, my dream elopement would be to Gretna Green. Awesome? No – BANGLAR AWESOME!

  272. Peel,

    It’s YOUR wedding, don’t worry about making your mom happy.

    She will get over it.

  273. She will get over it.

    You have clearly never met my mother.

  274. What Scott said, Peel. As soon as I decided to stop worrying about what everyone else thought, we had a much easier time planning our wedding. (I had the opposite problem, though. We wanted to throw a huge party; my mother wanted us to elope.)

  275. Fucking Yankees.

    (Good name for a musical.)

  276. Aww, Sean, is someone a widdle upset that the Yankees kicked LA’s ass?

  277. Actually I’m more upset that the Dodgers handed the game to the Yankees, but six of one…

    Anyway, shouldn’t you be worried about your mental illness?

  278. Don’t need to Mrs Peel, it’s your life.

    Think about what is most important to you.

  279. The Royals beat the Cardinals 2 out of 3 this weekend. Sorry, Rosetta, I’m pretty sure it was an accident.

  280. I really am not qualified to offer “wedding advice”. I tried it once, in 1989, it ended up in years of conventional warfare, at a cost of millions of lives.

    Who do you need to please more? Yourself, and your future husband, or your mom?

    See? This shit is easy from the cheap seats.

  281. Where are Cyn and Roamy with their meat up report? I bet there’s alkeehaul involved wit dis delay.

  282. Think about what is most important to you.

    Chocolate? That’s what is most important to women, right?

    (Why am I still single?)

  283. Sean, wimmens also like purses and shoes and sharing their feelings and being right all the time and having a headache as many times as it takes and … oh, I see, you didn’t have your notepad ready. Okay, let me know when you’re ready.

  284. Awright, I’ve got my pen…

  285. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be worried about your mental illness?”

    Damnit, I am not OCD.

    *goes back to carefully formatting Word versions of the directions for each individual leg of their journey back to Reno*

  286. We might be coming up with a solution. It involves money BUT may be easier on a lot of people and will probably make Mom happy.

  287. Damnit, I am not OCD.

    You just go ahead and keep telling yourself that, trooper.

    *pats Ember on the head*

  288. AND it gives us a honeymoon, which is important. It would totally suck to get married and go back to work the next day.

  289. Okay, Sean, here are more things you need to know about wimmens … most of ‘em won’t admit to liking farting or belching, and many of them don’t like it if you surf pron while their mothers are in the room with you. They also expect you to like what they cook or least pretend to even when it tastes like alpaca shit scraped off the bottom of a garbage trucks left rear tire. Warning: If they ever ask you if anything they’re wearing makes their ass look bigger, start faking a shtting panick attack and run for the throne room and close/lock the door and tell her you’ll be out sometime before the next sunrise. Additionally, some wimmens think it’s okay if you fondle their bewbs in public but certainly not all of them … trust me on that one. Do also note, that even if she is your sister-in-law, it is not considered acceptable by most wives for you to bang her. Is that enough for you to try and learn tonight, or should I list more for you?

  290. Hold on, I’m still writing.

  291. I give up.

  292. Quitter.

  293. Gotta run. I may be quiet on the internets for the next few weeks. Buh-bye!

  294. Bye, Ember. Good luck with the move!

  295. Other things I’ve learned about wimmens Sean … not all of them will enjoy you poking and proding their various and sundry orifices as much as you will. It’s okay to take them golfing but only if you’ve tranquilized them beforehand so they mostly just doze on the golf cart and look cute when they bend over to retrieve golf balls and then one or both of their bewbs pop out. Another thing, Sean … you gotta be careful which wimmens you ask if they’d let you mow the “front yard” the next time it needs it because apparently some of them seem to think that kind of thing is best left as a private ritual. Another thing to remember when introducing former girlfriend/lovers to your current one is it’s normally not considered good form for you and the ex- to get plastered, start laughting and tell your new squeeze all the public places you did it back before you had to calm down with your current main squeeze … however, it you are lucky enough to be with a wimmens who actually enjoys hearing that sort of thing, consider asking her if she’d like to fall into a quickee threesome … and if she says yes, be sure to videotape it and have someone write about the expeience ’cause than can be quitie lucrative under the right circumstances. Okay, Sean, that’s probably enough for yer brain to absorb for this session. We’ll do this again after you’ve had time to rest up for this learning session.

  296. Okay, how ’bout I just pull on their pigtails?

  297. You can do that but normally most of ‘em don’t like it if you do that AND slap their ass AND yell out their mom’s name at the same time … just sayin’

  298. Speakin’ of teh wimmens, where iz day?

  299. Geez, I hope none of ‘em were listening and got offended.

  300. That was awesome, Clint.

  301. Good night, Sean. Bed calls.

  302. G’night, Clint.

  303. Had a really great time with Roamy, Mr. RFH, and the mini-hydrants tonight! Our kids got along great and time flew by! I’ll get pics up tomorrow. Nighty night.

  304. My favorite review on the watch: The night was punctuated by rays of moonlight, slicing through the darkness like a meat slicer shaving through the heel of a woman’s shoe

    Goodnight, Sean.

  305. AZ Hostage Meetup Report #1:
    Cyn and family are awesome! Cyn picked Peter Piper Pizza (say that three times fast), so the kids were occupied playing games while the adults talked. Think Chuck E. Cheese only much better pizza. My daughter now has fake fangs, a bracelet that says “cutie”, and a backscratcher. Oh, and Cyn’s younger son gave her one of his loot items. Lots of storytelling and laughter. Lots of stuff I could repeat, but Cyn’s got dirt on me already.

  306. nice post, thx buddy.

  307. Wakey waykey

  308. Robert Byrd died.
    Good morning Carin!

  309. This new exercise routine is kicking my ass. BUT my triceps already have more definition and I’ve been doing it only a week. Win!

    Big day today. See y’all.

  310. Looks like a slow Monday morning here. Did most of the usual morning crew get drunk last night?

  311. We always stay too late at the Wiserbuds’.

    I woke up this morning stinking of grilled onions, cigarettes, and booze.

    Having completed my morning routine, now I smell like coconut hair conditioner, perfume, grilled onions, and booze.

    On the bright side, Wiser’s house must absolutely reek.

  312. I posted this yesterday in anticipation, but now it’s for realz:

    http://www.cyberiapc.com/gallery/uploads/Other/kkk.jpg

    RIP you partisan hack. No, nevermind that, roast in Hell you partisan hack. You never did an honest day’s work in your life.

  313. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that it was 86F when I awoke this morning. I shall endeavor to remain indoors today.

  314. This is a good year for clearing out the Senate of its dinosaurs. Now if only John McCain would choke on a biscuit.

  315. So that every mouth can be fed. . .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWv9sraaCVA

  316. now I smell like coconut hair conditioner, perfume,

    scottw doesn’t mind you using his perfume?

  317. Nobel Prize winning idiot.

    http://tinyurl.com/2br69h4

    “Around the world — most recently at last weekend’s deeply discouraging G-20 meeting — governments are obsessing about inflation when the real threat is deflation, preaching the need for belt-tightening when the real problem is inadequate spending.”

    Hahahahaha. Hey! These are not the droids you’re looking for!

  318. This is a good year for clearing out the Senate of its dinosaurs.

    Too bad we can’t choose which ones have to run for re-election this cycle. I’d like to see my other Senator, John Fucking Kerry, looking for a new job.

  319. *Shoots Rosetta in the face with his Retro Edition Super Soaker, filled to the brim with leftover, ground up mac and cheese.*

  320. Rosetta, if you’ll go upthread, you’ll see I left three or four comment for Sean about dealing with wimmens, that I’m fairly certain would be helpful to you.

  321. From Rosetta’s link:

    The Obama administration understands the dangers of premature fiscal austerity

    1) The Obama administration doesn’t understand crayons and coloring books, let alone fiscal policy

    2) “premature fiscal austerity” Srsly? You didn’t just use that whopper of a term in the same sentence as Obama, did you?

  322. Good morning.

    I mean it.

  323. I’ve watched this about 500 times and laughed every time.
    http://i.imgur.com/xegxN.gif

  324. I’m trying a new search engine, “Cluuz.com.” It’s Canadian. It’s cloud-based. It’s ad free.

    The big question: Is it any good?

    I don’t know yet.

  325. Hahahahahaha.

    http://tinyurl.com/2fndaxd

  326. Good morning.

    I mean it.

    Had sex last night, didn’t you? Does your girlfriend know?

  327. I’ve watched this about 500 times and laughed every time.
    http://i.imgur.com/xegxN.gif

    Hahahahaha. That’s definitely in the gif hall of fame.

  328. grilled onions?

    niiice

  329. 1) The Obama administration doesn’t understand crayons and coloring books, let alone fiscal policy

    Crayon Czar.

  330. That’s awesome! hahahaha poor bastard

  331. Some asshat in my office put protection on a worksheet I use all of the time, and no one will own up to it. I might fire the whole fucking crew today.

    This week is getting off to a bad start.

  332. Had sex last night, didn’t you?

    With me.

    Does your girlfriend know?

    She forced myself on me.

  333. I might fire the whole fucking crew today.

    It’s good to be the king!

  334. Scott does this thing where he soaks thinly sliced onions in cheap beer all day, then grills the onions slowly for a long time until they’re dry, leathery, and sweet.

    It’s frickin’ delicious. Good sammich topper too. These onions didn’t get to soak very long but they were still pretty good.

  335. I’ve soaked myself in cheap beer all day too.

    I wouldn’t grill me though.

  336. I soaked my self in beer all weekend and my liver feels grilled

  337. I wouldn’t grill me though.

    Yeah, after a day of soaking in beer, you’re unintelligible.

  338. heh

  339. For the lovely, albeit sunburned, Sohita:
    http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf967398.tip.html

  340. I might fire the whole fucking crew today.

    And then hire them back, and get the tax breaks for hiring from the stimulus bill. And you can add the count to the saved or created jobs total.

  341. I mean, seriously, who puts protection on a whole fucking worksheet then doesn’t remember they did it, or the password to unprotect?

    Fuckity fuckshit fuck.

  342. HS, I think they just misinterpreted your instructions to “always use protection” at the last office party/orgy thingy.

  343. This poat is ancient,
    Its pace if tepid,
    So come on up,
    To one that’s repid … er, I mean rapid.

    New poat up!


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